“This shit always happens. First no service, and now no food,” Teresa said, brow furrowed and pointing across the campfire before burying her face into her hands.
“It’s not my fault! I swear!” David yelled, raising his arms with his palms facing forward. “I know this looks bad but I promise I packed everything!”
“Yeah, okay Davey boy. Whatever you say,” Mason replied. He turned his head and looked over towards the lake. The moon was full tonight, it’s bright beams illuminating the lake in awe-inspiring fashion.
“Like what are we going to do now?” asked Laura.
“I have a few ideas,” Jason said, putting his arm around Davina and pulling her close.
Oh Jason, predictable as ever.
The eight of us were out camping and the ever-forgetful David had left most of the food at home. Way out in this neck of the woods we would have to wait until morning to restock. We were left with a few bottles of vodka, a bottle of whiskey, two 24 packs of beer, and one gallon of water for the seven of us. Not exactly ideal conditions for a bunch of 20 somethings looking to enjoy the long weekend without dying.
“Shots it is,” Mason mumbled.
“I have an idea. Why don’t we play a game?” said Tim.
Jason spoke up, “That sounds better then telling each other shitty campfire stories I’ll tell you that much. Tell us about the game Timmay.”
“It’s called we’re all a little weird,” he said.
“You’ve got to be kidding me,” I replied. This is what our trip has come to? What the hell is that? Why don’t we play ‘throw David in the river’ instead?”
David looked around at the rest of us. On the surface it looked like most were in agreement. He scooted his seat a little further back from the rest of us.
“Seriously though, it’s a fun game. You guys in?”
“We literally have nothing better to do. Might as well,” Teresa replied.
“Great, the rules are as follows. We start by choosing a moderator. Starting with the moderator, and then going around the circle, each of us will tell an embarrassing or messed up story about ourselves. You end each story by saying ‘We’re all a little weird’. If you don’t, you drink. If someone thinks a story isn’t creepy or embarrassing enough, it’s up to the moderator to decide to take a vote. If a vote is taken, and the majority agrees, that person will have to drink, and tell another story,” he said.
“That’s basically what I just said I don’t want to do damn it,” Jason replied.
“There’s a little more to it. One of the ways to get around it is by lying. But if you get caught in a lie, and can’t prove you’re telling the truth, you must do the thing you lied about. The moderator has discretion here of course. If the mod determines it’s unfair, same deal, drink and start over.”
“Actually, this sounds great,” Jason said. The rest of the group reluctantly agreed.
“Okay, since I’m the only one who has played this before is everyone cool with me being the moderator?” Tim asked.
“Go for it,” Teresa said.
“No issues here,” I replied, puffing on a cig.
“Yeah, you’re good,” chimed in Mason.
“Okay, I’ll start. I once called a friend, and he didn’t pick up. This was back in the flip phone days when you actually tried to remember numbers. So, I left a voicemail about how hot I found his mom. Turns out I’d gotten one digit wrong on the number…and left it on her phone. We’re all a little weird.,” Tim said.
“Ohmygod Tim,” Laura laughed.
“You poor thing!” Davina replied.
“Yeah, it wasn’t great. Alright Jason you’re up.” Tim said.
“Gladly. Davina and I hooked up in front of everyone here. We’re all a little weird!” he said, grinning.
“That definitely never happened,” Teresa said.
“Oh no, I guess I lied…bummer…I guess we have to do it now,” he replied.
“Yeah, no. Mod discretion. Drink, and go again,” Tim said. Jason shot him a look. He grabbed the nearest bottle and took a big swig.
“Fine, be that way. One time I shit myself in the pool, blamed it on someone else, and still got caught. We’re a little weird. You’re up Davina.”
“I like that story a lot better,” I said laughing. “Go ahead Davina.”
“I…I like masturbating in my car. One time someone caught me! We’re all a little weird.” she said blushing.
“Calm down Jason,” I said.
“I didn’t even say anything!”
“Doesn’t matter. We can sense your excitement,” I replied.
David began to go. “Okay, you guys won’t believe me but I swear I saw a spaceship in the sky a few weeks back. I have the picture to prove it! We’re all a little weird!” he said.
“How do you know it was a spaceship?” Davina asked.
