Seriously?
A man and woman walked out of the bank, hand in hand. This might be a normal thing for anyone, maybe even you. But not for her.
The man made a typical, throwaway remark about their lunch plans. Under usual circumstances, this would just be interpreted as a feeble attempt to incite lightheartedness into the conversation. But not for her.
With a quick, agile movement, the woman, his wife, picked up a slab of concrete by the sidewalk and, with great aim, hit two doves perched on a low-hanging branch. They fell, like two pathetic white balloons. As soon as they hit the ground, his wife beat them to a pulp-she could see that they were still breathing. And her husband knew that he fucked up again.
Some passerby began to stare openly at the horrible sight of two bashed birds.
“Linda!” Her husband yelled. “Stop it!”
“I thought we were going to kill two birds with one stone?” She replied, in a voice of unnatural calm. Her face gazed up at him from the ground, stoic and rigid, like some dread mask.
…………………………………………………………………………………………..
She had a certain….well, mental illness is a bit of a euphemism. Let’s just say she had a disability. A serious and rare one. Linda could not understand the difference between jokes and imperatives. She took every figure of speech she heard seriously, and was often compelled to make whatever it was into an actuality. Her husband recalled, one point, when she nearly pushed him out the window, when, in light of the recent resignation of his business partner, he remarked that he was in fact flying solo. Linda wasn’t always dangerous, though. Sometimes, he’d go home only to find her giggling like a little girl at the sight of milk on the floor. Or maybe even staring out windows during rainy evenings to see whether any cats and/or dogs were to be found falling from the sky. But then came the times when she would get harmful. Only last month, the pediatrician living in the apartment next to theirs got pelted with apples and other fruits. Poor woman nearly tripped down the stairs. This other time, an event which still scared him up to now, she shoved in his hands a bit of her bloody scalp, saying it was a piece of her mind. She had to wear a bonnet whenever she had to get out of the house after that. In spite of all this strange and violent behavior, he still loved his wife very much and could not bear to send her away to a mental hospital.
His mistake.
He became very careful around what she would see or hear coming from anybody since the episode with the birds. Much to his joy, a year and a half passed without much incident, and their firstborn child was soon to come. It was good, since the coming of a baby took their minds off whatever financial problems they had.
He was away when it happened. After he heard that child was born, he rushed back home.
As soon as he stepped through that door, he knew something was wrong. His wife was calling him from the kitchen. In her arms was the son he could never know.
In the light of their kitchen, lain on the table, were the remains of the baby, their baby. Its mouth was stretched open to such a degree that it split open, the underside of its jaws seen. It reminded him of a tear in cloth, the seams not made of fabric but of flesh. What little blood the baby had to spare was everywhere. In response to his child’s grotesquely expanded mouth, his father’s jaw fell open in surprise and terror and disgust, threatening to do the same. A scream tried to come out, but it did not.
Forcibly thrust into the gaping hole that was a baby’s mouth, was his wife’s forearm. She seemed to be trying to claw something out of the-
As soon as his wife spotted him, she turned in his direction, bloody baby still stuck on her arm.
“You have to help me! The doctor said he was born with a silver spoon in his mouth!”
//
Credited to Truncheon
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I saw this one on the forums awhile back, and its not half bad, I’ll grant you that. But I know for a fact that there are several VASTLY BETTER stories on the forums at this very moment (“Crawl” for example) and I can’t understand why this story made it to the main page before those other ones did.
This was kinda weird, but just disgusted me at the end. I thought this site was about “Creepy”pastas, not “DISGUSTO”pastas.
Also, ass-burgers.
Meh…..It had potential if it hadn’t been executed like a fourth-grade Halloween assignment. It was just really bland and predictable. Lol my wife take everything srsly, isn’t that scary and dangerous guize? As soon as I saw the word baby it was obvious she was going to kill it in some ironic, cleverly worded way. Okay pasta was okay.
THEN WHO WAS FIGURE OF SPEECH?
-cue comical trombone-
Very nice pasta. :3
BUT WHO WAS THE SPOON?
I’m sorry, I couldn’t help it. Any way, I give it a 5/10
Average-ish
It’s just as well. Sooner or later she would have thrown the baby out with the bathwater anyway.
Take the description of gore out and this is a joke. It’s not creepy at all. Don’t get me wrong, I like it. I kinda lol’d at the end. Hopefully that’s what the writer had in mind. If so, 7/10. Not bad at all.
i agree withcooler. every time a baby dies in a story it makes me want to go shoot someone.
“It was good, since the coming of a baby took their minds off whatever financial problems they had”
how, then, could the baby have been born with a silver spoon in its mouth?
@Lolwut Actually it is, it’s one of the common symptoms of asbergers syndrome.
That dog is not so shaggy! :P
Anyway; putting a horrible ending at the end of a humorous story doesn’t really make it creepy. It was still kind of funny in a twisted way, though.
Dude you look like Pewdiepie
I like it! It’s not exactly scary, but I think the idea itself has a LOT of potential. Maybe it’s not creepypasta material– but you could build a successful feature film out of this, I think.
truncheon, what the fuck man
Ewwwwwww……
The only creepy part was the wonder of what the Hell could have caused her to be so rabid… after that it wasn’t very creepy. Just morbid.
… The fuck? Seriously? how does this crap get on here and some of the brilliant work on the forums get kept off? That was pathetic. Where’s Josef K when we need him?
Barely average at best, not the least bit creepy, poorly written.
I read this story to my dog and my dog died.
o.o
Gore was ok. The rest of it was meh. Not very creepy. But still, kinda fun to read.
My mind started running through baby sayings as soon as I read that she’d given birth. I was guessing it would be something about throwing the baby out with the bathwater, so silver spoon was nicely unexpected.
Ahem, First, The Game,
Also, joke pasta is average,but baby violence makes me sick.
It seems that a lot of pastas recently have been created on the philosophy that no matter how poorly written it is, it will be creepy if a dead child is involved somehow.
“She had a certain….well, mental illness is a bit of a euphemism. Let’s just say she had a disability. A serious and rare one. Linda could not understand the difference between jokes and imperatives.”
That’s not a thing.
actually, it is… this is like an extreme version of Asperger’s, where kids afflicted with this disability sometimes don’t realize when people are exaggerating or are joking. They don’t always get euphemisms, metaphors, similes or other parts of speech… so this actually has the element of being plausible.
True story.
Lolwut, its a story, moron. Stop trying to find plausibility within fiction.
This was charming, clever, funny with just a touch of creepy. It’s pretty good. Fun to read.
Ha, that made me giggle. I love figures of speech twice as much now!
This is so gross….I love it.
Fantastic pasta! Delicious right up to the O SHI- moment at the end!
Owwwwh it had SO MUCH potential! But the ending was just ok…