This week, I was supposed to digitize all of Dr. Marnen’s patient files. I was feeling good about my progress when I saw it. A second filing cabinet, hiding behind the shelves, that I’d never noticed before. Sighing with fatigue, I yanked open the first drawer. I plucked out a […]
I hate Halloween for many reasons. I have to answer the door every ten minutes. I have to pretend like I’m excited to give bratty kids free candy. I have to stay inside, because driving on a road filled with crazy, running children gives me panic attacks. I plopped down
The Boy in the Devil Costume Read More »
It was ten minutes till close when I heard the door swing open. Jingle-jingle. Ugh. A customer this late? It was my first day at Tony’s Pizzeria, and I was eager to get home. My manager, Mason, had to leave early – his infant son had a fever – and I
VOODOO DOLL, HIGHLY EFFECTIVE, BRAND NEW! 100% cotton, hand-crafted voodoo doll for all your vengeful needs! NO CRAFTING NECESSARY – just write your target’s name across the chest. No sewing, cutting, or gluing! Warning: Do NOT use this doll to kill or severely injure. The Magical Arts Voodoo Doll™ is
I Bought a Voodoo Doll on Ebay Read More »
My husband is dying. Despite his good prognosis after the accident, he gets weaker every day. When he became unable to even say my name, I got desperate. I posted details of his condition on every forum I could find. Medical, accident survivors… I even posted it on a sketchy
My Local Costco Has a Secret Basement Read More »
I first wore the AirPods to the Stop and Shop. It was an incredible, other-worldly experience. I listened to the soothing voice of Neil deGrasse Tyson while picking through the broccoli. I learned about quasars while waiting in line for the deli. Things got weird, though, when I got to
My AirPods Make Terrifying Sounds Read More »
I was driving through rural New Jersey when I saw him. A hitchhiker, standing by the side of the road. Surprisingly well-dressed – black suit, slicked-back hair, narrow briefcase. Now, I know I shouldn’t pick up hitchhikers. But I’m 6’ 4”, 230 pounds, with all kinds of hunting equipment in
I Picked Up a Hitchhiker Read More »
Have you ever seen a photo reCAPTCHA? Instead of a checkbox, it’s a low-quality photo split into 16 square sections. It’ll say something like: “SELECT ALL SQUARES WITH STREET SIGNS,” and you have to click every square that contains a street sign. At 11 PM on Sunday night, I got one while
The reCAPTCHA Was Wrong Read More »
Part 1 I was sitting on the sofa, eating a reheated slice of pizza, when I saw it. My Facebook profile picture. On the local news. Underneath the text: PRIME SUSPECT IN JACKSON MURDER. I blinked. Rubbed my eyes once, twice. “The prime suspect is 24-year-old Hamburg resident, Amanda Duffy.” My name.
I Saw My Name on the News as a Prime Murder Suspect Read More »
My son is 2 years old and does. Not. Sleep. So when I saw an ad online for Goodnight Precious: the only book GUARANTEED put your child to sleep, I clicked. I was skeptical — but there was a video demonstration on the website. “I’m going to show you how this works.
Goodnight Precious Read More »
