Advertisement
Please wait...

Grame



Estimated reading time — < 1 minute

(This is an old poem that kids used to sing, during the middle ages. Its source is still unknown today.)

If you see a great tall man,
don’t worry, he is a friend.
Don’t ask him what is his name,
for he will be your friend.

If you have other good friends,
don’t worry, they wont matter.
You are all that is greater,
not them he shall befriend.

Advertisements

You see him teeter on land,
he never drinks from daddy’s juice.
You see him all to great joyce,
he is so really grand.

Don’t ask about the hat,
that sits on his bald head.
He wont ever tell yath,
why it is as soft as lead.

You see him at the star shine.
You wont at the sky light.
Always you see at night,
but mostly at the moon shine.

Shop Now

You ask him what his name,
he doesn’t say a yelp.
He ask you for a kind help.
After that, you will get same.

Advertisements

He ask you a small favor.
Kill your mom and so your dad,
but must give me favor.
Never tell about your lad.

If you peace your familly,
you will hear what you waited.
Through his mouth you will rally
words long asked and awaited.

Advertisements

He will now say this soon :
My name is really Grame
and I am fame.
You know, I am the Moon.

Advertisements

He will say he needs you,
for he is not so done.
You need to stop none,
he is not finished with you.


Credit: Poodleinacan

This story was submitted to Creepypasta.com by a fellow reader. To submit your own creepypasta tale for consideration and publication to this site, visit our submissions page today.

Please wait...

Copyright Statement: Unless explicitly stated, all stories published on Creepypasta.com are the property of (and under copyright to) their respective authors, and may not be narrated or performed under any circumstance.

239 thoughts on “Grame”

  1. I think it was good for poodle that this ranked so low. If it wasn’t in the “Lowest Rated Pastas” category, none of us would have ever read it.

  2. You need to know exactly what the words you use mean.
    None of this actually made sense. You can’t throw random words into a sentence and assume just because they rhyme they’ll work in context.
    Take more time to revise and learn the language you’re using. 0.5/10

  3. A tall man outside my house, who probably lies to me after going insane and killing my parents, and asks me to kill more things. i wonder who has a posse of killers who probably teens and over powered people with weapons. Sorry author but this is another thing that is related another famous tall skinny man. If you did want to something with this kind of format TRY not to make it look like another pasta that is shit. If you weren’t trying to make it look like the oh so famous shit pasta “Slender Man” (99.99% are shitpastas) then please fix it when you say tall man that tells you kill your dad/mom to a strange person who keep themselves in the shadows of the world and promises you riches that surpass you life’s savings, and as your greed takes you he uses it to cause pain in the world. Sorry author 2 strikes. Strike 1 is related to a shit pasta. Strike 2 is not scary. – RA’ghoul P.S. Dear Ghoul, vampire, zombie or god(s) forbid human readers want me to review a pasta, which can be in any category reply you request.

  4. It is a wonderful poem, I read a book once (A Tale Dark and Grim) where the moon ate children and the sun tried to burn them. So this feels like it continues it. I loved it!

  5. I am a poem man for my living, and I think that author tried real hard. I know because I teach a poem to students and I am a poem man for my living.

    So for people who are hurt on this writer, you are wrong and I know about this as a poem man for my living.

  6. No offense but your poem is incoherent and it seems that you were over ambitious. For an example,you dropped complex words at the most unexpected of points. This disrupted the flow of the poem. Furthermore, your rhymes are literally everywhere. You see, on should adapt a certain rhyming style to accentuate the plot. You could either do this or just skop the rhymes and just stick to a blank verse. Also,you don’t need to be grammatically accurate when you write a poem. It’s not a rule but the shuffling of syntax can really add definition to the poem that you are writing.

  7. Elinor Brennan

    Interesting story-line. Though, if I may critique, a better flow would be nice and better vocabulary. I enjoy writing a lot and poetry is one of my specialties. I would love to help you write a better poem. You mainly need to fix the rhyme scheme and a few of the words. Aside from that, the story is good. It’s just the way you wrote it that made people make such negative comments.

  8. Elinor Brennan

    Interesting story-line. Though, if I may critique, a better flow would be nice and better vocabulary. I enjoy writing a lot and poetry is one of my specialties. I would love to help you write a better poem. You mainly need to fix the rhyme scheme and a few of the words. Aside from that, the story is good. It’s just the way you wrote it that made people make such negative comments. People that like scary stories can sometimes be asses. :/

  9. I like the idea, and like where you were going with this. However, may I make some suggestions? In places, it seemed like you were trying to hard to make something rhyme. That made it seemed forced, and drew attention away from the creepiness of the poem. So I would try making the rhymes seem more natural: use less complicated words, use exact rhyme, etc. I would recommend a rhyming dictionary. Also, flow. Poetry is all about flow, and your word choice takes away from that. Do you know about iambic and trochaic pentameter? If not, look them up and try it out. I think if you rewrote this in iambic pentameter, it would be far easier to read. Other than that I really liked it. Keep it up!

