Advertisement

internet

Relax FM

Relax FM

“Biiip,” echoed the machine in the empty back room by the door as my employee identification card swiped it. “Clocked out: 10:17 p.m. Have a good evening, Anthony.” It was a long walk to my car. The restaurant I worked at was right on the beach—I mean, like, basically on […]

Relax FM Read More »

final cut

Final Cut

Sunday, Day 1: Hey, Night Crawlers! Fuck, Eddie and I missed you guys! Today is Day One of the “sorry I left you hanging again” marathon. The Feds and I have differing opinions regarding the channel’s effect on Turner. I believe crazy is crazy; they believe it fuels her psychosis.

Final Cut Read More »

and we're back

…And We’re Back

Yesterday… …And we’re back in five… four… three… two… one… [talk-show host] Greg, tell us your thoughts about the movie; the release is only three days after the anniversary of your wife’s death. How are you coping? Do you plan to go see it? I’m not here to talk about

…And We’re Back Read More »

stay tuned

Stay Tuned

Now… I hope all my Night Crawlers feel as good as I do this evening! The fact we have 317 people in the chat is mind boggling enough, but if you would’ve told me we’d eventually hit 10k subs – even a year ago – I wouldn’t have believed it!

Stay Tuned Read More »

next time

Next Time

Now… Gooood evening, Night Crawlers! I still can’t believe we have over a hundred people in our streams now! Lady, Lore, Disco, Q, Livers, all my original crew – can you guys believe this? While I’m touched you aren’t surprised, you have to admit it happened fast! I hate to

Next Time Read More »

coming soon

Coming Soon

January 11, 2022 [tap, tap] Hello, um, [clears throat] hey Night Crawlers… if I can still call you that. So, listen, it’s January 11, 2022, and… I know it’s been a while since you heard from me… I’m honestly surprised any of you are here… but if you’ll let me,

Coming Soon Read More »

Don't Play The Psychic Knock Game

Don’t Play the Psychic Knock Game

    If you’re reading this, then I assume you know all about Snapchat’s “Psychic Knock Game.” If not, you can click HERE to get caught up. N̴o̸n̷e̷ ̶o̵f̴ ̷u̴s̷ ̵r̸e̶a̵l̷i̵z̶e̸d̴ ̵w̴h̷a̴t̵ ̶w̷e̸ ̵w̴e̶r̴e̷ ̶g̷e̸t̸t̷i̷n̴g̷ ̷i̵n̸t̵o̶.̶ ̵D̸a̸v̵i̴d̴ ̷i̸s̸ ̸t̵h̵e̶ ̸o̵n̴e̶ ̸w̵h̵o̷ ̴c̶l̵i̵c̸k̴e̶d̶ ̷o̷n̵ ̸t̶h̵e̵ ̶p̴o̶s̷t̴ ̵a̴n̶d̶ ̸d̵e̷c̴i̴d̸e̸d̷ ̴w̵e̸ ̸s̶h̴o̷u̴l̷d̸ ̷p̶l̷a̷y̷.̵

Don’t Play the Psychic Knock Game Read More »

The Psychic Knock Game

The Psychic Knock Game

    That idiot Josh started this. He found this Snapchat user named callme_469 (click here for a pic of their snapcode). Rumor had it that the account belonged to a hot girl, so Josh thought he could flirt with her, I guess. Despite the suggestive name, Josh was misguided;

The Psychic Knock Game Read More »

Rule 34

My first love was Misty from Pokémon. Those legs, that sass, she was absolutely perfect. No one else could ever compare. When I played the games, I’d hang around her gym and pretend that we were on a date. I built my team to be strong against her weaknesses so I could always protect her. I used to fantasize that she’d become intrigued by me when I had beaten her. That she’d become obsessed and fallen head over heels in love with me. It was just a silly fantasy, but I enjoyed it when I was younger.

Rule 34 Read More »

They Like To Play Games

I’d never been inside of one before. An awkward, out-of-place-feeling little room nuzzled between a failing Irish pub and an antiques shop, I’d honestly forgotten these things existed in the vast metro area of my city. Until I needed one. College essay, see, and I hadn’t even begun it – just my luck for my laptop to obnoxiously die the weekend before the paper was due. I tried to borrow a friend’s computer, but no dice; as for plan B, my school’s library was out of rentable laptops. To the local, seedy internet café I went then, where I had always been told the poverty-stricken perverts surfed for porn and the seemingly parent-less children crowded around online games.

They Like To Play Games Read More »

I Found a Laptop Connected to the Deep Web

My local internet cafe is not much of a sight to behold. I think that’s what may have contributed to it shutting down for a couple of months back in June. The exterior was reminiscent of an abandoned shack with its dilapidated appearance and broken windows. However, after they cleaned

I Found a Laptop Connected to the Deep Web Read More »

I Bought a Voodoo Doll on Ebay

VOODOO DOLL, HIGHLY EFFECTIVE, BRAND NEW! 100% cotton, hand-crafted voodoo doll for all your vengeful needs! NO CRAFTING NECESSARY – just write your target’s name across the chest. No sewing, cutting, or gluing! Warning: Do NOT use this doll to kill or severely injure. The Magical Arts Voodoo Doll™ is

I Bought a Voodoo Doll on Ebay Read More »

They’re Not Coming, They’re Already Here

“THEY’RE NOT COMING, THEY’RE ALREADY HERE.” That’s all the email said. No subject, no name, and the email account was clearly a junk or throwaway account linked to AOL mail. At first, I laughed at the ridiculously serious message, not paying it much thought. I used to sign up for

They’re Not Coming, They’re Already Here Read More »

An App Called Forbidden Fruits Gave Me More Than Good Food

It’s been three days since I last used an app called Forbidden Fruits and I’ve become weak to the point to where I can hardly stand for over five minutes. I’m coughing up blood, and I know that I have no choice but to open this goddamn app and make a new

An App Called Forbidden Fruits Gave Me More Than Good Food Read More »

Duolingo

“I do not want to live without my cheese slicer.” “The cats are wearing shoes.” “The vegetables do not like vegetarians.” Sometimes, Duolingo, my smartphone language app, comes up with strange sentences. It always made me laugh. But, lately, there’s been a weird glitch with the app. I’ve been refreshing

Duolingo Read More »

I Drive for Cerber

My name is Jim. I’ve been in and out of construction contracts for the last seventeen years. Between those contracts, I do what I can to make a few extra bucks, since you never really know when the next contract will show up and unemployment pays you just enough to

I Drive for Cerber Read More »

Scroll to Top