It was 4:03 in the morning and I woke up screaming. It was my dream. In my dream, I watched everyone I ever knew or loved be killed by the creature. It had a short fat body, and long slender arms, which ended with claws that looked more like swords than claws. Its eyes were slits that glowed red in the darkness, and its teeth were long like horns, and sharp like steak knives. It looked at me before it killed them, and laughed each time before it ripped apart my loved ones with its sharp claws. How had it found us? It tricked me into letting it into my home, by mimicking the voice of my father; it couldn’t come in without permission it told me after it ripped out my Mother’s heart. The dream ended with the creature laughing its evil cackle and slowly walking towards me, dragging its claws on the floor, I screamed, and sat up. I was in my room, in my bed, safe again. 4:03, I hear a knock at the door, I froze up instantly.
“Tommy, I heard you screaming, are you alright?” I heard my mother say. What a relief, Mom’s here.
“I’m fine Mom, just a bad dream” I replied, the relief washing over me
“Okay honey, I got you a glass of water, do you want it? Mom said back to me
“Sure, come in” I said. And as those words left my mouth, I remembered that it was September, and I had moved back into my college dorm 3 weeks ago.
Credit To – Hunter
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Perfect. Short and creepy. I gave this a 10. Best quick pasta I’ve read, so far. Thanks for sharing.
I have 3 words to sum up that creepypasta
Simply the best
I love micropastas
I made a rage comics of this one, put credits to micropasta and the author. Kudos for the great story :)
This is the first Creepypasta Iv’e ever read. I listen to them all the time but i love this one!!!!!
Nope, sorry, but this one was a) too obvious and b) “unrealistic”, i.e., not plausible.
He moved in three weeks ago. Even if he’s just sleep drunk – A conversation through the door, ESPECIALLY after such a dream, should get you back to reality.
You should’ve ended the story after “mom’s” first sentence. Would have been a bit more effective.
Not bad I suppose, but not nearly as good as the ratings imply. This is no better than a 7 and I’m being generous.
Awesome story
I love last minute horror bombs, well done. You deserve my rating.
Dat ending. o_o
I see what you did der…
Loved it. Seriously great work! ;)
I loved this. Absolutely my favorite of all I read tonight. Good job. 10/10
If I can be honest, the end was kind of predictable.
An enjoyable read, though.
I loved this pasta!! Although, the ending was kinda predictible, i mean c’mon… You tried a little twist however, by putting the mother, and not the father to knock, unlike the dream.
Overall, it’s really good!
Predictable.
Man… he done goofed.
Wow, this is one of the best pastas I’ve read in a while. You should write books.
WONDERFUL! Loved it I liked the detail of the creature, and the memory of he’s not home sweet home anymore… -Carnage
Awh sheeeiiiit.
Clever. Could have been better, not scary. :(
This short story is amazing !
The dorm factor offers an option of safety in associative company in the extreme case of the voice being a sinister creature. Good creepy story. Apartment would b horrifying yes, but also common and hints at a longer book/story. The mind can play tricks while waking up, especially after a nightmare.
Clever lil butt isn’t it? ^_^
I read this, and at first I was like, “….” then i read it again and was like “OH. HOLY CRAP I LOVE THIS”
so, the crazy ass creature got him when he opened the door huh, in his dorm room, dont you think the other kids at college woulda wondered who the wierd visitor was for?
Awesome! I loved the twist at the end, DELICIOUS pasta!
I was eating while I read this. I got to the last line and my throat locked up and I nearly choked. So you almost killed me. It was totally worth it. This was creepy! Gave me a good chill down my spine.
Someone’s a Shinedown fan.
I cant actually believe someone got that. Congrats sir(or mam), you won the life.
Thank you, sir. The lady knows a few things. ;)
I remembered that. 4:03 in If You Only Knew, that’s why I clicked on this.
I love these short creepy ones. Tired of mandingo pastas.
So the creature came in, killed the boy, so how is the boy telling the story? :-?
Also, just for supernatural’s logic sake, a dorm’s room is not a home, no creature should need permission to break its door down and enter.