  10. I liked the idea of the entire poem, I even liked that he was faceless. I have to agree that it needs tweaked, though. A lot of words seemed to be just placed where they were for the simple fact that they rhymed. I almost stopped reading at “word” “yath.” The addition of a nonexistent word was distracting. “Soft as lead” isn’t a thing. Lead can be smooth, but lead is not soft. Lead is hard. Lead is smooth. Lead is shiny. Lead is dull. Lead is a number of things but soft is not one of them.

    Like I said, overall, I did enjoy it, but some tweaks would be great. Maybe change it into an actual story? I love writing but poetry escapes me.

  11. Well that was pathetic.

    I understand you were attempting to be original, even though you weren’t, but your poem didn’t even rhyme.

  12. hash slinging slasher

    Wow mister Brian sir you don’t have to be so blunt sure reality is a pain but come on we don’t have to be mean.
    there is a lot of stuff happening in the world right now we don’t need anymore hurt.
    I’m sure the writer is a great person and along with you mister Brian sir.
    have a wonderful day wonderful people

  13. hash slinging slasher

    No! We need to all be friends.
    This guy’s poem wasn’t the best but don’t you worry sir you will do better I believe in you!
    Everyone else you all are great people it’s wonderful how we all share an interest.
    No more being negative be happy :) and be friends!!

  14. “(This is an old poem that kids used to sing, during the middle ages. Its source is still unknown today.)”
    That makes sense. Things written in the Middle Ages have a way of not making any sense whatsoever.

  15. I just don’t understand why he wants to avoid unoriginality, but there are a lot of apparent motifs in this “poem” that match up with many of the stories on here. Anyway, all I have to say to Poodleinacan is to read “psychosis”, “the russian sleep experiment”, and “candle cove” — some of my fave pastas and super original.

  16. Geeze, this really isn’t as bad as everyone is saying, it’s really quite good. The rhyming style may not be acceptable in English. So?
    The fact that this person has tried to share something in a language other than his mother tongue is pretty damn good.
    And it’s a good poem. Fairly scary, I’d say.
    Everyone putting him down and saying stupid things like ‘crap’ is what is wrong with this society.

  17. Wow… I think this was actually physically painful to read, no soul-wrenching offense to the author is intended.

    I give you points for putting your work out there, because not everyone can acquire the courage to do so.

    That being said… If you don’t fully understand a language, and then attempt to write creatively -for- that language, without grasping the basic concepts of that creative writing, a poem in this case… Then that’s probably not your wisest course of action to take until you’ve done some searching, and have learned more about the subject at hand.

    Poems don’t have to rhyme throughout; hell, they don’t have to rhyme at all if it’s totally free verse et cetera, however… Most poets -do- establish meter, rhythm, and the like, or some semblance of structure to carry the piece from beginning to end. This, I’m afraid, was so turned around that it couldn’t tell iambs from trochees, or verbs from nouns.

    Also… as was previously mentioned, creating your own words generally isn’t the best idea, with all due respect to Dr. Seuss.

    Poetry thrives on imagery and powerful word choices, and a very clear picture in the writer’s mind, and I regret to tell you that the message felt as though it had been translated into ancient Aramaic, and then translated back into English? I think that was, possibly, supposed to be English, but in several places, it was rather difficult to say for sure.

    So I’m going to suggest that you look into some essays, guidelines, cereal boxes, on the construction of poetry, and find a style that suits you, that works with you, rather than against you, and try again. Better luck next time.

  18. Why is the author on here calling everyone who doesn’t care for his/her story, a ten year old? The “story” sucks, dude. It doesn’t flow, you made up ridiculous words simply to have a rhyming section every once in a while, and it doesn’t make a whole lot of sense. You come off as a pretentious, arrogant, “well, my MOMMY told me it was good!!” douchebag with a sense of entitlement and a “how dare you?!” mentality. I’m sure you’re Mommys special little guy, but here in reality, not everyone is going to give you a gold star for everything you do. This particular story kinda sucked. It’s that simple. Accept the criticism, learn from it, and move on. Throwing a tantrum isn’t going to change anything. If you can’t handle someone critiquing your story, then you shouldn’t submit one. Grow up.

  19. Poodleinacan,I did not enjoy your poem very much. The rhyming scheme was poor,the imagery brief,and the plot under cooked. I advise you to research the English poem style. ”I just never learned the english poem style.” You have the computer in front of you, take advantage and learn. Why do you refuse to acknowledge your dear reviewers.You are lucky they took time to say what’s wrong. I do not appreciate your sexuses. Did you notice how most of your comments are negative. Grow up,fix your mistakes, and keep writing.

  20. The rhyming scheme was a off, but I think the huge obloquy for this poem is exaggerated. It sort of reminded me of Hypno’s Lullaby. Have a look :D.

    5/10

  21. You know, I was going to be nice about it and maybe give you a three. But after reading your responses to pEOPLE ACTUALLY TRYING TO HELP YOU, you, sir, are a bag of dicks and you shall get no rating OR advice from me OR the dough boys (and they usually enjoy the bad pastas). Fuck you very much, and have a wonderful day.

