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Kill the Killers (Parody)



Estimated reading time — 9 minutes

The shack was dark, almost, too dimly lit for a normal person to see into. But he was used to it, after years of wandering the darkness his eyes had accustomed to the absence of light. The only source of luminance was the screen of a small computer, too old to do more than simply process small internet searches.

In the quiet light of the monitor, his features were simply made out. He was grotesque by the most basic of standards. Nothing about him was recognizable as human. His eyes were bloodshot with the inability to blink, and due to the lack of eyelids, mounds of crust formed where the tear ducts should have been. The sickening shade of white that colored his face, and the rest of his body, was a nauseating bone color. And the scars were the most disturbing part, the burns that had healed up caused flaking and a horrible sheen in some areas. This man was no longer human, neither in body nor in spirit. The small amount of emotion left in him was simply rage. Love was as non-tangible to him as the moon.

He sat there staring at the screen his askew mouth agape in horror as he read. The looks of disgust that registered on his disfigured face, would make many believe he was watching the ‘BME Pain Olympics’ Final Round. It was, in fact, much worse.

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In front of his eyes unfolded the most disturbing things he had ever envisioned. Some female, had written something, beyond legible, passing almost into the infantile. A shudder passed down his distorted visage. Her claims of carnal knowledge of his body disturbed him, and even slightly nauseated him. This was enough for him.

He stood up from his kneeling position on the unsound floor, grabbed his knifes, and headed to a nearby house. Quickly and silently he moved around the place, this was no time for his normal Theatrics. There was no prelude, no “Go to Sleep” that had made him famous. No the butchering was quick and simple. Jeff the Killer needed to make a phone call, the situation was out of hand.

**

“Take HIM DOWN!” She screamed at the top of her lungs at the television set in front of her. Almost as disturbing to look at, Jane could care less, anymore that is. All those years ago she would have killed Jeff, given half a chance. These days, however, she rarely ever ventured into the daylight. Her marred beauty no longer hurt her the way it had once. Now she sits around during the day watching pro wrestling. For some reason she got it into her head that it would be possible to find a new rival here.

Reconciling her differences with Jeff had left her completely bereft of an opponent worthy of her talents, all because they tried to “hook-up” a couple years ago. Jane nearly choked on her soda at the thought of that travesty.
The ringing of the phone snapped her out of her thoughts. Who the hell was calling her….

“City Morgue, you stab them we slab them, how may I take your order today?” She answered the phone laughing.

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“What the Hell Jane?” The voice on the other end quizzed. “Did you take some kind of fucked up happy pills today?”

Jane’s eyes narrowed and she growled into the receiver.

“Listen here you charred briquette, just because I no longer want to kill you for maiming me does not mean that I won’t should you piss me off.” Jane sighed. She just wanted to be whimsy, was that so wrong?

“Blah, blah, blah, I have something that we need to take care of, and as soon as possible if you don’t mind.” Jeff was exasperated.

Jane thought on what he was saying as he explained everything to her. Jumping onto her computer she listened to him talk. Crappypasta.com……was typed carefully into the web-browser. Her annoyance hit the fan in less time than it would take to get Miley Cyrus to lick a piece of construction equipment.

“What the holy shit is this?” Jane yelled out loud…Forgetting Jeff was on the phone she preceded to begin a rant that caused every nun in the state to begin praying for no apparent reason

“Fuck shit fuck…..” Jane was just swearing to swear at this point. “Why the hell would I wear a mask? Or have kids, all they do is eat, shit, and scream; Like I really want to deal with that bullshit.” Jane quickly gathered her own set of knives and headed over to her friends place.

**

Entering into the broken down cottage in the middle of the woods, a tall and dark figure ducked below the cross-beam. His most recent work out with his personal trainer, Hans, left his tendrils feeling like Jell-o.

Slenderman sat down in his lazy-boy chair and had just propped his feet up when there was a banging on the door. Sighing he stood up and dragged his sore overly long limbs to the door. Standing at the crumbling entrance was Jeff and Jane, both looking utterly pissed off.

“Yo Slendy my man, we have a major problem.” Jeff started off right away.

Dragging Slenderman to the computer in the back room, Jeff proceeded to show him the worst story he had ever found on the internet.

