The most beautiful creature I’d ever seen never seemed to close the curtains of her room next door. We’d only moved in a week before, but it was hard not to notice a girl like her. I don’t think she’d ever seen me, but that just made her that much more alluring.
She was young and thin, skin as fair as winter’s first fall, and she had beautiful crimson hair. I would see her dance almost every night, her hair setting fire to the air with each dip and twirl. I was instantly captivated, catching every moment from behind just the two panes of glass. Some nights she danced, others she just sat at her desk, sometimes talking on her cell phone long into the night. It wasn’t until the end of that first month when I saw her murder that first lucky kid.
It was some girl from school, a ditzy spaz whose enthusiastic introduction to the “cool” drugs around campus had her bounce between all the wrong groups. A perfect victim. She always did things so perfectly.
It was the first night I’d seen her turn the light out so early. I might not have known what she had done if the crescent of her knife hadn’t caught the moonlight. It was a silver tracer, carving through the dark that soon began to glisten a brilliant, scarlet red. There were no screams, there was no sound. It must have only been a few seconds, but it felt like‘d been watching for hours. Exquisite.
When she finally turned the light back on, the ditz was obviously gone from sight. But her face, her beautiful face, was lovingly coated in a layer of fresh blood. She had the cutest grin on her face, her eyes seductive and wild. She had crossed the deepest line, she had made the darkest sin. God, how gorgeous. Her crimson hair falling so gracefully across her face, like a fallen angel.
The next three came and went just the same: a drunken football player, a reclusive theater kid, an experimenting Goth girl – all of them playing their parts in this wonderful show she put on for me all throughout the next year. She invited theminto her room, like an old friend about to catch up on the latest gossip. Then you’d see it, the moment I always waited for, her hand reaching just out of sight as a smirk crept across her lips. She’d always turn the lights out for the kill, but the look on her gorgeous visage when she turned them back on…I could almost feel the ecstasy she must have felt.
One day, I finally got up the courage to go meet her or, maybe join her in the fun. If I was really lucky, maybe I could be the one to inspire that terribly seductive smirk. I bought some really nice clothes, an expensive perfume too. I even to tryied bleaching my hair blonde, hoping I could get it to shine as vibrantly as hers. But that morning came the worst news of all.
My parents told me we were moving away. They had become afraid for me, as many parents had over the loss of a few teenagers. I tried to object, but what would I say? If I told them about the girl beyond my window, she’d be the one that would go. Then, I’d never see her again. So I obliged, hoping I would see her again some day. They sent me away immediately to stay with a family friend. It was hard, I got so anxious not being in my room again, maybe see her dance for me one last time.
My father’s job meant we moved a lot, but they hated moving me out of my room. It was just hard. I would get really anxious without having my mirror on the wall. When I got out of the ward, my doctor recommended I keep it up, like a window, to keep me from relapsing and lashing out at my family. I thought it was weird at first, but soon I would forget it was even there; I’d just get so distracted. Ever since I got out, we’ve always seemed to move in next door the most beautiful creatures I’ve ever seen, and this one was a blonde. A real angel.
Credit To – Mr. Major
Copyright Statement: Unless explicitly stated, all stories published on Creepypasta.com are the property of (and under copyright to) their respective authors, and may not be narrated or performed under any circumstance.
Mr Major, how can I contact you?
Love this! my favorite stories are the ones with a twist at the end. Very good. If I had to give any advice or opinion at all, I would’ve worded the twist just a bit different. I had to read it a couple times just to make sure it was how I thought it was. But very good!
I loved this. It’s simple, without being boring. Creepy as hell.
There was no window. It was a mirror. The narrator is the killer watching herself in the mirror.
This is definitely up there as a favorite of mine. The writing was excellent, I love the sense of obsession. The narrator felt psychotic in their own way, a stalker, a masochist, lusting for psychotic, sadistic women. I loved it. I want more! 10/10
Wow. Just had to read it twice of course. I loved both perspectives. Your writing is amazing. Thank you for sharing with us.