  22. You’re probably not even going to see this at this point. If you do though, just one thing. Your meter seems broken to me. You should probably fix that for any future poems you may write

  23. I find it hilarious he was defending himself saying that “at least hes active” and then stopped replying 3/4s of the way through the second page.

  24. Come on guys it was good I really don’t care if the words don’t match the time it stated and if that doesn’t make it realistic, it was very creative and interesting. I really don’t like it when people judge especially on internet. You have to keep in mind people behind the monitor have feelings and you guys know there is good honesty and bad honesty.

  25. Interesting idea, but poor execution. The sentence structure and rhyme scheme lacks coherency or any semblance of sense, whilst the choice of words is not at all fitting given the setting. I’m going to take a stab in the dark and say English is not you’re first language, and if so, kudos for the effort.
    That said, it is clear you do not grasp the concept on how to make a piece of poetry eligible in the English language, and would probably be better sticking to your native language or improving on your understanding of English phrasing.

  26. “You see him at the star shine.
    You wont at the sky light.
    Always you see at night,
    but mostly at the moon shine.”

    I’m sorry, but that just sounds awful. :/ I understand that you were trying to go for an older English vibe, but even then, I believe most of your lines weren’t grammatically correct at all. You also need to work on your flow, because sometimes you get into a good rhyming pattern and then you throw in completely random words and it throws you off.

    But besides that, my biggest problem is that this didn’t evoke any kind of feeling in me at all. It felt like I was just staring at the computer screen reading words- which I am, although it’s your job as the writer to make your readers forget that and completely engulf them in your story. Instead, you just made the majority of us (a) cringe away in repulsion or (b) quit reading halfway through your poem.

    One last thing- How do you expect to last as a writer if you can’t handle some critique? You can only get better by recognizing and then fixing your mistakes, not getting pissed at anyone who points them out.

  27. creepypasta fan

    Have you ever seen that Grame seems to have the same characteristics as the slenderman? Like the fact that he only comes out at night, he’s bald, and he hangs around children.

  28. I believe this was great :) I have always loved the morbid meaning to childhood poems and rhymes ^_^ and imaginging this one is quite a..treat xD if that’s correct saying idk :p but nice!!:D

  29. Bad because it isn’t scary. At all. And before you go all “OMG 10 year old u just want gore gtfo” go read the best pasta on here- psychosis

  30. I’m sorry about all the trolls when you were really looking for feedback, but this pasta honestly made no sense. And most of your replies to these comments make no sense either. It did give me a good laugh though, so ah, keep trying I guess…

  31. The thing im getting from this author. Is that he has not a FUCKING clue what he is talking about, He references that old english would not be able to be read. saying it uses a runic alphabet, And latin letters. Seriously dude? what the fuck is wrong with you? Im not going to be nice, I can BARELY tell if your a troll or not, Or maybe you should have paid more attention in “French class” You sir need to fact check your entire life.

  32. Is this a Slenderman poem?!

    hello poodleinacan, I’d like to say that you tried your best and what came out was typical of what you would get from your first time writing a pasta.. but you obviously don’t think it’s that bad… so I’m going to tell you something that has helped me immensely through out life “those who are critics of others before themselves…. WILL BURN IN THE PITS OF HELL FOR ETERNITY!!” at least… I think that’s how it goes.

  33. 1\10. I was going give it a 4 star. But then I looked in the comments. And you don’t deserve 4 stars being an asshole. Calling people who are trying to help you dicks.

  34. I don’t understand… He’s tall, bald and wears a hat… What does he actually do apart from asking you to kill your parents? What if I refuse? Is he some paranormal entity or a guy with alopecia and gigantism with a penchant for getting kids to kill people? The poem, as you call it, doesn’t rhyme and makes little sense due to you using a structure intended for another language in an English poem. Gonna go out on a limb and risk a 4/10 because I can see you had some good intentions and ideas, but the execution and detail was poor.

  35. Honestly, I must say that I do not like this poem. I also do not like your attitude. Half of these comments gave constructive criticism, while you are responding to them as if they were trolls. You are being very rude.

    I think you could have used more imagery. All we know is he’s tall wears a hat that’s “soft as lead”. Is he fat? Does he have purple eyes? Does he poop glitter? We don’t know. It would make this poem much better if you used more imagery.

    Also, don’t bother responding to my comment like you have everyone else, because I can bet that all you’ll say is “Meh, my poem is great, it’s perfect, you troll!” Well we all have news for you: It’s not. Deal with it. Writers are never perfect, nor are all their stories/poems are good.

  36. Yo, I heard there was a poem about Slenderman and I came running asap. Not the best Slenderman thing I read. I give it 3/10 Slendies.

  37. Dear Poodleinacan,
    Why must you be so pretentious when responding to the comments?
    Instead of trying to snap at the people who ACTUALLY tell you what was wrong with your poem, take their criticism to mind and improve!
    You’re just being closed-minded by disagreeing with them.
    Everyone has different ideas of a good story, but hey, you should’ve at least been ready for some criticism when you submitted it (and you probably were).
    Defending your pasta is understandable, but you could’ve done it with a different approach. And no, I’m not saying you should apologize if your pasta was crappy.
    ANYWAYS, this was long. But it was the truth.

