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that is not the fire alarm

That is Not the Fire Alarm

Congratulations on your admission to Oak and Ash Academy, one of the most exclusive private academies in North America. You are part of the largest incoming class since our founding in 1763. Although this is a unique opportunity—consider that in any ordinary year, three out of four of you would …

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World’s Best School Psychologist

When I was twelve, I came to the conclusion that everyone in the world, including my own family, was against me. I was never a problem child, but my parents sure treated me like one. For example, I used to need to be home by 5:00 pm every day. This …

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Black Sap

We were having another lockdown drill when I found out about Holly Reyes. I was in Social Studies, third period, when Principal Weston’s muffled voice spat at us from the ceiling. We all sighed and ducked under the long tables, limbs shoving aside plastic chairs as we army-crawled into tucked …

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How To Break a Bad Habit

When I was in college, I developed a bad habit. No, not alcohol or drugs, something far tamer than those. I developed a habit of sleeping in class. You see, it seemed as though every class I had fell right after a meal: breakfast, then comp sci, lunch, then general …

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The Witch of Arlena Falls

5:58 AM “There is an unexpected turn in the weather this morning, say our local meteorologists. Instead of seeing a warm day, we are getting a snowstorm that sources are saying could turn into the storm of the century.” Dad turned off the radio, grumpy as hell this early in …

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I’ve Been Stuck in School Detention for Three Years

Part 1 It was stupid and immature. I’ll be the first to admit that. But it’s not like I killed anyone. And if you want to try to understand things from my perspective, there was really no way that I could not do it. First, because his name was Mr. Hillrow. Second, …

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The Living History Project

One of my least favorite parts about being a middle school history teacher is the bullshit “Living History” assignments we give at the end of every school year. Kids are supposed to sit with their grandparents and video tape, voice record, or transcribe their oldest memories for posterity (and for …

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Understanding the Laws of Thermodynamics

This is only happening because of what we did. I regret it, but not because of the consequences. I regret it because I could have been good; I should have been kind. I think we deserve this. Think of it like Carrie — you remember that movie? Except not. Not at …

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Pretty Lies

Pretty Lies

Getting ourselves grown up into sophisticated individuals, we’ve forgotten what glorious mess we were back in the old days, when the world seemed so tall from our heads, when teasing and fooling around with those tall figures was so much fun, when we all were pretty liars, lying about every …

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