Seriously?
A man and woman walked out of the bank, hand in hand. This might be a normal thing for anyone, maybe even you. But not for her.
The man made a typical, throwaway remark about their lunch plans. Under usual circumstances, this would just be interpreted as a feeble attempt to incite lightheartedness into the conversation. But not for her.
With a quick, agile movement, the woman, his wife, picked up a slab of concrete by the sidewalk and, with great aim, hit two doves perched on a low-hanging branch. They fell, like two pathetic white balloons. As soon as they hit the ground, his wife beat them to a pulp-she could see that they were still breathing. And her husband knew that he fucked up again.
Some passerby began to stare openly at the horrible sight of two bashed birds.
“Linda!” Her husband yelled. “Stop it!”
“I thought we were going to kill two birds with one stone?” She replied, in a voice of unnatural calm. Her face gazed up at him from the ground, stoic and rigid, like some dread mask.
…………………………………………………………………………………………..
She had a certain….well, mental illness is a bit of a euphemism. Let’s just say she had a disability. A serious and rare one. Linda could not understand the difference between jokes and imperatives. She took every figure of speech she heard seriously, and was often compelled to make whatever it was into an actuality. Her husband recalled, one point, when she nearly pushed him out the window, when, in light of the recent resignation of his business partner, he remarked that he was in fact flying solo. Linda wasn’t always dangerous, though. Sometimes, he’d go home only to find her giggling like a little girl at the sight of milk on the floor. Or maybe even staring out windows during rainy evenings to see whether any cats and/or dogs were to be found falling from the sky. But then came the times when she would get harmful. Only last month, the pediatrician living in the apartment next to theirs got pelted with apples and other fruits. Poor woman nearly tripped down the stairs. This other time, an event which still scared him up to now, she shoved in his hands a bit of her bloody scalp, saying it was a piece of her mind. She had to wear a bonnet whenever she had to get out of the house after that. In spite of all this strange and violent behavior, he still loved his wife very much and could not bear to send her away to a mental hospital.
His mistake.
He became very careful around what she would see or hear coming from anybody since the episode with the birds. Much to his joy, a year and a half passed without much incident, and their firstborn child was soon to come. It was good, since the coming of a baby took their minds off whatever financial problems they had.
He was away when it happened. After he heard that child was born, he rushed back home.
As soon as he stepped through that door, he knew something was wrong. His wife was calling him from the kitchen. In her arms was the son he could never know.
In the light of their kitchen, lain on the table, were the remains of the baby, their baby. Its mouth was stretched open to such a degree that it split open, the underside of its jaws seen. It reminded him of a tear in cloth, the seams not made of fabric but of flesh. What little blood the baby had to spare was everywhere. In response to his child’s grotesquely expanded mouth, his father’s jaw fell open in surprise and terror and disgust, threatening to do the same. A scream tried to come out, but it did not.
Forcibly thrust into the gaping hole that was a baby’s mouth, was his wife’s forearm. She seemed to be trying to claw something out of the-
As soon as his wife spotted him, she turned in his direction, bloody baby still stuck on her arm.
“You have to help me! The doctor said he was born with a silver spoon in his mouth!”
//
Credited to Truncheon
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Lauralot-I thought it was going to be ‘bouncing baby boy’ metaphor.
Everyone saying it doesn’t hold up to RL scientific rigor…SUSPENSION OF BELIEF MOTHERFUCKERS, DO YOU UNDERSTAND IT??? No wonder you make those comments though, I guess the shit has to come out the other end when your anus is tight enough to stop a bullet
20 points to Ohai for the Amelia Bedelia reference. That was excellent.
I thought she would be taking the baby apart looking for snips and snails and puppy dog’s tails.
Laaaaaaaaaaaaaaammmmmmmeeeeee.
And as a psychology major I have about 26000 problems with the premise of this story, scientifically illiterate as hell.
Ah well. It was worth a try.
And whale raep’s comment made me lol so hard.
Haha, that was original, I’ll give it that.
dead baby ololol. 7/10 for predictable pasta.
I read Amelia Badelia when I was little too.
0 for originality.
that was about as scary as a cute goddamn puppy.
“@Lolwut Actually it is, it’s one of the common symptoms of asbergers syndrome.”
She doesn’t have asperger’s. The story claims that her condition is EXTREME naiveness (which isn’t a work, but whatever).
Again, that’s not a thing.
Her disease was so comical that I couldn’t take the creepy pasta seriously. It just reminded me of the old cartoons where they would hit two birds with a stone or something and then remark the saying.
THEN WHO WAS BIRDS?
Nah, this wasn’t creepy.
Just a bit squick. Dead babies are not fun.
Not my taste. I didn’t find it “creepy” at all more just silly.
I’ve never heard the expression ‘born with a silver spoon in his mouth’.
Good concept but very predictable, soooo 6/10.
@ those who found it somewhat funny: I really did not intend this to be all that creepy. The humor was intentional. I did this for lols.
Its strange. Some usernames that I saw in the comments liked it before but did not like it now, while some that called it meh suddenly liked it.
Whats funnier than one dead baby?
TWO dead babies!!! using that logic this pasta seems to be missing somthing.
First off… *waves at VH* :D
How long has this been on the forums, anyway?
Not a big fan of it. But good job Trunch. :P
Am I the only one who thought choosing the saying about a silver spoon was stupid? There are plenty others that would’ve been funnier.
They tried to hard to be edgy I think
I lawled
Dead baby. SHOCK VALUE. OMG SO CREEPY
Actually, it’s mostly just poor taste in poor fashion. You could have picked one of a thousand sayings to kill off an infant child in the story, and you chose the silver spoon, which is fine, but I just don’t see anything clever, creepy, or even appealing about this story.
There hasn’t been any good pasta in a few months it seems :(
“I believe it could be ‘a thing’. Not necessarily a mental illness, or any specific disorder, but someone cannot simply understand when something is said in jest, and takes everything literally. Could even be a part of a spectrum of autism, but I’m not a doctor so I wouldn’t know.”
But it isn’t.
Muffy did it better.
Also, that was fucking boring and unoriginal.
lol@people whining about dead babies. i don’t think any of you realize where creepypasta originally came from.
I laughed at the end.
Even if it /was/ born with a silver spoon in it’s mouth, why would she a) think it would still be there and b) feel the need to tear the baby apart just to get something worth like 30 bucks?
I don’t think you understand that this woman takes everything as literally as she possibly can. For her, if the baby was born with a silver spoon in it’s mouth, that means *to her* that her baby is choking on a silver spoon all the time. :/ She’s not right in the head and doesn’t understand the things that you listed. She was worried about her baby.
@ lolwut: I believe it could be “a thing”. Not necessarily a mental illness, or any specific disorder, but someone cannot simply understand when something is said in jest, and takes everything literally. Could even be a part of a spectrum of autism, but I’m not a doctor so I wouldn’t know.
Anyway, baby death makes me sad. And it doesn’t make since about the “silver spoon”, since earlier the father alluded to financial problems.
I think this could’ve been shortened to a bite sized creepy pasta.
LOL