    Note: This comment seems a little pretentious, which is a bit ironic, but oh well. Happy New Year, everyone!

    1. Did you read every comments?
      If you notice, a lot of them are a big “fuck you” that doesn’t give me any help what-so-ever.

      A good helping comment would be “I didn’t like [that part], try adding/removing/modifying [that part], because [explaination].”
      That, right there, is an exemple of a more complete helping comment. Just saying “that wasn’t very good” isn’t helping.

      1. The Killer Known As Jeff

        Y’know, some people did that exact thing. But what did you do? You fucking snapped at them. And you wonder why people have been giving you shit.

  38. I’ve never seen someone so defensive of their shitty pasta. I believe you have replied to nine tenths of the comments with something stupid to say. You’re embarrassing yourself. You look like a total jackass

    1. You’re a mile away from the real answer… I might make a pasta that clarifies my character, in a near future… But it’s not Slenderman.

  39. The only thing more obnoxious than the preventable mistakes in this pasta is your attitude to your critiques. How about, instead of disagreeing with people and getting butt-hurt, you accept that there are problems in your poem (as are common in all poems) and learn from it?
    Your response to someone who suggested you go into more depth in your imagery was, “why? So it could be more boring and long?” … If you think of ‘imagery and depth’ as being ‘boring and lengthy’, you should apply for a Crappypasta admin position.

    1. But when people talk about “imagery”, they should specify what parts of the poem they are thinking about.
      In my poem, I tried to keep the lines with a similar number of syllables.
      And with what I wrote “Why? So it could be more boring and long?”, I didn’t include an apostrophy… That means it’s a question that needed an answer, but it was also a statement of an opinion. And I also thought about “imagery” like “descriptions”, imagery isn’t really descriptions…

      And the depth… Well, I was running out of ideas, that would work in rhymes…

      And hey, people should be happy I’m present, at least.
      I don’t just see the low rating and ditch mu pasta like if nothing happened.

  40. You might be better off if you stop trying to defend this against commentators. For all I know, you might be an incredible poet and you just had a bad one. Everyone does. But trying to defend it just makes you look like a dick… Accept that this is a bit crappy. On CreepyPasta, what you think of your work doesn’t make a difference, it’s all about what the others think.
    Just try again.
    -Nikki

    1. It may not be the best on Creepy Pasta, and not the best I have written (that’s my second pasta. My first didn’t post, my third is waiting for the submission to resume), but it was good enought to not be on Crappy Pasta.

      1. Stop being defensive. I can’t say more.
        You’re not making yourself popular.
        This Pasta is bad.
        Nothing you can do about it.
        Nothing I can do about it.
        Just accept it.
        It’s so much easier.

  41. “He will now say this soon :
    My name is really Grame
    and I am fame.
    You know, I am the Moon”
    I’m sorry, but that made me laugh my ass off.
    It makes no sense at all. I love this.

    1. Yea, that made smile a bit, when I made it, also.

      And “Grame” really is it’s name… And also his description.

  42. I’ll be honest…this is the comments section and that’s what this is for. Honest criticism.

    It showed promise and potential, I would say. The problems have pretty much all been stated. The imagery people are asking for do not simply call for blood and guts. In poems, people want to feel things: fear, relation, sadness, anything. I recommend that yiu look into this again later. The rhyming DOES seem very choppy, but if that’s how you do it, more power to you. Just be prepared for more criticisms.

    But honestly, I think my biggest problem is your attitude. Your audience is why you’re writing and submitting. If they don’t like it, that’s not their problem- it’s yours. Calling your audience dicks and the like is unacceptable to me. If you’re going to continue to write and submit, I suggest you get a little more used to criticism.

    Now, I ask you: what insult do you have for me when I’m just trying to help you for the future?

    1. Why would I call you names?
      I only called one person a dick, and that was because he was being egoistic.

      You, on the other hand, like some other people who commented on my pasta, made a reasonable critique.
      You didn’t write things that are useless to me, for if I want to rework my pasta.
      Yea, some of the rhymes in the begining aren’t perfect, and the rhymes in my pasta are simple rhymes… But between english and french words, there are a lot of differences…
      If I use this (made up by me) :
      “La lune se couche dans la sombre horizon,
      Sans laissant voir l’ombre de sa trahison.”
      In english, if I translate it (litteral translation/adaptation by me, not Google translate), it goes like so :
      “The moon sets in the dark horizon,
      Showing glimps of a shadow of it’s treason”

      So, yea, since I don’t know less common english words, I have to make some up in my and see if they exist (like for the word “grame”). And since I find that most english words are shorter than their french counterparts, it’s pretty limitating for me…

      The imagery… Well, I did thought of putting some more description, but I realised that it would just have made the poeme chopier…
      And for the actual imagery, I couldn’t find much to include.

