Alleyways are always filled with doors, many of which never seem to lead anywhere. Once in a while, you may find a door that seems completely out of place and out of time. These old wooden doors look like they could be centuries old and have very delicate and ornate designs carved into them. These are the One Way Doors.
Now one day, you might find yourself down an alley, staring at one of these mysterious doors, overcome with curiosity.You approach the door and test the copper doorknob, surprised to find that the door has been left open. You swing the door open slowly, finding that it’s extremely dark. Despite it being rather bright in the alley, you’re unable to see anything past the doorway. Still bugged by the possibilities of what lies behind the door, you go against your better judgment and step into the pitch darkness.
You blink a few times, allowing your eyes to adjust to the brightness, and you realize that you’re standing back in the alley, facing the door. You try the doorknob again, except that this time, it’s locked. The last thing you remember doing is going through this old wooden door, except now, you’re standing back out in the alley. You shrug it off as some memory lapse or déjà vu moment, and seeing as the door was now locked, you decide to head home.
As you turn around, you see a man heading towards the door, clearly just as curious about the door as you were. “Don’t bother, bro. It’s locked,” you tell him. He doesn’t mind you and keeps walking towards the door, going straight through you.
“Wait, what the fuck?!”
You stare wide-eyed as the man continues to make his way towards the door. “How did he -?! Is that guy a ghost?! Unless, I’m the -”
The man reaches for the doorknob and opens the door. He pokes his head into the darkness before fully stepping though the doorway.
As the man steps into the room, his foot doesn’t find any ground. He falls 30 feet down to the bottom of the pit inside the room. He dies the instant he hits the pile of dead bodies at the bottom of the pit; his body lies neatly next to yours.
Credit To – Andrew Kim
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This is so fucking stupid. How is this creepy at all, and how is it rated so highly?
Owww, I like this one!
Wow… I… am…gonna…find…that…alleyway… and then jump down so i can be a ghost… that would be cool i guess. Except the fact that no one can see you. Anyway this is cool :P
My ad is for custom wood doors. This happened yesterday with the “Figurines” story and a figurines ad. Is someone messing with me?
I have to admit, what makes this one for me is the ending.
The rest was bland and a tad boring, but I find some sick amusement in the realization that many, many people have opened this random door, saw it was pitch black, and WALKED RIGHT IN.
So many that there is now a PILE OF DEAD BODIES in the random pit. That image makes me burst out laughing.
My thoughts exactly… This pasta frustrates me so much lol.
O.O welp, this was freakin awesome :3 * steps in random room* *also falls into pit*
This one was awesome!
Pretty sure most people would not instantly die from a 30 foot fall onto a pile of dead bodies. Just sayin’.
Made me wonder if I ever experienced anything with Deja vu
I agree with most of these comments on the fact that this is quite random, but I see a decent level of potential. Perhaps you could modify it and give some more background information on the door itself. You can also described what the man was doing before passing through the door, as well as telling what he did afterwards. Other then that, I enjoyed this pasta. 5/10 for high detail and managing to capture street slang and employing it into this pasta. That shows a piece of his personality as being a regular street man.
could be minecraft trolling lol
Well…before you step into a door, test the floor, i guess…
The author did a great job describing the setting. He or she has a great writing style. I get the premise but here are a few things I don’t understand:
1) When he stepped out into nothing and started falling, did he not realize this? I freak out when I accidentally step too far when walking down stairs.
2) He died by falling 30 feet and landing on a pile of bodies? At worst, I’m thinking broken leg.
3) Finally, who goes around opening random doors in the first place? I get being curious but there’s a fine line between snooping and trespassing.
Take this stuff out:
Going straight through you.
“Wait, what the fuck?!”
You stare wide-eyed as the man continues to make his way towards the door. “How did he -?! Is that guy a ghost?! Unless, I’m the -”
And it’s perfect.
That just spoiled it and changes the mood from a serious mistery to a cliche cheap movie
I liked the concept here but two things bothered me:
1) The protag doesn’t remember dying. The fact that the door was locked the second time he went through it immediately made me realize he was dead.
2) How is there a 30 foot pit in the allyway? I got the impression the protag was dead as soon as he left/re-entered the allyway (without the need for the fall). I mean, he does re-enter the ally by stepping through the door, right?
I considered the allyway/doors and the protag’s strange compulsion to enter a door in the first place, but I figured all of that was just a metaphor anyway. Those little things really didn’t bug me.
Despite all that, decent little pasta imo.
STUPIDEST PASTA EVER
BUT WHO WAS DOOR?
You guys just wasted your time making long paragraphs.
You diks just wasted your time making long paragraphs.
Great story. Really good ending.
Awesome concept.
Honestly, the ‘unbelievable’ parts of the story (ex: the opening of a door, the stepping into darkness instead of finding a light source, blah blah) really didn’t bother me. As a storyteller, I understand your intent. Obviously, it wouldn’t have worked for your story if the protagonist decided to just leave the door alone. That’s that.
The part that did kind of bother me a bit was the dialogue at the end. The character exclaims a lot and questions outwardly, making the scene play through my head like a comic book or something as opposed to a creepy real-life situation. I think it might have even been creepier if you left the dialogue out, because then the reader starts questioning in their own minds. Believe me, before I read the dialogue, I had started to think those thoughts: Wait… so is he dead? Is he in some sort of other realm? What happened?
Those types of questions or reactions from your audience are good things, and I think that the dialogue might have made the questions that were already spiraling through our heads at that point a bit *too* obvious, if that makes sense.
Other than that, nice work. I liked the twist at the end, overall a good piece.
