Déjà Vu
Almost everyone has had a moment of déjà vu. Going about your business, you travel to school or work, or are simply strolling through the place you call home when something catches your attention. You’re sure you’ve seen it before yet you’re unable to recall when or where. You dismiss it, convinced that your memory is playing tricks on you. You convince yourself that it’s simply a vague recollection of a similar past event.
Nine out of ten times you will be correct, but once in a while the déjà vu will leave behind an uneasiness that nestles itself in the back of your head. When you tell your friends or family they too dismiss it as a figment of your imagination. You pay no more heed to it, pushing the restlessness to the far reaches of your consciousness. There it will sit, unattended by the safeguards of your mind. At the end of your day you go to bed with a self-imposed idea of safety; fully believing that whatever you felt will pass after a night’s sleep.
The next day you wake, feeling refreshed. The world is as it has always been, or so it would seem. The déjà vu has already slipped from your memory and you even recall what the uneasiness had felt like.
You drink your coffee or tea, do your usual morning rituals, say farewell for the day to your family and then go to school or work. But as the door closes behind you, there are faint whispers. They fade with each step forward you take and while you believe you can just make out their meaning, you again dismiss it as overactive imagination.
“He doesn’t remember,” they say with unearthly low volume.
“My dear, he will never remember.”
Credit To – Ouroboros
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I think the point is that you don’t know what he forgot, since you are supposed to be him, so really YOU don’t remember your traumatic event.
Annnnnnnnnnnnnnnnd?
Annnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnd?
Should have had more detail and direction. It was too vague and therefore was rather bland and disappointing.
It’s just really weird and stupidishshshshsh
i was thinking past lives?
Meh. The only interesting aspect was the idea of deja vu, which could’ve made an excellent story but was otherwise wasted.
glitch in the matrix?
Past life?
I actually thought it was quite interesting and it leaves you thinking at the end. Now I could be wrong but I think that might have been the protagonists real parents that he has seen but dosnt now that or he as some sort of amnesia and dosnt now about his past maybe?
Love it though its not creepy. It make me feel like the person has memory loss like that girl from 50 first dates.
i don’t think of it as a memory i think : “oh, that seems familiar, oh wait i must have dreamt that”
this was a very subtle, less is more, kind of pasta. it’s not going to make me lose any sleep, but the ending certainly caused a dull sense of trepidation to rise. a lot of pastas on here attempt to do the same thing, but drag on so long the ending is anti-climactic, making it feel like a huge waste of time. though there are a few places i would have worded it different, you picked the perfect place to stop.
This could have been a great pasta. I believe I would have liked it very much except for a micropasta it just didn’t seem to work. There wasn’t enough detail to freak me out or even to bother me. Even though I have constant deja vu, where I see or hear things again and know I’ve seen or heard them before. Happens all the time. So this should freak me out, but it just doesn’t.
I think maybe a story with this idea should not be a micropasta and instead be detailed and fleshed out to give us the creep factor. Still I believe you have great skill, you just need to keep writing. I will look forward to seeing more from you.
huh not a bad pasta, pretty good indeed. The mystery that surrounds the whispers and there meanings are what draws me in at the end of this pasta. Originally i thought this was going to be a super natural thing but the thought that it could be the persons family or subconscious conversing about something he or she doesn’t remember or can’t remember gave a nice ring to this pasta. The only problem is that the length of the pasta is too short, hopefully there will be another pasta to continue the mystery of this persons Deja Vu.
Rating:9/10 stars
THEN WHO WAS COFFE OR TEA?!?!!?
This isn’t a pasta. It’s more like some kind of commentary where someone is trying to tell me what goes on in my life (or thinks they know what goes on in a person’s life). Sounds too much like these self-opinionated reporters on television nowadays who spend more time spewing their own ideas and beliefs than actually doing any reporting.
To put it bluntly – your story lacks report, and therefore lacks substance. Without substance, there is nothing for the reader to see. Without seeing, there is no story.
It may be my lack of sleep, but this didn’t make any sense to me.
Are those voices his family or…I mean, it kinda sounds like they knew about something traumatic that happened before to him, but he pushes down the memories?
Good pasta, though :)
What doesn’t he remember??????!!!!!!!
Remember what??!!!!!!!!??????!!!