By the end Slenderman was puking out the window into his garden. Jeff tried not to envision what it was like for a man to purge when he had no mouth.

After a while the three of them sat in a circle discussing how they were going to deal with their problems, and it was decided that they would all target an author to destroy. The method of destruction would correlate directly to the offence that was written.

**

Jane stood outside her target’s house. A 15 year old female whom had felt it was okay to tell a story in which she inserted herself into the Jeff/Jane the killer world. Jane’s inner Grammar Nazi began to emerge. The complete lack of comma’s had her seeing red.

Having made sure the girl’s parents had left the house, Jane snuck in. Climbing the stairs slowly, careful not to creak, she made her way to the female’s room. Carefully she looked into the crack of the door the girl was typing away on her keyboard. Jane decided to drop the quiet approach and kicked in the door.

The girl’s head whipped around. The second her eyes registered the form before her, a squeal of excitement escaped her adolescent lips.

“OH MAH GAWDDDDDD” the girl jumped up from her computer chair and began to jump around the room.

Jane looked around the room in horror; every wall was plastered with fan rendered images of her and Jeff. Some naked, some in compromising positions. Agitation quickly replaced the disgust and quick as lightning, Jane pulled out some rope.

The girl didn’t even seem to notice what was going on. She was still in random, taco, middle school mode. Her ramblings were too fast to even make sense, something about wanting to get Jeff’s phone number off of her so that she could rub it in the face of “Besties.”

Jane snapped and trussed the girl up faster than a cowboy at a hog tying contest. Standing back she admired her handiwork. Then she grabbed the keyboard off of the computer desk.

The girl started crying, A thing that Jane pointedly ignored. Pulling out her knife she popped off a key on the keyboard.

“Do you know what the most used letter in the English language is?” She giggled at the hysterical girl.
“It is the letter ‘E’.” Jane screamed it at her face, forcing the key down the girls throat. “You see, when people completely ignore the basic constructs of the English language, I get a bit testy.” Jane was now screaming like a banshee.

“You use question marks when asking a fucking question, dipshit!” The question mark key was the next to be stuffed into the girl’s gullet.

One by one, Jane shoved every key down the girl’s throat. Forcing her to literally eat the words she had butchered then published on the internet. Taking the now barren keyboard, she pulled back and smacked it across the girls face.

The girl sat there crying, blood trickling from the corner of her mouth, snot dripping from her nose. Her stomach was horribly distended and she was having difficulty breathing. She looked up at Jane trying to speak, but was met with cold heartless eyes.

Jane grabbed her knife and slowly made her way over to the broken girl. Her smile was sadistic, lopsided with the uneven pull of burned and scared muscle on her face. With a thrust she drove the knife into the girls stomach slicing it open, the eaten keys poured out. By now the girl only had moments left to live. She was unable to cry, let alone speak.

Jane stood there smiling at her, watching as the light faded from her eyes. Turning around, she grinned
evilly at the web-cam that was mounted on top of the desktop monitor. The face on the screen stared in sheer terror.

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“Pass on the literature lesson.” Jane said and turned and walked out of the room.

**

Jeff sat in the tree outside his victims house, the girl he was hunting was a 14 year old who created horrible stories about sleeping with him. The shudder that ran along his spine almost dislodged him from his tree.

She walked into the room looking around even gazing out of the window. Letting out a sigh she closed the door behind her. When Jeff saw what was behind the door he almost fell out of his tree again, there mounted on the back of the door, was a life sized “manga” poster of him. With no pretense he dove through the glass window, scaring the shit out of the girl.

She screamed for her mom, but what she didn’t know is that Jeff had already silenced her family.

“You want to be beautiful like me right?” Jeff asked the girl doing his best to sound romancy.

The girl struggled then her eyes opened wider. The horrid visage in front of her was nothing like she fantasized about. His bleach white face made her want to retch. The bile rising up into her throat was stopped by the hand he wrapped around her Larynx.

“See girl you wanted to look like me now you will look like me. Just like me.” Pushing her out of the window into the kiddy pool he had filled with bleach, he laughed maniacally. “Just like me Girl, we will be Forever beautiful.”

