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Blair Daniels

My AirPods Make Terrifying Sounds

I first wore the AirPods to the Stop and Shop. It was an incredible, other-worldly experience. I listened to the soothing voice of Neil deGrasse Tyson while picking through the broccoli. I learned about quasars while waiting in line for the deli. Things got weird, though, when I got to the checkout line. The cashier …

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The reCAPTCHA Was Wrong

Have you ever seen a photo reCAPTCHA? Instead of a checkbox, it’s a low-quality photo split into 16 square sections. It’ll say something like: “SELECT ALL SQUARES WITH STREET SIGNS,” and you have to click every square that contains a street sign. At 11 PM on Sunday night, I got one while downloading free stock images. It …

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I Saw My Name on the News as a Prime Murder Suspect

Part 1 I was sitting on the sofa, eating a reheated slice of pizza, when I saw it. My Facebook profile picture. On the local news. Underneath the text: PRIME SUSPECT IN JACKSON MURDER. I blinked. Rubbed my eyes once, twice. “The prime suspect is 24-year-old Hamburg resident, Amanda Duffy.” My name. She said my name. My heart …

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My Local Costco Has a Secret Basement

My Local Costco Has a Secret Basement

My husband is dying. Despite his good prognosis after the accident, he gets weaker every day. When he became unable to even say my name, I got desperate. I posted details of his condition on every forum I could find. Medical, accident survivors… I even posted it on a sketchy “deep web” forum called Help Yourself. That’s …

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I Bought a Voodoo Doll on Ebay

I Bought a Voodoo Doll on Ebay

VOODOO DOLL, HIGHLY EFFECTIVE, BRAND NEW! 100% cotton, hand-crafted voodoo doll for all your vengeful needs! NO CRAFTING NECESSARY – just write your target’s name across the chest. No sewing, cutting, or gluing! Warning: Do NOT use this doll to kill or severely injure. The Magical Arts Voodoo Doll™ is designed for inflicting minor wounds …

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