“I saw a circle of lights in the sky!”
“Let me guess…you were downtown,” Jason asked, grabbing David’s phone, then peering at the image.
“Yeah, how’d you know?” David responded.
“Those are casino lights you dumbass. Does this even count as a turn?”
“I’ll allow it, that’s honestly pretty embarrassing,” Tim said. We all started cracking up.
Most of the early stories were silly and innocent. There was a lot of drinking early on. As we got some of the alcohol in us, the stories started getting weirder.
It was David’s turn again. “Umm I have a teeth collection. I used to get all the neighbor kids baby teeth and then it just kind of expanded from there. We’re all a little weird.”
“That’s soooooo gross. Teresa please go. I don’t want to think about this any longer,” Laura said.
“Okay,” she was starting to slur a little bit. “A year or so ago I was seeing this guy. One time we were hooking up and I kind of instinctively bit his ear. I must have been too into the moment because I took a chunk out of it and ended up swallowing it. We’re all a little weird,” she said.
“Bullshit,” Jason said. “Prove it.”
“I can’t…” she replied.
“Then you have to do it,” Tim said.
“No guys, come on. Seriously? Who would I even…” she said, looking at Jason.
“Those are the rules.”
“I’ll volunteer. But you have to sit on my lap when you do it,” Jason said, smirking. Teresa covered her face with her hands.
“Jesus, how drunk are you two?’ Mason asked.
“What is even happening right now?” Laura said. “Maybe we should like…stop?”
“What else do we have to do? Not like we have food, working phones or the ability to drive right now.” Tim asked.
“I can’t believe this.” Teresa sighed. She climbed onto Jason’s lap, got close, and started to nibble on his ear.
“Stop!” Jason yelled. “I believe you! We’re good!”
We all looked at Tim. “Do we all believe her?” Everyone was in agreement. “Then I’ll allow it.”
Teresa quietly returned back to her seat. Her face was beet red.
“I’m so glad that didn’t actually just happen,” David said.
“Mason go,” Davina said, her head looking the other way.
“Guess I’m up. Someone really pissed me off one time. So, I snuck into their place late at night, and painted ‘I’m watching you’ in red on their walls. We’re all a little weird,” Mason said.
“Woah. That’s pretty fucked up Mason. You’ve got to be lying,” David said. Mason pulled out his phone and showed us all the picture. There he was in a room with red painted lettering behind him. “I guess I was wrong,” David mumbled. Laura was next in the circle.
“Remember that guy Sean from school? Well, he was a creep. He had been stalking me and wouldn’t leave me alone for days…so I…falsely accused him of sexual assault. We’re all a little weird,” Laura said.
“What the fuck Laura? Are you serious?” Jason asked, putting some gauze on his ear. She wasn’t looking any of us in the eyes.
“Jesus that’s messed up,” Mason said. He passed me another beer.
“Look the authorities wouldn’t do anything! I didn’t know what to do!” she replied, taking another swig of her drink. “I know it’s bad but who knows what he would’ve done to me if I didn’t?”
These were getting personal.
“Let’s just move on,” I said, pausing for a moment. Did I really want to tell this story? Ahh what the hell I have some liquid courage in me. “I’m up anyway. My brother and I were messing around downtown and playing with my lighter. A trick didn’t go exactly as planned…and…I accidentally set an abandoned building in town on fire. We’re all a little weird.”
“That was you? Didn’t someone die?” Teresa asked. I gently nodded. I was playing with the lighter and before I knew it the fire had spiraled out of control, and we ran. I found out later a homeless guy was staying there and hadn’t made out. I’d buried it inside ever since.
“I don’t even know what to think,” David said.
“Me either,” Laura replied.
“No kidding. I’m shook,” Jason said.
I ducked my head. The crackling of the fire was the only sound made within in the circle.
I can’t believe I just told them that. We were getting pretty drunk if I was telling this story.
Even my vision was starting to go.
Tim was up.
“Looks like people are getting pretty out of it so I’ll wrap this up. I’ve been planning this trip for months and it’s lived up to the hype. You guys really are a bunch of weirdos. Now that I’ve spiked all your drinks, it’s about time I get down to business. I’m going to kill you all. We’re all a little weird.”
Credit: Sam Gallenberger
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