Saturday, February 23, 2019

The Cat in the Hat Strikes Back

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    Estimated reading time — 5 minutes

    The sun did not shine.
    It was too wet to play.
    So she sat in the house
    All that cold, cold, wet day.

    She just sat in a chair
    All alone, by herself.
    As she watched the paint dry
    On her brand new bookshelf.

    Too wet to go out
    And too cold to play ball.
    As she sat in the house,
    And did nothing at all.
    And then
    Something went BUMP!
    How that bump made her jump!

    She looked!
    Then she saw him step in on that mat!
    She looked!
    And she saw him!
    The Cat in the Hat!
    And he said to her,
    “Why do you sit there like that?”

    “I know it is wet
    And the sun is not sunny.
    But we can have
    Lots of good fun that is funny!”

    “I know some good games we could play,”
    Said the cat.
    “I know some good tricks,”
    Said the Cat in the Hat.
    “A lot of good tricks.
    I will show them to you.
    Your mother
    Will not mind at all if I do.”

    She sat there and she
    Did not know what to say.
    Her mother was out of the house
    For the day.

    But her fish said, “No! No!
    Make that cat go away!
    Tell that Cat in the Hat
    You do NOT want to play.
    He should not be here.
    He should not be about.
    He should not be here
    When your mother is out!”

    “Now! Now! Have no fear.
    Have no fear!” said the cat.
    “My tricks are not bad,”
    Said the Cat in the Hat.
    “Why, we can have
    Lots of good fun, if you wish,
    With a game that I call
    Let’s get rid of the fish!”
    Then the cat chased the fish
    Until she was caught.
    And the fish hit the Cat in the head
    With a pot.

    “STOP!” Yelled the girl
    “You do not have to fight
    Either leave her alone or
    you’re leaving!” “Alright”
    Said the cat. “I’ll let the fish be.
    Besides, there is something
    I want you to see.”

    And then he ran out.
    And, then, fast as a whirl,
    The Cat in the Hat
    Came back in with a girl.

    She was a cute girl
    With eyes that shone bright.
    With a sweatshirt and jeans
    And teeth that shone white

    Then he introduced her
    With a tip of his hat.
    “Here’s someone I’d like you to meet,”
    Said the cat.
    “She’s a sweet little girl
    I will show to you now”
    And the girl gave a twirl.
    As the cat took a bow.

    “Here’s a sweet little girl
    And she wants to play
    She can bring you some fun
    On this cold, cold, wet day.
    She is just like you are,
    And I call her Thing One.
    Would you like to shake hands
    I’m sure you’ll have fun”

    She was so bored and
    She needed some fun.
    So she went to shake hands
    With the girl called Thing One.
    And as they shook hands.
    Her poor fish said, “No! No!
    These two should not be
    In the house! Make them go!

    “They should not be here
    When your mother is not!
    Put them out! Put them out!”
    Said the fish with the pot.
    “Have no fear little fish,”
    Said the Cat in the Hat.
    “For she’s a good Thing.”
    And he gave her a pat.
    “She is tame. Oh, so tame!
    She has come here to play.
    She will give you some fun
    On this wet, wet, wet day.”
    “Now why don’t you two go and play,”
    Said the cat.
    “Just be on your way”
    Said the Cat in the Hat.
    “No! No do not go!”
    Said the fish with the pot.
    “Do not leave me alone
    With this cat. You cannot.
    Oh, I do not like cats!
    They scare me, I admit!
    Oh, I do not like this!
    Not one little bit!”

    But she went anyway,
    She ran down the hall.
    With Thing One, hand in hand,
    They went to play dolls!
    Hand in hand they went
    To play dolls down the hall.

    And left in the room
    Was the fish and the cat.
    The fish with the cat,
    Well, she did not like that.
    The fish was afraid
    Of the Cat in the Hat.
    He looked like a cat
    But he smelled like a rat!

    The cat said to the fish
    With a gleam in his eyes.
    “You know, we cats eat fish
    This fact can’t be denied”
    The fish shook with fear
    As she attempted to run
    But it’s not just Thing Ones
    That want to have fun.

    The cat won in the end,
    The fish was no more.
    “Well she didn’t put up much of a fight
    What a bore.”
    Then who should come back
    But the girl and Thing One?
    And the Cat in the Hat asked
    “Did you two have fun?”

    “We did” said Thing One
    “But now she’s dried out
    She’s no fun anymore”
    Said Thing One with a pout.
    “Well that’s the entire idea”
    Said the Cat
    “Now you’ll take her place”
    Said the Cat in the Hat

    “We’ll go house to house
    All over the world
    Taking the life force
    Of each boy and girl
    While their parents are gone
    And it’s too wet to play
    We will show up
    And take them away
    The best time to drain them
    Is when their having fun
    Then they’ll all be replaced
    With Thing Twos and Thing Ones”

    “Now take her outside”
    Said the cat to Thing One
    “Soon she’ll be nothing,
    Just beams in the sun.
    Then come back inside,
    There’s work to be done
    We’ve so much to do
    We’ve only begun.”

    Thing One went outside,
    The girl trailing behind
    Lifeless and slow
    Not a thought in her mind.

    Then the cat said “What fun
    So much fun to be done
    When the world is made up of
    Thing Twos and Thing Ones
    No more boring kids
    Just moping about
    For my Things will find fun
    Of this I’ve no doubt”

    Thing One came back in
    In the clothes of the girl
    “Are you ready to take her,
    Place in this world?”
    The new girl gave a nod
    And the Cat said, “Then that’s that.”
    And then he was gone
    With a tip of his hat.

    So, she sat in the chair
    All alone, by herself.
    As she watched the paint dry
    On her brand new book shelf.
    When her mother came in
    She said “What did you do?”
    Well, what would YOU do

    If your mother asked YOU?

    Credit To – Ivy Witch (and obviously inspired by The Cat in the Hat)

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