I know it’s wrong to download movies and we shouldn’t do it, but I’m poor and those guys are rich. Either way, it’s not important. I’m only writing this to warn others against it. Is it illegal? Yes. Immoral? Arguable, but technically. Dangerous? Apparently.
I didn’t do it often; I just wanted a few Christmas movies to get into the holiday spirit. I stuck with the classics, and they all played great. It wasn’t until I watched Home Alone 2 that things started getting bad. Everyone has seen that movie, right? Because if you haven’t I don’t know if you can follow this story. My partner was asleep, but I wasn’t tired, so I watched it alone.
The first different thing was the opening credits; the little house was red. I hadn’t watch it in a couple years, but I’ve seen it a thousand times. I was certain it should be blue. Still, it’s a minor detail, forgotten almost immediately after fading to movie.
In the opening scene, it shows family members rushing through the home and remains normal until Kevin walks in on his uncle’s shower. The uncle usually calls him a “nosy, little pervert”, but this time he said “sorry, little shit”. I thought I heard him wrong, but when I tried to skip back, the computer froze. That’s not uncommon, it’s a piece of junk; I didn’t want to waste more time, so I let it keep playing.
I was positive the movie was wrong when the Christmas pageant began. The kids were holding real candles. As the camera zoomed in on the singing children and their small, dancing flames, I thought I downloaded from someone with mad editing skills; changing the candles blew my mind, but I can believe it’s possible. The rest of what I’m about to convey… I can’t.
In the original movie, Buzz holds candles behind Kevin’s ears. In my copy, the sizzle of his Kevin’s flesh can be heard as wisps of dark smoke swirl around his head. The audience still laughs the same, but instead of stopping when Buzz is knocked down, they grow louder. The choir robes worn by the children are set ablaze, and they scream over the roaring laughter. When the cardboard tree hits Piano Lady, blood sprays from the impact and a gaping head wound is seen as she tumbles back.
I watched in stunned silence, glued to my seat and unable to look away. I didn’t understand what I was watching, but I had a morbid desire to see more. Back home, Buzz uses the same apology speech, but his face and hands are wrapped in bloody bandages. Kevin’s ears are also badly burned, but his wounds are left untreated. When it shows the family, their faces are red and puffy from crying.
On the kid-tantrum-scale, I would rate Kevin’s actual non-apology scene pretty low. He doesn’t throw anything, his voice doesn’t crack as he screams through his tears, and his face doesn’t exude pure hatred. The one in my version did all those things.
After Kevin’s mom followed him to the attic, he used curse words I’ve never heard before. I think some were in a different language. Kate began crying, screaming, “I wish you would have died last year” before storming out. A baseball was thrown as she exited, slamming into the door as it closed. Kevin fell onto the bed, retrieved a razor from beneath his pillow, and slowly cut into his forearm.
The close-up of the Chicago Sun Times was also different. Instead of “wet bandits”, it read “KILLER BANDITS ESCAPE DURING RIOT” I don’t remember what the smaller headlines really say, but I’m willing to bet it’s not “DOZENS DEAD, MANHUNT CONTINUES” considering it’s a kid’s movie.
Remember the quick scene of the airport taxi knocking over the statue? In my copy, it hits a kid. Aside from the characters being angry and depressed towards one another, the movie plays relatively normal until Kevin leaves the New York airport. Where he once enjoyed a montage of fun, city sights to a happy song, he now walked dark, dangerous alleyways as sinister music played. For the remainder of the movie, Kevin’s family is not seen again. They never go to the police or attempt to locate him.
After the montage, we see Harry and Marv leave the fish truck. The “sticky bandit” jokes were completely removed. Where they normally steal change from a Salvation Army Santa, they now held a man at gun point in a dark alley. The terrified man surrenders his wallet without a struggle but is shot anyway. The scene ends as the bandits flee.
What should be the scene where we first see the hotel and Pigeon Lady was now a Holiday Inn and junkie. The woman in my copy was putting a syringe into her arm when Kevin saw her. He enters the Holiday Inn, skipping the short scene where he runs away. Still in possession of Peter’s bag, he immediately approaches the front desk. A dirty, balding man gives him a hard time until he sees the envelope full of cash. There is no bellboy to escort Kevin to his room, but when he turns on the lights, cockroaches scatter across the floor. The room is filthy, has two twin beds, and a small tv with tin foil wrapped around the antenna.