I really doubt falling 30 feet is death. I dunno I guess it depends on the ground but I really doubt that height would kill. I’m probably just over analyzing.
My thoughts exactly. He falls 30 feet and dies by landing on a pile of bodies?
Nice one mate
FUCK I just open random doors in random alleys all the time!
Oooo I like this a lot. It’s short, sweet, and refreshing. It’s not overly cheesy like I was expecting from a ritual-esque pasta
A fine micropasta! These little bastards are difficult!
You transported me to the alleyway and to the door and into the pit. Well done.
Hey, if you dont like… haters gonna hate i know… but before you say its bad try showing us your better one
For me, this was more of an “Ohh, okay.” type of story/ending. Still pretty tasty for a tiny pasta.
I loved this! Not quite the best but I loved the twist at the end! Though, the slightly strange reason that the character went through the door in the first place keeps it from being a ten. I liked it, however, so I’ll give it a 7.5-8/10 =)
‘Unless i’m the -‘
haha
very bad 2/10
Loved it! 10/10
It may just be me, but the dialogue severely detracted from the tone of the story.
Not a bad idea, but I was a bit disappointed at the end. I get the sense that this pasta was going somehwere entirely different and for some reason you closed it out rather hastily. Leaves lots of questions unanswered too. That’s just my personal feeling though. No offense.
Story ruined. My stupid brain kept making me think of the subspace doors from the Scott Pilgrim series.
This is a really gret and simple pasta!
(Not to mention I literally just ate some pasta lol)
That’s an excellent twist.
ikr?
Read this pasta at 4 am when i woke up. I dont know why but it felt like i was seeing myself IRL falling into some fucked up pit…
“…surprised to find that the door has been left open. You swing the door open slowly…”
Ooops.
I read “open” as meaning “unlocked”.. maybe that was the intent?
Oh hey! Look here’s a random door… Let’s open it! Ooh it’s dark! That’s great! Let’s step into the dark place instead of finding a light-source first. I do love stepping in to dark rooms in alleyways!
Well,that guy should be a complete dumbass, or a man who doesn’t read creepypastas.
Well… shit.
Wha… 0.0
WHAT?! Omg!
I enjoyed it. It has the potential to be super creepy, if you would make it have a more Foreboding tone.
7.5/10
Who just opens a door in an alleyway
i do, i get told to leave you’re not supposed to be here
I enjoyed this! I havent read a pasta that had to do with alleyways. And the idea of a door out of place in an alley is enough to make you flip out! Very nice!
Shitshitshitshitshitshit
MIND FUCK
Lol that’s quite interesting but what if someone got like a torch and saw the dead bodies and called the police?
Who carrys a torch arlund????
This isn’t your average everyday darkness. This is…ADVANCED DARKNESS.
Well it’s always pitch dark, remember?
Speaking of that, how did the character know about the man falling, or all of the other dead bodies?
He/she didn’t know about them. The story is very obviously being told from a third-person point of view – an omniscient third party removed from the events in the story is relaying the actions “you” (i.e. the reader) would supposedly take if this situation presented itself to you. It’s supposed to help you place yourself in the character’s shoes.
A torch is a flashlight in British-speak
(no offence to you Brits out there.)
Okay, what? _What_ alleyway?
It doesn’t make sense. I think it’d be better if you established a more clear setting. Like, a particular part of some town that has strange and foreboding alleys. I actually don’t associate alleys with having doors unless it leads to some commercial or retail space that happened to have a poor location, so saying that they are “always” filled with doors is somewhat farfetched. Unless, that is, you are downtown and walking in between buildings where indeed they have doors—that lead to the kitchen of ,say, a chinese restaurant.
Was not scared. It is far too general to be believable. Why the heck would you want to open random ass doors anyway? 1/10
Agreed. Not sure why you have so many down votes, this just was not a very good pasta. Bland and predictable.
You obviously don’t understand the point of these kind of creepy pastas. Making the setting general like it was gives the story more of a ‘it could happen anywhere’ kind of feeling. Making a setting too clear can take the creepy sense out of it. Also, few creepy pastas are supposed to be “believable” many are about some type of creature/being. And just because you don’t automatically think of alleyways as having doors, doesn’t mean other people think the same. I know I didn’t, but I still understood what they were communicating and didn’t pick it apart like a starving scavenger.
As for opening doors; people are curious, who hasn’t snooped around someplace before?
You do have some good points there. However, the pasta starts off with “Alleyways are always filled with doors, many of which never seem to lead anywhere.” I should have phrased it differently instead of the too general stuff but I think it’s a bad assumption to say that alleyways are _always_ filled with doors that lead to nowhere. The wording there really bugged me, as instead of making it sound plausible (I think the best creepypastas are the ones that you know are obviously fake, but at the back of your mind it could be real…that’s why it’s scary!), he’s making a pretty broad claim that is really questionable. It shouldn’t have been passed off as something factual. Now, if he had used a library or office park as a setting–or scrap the whole alley thing alltogether, cause wouldn’t one way doors be more scary if they could be ANYWHERE? and the protagonist just happened to find one in that particular alley, etc.–I wouldn’t have picked that apart because it would make more sense to me as the reader. There are other bits that I wasn’t fond of either, but that’s for another day.
A good story is good because the reader can relate to it, and in this case I think it missed the mark. Of course, to each his own though. I didn’t find this to be very good, although I kinda agree with the other commenter about how it has potential if executed differently. /shrug
That’s f’kd up…but good pasta
Damn.
This just mind fucked me
I had to read it a second time to really understand what happened. A bit of a mind fuck at the end for me.
Tasty pasta
Weird but awesome in a scary kind way.