      1. Egoistic? I didn’t reference myself or my own writing ability at all. Do you even know what egoistic means? Me saying, “you’re an ass” is, while possibly mean, not egotistical at all.
        And I personally consider “Stop being an ass” NOT to be useless advice at all. Learn from it.

        1. I said that you were being egoistic, because you acknowledged the trolls, but still decided to one-star, because you hate poem/songpastas.

          Yes, that’s why I said that.

        2. I think he gave it a 1 because he didn’t like your poem more than because he doesnt like poems in general.

  43. This was so bad a black hole would just spit it out instead of sucking it in.

    Where’s the relevance to the era mentioned?
    Where’s the poetic structure?
    Certain sentences don’t even make sense, despite looking from all angles the intention within.
    This just reads more like a hastily translated children’s bedtime poems from English to Crapglish.

    1. And from where do you get your peom basis?

      And what are the sentences you don’t understand?
      Because they all make sense to me.

  44. ok, poodleinacan,
    Stop trying to refute people’s arguments. They have legitimate problems with the pasta. Some of them are just internet trolls making fun of you, some are giving constructive criticism.
    Stop trying to tell them all that they’re wrong and you’re right, rather you should just listen to them and do better next time.
    I gave this 1/10 pumpkins because I thought it was terrible. I’m starting to wish I could take away more because the author is being such an ass in the comments.
    Stop.

    1. Wow, you’re a real dick, you know that.

      I’m am only being a gentleman to those that are being gentleman in their comments.

      I “refute”, to explain things.

      You should have just gave me more than 1 pumpkin, if you acknowledged the presence of trolls.

      Look, I can “constructive criticism” too, you know… And I just critiqued you.

      By the way, I don’t see you writing pastas… Why do you put down my explainations, when you don’t even seem to have written any pastas!
      … And if you do, I think I’ll just rate your pasta 1 pumpkin, because you are trying to clarify things in the comments. I’ll insult you, for that.

      1. I should give you a better score, because there are Internet trolls?
        I’m not following why. I gave it a 1 because I hate poem/song pastas, and this one was especially bad.
        There’s a big difference between “clarifying” and “getting super defensive”
        Take “But with more imagery would made the kysterious man not mysterious, and put some generic bloody murder gore scene.
        Plus, it would have it made the poem unnessecary longer, and people would have been like “Arg! Too long! I can’t understand! This sucks! I can’t understand it! This sucks!”
        Yes… Seeing how people are reacting towards hard to understand things… People would hae hated it more.”

        That’s not an explanation, that’s just insulting your audience in order to have THEM be wrong and YOUR POEM be perfect.
        It’s not. They’re not. They also aren’t “ten-year-olds who only want gore”
        Stop insulting them. Stop insulting me.

        1. If you don’t like poems, then don’t rate.

          I could say “Meh, I hate theoretical things. Low score for that pasta, it is!”

          And I never said that my poem was the absolute perfection.

  45. Ah, the pleasure I feel in reading this poem. It is satisfying to learn that my master’s servants can become so feared as to be ingrained in a nursery rhyme. But Grame isn’t as tall as you think, just very thin.

    1. It’s not a nursery rhyme… That’s why I never specified it.

      …But I don’t get your last part…
      I never said Grame is thin… Just tall… It’s not Slenderman… Far from that.

      1. The one person here who embraced your concept and wanted to build onto it, and you alienated them. Congratulations. :P

        And this is the problem with not including imagery. I’m all for keeping things mysterious, but if you’re going to leave details out, you can’t complain when the readers make up their own.

        Also, your English is not quite as good as you think it is. It’s understandable, but a little awkward at times. You might want to just try having somebody who natively speaks it read your work before you submit it from now on.

        1. “alienated”?
          I just didn’t understoodthe sudden subject “change” to making an imagery (which made the character seem awefully like the Slenderman) about being “very thing”… “Squeletal”would have been a better word than “thin”.

          Yea, I’m trying to proof-read (I have 3 other pastas, which there’s one that I know needs major refinement,and my lastest one which also needs refinement).

          But yea, my style really is on the mysterious side, without saying “it”,”the monster” and not having anything to define, but the minimum. The imaginationof the reader can interprete the rest… Even if they don’t like it, because they want to know how the subject look like in details.

        2. That’s just it. You don’t have much imagery in the first place. People don’t know if he/she/it is skinny, fat, hideous, or anything. It could fly for all we know.

  46. You might want to stick to writing in your native language, your English skills are not quite on the level that you can be writing poetry or prose. I don’t intend to be mean about it, it’s just you seem to lack a firm enough understanding as to what makes something in English coherent.

      1. If you do not know English poetry, then don’t defend your poem as being fine. Be humble, learn the style, and resubmit. Your poem made me think of a hobo who sucks dick.

    1. … Use old english, you say?

      … Maybe I should use written old english.
      … IT’S NOT GONA BE UNDERSTANDABLE IN OLD ENGLISH.
      Old english isn’t about those “thee”, “doust” and stuff like that…

      1. The Killer Known As Jeff

        Because you would know. I understand Shakespeare better than I can understand your English.