They skipped the pool scene, going directly to the Angels with Even Filthier Souls movie. The only difference here is the hungry look in Kevin’s eyes as he sits on the floor, face inches from the screen, his fingers lightly tracing over the fresh cuts in his arm.
A fade out takes us to a few hours later when he discovers Peter’s address book. At seeing his uncle’s name, he says, “If they’re still in Paris, I can stay there instead!” At the sight of a family photo in his father’s wallet, Kevin begins shaking and sobbing as he rips it to pieces. The following morning, he hails a cab instead of renting a limousine.
Duncan’s Toy Chest was unchanged, but the kid was still angry and depressed as he wandered through the store. He pushed other kids and shoplifted the item he normally purchased. Mr. Duncan watched him leave with a sad, slow shake of the head. Harry and Marv exit immediately after, grabbing Kevin on the street. The boy screamed, kicked Harry in the shin and ran.
The chase scene was short and filled with cursing. Instead of breaking pearl necklaces to trip the bad guys, he told a group of bikers, “two men are chasing me.” Kevin proceeds to escape while Harry and Marv are brutally beaten in the streets. Upon returning to the hotel, the owner claimed the room was never paid for, and tried to make the boy pay again. When Kevin refused, the man grabbed him, taking the money by force. Red faced with fury, the kid fled back into the streets.
He ran until Harry and Marv, limping and beaten to a pulp, found him once again. They pulled him through alleys, describing brutal methods of torture he would endure. I can’t even repeat the words… I don’t think I have ever heard such gruesome ideas before. I didn’t believe a child’s face could be more consumed by hatred, but the way Kevin looked at them gave me chills.
When he saw three homeless men ahead, he began frantically digging through his pockets. The bandits were too busy watching their surroundings to notice, but the kid found a few crumpled twenty’s. As they passed the homeless, he threw the cash into their circle. “Help, kill these guys!” He screamed. After retrieving the cash, the three men descended upon the bandits, and Kevin was able to escape.
In the next scene, Kevin was alone in the dark park. The sulky child walked with his head down, frightened by the shady characters he encountered. More than one tried to sell him drugs, and when the prostitute taunted him, he flipped her off. After running from the taxi driver, he bumped into the ex-pigeon lady again.
They had an almost-normal chat if you can pretend it’s normal to teach a ten-year-old how to shoot heroine. Where she once placed bird seed into his hand, she now rolled his sleeve up with a mother’s tenderness. She injected the drug into his vein, and when finished, he fell backwards into a snowy hill, looking up into a clear, night sky. As the camera pulled away, Kevin could be seen smiling for the first time.
It skipped their touching scene at the orchestra, instead going directly to Kevin entering his uncle’s home. I didn’t notice any difference in the trap-setting montage aside from the same eerie music as before. This is where the movie got truly graphic. I’ve seen a lot of horror, but I’ve never seen anything so incredibly brutal as the derailed special effects to come.
The scene at the toy store began with Kevin, hat off for the first time since the apology scene. His ears were turning green with infection from his still untreated burns. He smiled wickedly as he collected bricks, but he never bothered taking a picture. Actually, I don’t think he had the camera or voice recorder at all. Likewise, he didn’t attach a note to the brick he threw into the window.
Harry ran outside, tripped on the failed seesaw, and face-planted into the sidewalk. He lifted his head to show a bloody nose and murderous eyes. Seeing the trap failed, Kevin began running away. Marv emerged, also tripping on the board, and fell into Harry.
When the boy taunted the bandits from his uncle’s roof, they responded in the usual way. The first brick dropped still hit Marv in the forehead, but left a wide, bloody gash. The next two bricks gave matching lacerations, and blood sprayed the sidewalk on impact.
Both the men’s faces were already in poor condition from previous beatings, but somehow, each new wound was prominent among the rest. I wish I could tell you I watched because some strange power stayed my hand, or that the movie threatened me in some way, but I can’t. The only reason I continued watching was because some twisted part of me wanted to see what else they’d done to it. There was absolutely nothing to give any indication it was edited. If I had never seen it, I would have believed it genuinely filmed that way.
After Harry left to find another entrance, Marv struggled to his feet. At the front door, he pulled the knob off to initiate the same staple-gun trap, albeit without the comically long rope. The string quickly pulled tight, shooting a staple into his nutsack region, not his ass. He then fell to his knees, pulling the trigger once more. I had to look away when the staple penetrated his eye… they just made it so graphic.
