You awake at a crossroads. You have no idea how you got there or how long you have slept. There are five signposted directions to take: Life, Death, Fortune, Fate and Destiny. As counter-intuitive as it may seem, you must, MUST, take the road to Death first. When you arrive at your destination after hours of walking (which was strangely untaxing on your legs) you find a house with boarded-up windows and a large, black portal with an ornate ivory door-knocker. Using the knocker will cause a wooden hand to form out of the wordwork of the door, and into this hand you must place the Ivory Key you found earlier.
Wait, I did mention the key, right? It’s sort of vital to continue.
Oh hell, wait a minute, I skipped ahead in the walkthrough. I must’ve tapped PgDwn or something. Hang on..
Okay, did you get past the minotaur yet? By tricking it into walking into the fire pits using the red scarf? Did I tell you to take the Death path first? Okay, wait, no.. no, this is.. ah, right, no, go down the “Fate” path first. There’s a gemstone down there that opens a portcullis in the Destiny path. Man, I’ve been going about this all backwards. Let’s start over:
You awake at a crossroads. Since you’ve read the Magician’s Journal, you already know that the Teleportation Ritual has deposited you here as a test to claim your rightful place as King of Etheria. Wait, this is for the second playthrough, oh goddammit. Here, just bring up the console and type “isuckatcreepypastamakemeaspellmaster” to unlock all the spells. Then just fireball everything until you win. You win when everything is on fire. Hooray!
And then you die. Of, uh, I don’t know, SIDS. That’ll teach you to get trapped in one of these stories.
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WHO WAS CROSSROADS
I like it but I don’t like it
Huh.
…wha?
what’s the point of this?
That was awful. I’m gonna go read something that makes me afraid of the dark.
I had such high hopes for this story
It had all the key words in the title… “Murder” “Innocence” “The”
Dafuq did i just read
come on, people. this is obviously a joke to make fun of all the pastas like this.
LIGHTEN UP!
Ummmmm…. Qwat?
OK, wait a minute…I die of Sudden Infant Death Syndrome?
It was cute. I lol’d.
uhh? what? forget you im going down the path labeled destiny.
potential to be funny but didn’t quite get there…the whole walkthrough idea was clever though
SIDS?! OH NO!
this story was a good break from reading creepy pasta all day. i understand the frustration and anger of haters of the story because this was probably the first pasta they read today and they were probably looking to be scared. but if youve had a creepy pasta marathon like me enjoying your friday night then this story would prepare you for more so thank you. the story would honestly make a great video game and if i ever get the money for it i will make this game,edited and actually good however. it will have the same name and will be for ps3. play it in a few years when it comes out!
Amusing, but boring. Joke stories are only good when they are either incredibly funny or have a decent storyline. This had a bit of both. To the author, work out the storyline before you start writing.
Fear the Darkness
-Nex
that’s 2 minutes of my life i cant get back….would have been better spent watching paint dry
Ooooh hahah. Yeah I lold. As soon as the key was mentioned I was thinking, “What key?” Will bring a friend next time I eat this.
BUT WHO WAS RITUAL PASTA?
Awesome name wasted on an unfunny ritual pasta parody. The Only Sensible Ritual Pasta is funnier and better-written.
SHUT THE FUCK UP.
Sudden infant death syndrome? But I’m older than 1 year already.
lol
Now see, this is perfect because it’s a brilliant satire of most ritual pastas.
Lame as hell… but I LOLed
oh lol
I thought it was amusing at first, but then it just pissed me off that the narrator couldn’t get his shit straight. This so makes me not want to do this ritual.
i smirked, kinda stupid pasta here but it’s worthy enough.
“Okay, did you get past the minotaur yet? By tricking it into walking into the fire pits using the red scarf?”
EPIC REFERENCE TO KING’S QUEST VIII. <3
ahhh… I’m an idiot. It took me a while to get it but I just looked at it again and finally realized what this pasta was trying to do. I can’t stand those stupid ritual pastas. They are extremely repetitive, pointless and aren’t in the least bit creepy. So, for making fun of them, I applaud the author. Well done sir.
A good idea, but it just wasn’t funny. It could have been great, but it… just didn’t quite reach lol status for me.
R U KIDDING ME?!
ive been gone for so long, this is the first pasta i decide to read and it’s THIS???!!!
-headdesk-
boooooo!
it wasn’t even a joke pasta…its just garbage!
Win. Not as good as Day of All the Blood or what the fuck ever it’s called.
A good attempt, but a failed joke.
Wait wut?
Severe Immune Deficiency Syndrome?
new strand of AIDS i presume?
I lol’d.
Hell of a lot better than that Caps Lock blood shit.
This made me actually laugh out loud, now my co-workers are wondering what’s up.
lol Funny.
LOL!
I feel like whoever wrote this just read the first joke pasta and figured they were clever enough to write on too.
They weren’t.
I chuckled. :]
hmm.. nah.
Well, I lol’d.
The stork one was better
It was meh, except for the line about fireballs, and winning. That made me smile.
…I’ve been playing Sonic’s Ultimate Genesis Collection too much >.<
I laughed.
awful lotta QQ goin on up in here from some very humorless children
Pffft, this was an awesome parody, I don’t care what anyone says.
Uh…what?
better than the holder’s series, for sure
oh i love that game, i didn’t get to that part yet though :(
I’m sorry, but this sucked.
THEN WHO WAS HORDAK?
This is probably the dumbest pasta on the site. Sheesh, I could write better. Now I wish I had the time *shrugs*
FAIL.
Sounds like a twelve year old relaying their “awesome” GTA run, when they died 47 times.
This reminds me of when I didn’t like a pasta, and I commented anyways.
XD I lol’d a bit.
BUT WHO WAS FOURTH WALL???
ha ha. It sounds like most of the ritual pasters exept gone wrong.
Lame as hell.
Mildly amusing.
EPIC.
I absolutley LOVED this one.
Joke pasta is a joke.
It’s not April Fools, so I have no time for worthless, unfunny jokes.
….What….?
I’ll admit, I thought it was cute.
LOL WTF?
Hahahahahahaha. Funny pasta is funny.
HHAHAHAHAH I lol’d
I lol’d
April’s Fools was over.
This joke pasta fails at life. It gave me a head ache. I’m going to mope now. Thank you.
Meh
Joke pasta wasn’t funny.
lol this is great
AWESOME!
I thought april’s fools was over.
This story reads like a total asshole/douchebag wrote it.
Game walkthroughs can never be funny in any context, ever…plz note and then kill yourself
Holy crap ‘anon’ you want pol to kill themselves? That’s rude. Don’t do t again, unless you want cryberbullying to happen to you >:(
Thanks for pointing this comment out, it has been deleted.
lollin.
I thought only babies died of Sudden Infant Death Syndrome..
Ohwell…
Awesome.
Another joke pasta? this one’s less funny though.
*SHRUGS* I just wanna shoot the writer for this carrot top-esque pasta.