Just saying the words, Jeff wanted to wash his mouth out with soap, god who would want a 14 year old girl friend. He hated 14 year old girls when he was 14. Nothing had changed after all these years.

Looking out the window he saw the girl floundering in the bleach pool, looking disinterested he lit and dropped a Zippo lighter into the pool. It instantly went up in flames. The girl screamed for a few moments before going silent.

“Oops….I thinks I may have over cooked the lamb.” Jumping out he grabbed onto the tree and climbed down.

He looked down at the girl. She was burnt to a crisp but somehow still breathing. The girl tried to smile up at him, but failed.

“Am I beautiful now?”

Jeff recoiled, this was not the reaction he was hoping for.

“What is with girls these days? Why won’t you die already?” Jeff huffed at her.

“Because, I love you Jeff, I want to be with you forever, I want to have your children.”

She tried to sit up and reach towards him, which should have been impossible. (But this is a story so what the hell why not.)

Jeff tilted his head back and laughed until he was gasping for breath. The girl looked at him strangely. Why was he laughing at her, that was so mean.

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“I…I can’t have children you stupid fucking kid….I don’t have a penis. I lost it in a horrible zipper accident when I tried to hook up with Jane….of course by horrible Zipper accident I mean she had braces.”

The girl looked horrified no penis? But then who would she fantasize about. Maybe she could just pretend that Jeff had never told her that. Jeff continued laughing and talking to her.
“And what makes you think that I want a Pre-pubescent teenager any ways? Look, I’m a sociopath, not a pedophile. Not to mention, I really don’t dig pizza faces. Not that you have that issue anymore do you, then again you don’t have a face anymore.”

The girl tried to cry but her tear ducts were burnt away. She looked up just in time to see Jeff towering over her with a knife.

“Go to Sleep.” Jeff slit her throat and walked away. Looking back over his shoulder he sighed. Kids today….

**

Slenderman was slinking around in the woods behind his victim’s home. He had the worst punishment he could imagine in mind. He picked up the bucket at his feet and blended into shadow. He began to head towards his target.

Her story was by far the worst of the worst, spawning almost as much hate mail as “did you stumble across herobrine.” He shuddered, she had turned him into a complete bishie…damn-it how hard was it to figure out he was gay, why on earth would he want a girl let alone breed with one.

He was halfway across the lawn when he was stopped by a set of headlights. He froze, that was a Mustang, oh shit.

Not now, please not now, not when his plan was almost complete. The mustang stopped and out stepped a man. Who looked like your average middle aged dad. He brushed back his duster and pulled out a desart egal.

“Put the bucket down Slenderman, or pacemaker is going to put a hole in your gut.”

Slenderman sat down the bucket, and put his tendrils up. Everyone knew you didn’t fuck with the time traveling dad. He was the coolest dad ever. And chances are if you did Yossarian would tear you a new asshole in the comments.

“Slendy, you know using legos for this author is going too far. Why are you making me do this?” TTD asked like any patronizing father would. Slendy pulled out his mobile phone slowly and showed the story to TTD.

The look on the fathers face went from annoyed to disgusted. He looked back and forth between the story, the comments and the legos.

“You know derpbutt is going to be pissed. He said Legos are going to far. But, I am all for it, lets go Slendy, that shit was just plain wrong.”

Between TTD and Slendy they were able too pour legos all over the writers room, put tacks in her shoes, and in essence make her life miserable.

Slendy followed her around for about a year, placing legos under the arches of her feet everwhere she went.

Paybacks are a Bitch.

Credit To – Ahriannah, with thanks to CrappyPasta Regulars

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Copyright Statement: Unless explicitly stated, all stories published on Creepypasta.com are the property of (and under copyright to) their respective authors, and may not be narrated or performed under any circumstance.

180 thoughts on “Kill the Killers (Parody)”

  1. Thank you. Pasta are not regular they dont have s-e-x. ( the word scares me ) The Jeff fan so funny she was nuts!!!!! #Fans need to chill??????

  2. .Ryan.The.Human.

    This is the best Creepypasta ever, I loved everything! The payback against those teenage girls I LOVED it!

    rating it 12336/10

  3. Nicola Marie Jackson

    I stupidly googled Pain Olympics. Shouldn’t have. Watched the Final Round. Shouldn’t have. Feel unclean and yet rather than shower I’m putting on another video. Shouldn’t have.

