Grame
| Written by | Poodleinacan |
|---|---|
| Published on Creepypasta.com | November 2012 |
| Length | 283 words · about 1 minute to read |
| Story level | Micro |
| Reader rating | 3.3/10 from 1,189 votes |
| Category | Beings and Entities |
(This is an old poem that kids used to sing, during the middle ages. Its source is still unknown today.)
If you see a great tall man,
don’t worry, he is a friend.
Don’t ask him what is his name,
for he will be your friend.
If you have other good friends,
don’t worry, they wont matter.
You are all that is greater,
not them he shall befriend.
You see him teeter on land,
he never drinks from daddy’s juice.
You see him all to great joyce,
he is so really grand.
Don’t ask about the hat,
that sits on his bald head.
He wont ever tell yath,
why it is as soft as lead.
You see him at the star shine.
You wont at the sky light.
Always you see at night,
but mostly at the moon shine.
Also read: The Sandman
You ask him what his name,
he doesn’t say a yelp.
He ask you for a kind help.
After that, you will get same.
He ask you a small favor.
Kill your mom and so your dad,
but must give me favor.
Never tell about your lad.
If you peace your familly,
you will hear what you waited.
Through his mouth you will rally
words long asked and awaited.
He will now say this soon :
My name is really Grame
and I am fame.
You know, I am the Moon.
He will say he needs you,
for he is not so done.
You need to stop none,
he is not finished with you.
Credit: Poodleinacan
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“Daddy’s Juice”. Lovely words there, author.
I think it was good for poodle that this ranked so low. If it wasn’t in the “Lowest Rated Pastas” category, none of us would have ever read it.
This Creepypasta is so bad it’s good.
This is sad…
Yath, wtf?!?
I am literally going to say that every time I’m in disbelief. “YATH WTF?”
You need to know exactly what the words you use mean.
None of this actually made sense. You can’t throw random words into a sentence and assume just because they rhyme they’ll work in context.
Take more time to revise and learn the language you’re using. 0.5/10
A tall man outside my house, who probably lies to me after going insane and killing my parents, and asks me to kill more things. i wonder who has a posse of killers who probably teens and over powered people with weapons. Sorry author but this is another thing that is related another famous tall skinny man. If you did want to something with this kind of format TRY not to make it look like another pasta that is shit. If you weren’t trying to make it look like the oh so famous shit pasta “Slender Man” (99.99% are shitpastas) then please fix it when you say tall man that tells you kill your dad/mom to a strange person who keep themselves in the shadows of the world and promises you riches that surpass you life’s savings, and as your greed takes you he uses it to cause pain in the world. Sorry author 2 strikes. Strike 1 is related to a shit pasta. Strike 2 is not scary. – RA’ghoul P.S. Dear Ghoul, vampire, zombie or god(s) forbid human readers want me to review a pasta, which can be in any category reply you request.
Hmmmm Jabberwocky style poem, I see.
“Danny’s juice”
It is a wonderful poem, I read a book once (A Tale Dark and Grim) where the moon ate children and the sun tried to burn them. So this feels like it continues it. I loved it!
What is this in the lowest rated pasta catotgory? I thought it was pretty good.
I am a poem man for my living, and I think that author tried real hard. I know because I teach a poem to students and I am a poem man for my living.
So for people who are hurt on this writer, you are wrong and I know about this as a poem man for my living.
Daddys juice lol
No offense but your poem is incoherent and it seems that you were over ambitious. For an example,you dropped complex words at the most unexpected of points. This disrupted the flow of the poem. Furthermore, your rhymes are literally everywhere. You see, on should adapt a certain rhyming style to accentuate the plot. You could either do this or just skop the rhymes and just stick to a blank verse. Also,you don’t need to be grammatically accurate when you write a poem. It’s not a rule but the shuffling of syntax can really add definition to the poem that you are writing.
I don’t get it…
Interesting story-line. Though, if I may critique, a better flow would be nice and better vocabulary. I enjoy writing a lot and poetry is one of my specialties. I would love to help you write a better poem. You mainly need to fix the rhyme scheme and a few of the words. Aside from that, the story is good. It’s just the way you wrote it that made people make such negative comments.
Interesting story-line. Though, if I may critique, a better flow would be nice and better vocabulary. I enjoy writing a lot and poetry is one of my specialties. I would love to help you write a better poem. You mainly need to fix the rhyme scheme and a few of the words. Aside from that, the story is good. It’s just the way you wrote it that made people make such negative comments. People that like scary stories can sometimes be asses. :/
now this is just pure and utter shit <3
I like the idea, and like where you were going with this. However, may I make some suggestions? In places, it seemed like you were trying to hard to make something rhyme. That made it seemed forced, and drew attention away from the creepiness of the poem. So I would try making the rhymes seem more natural: use less complicated words, use exact rhyme, etc. I would recommend a rhyming dictionary. Also, flow. Poetry is all about flow, and your word choice takes away from that. Do you know about iambic and trochaic pentameter? If not, look them up and try it out. I think if you rewrote this in iambic pentameter, it would be far easier to read. Other than that I really liked it. Keep it up!
Underrated, as the erratic rhyme scheme seems to show the true unreliablility of fame.
I liked the idea of the entire poem, I even liked that he was faceless. I have to agree that it needs tweaked, though. A lot of words seemed to be just placed where they were for the simple fact that they rhymed. I almost stopped reading at “word” “yath.” The addition of a nonexistent word was distracting. “Soft as lead” isn’t a thing. Lead can be smooth, but lead is not soft. Lead is hard. Lead is smooth. Lead is shiny. Lead is dull. Lead is a number of things but soft is not one of them.
Like I said, overall, I did enjoy it, but some tweaks would be great. Maybe change it into an actual story? I love writing but poetry escapes me.
sounds like slenderman