Grame
| Written by | Poodleinacan |
|---|---|
| Published on Creepypasta.com | November 2012 |
| Length | 283 words · about 1 minute to read |
| Story level | Micro |
| Reader rating | 3.3/10 from 1,189 votes |
| Category | Beings and Entities |
(This is an old poem that kids used to sing, during the middle ages. Its source is still unknown today.)
If you see a great tall man,
don’t worry, he is a friend.
Don’t ask him what is his name,
for he will be your friend.
If you have other good friends,
don’t worry, they wont matter.
You are all that is greater,
not them he shall befriend.
You see him teeter on land,
he never drinks from daddy’s juice.
You see him all to great joyce,
he is so really grand.
Don’t ask about the hat,
that sits on his bald head.
He wont ever tell yath,
why it is as soft as lead.
You see him at the star shine.
You wont at the sky light.
Always you see at night,
but mostly at the moon shine.
Also read: The Sandman
You ask him what his name,
he doesn’t say a yelp.
He ask you for a kind help.
After that, you will get same.
He ask you a small favor.
Kill your mom and so your dad,
but must give me favor.
Never tell about your lad.
If you peace your familly,
you will hear what you waited.
Through his mouth you will rally
words long asked and awaited.
He will now say this soon :
My name is really Grame
and I am fame.
You know, I am the Moon.
He will say he needs you,
for he is not so done.
You need to stop none,
he is not finished with you.
Credit: Poodleinacan
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Well that was pathetic.
I understand you were attempting to be original, even though you weren’t, but your poem didn’t even rhyme.
Wow. Such poem. Much confooz. Very poet.
I don’t get it; but that’s to be expected.
Was anybody else thinking about Slendy reading this
is this based off of offender man?
Wow mister Brian sir you don’t have to be so blunt sure reality is a pain but come on we don’t have to be mean.
there is a lot of stuff happening in the world right now we don’t need anymore hurt.
I’m sure the writer is a great person and along with you mister Brian sir.
have a wonderful day wonderful people
No! We need to all be friends.
This guy’s poem wasn’t the best but don’t you worry sir you will do better I believe in you!
Everyone else you all are great people it’s wonderful how we all share an interest.
No more being negative be happy :) and be friends!!
“(This is an old poem that kids used to sing, during the middle ages. Its source is still unknown today.)”
That makes sense. Things written in the Middle Ages have a way of not making any sense whatsoever.
Ender was mocking his spelling, bud.
I just don’t understand why he wants to avoid unoriginality, but there are a lot of apparent motifs in this “poem” that match up with many of the stories on here. Anyway, all I have to say to Poodleinacan is to read “psychosis”, “the russian sleep experiment”, and “candle cove” — some of my fave pastas and super original.
What did I just read
Geeze, this really isn’t as bad as everyone is saying, it’s really quite good. The rhyming style may not be acceptable in English. So?
The fact that this person has tried to share something in a language other than his mother tongue is pretty damn good.
And it’s a good poem. Fairly scary, I’d say.
Everyone putting him down and saying stupid things like ‘crap’ is what is wrong with this society.
Wow… I think this was actually physically painful to read, no soul-wrenching offense to the author is intended.
I give you points for putting your work out there, because not everyone can acquire the courage to do so.
That being said… If you don’t fully understand a language, and then attempt to write creatively -for- that language, without grasping the basic concepts of that creative writing, a poem in this case… Then that’s probably not your wisest course of action to take until you’ve done some searching, and have learned more about the subject at hand.
Poems don’t have to rhyme throughout; hell, they don’t have to rhyme at all if it’s totally free verse et cetera, however… Most poets -do- establish meter, rhythm, and the like, or some semblance of structure to carry the piece from beginning to end. This, I’m afraid, was so turned around that it couldn’t tell iambs from trochees, or verbs from nouns.
Also… as was previously mentioned, creating your own words generally isn’t the best idea, with all due respect to Dr. Seuss.
Poetry thrives on imagery and powerful word choices, and a very clear picture in the writer’s mind, and I regret to tell you that the message felt as though it had been translated into ancient Aramaic, and then translated back into English? I think that was, possibly, supposed to be English, but in several places, it was rather difficult to say for sure.
So I’m going to suggest that you look into some essays, guidelines, cereal boxes, on the construction of poetry, and find a style that suits you, that works with you, rather than against you, and try again. Better luck next time.
I love it
Why is the author on here calling everyone who doesn’t care for his/her story, a ten year old? The “story” sucks, dude. It doesn’t flow, you made up ridiculous words simply to have a rhyming section every once in a while, and it doesn’t make a whole lot of sense. You come off as a pretentious, arrogant, “well, my MOMMY told me it was good!!” douchebag with a sense of entitlement and a “how dare you?!” mentality. I’m sure you’re Mommys special little guy, but here in reality, not everyone is going to give you a gold star for everything you do. This particular story kinda sucked. It’s that simple. Accept the criticism, learn from it, and move on. Throwing a tantrum isn’t going to change anything. If you can’t handle someone critiquing your story, then you shouldn’t submit one. Grow up.
Why is this rated so low? I, personally, rather enjoyed it.
The middle ages called. They want their stupid back.
The instant I heard “Tall Man” I thought of Slendy.
The biggest troll on here is the author.
Poodleinacan,I did not enjoy your poem very much. The rhyming scheme was poor,the imagery brief,and the plot under cooked. I advise you to research the English poem style. ”I just never learned the english poem style.” You have the computer in front of you, take advantage and learn. Why do you refuse to acknowledge your dear reviewers.You are lucky they took time to say what’s wrong. I do not appreciate your sexuses. Did you notice how most of your comments are negative. Grow up,fix your mistakes, and keep writing.
The rhyming scheme was a off, but I think the huge obloquy for this poem is exaggerated. It sort of reminded me of Hypno’s Lullaby. Have a look :D.
5/10
You know, I was going to be nice about it and maybe give you a three. But after reading your responses to pEOPLE ACTUALLY TRYING TO HELP YOU, you, sir, are a bag of dicks and you shall get no rating OR advice from me OR the dough boys (and they usually enjoy the bad pastas). Fuck you very much, and have a wonderful day.
You’re probably not even going to see this at this point. If you do though, just one thing. Your meter seems broken to me. You should probably fix that for any future poems you may write
Was this supposed to rhyme?
The most entertaining part of this pasta was the comment section xD
I find it hilarious he was defending himself saying that “at least hes active” and then stopped replying 3/4s of the way through the second page.
Come on guys it was good I really don’t care if the words don’t match the time it stated and if that doesn’t make it realistic, it was very creative and interesting. I really don’t like it when people judge especially on internet. You have to keep in mind people behind the monitor have feelings and you guys know there is good honesty and bad honesty.
Interesting idea, but poor execution. The sentence structure and rhyme scheme lacks coherency or any semblance of sense, whilst the choice of words is not at all fitting given the setting. I’m going to take a stab in the dark and say English is not you’re first language, and if so, kudos for the effort.
That said, it is clear you do not grasp the concept on how to make a piece of poetry eligible in the English language, and would probably be better sticking to your native language or improving on your understanding of English phrasing.
rhyme scheme sucks bro. storys good though.
WTF????????
this was awful