  4. “I lost it in a horrible zipper accident when I tried to hook up with Jane….of course by horrible Zipper accident I mean she had braces.”
    So Jeff accidentally cut his dick off with a zipper because his zipper got stuck in Jane’s braces when she tried to do a blowjob?

  5. i like how Jane Shoves the keys down this girls throat then kills her That was awesome but i woulda liked it if you didnt leave slendy’s part out :[

  6. yeah, that sounds about right……………..and people wonder why this hardcore-creepypasta fan dont write the creepypastas……………..

  7. Oh my god slendys punishment was hilarious andTTD and when heff said I don’t have a penis I lost it in the zipper accident when him and jane were hooking up and the girl was I’ll pretend he didn’t say that

  8. Even though I haven’t read the ‘inspiration’ material for this pasta, it made my day. It’s not just here that the ‘fan-girl/boy’ crowd completely decimate characters for their own fantasies. There were moments reading this where I was elated, and there was some fantastic imagery going on.

    Thank you for this, although I’m sure I’ll shortly be condemning you for forcing me to read the ‘inspiration’ materials I’m about to seek out now >_<

  9. Ahriannah:
    No worries its a parody. Something’s are going to seem off. If I did miss something I would like to know so I can correct it.

    You missed 2 things here. First, there should be NO apostrophe when forming the plural in Something’s [sic]. Second, the proper phrasing is “some things” (two separate words). Further, the story/pasta itself is awkwardly written, with tons of grammatical errors and too many “big” words that fail to impress and just add to the awkward phrasings. And “desart egal”? Do you mean “Desert Eagle”?

  10. There is just one word to describe this. one lonely word, well, two. two lonely words. Epic. F***ing epic.

  11. Idemandyoursoul

    Laughing at the Grammar Nazi part, as “knifes” should be “knives” commenting on punctuation then writing “girl’s parents” was genius, and ending with the amazing misspelling of Eagle was beautiful :)

  12. It’s cool that your a girl that likes the pastas and doesn’t fangirl over them no offense, most of the girls I know fangirl over one thing or another. This is a great story and 1 that I will show to my friends, especially the pasta fangirls.

  13. Holy crap, this was the first pasta I have ever read, and it’s better than some bestsellers! Better yet, it follows 3 of the best pastas. Its funny, clever, and 1 of the best stories I have ever read.

  14. This is so fantastic I can’t even!!! I too am so sick and tired of fangirls and their hormone fueled fantisies. Gahhhh!!! Haha I totally lost it at Jeff’s (zipper incident)

  15. Just someone...

    People this is what you get for messing with creepypasta characters.(and as in messing,i mean posting horrible stories enough to make them kill you)((IF there real))
    Anyway, best parody ever.thumbs up to AHRIANNAH!!

  16. How dare you Legos?! Tacks are fine even burning her feet is fine! But Legos that’s just too much!

  17. Jane and Jeff’s bit was kinda brutal, but as i got to Slender’s bit I was laughing my ass off. Great story Ahrianna

  18. this such horror story…. i had even played the game of slender….. slenderman has described very nicely in the story…

  19. I’m surprised the new saw is themed with Lego,

    Brill parody pasta I love it! Espeshally the thing about slendy puking, it really cracked me up!

    Carry on!

    0 0
    V
    \__/

    1. uhoh lol.

      Well I would be happy to read it for you. My email is on my Blog. So just follow my link and you can email it to me….I LOVE reading….To the point when I was in trouble as a kid my parents grounded me from my books…and grounded me to play OUTSIDE.