Stunning read… truly awesome pasta (:
Loved it . . !
Compliments to the chef (:
So, just ca me across this one again. Still love it.
it was really really cool but
(sorry I’m slow XD)
i didnt get the twist o.0
Wow…. Just… Wow. I have no words. This is an incredible pasta. I LOVE the twist ending. One of the best pastas I’ve read in a long time.
That was the greatest story i have ever heard. best one ever. keep it up.
This is the first pasta I have genuinely been surprised by in a REALLY long time, out of the hundreds I have read. Thank you.
Although I don’t why I waited so long to comment on this one. It’s brilliant.
I most like the narrators desire to actually be killed. Even prettying herself up to be killed by the dream girl. It mixes sexual narcissism with suicidal perversion.
Weird and awesome.
I actually saw that coming :D
Holy crap, I had to read the ending again to get it but wow, that was brilliant!
Brilliantly executed, like american psycho! :)
11/10 wish it were a movie for psychopathic hottie!
this has got to be the most amazing story i’ve read so far… holy crap!!! you’re amazing at writing!
thanks for writing something that is actually good and unique! xoxo
I had to read the ending a few times before I got it xD really good though, I’d defiantly read it again! 10/10
At first the story was kind of confusing, but after reading a couple comments explaining what was going on I understand it, the girl has dissociative personality disorder so she thinks that she is watching another girl commit these heinous murders when it’s really herself. I agree with the other commentators in saying that the story kind of rushed towards the twist and that the story could use a bit of work. The story is great, really, but the small grammatical errors and the twist rushing part kind of threw it for me, so a 6.5/10 from me.
-Herobrine
Always watching…..
All I have to say is that it is a shame she dyed her hair blond. I mean we all know red hair has a hotness factor of times 2.5
Loved it btw, the twist suddenly shows the narcissistic side of the character which seemed appropriate to the already established dialogue.
I kept seeing this one pop up in “Random Pastas” so finally today I thought, “meh, might as well read it…” I actually thought it was going to be stupid but I was surprised. Loved it. Loved the ending.
Wow.
At first I thought this was going to be another clichè pasta about a stalker, then that the narrator would end up being killed by her dreamgirl, and now that this is one of the best stories I’ve ever read on this site.
I really loved the atmosphere it created, and the author managed to choose just the right writing style to depict the main character.
The final twist was amazing and unpredictable. Like Sepia, I think that the ending was a bit too rushed, but other than that, this is really one of the best pastas I’ve read in a long time.
Mr. Major, I truly hope that you’re going to write more for this site! :D
(Sorry for any grammar mistakes, English isn’t my first language).
Whoa…at first I though it would be just another murder story but this was brilliant! Did not see the twist ending coming. 10/10 from me.
really thought it would be boring, but this ending was great! creepypasta excellent! congratulations to the author.
~Brazilian reader~
So. In answer to the apparently dense people asking what’s going on in this story… (I’m guessing 12 year old girls) let me explain. #1. The speaker is female. #2. She was watching herself in the mirror… indicating she has a mental disorder. Probably something along the lines of disassociative personality disorder.
This Pasta Was Cooked Perfectly. Just Needs A Pinch More Seasoning.
For those of you who did not understand: the window the narrator was looking out of was actually a mirror. So she was really looking at herself (“the most beautiful creature in the world”) doing all that killing. She was insane.
9/10. would eat again
This is GOLD.
Easily solvable: change the mirror for a convex one, then she’ll think the creature’s fat and wont be so attracted to her. It worked on my Budgie- you’d be surprised at how many normal ones he got through before that, the randy fecker.
Nice pasta btw
i loved it
can someone explain, i dont understand : )
the girl didn’t have a window…
WAS A FUCKING MIRROR! :D
got it?
I’m sorry but what the hell is this?
First of all,the writing style is great,however,I’m still confused,is the writer a female or male? are they sexually attracted to the ‘creature’ (the girl they’re first talking about) etc…it’s all just strange….
So as a normal user would write : dafaq I just read?
