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The Murder Of Innocence

Estimated reading time — 2 minutes

You awake at a crossroads. You have no idea how you got there or how long you have slept. There are five signposted directions to take: Life, Death, Fortune, Fate and Destiny. As counter-intuitive as it may seem, you must, MUST, take the road to Death first. When you arrive at your destination after hours of walking (which was strangely untaxing on your legs) you find a house with boarded-up windows and a large, black portal with an ornate ivory door-knocker. Using the knocker will cause a wooden hand to form out of the wordwork of the door, and into this hand you must place the Ivory Key you found earlier.

Wait, I did mention the key, right? It’s sort of vital to continue.

Oh hell, wait a minute, I skipped ahead in the walkthrough. I must’ve tapped PgDwn or something. Hang on..

Okay, did you get past the minotaur yet? By tricking it into walking into the fire pits using the red scarf? Did I tell you to take the Death path first? Okay, wait, no.. no, this is.. ah, right, no, go down the “Fate” path first. There’s a gemstone down there that opens a portcullis in the Destiny path. Man, I’ve been going about this all backwards. Let’s start over:


You awake at a crossroads. Since you’ve read the Magician’s Journal, you already know that the Teleportation Ritual has deposited you here as a test to claim your rightful place as King of Etheria. Wait, this is for the second playthrough, oh goddammit. Here, just bring up the console and type “isuckatcreepypastamakemeaspellmaster” to unlock all the spells. Then just fireball everything until you win. You win when everything is on fire. Hooray!


And then you die. Of, uh, I don’t know, SIDS. That’ll teach you to get trapped in one of these stories.

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86 thoughts on “The Murder Of Innocence”

  1. that guy...yeah,him

    this story was a good break from reading creepy pasta all day. i understand the frustration and anger of haters of the story because this was probably the first pasta they read today and they were probably looking to be scared. but if youve had a creepy pasta marathon like me enjoying your friday night then this story would prepare you for more so thank you. the story would honestly make a great video game and if i ever get the money for it i will make this game,edited and actually good however. it will have the same name and will be for ps3. play it in a few years when it comes out!

  2. Amusing, but boring. Joke stories are only good when they are either incredibly funny or have a decent storyline. This had a bit of both. To the author, work out the storyline before you start writing.

    Fear the Darkness


  3. Ooooh hahah. Yeah I lold. As soon as the key was mentioned I was thinking, “What key?” Will bring a friend next time I eat this.

  4. I thought it was amusing at first, but then it just pissed me off that the narrator couldn’t get his shit straight. This so makes me not want to do this ritual.

  5. “Okay, did you get past the minotaur yet? By tricking it into walking into the fire pits using the red scarf?”


  6. ahhh… I’m an idiot. It took me a while to get it but I just looked at it again and finally realized what this pasta was trying to do. I can’t stand those stupid ritual pastas. They are extremely repetitive, pointless and aren’t in the least bit creepy. So, for making fun of them, I applaud the author. Well done sir.

  7. A good idea, but it just wasn’t funny. It could have been great, but it… just didn’t quite reach lol status for me.

    ive been gone for so long, this is the first pasta i decide to read and it’s THIS???!!!
    it wasn’t even a joke pasta…its just garbage!

  9. I feel like whoever wrote this just read the first joke pasta and figured they were clever enough to write on too.

    They weren’t.

  10. It was meh, except for the line about fireballs, and winning. That made me smile.

    …I’ve been playing Sonic’s Ultimate Genesis Collection too much >.<

  11. Blinded by Tears

    This is probably the dumbest pasta on the site. Sheesh, I could write better. Now I wish I had the time *shrugs*

  12. This story reads like a total asshole/douchebag wrote it.

    Game walkthroughs can never be funny in any context, ever…plz note and then kill yourself

    1. Holy crap ‘anon’ you want pol to kill themselves? That’s rude. Don’t do t again, unless you want cryberbullying to happen to you >:(

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