      They were smart…

      1. Nicola Marie Jackson

        My Mum did the same! “Carry on and your going outside to play” was a regular threat. I thought I was alone in this, I’m so happy! Xx

  20. Hehehe so wonderful, Jane’s payback. I, too, am a Grammar/Spelling Nazi (or in this case Soviet) and absolutely HATE it when people use text talk or misspell something where it is just unbelievable (like when someone types “ttyl bff u r meh bst friend eva.” or “tht was funneh XD”) It’s like..Come on! It really isn’t difficult to use proper grammar and spelling, is it? As for Jeff’s, that was absolutely amazing. I can’t stand sluts. You know what I can’t stand more? People who FUCKING WANT SEX WITH A CREEPYPASTA! And you know what I can’t stand even MORE? PEOPLE WHO MAKE FUCKING MANGAS AND “HOT” FANARTS OF THINGS THAT ARE SUPPOSED TO BE SCARY, CREEPY, OR BADASS. That pisses me off so much. Honestly, I can NEVER think of ANY of the Creepypastas being my boyfriend. They’re badass. They’re MEANT to be badass. Leave it like that. The fact that people read a Creepypasta and suddenly thing they’re “hot” is NOT acceptable. Look at Jeff’s story, for example. He has burnt eyelids, bleached leather like skin, and a smile carved into his face. Some people suddenly think that he has no nose, which it never says he doesn’t have a nose in the story. And then there are these fangirls writing fanfictions of dating him. Well, think about what he ACTUALLY looks like. I think he’s badass but do I want to date him? No. (No Offense) I didn’t really get Slenderman’s though. One second *rereads the paragraph*
    Sorry if I got this wrong but, I think the author wrote something like a anime Yaoi or something with Slenderman. That isn’t the worst, but it is close. Really? I mean, really? You want to write a fucking paragraph on Slenderman saying he’s gay/likes sex? Are you FUCKING kidding me? (This doesn’t go to the person who wrote this story by the way, I’m merely explaining how stupid people are)
    Now, this is my final decision. I believe that this story is amazing, teaching how it is bad to think of Creepypasta as a place to fuck around. It’s not. People who believe this site to be any of the following should not even be at this site: Yaoi, Manga, Anime, Porn, Hentai, Cute, Fangirling, Fanboying, Crushing, Misspelling, not using proper grammar, preps, or writing shit on how “HOT” a CP is.
    This site is for: Scaring, creeping people out, and for badass motherfuckers.
    This isn’t a site for fangirls or anything like that. If you believe this is for fangirling ANY of what I said was BAD, you should get out and find some wannabe shit for a scary story site.
    This story is saying how all the fangirling/porn/hentai/yaoi/crushing is BAD. Must I spell it out? B-A-D. I would like to that you, writer, for creating this story. It shows that all of that bullshit should stop.
    ~Shadowblade

    1. Wow, That was long, but I persevered :)

      Yes the Slendy one was about the infamous slendy-porn on CrappyPasta. (please check it out Slender: My Personal Account) And I made him gay, because maybe the fangirls would just walk away, however, I doubt it.

      Thank you for your comment/break down. I appreciate the positive feedback!

    2. There is no such thing as a grammar Nazi. Nazi’s were a political group who did not control every damn aspect of life. Until you get it in your head that putting the word Nazi in front of a word does not make you any sort of a Nazi.

      Rommel:

      There is no such thing as a grammar Nazi. Nazi’s were a political group who did not control every damn aspect of life. Until you get it in your head that putting the word Nazi in front of a word does not make you any sort of a Nazi.

      “Hate is more lasting than dislike.”

  21. Dude this is easily my favorite story by far I loved when slender put Legos all over the room. I think Legos are the worst pain ever.

  22. ForeverMyMaster

    She tried to sit up and reach towards him, which should have been impossible. (But this is a story so what the hell why not.)

    I died laughing here. I also found it hilarious when Slender threw up, my immediate thought was How can he puke with no face? Then you yourself said the same thing, and I just knew lmfao this is amazing! Congrazzles!

  23. Goal in life: get submission approved

    Does derpbutt ever critique/leave his thoughts about a pasta in the comments? Just curious.

  24. Although I didn’t understand all the references until I googled them (BME Pain Olympics? Why does that even exist?!? Oh, and thanks for that, BTW. My scrotum still hasn’t stopped crying) I still laughed pretty hard at your pasta. Well . . . except for the part about Miley Cyrus licking construction equipment. That just gave me wood.

  25. A Zerg Hydralisk (wearing a Traffic Cone on head)

    im happy to admit that whenever I get stressed out, whether its from the stupidity on crappypasta or real life issues, this is one of the things that help me forget about all the bullshit thrown around and think about the wonderful community we have on both of these sites. this community helps restore my faith in humanity.