Harry tried to go up the slippery ladder and fell on his back, but nothing worse than usual. When he kicked in the side door, most of the falling tools missed him, but the camera didn’t cut away when the last wrench fell. The sound of his skull breaking was nothing compared to the blood that splattered and the way his head caved inward. He should have been dead, but he wasn’t.
Marv kicked open the front door, but fell off the incomplete floor ledge, landing with a sickening thud. Blood stains spread beneath him as he moaned in agony. When finally able to stand, he walked on shaky legs around the green goop he normally slips in. He still tried to use the sink, probably because he was covered in as much blood in my version as he was paint in the real movie.
The electrocution scene was horrible. When he attempted to use the sink, his body went rigid as electricity coursed through him. His hair caught fire, and the screen filled with smoke. I know it was only my imagination, but I swear I could smell him burning. It felt like it lasted longer than normal; he fried for almost a full minute. He, too, should be dead… but wasn’t. Kevin laughed maniacally as he maxed out the voltage before running away. It didn’t stop until the actual device blew sparks and died.
It skipped Harry catching on fire and dipping his head in the toilet. Instead, it stayed with Marv as he somehow recovered. He erected a tower of junk to climb through the hole in the floor and almost made it to the top before it fell, burying him beneath the rubble with more gut-wrenching sound effects.
Back upstairs, Kevin sneaked down a hall, past Harry, and attempted to climb the ladder he previously sawed halfway through. It broke too early and sent him crashing into the ground. Recovering quickly, he almost made it to the top of the stairs before Harry saw him. When Marv caught up, the two undead bandits pretended to run upstairs. This time, they avoided the paint cans thrown by the kid, and there was no giant, metal, beam-like object.
The bandits hurled more threats at Kevin as they tried to enter the attic, but they didn’t conveniently listen as the tool-chest hurtled down the stairs. Instead, they backed away, confused looks on their disfigured faces, as the door exploded with a loud crash.
On the roof, Kevin still climbs down a rope and sets it on fire as the bandits descend. The difference is, Harry and Marv are engulfed in the flames before falling several stories to land on their backs – legs protruding at angles that made my stomach churn. The dozens of paint cans to fall on them after was just overkill.
Kevin calls the police from a pay phone while the bandits recover, but they catch him when he slips on the ice. Harry and Marv hardly look human anymore with their lumpy faces and broken limbs, but they still lifted the boy to his feet. Then they dragged him to the park, putting a gun in his face, and enjoying each new cry of terror they won.
Eventually the beating the began, making Kevin suffer before he died. The kid was on the ground, curled in a ball, trying to protect his head with his arms, screaming for help. Finally, when the sharp kicks to his body stopped, he looked up, into the barrel of Harry’s gun. As the saw the hammer pull back, he squeezed his eyes shut. Then a loud bang echoed through the park, followed closely by a second.
Kevin remained still until he heard a booming voice say, “This is the police, you’re safe now.” As he opened his eyes, red and blue lights flashed all around him. Two paramedics wrapped him in a blanket and carried him to an ambulance. There, he met Mr. Duncan who praised him for saving his store.
Next, we see a few clips of the boy being adopted by Mr. Duncan and going on to live a happy, normal life. When you think the credits are about to roll, it fades to a scene zoomed in on Kevin’s smiling, jubilant face. Very slowly, as beautiful, inspirational music plays in the background, it zooms out to reveal him lying on a snowy hillside in the park; his eyes are glazed over in death, and a needle hangs from his arm.
I went to the website to see what I could find out about the person I got it from, but the torrent was removed. I looked on other sites, but I couldn’t find it anywhere. I tried to show my partner the next morning, but it said “file corrupt” each time I pressed play. Next time I was alone, the movie suddenly worked again. I tried to screen record, but it only showed blackness when I rewatched the video.
I keep trying to add a link below for anyone who wants to see it, but they are being disabled faster than I can post more. Hurry – click the one below before they remove it too.
There’s only one thing you should know first. Since seeing it, no matter what I’m watching or who I watch with… occasionally I’ll see flashes of strange scenes… whatever is on will stray from its usual script and change into something horrible. That’s probably my imagination, but I thought I’d mention it… just in case.
Credit : Page Turner
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