        1. Oh, no. He put an N before “other”. It’s friggin’ impossible to understand now.

        2. The Killer Known As Jeff

          That’s not what I was referring to, jackass. Have you been reading his responses? Read up on your shit before you make a smartass remark.

    2. What do you prefer to be written with, in old english?
      Runic alphabet, or latin alphabet (with words that barely ressembles the current english words (with some exceptions).

      You meant medium english (or something like that), but even then, it would be hard to understand.

      1. Old English wasn’t ever written in the Runic alphabet.

        Middle English is actually very easy to understand, poodleinacan (at least for me), but it involves a level of modern English vocabulary and awareness of etymology you clearly don’t have.

  47. I think I honestly hate you and your ego. This is like mothras fuzzy balls went ‘ oh let me waste all of your time for an orgy of suck” I really hate how if this were a poem, it should rhyme all the way through. I get you may have wanted a free verse but still. FFFFFFFFFFFFUUUUUUuuUUuuUuuuuuuucCCCCKKKKKKKKK. YYYyyYyyYyoooooUUUUU

  48. YOU CAN'T HANDLE THE USERNAME!

    I like the idea of a song.
    c:
    NOTHING TO DO HERE! (jetpacks away)
    No but seriously, maybe you should try this again, but as something besides a poem
    I think everyone is being a bit harsh on poodleinacan! It doesn’t feel good to have a low rated pasta!

    1. Thanks.

      Yes.
      I only made my pasta as a poem, because I didn’t felt like there would have been much content, as a story.

      And unlike many people on the site, this is my “first” submition (well, It’s my second one… My first story didn’t made it, because double posted it, to fix some errors.) and it got on CreepyPasta.

      … The sad thing thing is that there are a lot of 10 year olds, on the site…

      1. But with more imagery would made the kysterious man not mysterious, and put some generic bloody murder gore scene.

        Plus, it would have it made the poem unnessecary longer, and people would have been like “Arg! Too long! I can’t understand! This sucks! I can’t understand it! This sucks!”
        Yes… Seeing how people are reacting towards hard to understand things… People would hae hated it more.

  49. Originality makes this good, you say? Poorly written and difficult to understand poems as creepy pasta all the rage, you say? Let me try.

    Crap in a can
    (A creepy haiku by Candlejackass)

    This pasta sucks ass
    I’d rather eat dried dog turds
    Than read this nonsense

    1. That isn’t hard enough to understand. How about:

      Little kids would crouch on ground,
      Where his poem fell out from their butt cheeks.
      Lone man from tree come over to poem,
      Wife leaves man when he went home.
      Five fingers went up his nose,
      Only three came out.

      1. Technically, poems do not need to rhyme.
        Now, as for your poem, it was very creative but as people are saying it does not flow from one point to another as fluidly as it should. You should try to tie the stanzas into one another.
        As for you saying that you will not ever write about an unoriginal character, you could simply change the character into something that fits your story, poem, or etc.
        Now as for all the haters, just ignore them.
        To all the haters, quit bugging the dude, at least they had the balls to post something at all, there are many people who write things that are very good but never post them because they do not want to have their hard work ridiculed.

  50. At first I thought it was about Slenderman and then when I get to the end, I find out this was just some super generic story.Plus, I don’t understand why the author said that this was a middle age poem. The words didn’t give me a reason to think it was remotely aged. If this was a song sung by children, then it must have been hard to learn. The poem barely rhymed and the content hardly memorable.

    1. Mark my words.
      I will never make a pasta about Slenderman, Jeff the Killer or anything that has already been written about.

      I said the poem was from the middle ages, to add a “specific” timeline…

  51. The language in this poem was a far cry from how people spoke in the Middle Ages. Also, Poodle, just because something is original does not make it good. I felt nothing at all reading this, so as a poem, it failed at its purpose.

    1. I know that even if something is original, it doesn’t mean that it’s good.

      … But some people might think that because the character is a tall man, that it’s Slenderman… Which isn’t the case.

      I mean, which is more intimidating : a small man, a normal sized man, or a tall man?

    2. … Was I supposed to write how people wrote, in the middle ages?
      Writing “V” instead of “U”?

      Don’t yov vnderstand that the poem would have been vnderstandable, if I wrote how people vsed to speak?
      I gvess not.

      If I use your reason of “writing how people used to speak in the middle ages” and use it for everyday writing in french… My phrases wovld be riddled with apostrophies.

      And if I had written in spoken middle english, no one would have understood the pasta.

  52. HAHA wow nobody liked this at all. I thought the weird grammar and words (yath?! Nice!) made it really interesting. Structurally it was weird too, but I think that adds to its discordant quality… I mean, it’s not about the splendor of light through trees, or the joy of seeing a small animal or whatever poetic fluffy stuff is out there… It’s about a folklore-like boogeyman. If he didn’t mention that it was an old poem it would have been less fitting but as it is, I think this was really interesting to read, and nowhere near deserving of it’s score. Poetry is art just the same as painting, and neither one have to follow conventions. Ever read E.E. Cummings?