  26. A Zerg Hydralisk (wearing a tophat)

    whoever can reply to this comment with a punishment that hurts more than stepping on legos will get to wear my tophat for an unknown amount of time.
    it most likely will not be too long, i NEED this tophat to be the Zerg Hydralisk i am!

      1. A Zerg Hydralisk (Wearing a Traffic Cone on head)

        are the paper cuts from stories with god-awful writing, grammar, etc.?

  27. I loved this. i showed this two my hispter friends who think Jeff “is like , so Hawt” and they read it. after reading it, they havent mentioned Jeff at all! Thank you 10/10

      1. A Zerg Hydralisk (wearing a tophat)

        of course I did, who couldn’t? this was the ultimate step against the fangirl infection, where a mere comment evolved into 3 different parody pastas, and those 3 parody pastas formed together and grew a structured body that links them! if this continues, we will be able to finally end the fangirl-fection!

        1. Well it was more like after a specific story I had enough. That story being Alexis and Jeff the Killer (A Scary Love Story) And, If it wasnt for the mass people saying some of the stuff that I saw It would not have even been written. Honestly, This story is the brain child of ALL of CrappyPasta. I only put it into a formation.

          I wonder if I can get the “CrappyPasta Regulars” to the Credits line?

        2. I would like that if it was possible Derp. So much of this story was propagated by the CP world…All of it starting with TyTiger getting bleeped, Yossarian creating a Time Traveling Dad to destroy bad inserts.

          This whole story has so many personalities in it, It would only seem right to add “CrappyPasta Regulars” To the credit line as well…

    1. You mean more parodys? Or jut more writing? If you mean Parodys, this was a one off and I dont think I could ever pull this off again. If you mean other Micro Fiction, I have three more, in the box that I am waiting to hear back on.

      Not going to lie, I am freaking out waiting to hear back about them. I was working on them far longer than I worked on this…..

      Yay Comments gave me anxiet attack..

      1. A Zerg Hydralisk (wearing a Traffic Cone on head)

        I wrote a parody pasta and I’ve been getting over-stressed about it… its been some time and I go back to read it with a billion thoughts in my head at once that seem to go around “is it good enough”?
        I don’t want to humiliate myself, yet I don’t want to decide that “its not worthy of the main site and I know it”, because that would result in a ban.
        of course im not sure if its good or not, that’s Derp’s decision, but im still extremely nervous and so on, the fact this is my first time. I should probably try to cool down a bit and stay confident… and if it ends up on crappypasta I got to do what I can to be better…
        not only am I nervous about seeing what the community thinks of my writing, but im also worried about how this will make me look as a person… …
        I need to stay confident… I cant seem like I’ve given up hope already…

        1. Zerg, at some point in time, you will reach the max ability you currently have to put into a story.

          My first story got rejected. But I did learn something from it. That something for me was, never write a story with my friends.

          The point is. So what if it ends up on CrappyPasta? If you put everything you have into it then people like CatherineC, and Faith, TO, Youss, and so on will HELP YOU.

          That is what it is for. Don’t be scared, and see what happens. You are not a mean commenter, so People wont jump you for being wrong, and submitting something that was not quite up to par.

    1. Thanks T.O. I appriciate it. :) My first rejection got me way to self concious. I really almost did not submit this at all. So the fact that it is well recieved…..It kind of tickles me pink….And suprises me.

      1. Yeah, I know how you feel. I was super duper hesitant to submit my own parodypasta (given that I wrote it in about 45 minutes during a sudden surge of inspiration and then spent another 20 minutes the next day tidying it up), but I guess that’s just usual with submitting to here, seeing as it’s such a major site.

        Can’t wait to see any future pastas (if you’re doing any more!)

        1. Yes, I have three more in the pipeline. However they are all related to mental illness, but considering my job in the mentaly unstable, It makes sense that I would go there.

          However, I just read a thing that says derp dislikes Psychosis related stories. So they prob won’t end up here.

          But either way, the link to them will be on my blog..

  28. This was the best story♥
    I am inspired by your creativity and descriptions you create!:)
    Also I love reading your stories and you make me imagine the story from the stories.
    Best of all you know how to make my day^.^♥

  29. Does anyone else find it ironic that in the sentence directly after stating Jane’s “inner Grammar Nazi” was coming out there was a grammatical error?
    That aside, that was funny as hell. I really enjoyed this parody, and normally the parodies annoy me to no end. Well done!

