At first, I didn’t think anything of it My neighbor would stop to chat with me, leash in hand, and I would catch glimpses of the metal slider dangling from its belly I assumed it was wearing a piece of pet clothing, or that perhaps it was the byproduct of some awkward veterinarian procedure, but the more we chatted and the more I saw this mystery zipper, the more I realized it was out of the ordinary; clearly imbedded in...[Read More]
Static
…Is it…
Crackle
No…just turn it…tha-
Static
Pop
KJ: Hello tap tap Hello There we go Okay, starting now My name is Katie Johns, and the following testimony from Andrew Kirby is being recorded in an attempt to preserve our history and make sure a tragedy like this never has to befall another soul Andrew, can you share with us the earliest memory you have of the event, or those involved in it
AK: I remember it like it was yesterday clears throat I was in...[Read More]
You wake up to a text one morning It is 7:03—you blink, sleepily It’s from your best friend, Tom The message reads,
hey! do you wanna hang out some time today i’m free whenever
You blink at your phone and then send him a response
yeah, I can be there around ten
With that, you turn your phone off, roll over, and go back to sleep
When you wake up, the clock beside you reads 9:26 Instinctively, you check your phone You have a text
cool!...[Read More]
"Purgatory on Earth" read the flyer as it flapped unevenly in the wind, poorly stapled against the wooden post of a power line It was an interesting title, not exactly the alluring intro phrase most religious recruitment ads used For what I knew of Purgatory, it wasn’t exactly a place most people were itching to get into in a hurry Still, I was curious enough to see exactly what sort of sales pitch this group had prepared, and I had...[Read More]
Guys, I need help I’m posting this from my car parked at a truck stop just outside Keiser, Arkansas
My parents own a cabin in rural Tennessee Since they’re getting older, we’ve been splitting the responsibility of caring for the property I go down there by myself a few times a year, to get away from the city and check up on the place I usually stop in Keiser because they have gas, a grocery store, and a little park where...[Read More]
I inhaled slowly, relishing the sharp, sweet scent of the fresh tomato sauce as I spread it Though my touch was delicate and my movement precise, I couldn't keep the swatches of bone-white dough from materializing in the ladle's wake But that was easy to correct
Measuring the sauce by eye, I painted over each ghostly trail as an artist corrected imperfections on the canvas Under appreciated as it was, cooking was still as much an art form as sculpting marble,...[Read More]
When I saw the car for sale on Craigslist, I was shocked Not only was it a good price, decent shape, and reliable brand – but it was custom built for someone who didn’t have legs! Both of my legs had to be amputated due to a childhood illness Obviously, it made driving a lot more complicated I learned to drive on a specially equipped car that had the gas and brake powered through a hand crank instead of pedals...[Read More]
Two whiskey sours, one Old-Fashioned, and a Madras Two whiskey sours, one Old-Fashioned, and a Madras Where’s the cranberry juice I’ll have to cut up another orange I can’t find a sugar cube; I wonder if Mr George will notice it missing Be very careful about which whiskey sour gets the antifreeze Add extra lemon juice to that one, so that Larry doesn’t notice the chemical sweetness of the methanol
The drink on the far left is the one I want...[Read More]
“I’m sorry, did you say Satan”
The young man standing on my porch nodded eagerly
“Yes, sir!” he said “We have come to spread the message of our lord and savior Satan”
I looked from him to his companion Both were dressed in ill-fitting white button down shirts and black slacks, with gelled up side part haircuts and slightly manic smiles
“Okay” I said “Well, I’m not really into the lord and savior thing so I think I’m gonna have to pass”
I closed the...[Read More]
When I was in college, I developed a bad habit No, not alcohol or drugs, something far tamer than those I developed a habit of sleeping in class You see, it seemed as though every class I had fell right after a meal: breakfast, then comp sci, lunch, then general biology, dinner, then statistics As a result, I tended to drift off as the professors lectured However, it was an incident that occurred during that last class that finally broke...[Read More]
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