Seriously?
A man and woman walked out of the bank, hand in hand. This might be a normal thing for anyone, maybe even you. But not for her.
The man made a typical, throwaway remark about their lunch plans. Under usual circumstances, this would just be interpreted as a feeble attempt to incite lightheartedness into the conversation. But not for her.
With a quick, agile movement, the woman, his wife, picked up a slab of concrete by the sidewalk and, with great aim, hit two doves perched on a low-hanging branch. They fell, like two pathetic white balloons. As soon as they hit the ground, his wife beat them to a pulp-she could see that they were still breathing. And her husband knew that he fucked up again.
Some passerby began to stare openly at the horrible sight of two bashed birds.
“Linda!” Her husband yelled. “Stop it!”
“I thought we were going to kill two birds with one stone?” She replied, in a voice of unnatural calm. Her face gazed up at him from the ground, stoic and rigid, like some dread mask.
…………………………………………………………………………………………..
She had a certain….well, mental illness is a bit of a euphemism. Let’s just say she had a disability. A serious and rare one. Linda could not understand the difference between jokes and imperatives. She took every figure of speech she heard seriously, and was often compelled to make whatever it was into an actuality. Her husband recalled, one point, when she nearly pushed him out the window, when, in light of the recent resignation of his business partner, he remarked that he was in fact flying solo. Linda wasn’t always dangerous, though. Sometimes, he’d go home only to find her giggling like a little girl at the sight of milk on the floor. Or maybe even staring out windows during rainy evenings to see whether any cats and/or dogs were to be found falling from the sky. But then came the times when she would get harmful. Only last month, the pediatrician living in the apartment next to theirs got pelted with apples and other fruits. Poor woman nearly tripped down the stairs. This other time, an event which still scared him up to now, she shoved in his hands a bit of her bloody scalp, saying it was a piece of her mind. She had to wear a bonnet whenever she had to get out of the house after that. In spite of all this strange and violent behavior, he still loved his wife very much and could not bear to send her away to a mental hospital.
His mistake.
He became very careful around what she would see or hear coming from anybody since the episode with the birds. Much to his joy, a year and a half passed without much incident, and their firstborn child was soon to come. It was good, since the coming of a baby took their minds off whatever financial problems they had.
He was away when it happened. After he heard that child was born, he rushed back home.
As soon as he stepped through that door, he knew something was wrong. His wife was calling him from the kitchen. In her arms was the son he could never know.
In the light of their kitchen, lain on the table, were the remains of the baby, their baby. Its mouth was stretched open to such a degree that it split open, the underside of its jaws seen. It reminded him of a tear in cloth, the seams not made of fabric but of flesh. What little blood the baby had to spare was everywhere. In response to his child’s grotesquely expanded mouth, his father’s jaw fell open in surprise and terror and disgust, threatening to do the same. A scream tried to come out, but it did not.
Forcibly thrust into the gaping hole that was a baby’s mouth, was his wife’s forearm. She seemed to be trying to claw something out of the-
As soon as his wife spotted him, she turned in his direction, bloody baby still stuck on her arm.
“You have to help me! The doctor said he was born with a silver spoon in his mouth!”
//
Credited to Truncheon
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Creepy.
I liked it up until the ending. I think you could have gone with something a little stronger than that.
Mad whack it is, yes. Rmmmhrmmm.
i agree with Avi, it was enjoyable and i like dark humor 8.5/10
Ok, so it wasn’t a fucking Pulitzer compared to some other stuff on here, but it was enjoyable and funny.
Terrible. Not creepy, not funny, just silly and juvenile.
Dang. Okay, super silly concept.. taking things so literally. Horrifying baby description though. Eek :(
“the coming of a baby took their minds off whatever financial problems they had”
Ha ha, ask your parents about this one.
Top Tip: Babies are expensive!
shitpasta is shit. silver spoon? really? try again please.
Poor crazy lady….
Ew!!
Could have maybe been good, but omg that ending was stupid.
Dark. I like it.
I thought this was really good, more dark humor than creepypasta. The ending got me, then when I read the last part I was like, “Ooooohh..” but still..disturbing.
Hahaha. Not creepy at all, but ridiculous in a fun sort of way. Like a joke which is way too tasteless to tell in any other form.
That was good. Gross and kind of funny but not creepy. still good though.
This makes no sence, why did she tear his THROUGHT when the “silver spoon” was in his tongue
These characters were so stupid that the story wasn’t that scary.
The writing style was pretty good though.
5/10
8/10
For the simple fact that the imagery with the dead baby at the end was absolutely distrubing.
Vaguely amusing, but it really is…. poorly written. It tries too hard to be clever. Yes, yes. I know the point of Creepypasta isn’t to win literary awards, but quality writing REALLY helps the reader get into it. I just think this one needs a lot of restructuring.
It has some holes, as aforementioned.
And whoever mentioned Asperger’s, good call, haha. I hope no one has ever been afflicted -this- literally. But who knows.
Why so fail, good sir.
to have opportunities that you did not earn but that you have from the influence of your family. (Bill was not born with a silver spoon in his mouth – he came from a poor family and earned his success through hard work.)
Now I quote, \"Much to his joy, a year and a half passed without much incident, and their firstborn child was soon to come. It was good, since the coming of a baby took their minds off whatever financial problems they had.\"
Which implies they had financial trouble, which if they did, why would the doctor say he was \"born with a silver spoon in his mouth.\"
That is all.
Ehh.
I think we just all fell for a very long dead baby joke
how was that creepy? i was loling from the birds to the end
Someone please tell Stephanie Meyer to get off this site, failing at vampire romances doesn’t mean she needs to try her (bad) hand at horror. GTFO
That was so badly written , unfunny and un-scary
hehe, this was kinda like a morbid joke…funny
@Haley “He became very careful around what she would see or hear coming from anybody since the episode with the birds. Much to his joy, a year and a half passed without much incident, and their firstborn child was soon to come.”
Huh…. I don’t know.
I guess it’s kind of clever and it isn’t poorly written, but the ending just really grossed me out.
Baby violence is a really delicate thing, and it is nearly ALWAYS something that is best left to the imagination, if it is necessary to the story. I didn’t really need a graphic description of a woman shoving her arm into her baby’s throat and tearing it apart.
Another thing that bugged me was that the way it reads, the ‘two birds with one stone’ incident happened AFTER the baby incident, which makes it look like the husband decided to keep his wife after she murdered the baby. Not sure if that’s supposed to be the case but it makes the whole thing even less plausible.
wow good pasta,,,at that moment of seeing that sight ,,,i think i might faint but hopefully not,,,i dont want to know what she would do to me lol