The narrator IS the person they are attracted to. They were not looking out a window, but they were looking into a mirror. I would guess the narrator is suffering from dissociative identity disorder (what used to be called multiple personality disorder). S/he does not realize the person s/he is in love with is him/herself.
Nice twist, it really made this pasta fresh!
OHHH. NOWWW
i get it.
Though I kind of saw the twist coming I loved this anyway. Great story!
OH MY GOD IT’S A MIRROR
That’s the best one I’ve read with a twist ending since Doors. Amazing pasta :D
Well, that took a turn I didn’t expect. ._o
Sorry, this comment is totally unrelated to this pasta, but Derpbutt, are you aware that “The Manor” is no longer on the front page?
I tried using the search bar at the side but it just took me to a 404 page. It’s like the pasta has just disappeared.
Did the author request its removal or is this just another instance of creepypasta.com being haunted?
I was shown proof that it was plagiarised; the submitter was banned and the post deleted. I mentioned it on Twitter. In the future, you can find small notes like that there.
Generally, when a pasta completely disappears, there is a reason.
Wow. Didn’t see the mirror part coming. Excellent ending
A clever maskirovka of a pasta; the premise was rather brilliant, turning the tables with a deathly pirouetting twist. I loved the fact that upon reread the piece actually doubles in perverse creepiness, having already subverted the reader’s expectations.
The plot hinged on expectations; for most of its run, IMO the pasta did a great job of professing to be a standard tale about stalkers- in a way, it is. The twist, while offering a wild perspective change, actually strengthened its position as a stalkerpasta. The brilliance lay in how the piece took genre conventions to their logical conclusions, showing how messed up a person would be to adore and obsess over someone who commits acts of murder.
Characterization was quite captivating; the descriptions of the ‘stalkee’ doubles as self-description, and the lascivious adjectives shed recursive light on her own tendencies, even affording a little foreshadowing.
The twisted protagonist was the main showcase, a mess of tangled narcissism and psychotic disassociation, on top of her already-creepy levels of shortsighted adoration. The piece, in this sense, was a rather slick character narrative. Upon reread, it becomes clear that everything boils down to herself, offering fresh perspectives.
The pasta didn’t overstay its welcome; the pacing was rather too swift IMO, while the tone stayed unerringly true to its diffracted protagonist.
My main objection was with its ending; I felt the last two paragraphs broke character somewhat, rushing to reveal the twist. The protagonist was suddenly guileless, and the reveal itself could have been a great deal subtler. They were also weirdly clunky, the author fitting in a deal too much exposition in two paragraphs.
Overall, a clever subversion and escalation of stalkerpastas. 8.5/10
Thank you so much for reading and for your commentary and criticism. The idea for the pasta kind of struck me late one night and I guess I didn’t prepare the prestige too well.
If I eventually make edits, I’ll definitely look at your post for some guidance.
I completely agree with Sepia. I LOVED this story, and the twist was amazing! I spent the majority of the story thinking “Oh, this stalker guy is in love with the serial killer next door” and his sick admiration for her was brilliantly creepy! But then at the end when we find out the narrator IS her, I was completely thrown out of chair! But like Sepia said, the twist seemed rushed. I would slow it down a bit, add a little more and smooth it in. But either way, an excellent piece! 8.5/10
Wow, that’s great from-the-hip writing nonetheless! I think nobody really foresaw the twist, and that’s all the better. Coincidentally, the premise of a twist like that was suggested by ALB quite a long time ago, and it’s great to see convergent ideas well executed.
wow. all dem big words.
i just really liked the story, that’s all.
10/10.
Translation: very good pasta
Right you are.
This was good… definitely want to read more stories from you
At first I thought “what a waste, same old shit”, then… WOW! really great twist of events.
I loved it.
(excuse any grammar mistake, my native language is spanish)
Glad I could change your mind in such a short span of words. Thank you for reading!
Pleeeeease, write some more :D
He was also his next door neighbor! Ha!
dude the person saying the story is a girl noob
Well she obviously thinks very highly of herself.
YOU. ARE. A. GENIUS.