    1. Thanks for your appreciation.

      No,I never heard of E. E. Cummings.
      I’m french canadian… So, in my french class, we never learned about poets that wrote in other language than french…

      But yea, in my poem pasta, I used simple (yet, maybe not perfect) french poem structures that I learned over the pasta years.

      The word “yath” doesn’t exist (yea… It’s a thing we can do, in french poems. We can make up words). Since “you” or “ya” would not have work for the rhyme, I just added “th”, so that it felt, “old” (with words that aren’t used anymore)… And some rhymes (in the start) may not sound like rhyming, but if we know that people didn’t said words the same way, through out the ages, it can actually pass…

      … There are a lot of 10 year olds, who want to read gore and stuff, that are roaming on the site…

      1. This Guy Doesn't Represent Canada

        You, my Francophone friend, are simply an embarrassment to our shared nationality. Seriously. Stop, and rethink your life. Or move. I don’t mean to be cruel, but honestly, writing is NOT YOUR STRONG POINT. Take up… crochet?

  53. It’s not simply a matter of creativity, plot matters to all pastas, even poems. Yea, I get it, some tall guy in a hat taking on a child apprentice to wreak havoc on the free world; that’s not really the most creative plot in the universe. Also, with poems, since plot is secondary, imagery needs to be your biggest concern. Sadly there was little to none, that coupled with the simplistic rhymes a thesaurus could’ve easily solved (some rhymes not making much sense either) and a done-to-death ABAB ABBA rhyming structure (that fell flat at several instances), this poem format fell apart quickly. Sorry poodle, not a fan.

    1. Thanks for that relevent comment.

      For the rhyming structure, I don’t about the english poems, but poems basically look like that (simplistic rhymes… And they can be coupled to non-existing words and stuff… And message behind the poem can be pretty non-explicit.
      I mean, I could have made a poem that talks about fishes, but it’s significance would be about murders. (how would that be creepy?)

      My entry isn’t “boasting poetic prowess” kinda crap… It was just me wanting wanting to making that looked insignifiant, into a poem, so that it could get a different feel.

      And the reason why I barely included a description is that the character shouldn’t be recognisable… So that people wouldn’t be able to spot who’s the man in question.

      It’s ok if you’re not a fan. I don’t blame you.
      But I thank for making an honnest critique, and being all like “Me no understand, me hate! Me no like!” kinda thing… Because a lot of 10 years old seem to roam on the site…

      1. I saw I missed some words…
        “For the rhyming structure, I don’t about the english poems, but poems basically look like that ”
        I mean:
        “For the rhyming structure, I don’t really know about the english poems, but the french poems basically look like that “

        1. I admit. I am really late to comment here, but I think the poem was great. Maybe a little more detail and proper old English, and this may get a higher ranks.

      2. “My entry isn’t “boasting poetic prowess” kinda crap… It was just me wanting wanting to making that looked insignifiant, into a poem, so that it could get a different feel.”

        I can’t even figure out what this means. I tried but…I have no idea.

        There are many good writers on here, and some amazing pastas. This…is not one. Poetry isn’t easy, though, and I know you must have put a lot of effort into this. Even just as a learning experience, there is value in that.

        I’d suggest that you get more feedback from others before submitting. For flow, especially in poetry, having someone unfamiliar with the work read it to you aloud will really help.

        You said you had more pastas? Have they been published here? Most people do genuinely try and provide helpful feedback. I know writing is personal and therefore it feels like a personal attack, but there is useful criticism in there as well.

    2. I wasn’t aware the French had a different poem structure… that’s probably a medium they should stay away from.

      Anyway as a poet enthusiast and ameture poet, I find the only excuse to make up words for the sake of rhyming is if you’re Dr. Suess (cheater), otherwise I’d suggest getting an English thesaurus, a poet’s best friend. Also stick to a native English rhyming scheme, since most, if not all, of this site’s retinue is from… English people (also that French structure makes no sense).

      1. Well, the rhyme style I used may not have been the same during all of the pasta, but there’s no rule that says that it must be.

        Though, I’m bilingual, I don’t really know much less used english words.

        And words in english and french are really the same, so there can also be some more restrictions…

        And I just found out that the type of rhyme I used is considered unacceptable in english… While in french, it’s acceptable (but it’s a poor rhyme (only 1 similarly sounding syllable)

  54. I just noticed that people might probably missinterprete “daddy’s juice” for his sperm…. It’s not that… Far from that…. It’s booze.

    And it’s all about context.

    1. Endoplasmic Reticulum

      Yea, that’s not at all what we were thinking when we read this. Also, the rhyming scheme you used where the first line rhymes with the last line is not and should not be a real technique. And it seems you made up fake words for the sake of rhyming.

    2. Misinterpret Daddys juice for sperm? lol this didnt even cross my mind until i read this comment.

      now i can’t stop laughing.