      1. I wasn’t sure. My apologies. I’m a jerk when it comes to things like that, completely unintentionally.

        1. No worries its a parody. Something’s are going to seem off. If I did miss something I would like to know so I can correct it.

  30. this is by far the best ParodyPasta i have EVER READ! but seriously, legos are are going way too far

  31. You know the pastas on Crappypasta are bad when Slendy pukes over them, though he doesn’t even have a mouth, much less a face.

    1. A Zerg Hydralisk (wearing a tophat)

      i know what hurts more than stepping on legos

      seeing the result of “a big cup of OHGODNO” on very fine after being put in SCP-whatsitcalled

  32. TheIntimateAvenger

    Can you imagine if these characters really did exist? They would freak out at the sight of bad slash fics. I love it.

  33. What would you call it if, instead of pairing themselves with Jeff and Slendy, the authors had paired them together? **slash-er fiction**. I crack myself up.
    I’m even more skeptical of parody pasta than I am of regular ones, but this blew me away. By the end there were parts that actually had me chuckling aloud, for instance, “god who would want a 14 year old girl friend. He hated 14 year old girls when he was 14.” Hell, I didn’t even like *being* a 14 year old girl.
    There were one or two little proofing errors, but I almost wonder if these were left in for further mocking the genre.
    There’s a lot of pasta rooted in revenge fantasy, but having famous characters protect their names against bad writers is inspired, and the kind of wrathful glee made for a wonderful romp.
    Also, was anyone at all surprised Slenderman is gay? I mean I’ve never seen him with a boyfriend but I just figured it was common knowledge.

    1. Most of the spelling errors you will find were intentional, As I was mocking three specific stories,
      Slender: My Personal Account.
      INSANE Serenity.
      And
      Jess the Killer.

      So most errors seen were taken from their stories and portrayed in here. I am sorry if I could not make that clear enough.

      )o(Blessed Be)o(
      Ahriannah

  34. This.. This is beyond awesome, this is immortaly funny, i was having cramps while reading. Great work! 10/10

  35. Ahriannah, that was beautiful. I loved it. The only thing I’m going to say is that TTD should have a shotgun, not a desert eagle. Still, this was amazing. 9/10. You just made my week and are currently my favorite person. Thank you.

    1. Thanks, Jaff. The thing was I know that he carries a shotgun. It was a play off of a story called Jealiousy, on Crappypasta. Between the story and some of the comments, and because of the genre that I was writing I changed it.

      I am sorry if it seems like I made a faux pax. I hope that it makes more sense now!

      )o(Blessed Be)o(
      Ahriannah

      1. Oh, that makes perfect sense now. I had to go actually read Jealiousy. That was one of the few crappypastas I actually couldn’t bring myself to finish in hopes of saving a few brain cells, lol. I had to read your parody again though, it’s still hilarious the second time through.

        Again, kudos. Too funny.

    2. A Zerg Hydralisk (wearing a tophat)

      don’t you mean “desert egale”?
      (see Jealiousy on Crappypasta.com to see what im talking about, all of us crappypasta regulars know what it is)

  36. Ahriannah this is beautiful. This is great. This is the best parody this year. All the little touches. It’s amazing. I can’t even nit-pick this it’s just to good. 10/10

    1. Thank you so much TY! It really means alot to me that it is well recieved. I worked on this for weeks. (you should have seen the original *shudders*)

      I really appriciate the feedback.

  37. I lost it at Slenderman puking. *laughs uncontrollably* This pasta got better and better with every sentence. Great story, Ahriannah!

  38. Yay….not to sound self centered…but I seriously want to thank all of the crappy/creepypasta people for giving me the courage to submit this story.

    I love you guys. This site has helped my self confidence immensely. (It took me two months to get the courage to even comment) if it wasn’t for the encouragement people had given me I would never have submited after my first rejection.

    Thank all of you

    )o(blessed be)o(
    Ahriannah

        1. To-kill-or-not-to-kill

          THere’a a manga?!?! You know, I kind of which Creepypasta was an anime or manga.

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