The concept is sound, but the logic a bit flawed, and there are too many similes in the description of the creature for my tastes.
Read it again.
“Go away mom! Wake me up when september ends!”
As a huge fan of micropastas, this was very refreshing to read (in spite of its flaws)
Throwing the reader into an immediate scene of terror was a great start, although I am afraid to say that the story’s weakest point was during the middle until it hit its pinnacle at the very end.
The description of the monster I feel needed a little more spice to it, the picture that was evoked was pretty underwhelming in retrospect; it just felt like an overly sized spider to me, nothing special.
But the ending really won it back for me : it was truly chilling if a little predictable. There is nothing that compares to the sublime twists that are always to be expected in micropastas of this quality.
A bit under cooked in the middle, but well redeemed in the end. 7.6 / 10
Thumbs up! :)
I don’t generally like micropastas, but this was great! It was short and to the point. I suspected what was going on, and I had that horror movie response of “No! Don’t go into the basement!” I like that this story inspired that kind of response. The intro was a little labored, and may have had a little too much description and background, but in this format, I’m willing to overlook a little rush and packing of information. Definitely the kind of story I could have seen myself telling late at night as a kid to scare my friends. Nice pasta! Happy writing!
I enjoyed this, brilliant micropasta.
It’s a very classic type of story that will always give readers a sense of unease (those who got it anyway).
Well deserving of its’ current 8/10!
Best short creepypasta that I’ve read in a while.
I really don’t understand how the comment above mine has 2 downvotes? It is a great creepy pasta and it’s probably better than any story the 2 down (syndrome) voters could make. Good day.
the only complaint I have about this one is that it’s so short.
It’s a Micropasta, it is supposed to be short. Your argument is invalid.
boa creepy, apesar do final previsível.
Eu estou supondo que alguém votou o seu comentário abaixo só porque não é em Inglês.
As pessoas são idiotas.
O cão ea tartaruga comer como companheiros a bordo da mesa do computador com tubarão. Meu português não é muito comida.
Oh shit!
Well that was unexpected
Ending was great, it was the tasty spice atop the pasta. The beginning was like a sucker-punch, though. Way too much information crammed into too small a space. I would have loved to see this developed into a full-fledged story more-so than a micropasta.
It wouldn’t have been the same then
Great :D
Wow… Just wow.. I really enjoyed this. It has the short quick twist that makes this a beautiful Micropasta. I’m glad we seem to have more micropastas this time, I enjoy them immensely. Great work Hunter.
goosebumps
Delicious
Very good story. A bit of an anticlimactic ending, but still definitely worth the read.
Do you know what anti-climax means?
It seems more than likely that you didn’t understand the pasta and just enjoyed the gore fest at the start.
I love the short ones that actually hit the mark. Good read!
The point where the story gets creepy at the end is clear. Except that whoever was behind the door did not claim to be the protagonist’s mother. What fellow college student would miss the chance to troll a friend who screamed at night and thought he was talking with his mother at the dormitory? No one. So the potential of creepiness was not realized well in this story if you use the simplest logic. Should have said he was living in an apartment alone to make it horrifying.
But what college kid [or any human for that matter] can perfectly mimic someone’s mother?
Not many my good sir,not many.Especially taking into account that the said college roommate wouldn’t know how his mother sounds like in the first place.Simple Logic.
Well I know this is out of place but I have never seen anyone with my name that had the same spelling before… how is it pronounced? I’m female with the pronunciation “DEV-in”. I also go by SexualChocolate. Because I am both sexual and chocolaty.
SexualChocolate, if you are sexual, why aren’t you on dating sites? Why are you on creepypasta?
I dont know a lot of guys who can imitate my mom…. if hes in a dorm, there shouldn’t be a lot of females around to pull a prank haha
Hahaha!!! you died!!!
Hello again.
Wat.
I liked this a lot! Short and sweet
short but good nonetheless. :) It reminded me of the shortest horror story in the world somehow. :p
Yeah… I’d say that besides some grammatical errors it was Ok.