Part 1 “So I’m in the cosmetics aisle, right? And I’m standing there reading this bottle of lotion. ‘Not tested on animals,’ it says. And I’m thinking: Really? Like, who the hell is rubbing lotion on animals? Anyone?” A modest amount of laughter from the audience. About as much as […]
He’s Killing Up There Read More »
I BET YOU THINK THAT ALL OF THESE STORIES ARE PRETEND BUT GUESS WHAT THIS ONE IS FOR REAL! HOW DO I KNOW? WELL I KNOW BECAUSE I AM LOOKING AT YOU AND I KNOW ALL OF YOUR SECRETS! I EVEN KNOW YOUR FAVORITE ANIMAL. ONE DAY I LOOKED AT
THIS IS THE STORY OF A DAY WHERE THERE WAS ALL THIS BLOOD. A MAN WAS WALKING AROUND AND BLOOD STARTED COMING OUT OF HIM EVERYWHERE. THERE WAS SO MUCH BLOOD THAT IT FILLED UP AN ELEVATOR. HE WENT TO THE STORE AND THERE WAS JUST BLOOD ALL OVER THE
The Day of All the Blood Read More »
oK so basicaly its like this. youare at a friends house for like the night or watever and then you guys are making out on the couch (yeah!) and then like.. her dad calls on the phone and says “no i she likes it more if you use the other hand… yeah” and your alllike “oh dude your dad is trying to give me advice on how to diddle you” and then she’s like… “i don’t have a dad..” or whatever… but what!? WHO WAS PHONE?