    1. You can’t possibly consider thinking of giving (even though you didn’t) this 10 pumpkins. You can’t. This had a weak plot. There was next to no imagery, the rhyming scheme was off, and worst of all it was vague. But… I’ll give you 3/10 pumpkins because you showed some effort :D if you worked on the plot and imagery more it would have been amazing

      1. Shure… Like if I would of had descrobed the musterious man…

        No! My point was people know exactly how h looks. The point is about not know how he excatly looks.

        And he plot… What do you want? A poem twice as long and even harder to understand?

        1. we didnt dislike this because of the lack of description on the man, we dislike this because it was completely unclear,as well as not remotely startling…so please, stop being narcissistic, and accept that this is not the best creepypasta in the world -_-

        2. Your grasp of the English language, as shown in these comments, is not the best. It does not matter if you have ten pastas that blow our minds, makes us rethink life, and crap ourselves by the sheer prowess of them.
          The current pasta is bland, undercooked, and not written in a way that makes any sense. Instead of arguing and making us out to be the bad guys, take the criticism, rewrite it, and ask the admin to repost it. You are allowed to edit it as many times as you like.

  55. ~_-

    … How can people hate this, if it’s not een ripping off another pasta?
    It’s creative.

    I mean, if you don’t like it, at least say why you don’t like it… That would be very helpful.

    1. Hey man, we get it. You put work into this, and you’re not getting the feedback you’re looking for. This doesn’t mean you should never write again. No, you should just look at what you did wrong in this story and improve when you write again. Here, the things I didn’t like were… 1. The poem didn’t rhyme or flow very well. 2. I’m glad you based it in the middle ages… But man, Old English, or just English that’s old is alot different from this. I encourage you to move on from this and keep writing. Anyway, ignore the trolls and merry Christmas!

      1. When I said “creative”, I meant that it’s not copying any pasta, by using an already man character…

        I have 3 pastas that are waiting to be uploaded. 1 may need some tweeks, the other do need some tweeks, and the last (well, it was my first pasta… But I double-posted, and it didn’t made it no-where) really needs some tweeking.

        Old english… It would have been lime a different language (refer to Beowulf), middle english would have been hard to understand, but fits the middle age era… Modern english was the only choice I saw.

        Yes, I keep writing… I just need a simple idea, and I will make a fourth story… But I can that idea myself.

        Yes… There are so many trolls!
        I was looking civilized feedbacks… But only ones I got can be counted with fingers of my hand (not hands).

        And merry christmass to you too.

        1. ( I’m the anon from above ) Well bro you could have cleared it up for us in the first sentence a little by writing ” Translated from Old English/German/whatever” Would’ve helped a bit. And keep writing… Just not poems. Think for a minute, have you ever read a Creepy poem on this site?

        2. I’drather not want toreadalot of pastas, onCreepyPasta… I don’twant tobelike”Hmmm, that soundsgood. Itwouldn’thurtifI includeitinmyPasta.”I don’twant mypastastobeinspiredfromother pastas. But don’tworry, myother 3pastasaremuchbetter.

        3. The Killer Known As Jeff

          Seriously…please go back to school. Or take an English 101 course. Because your English is shit.

    2. I dont like it because the poem is not good. it uses modern language and rhymes stupidly. You just named him Grame because it rhymes with fame. Dude, its obvious why we dont like it. 1/10

    1. Sorry, but the Victorian era is something alse…
      And I also found it a bit over used… (probably because of steampunk things…)

    1. Did I say the year?
      No.

      I only said “in the middle ages”… Which means it could be just before the renaissance.

      1. This etymology website gives the first recorded use of “mom” as 1867:

        http://www.etymonline.com/index.php?search=mother

        Whereas the Middle Ages ended prior to 1500.

        As another poster said, the description would have worked better if you had said it was Victorian era.

        But more generally, it would have been useful to check children’s rhymes from whatever era you were aiming for, and adopt similar language. Not just word choice, but also word order. For example “not them he shall befriend” would be better as “not them shall he befriend”.

        1. 1867?
          Damn! That’s during the western things.

          … But if we compare nursery rhymes (which, you no one already knew, are mostly all based on horrible things… Burnings, hangings, tortures, black plague,… So, they are already creepy (but they don’t sound creepy… Which, if I try to make a nursery rhyme, people would say it’s crap and not scary, while it could be based on an horrible event)).

        2. I’d have to agree here. The language you use is nothing like what was spoken in the middle ages and his a great detriment to the pasta. If you stuck to a “modernized translation” it would work much better. Like Tardigrade said, you mix language and grammar from multiple eras.

  56. It’s okay, but it doesn’t ‘flow’ like other poems. Also your rhyming scheme keeps shifting and it’s hard to understand the gist of what’s happening.

    1. Thanks for honest and not a douche about my pasta.
      (Though I don’t mind critique, you didn’t made a comment that gives me no clue on how I could improve.)

      I appreciate.

  57. Quite possibly the best creepypasta I have ever read.
    I especially liked the parts in the poem that didn’t rhyme nor make any sense at all.
    A truely masterful work that surpasses anything else ever posted to this site.

Leave a Comment

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

Scroll to Top