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Dedicated

dedicated
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Estimated reading time — 7 minutes

Times are tough. I need to leave this place and start somewhere new. People are beginning to look in my direction and I can’t have that. I need to get out before they start putting the dots together. The police were at my door today, asking questions. I think they believed me but you can never be to sure. This place, my home, my safety, holds the best and the worst memories of my life. How do I leave when it means I have to leave her…

It all began in the summer of last year. There was a heavy heat that hung in the air, making it hard to focus on anything other than finding some needed shade. That day, a day I will never forget. The day I first saw Isabelle. The first time my life became worth living, my mind that was once fogged was now clear.

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It began as any normal day, a quiet stroll down the street to gather a few bits for dinner. I had taken shelter from the heat in a nice little cafe. The place was busy as the shoppers came in to escape the humidity. I ordered my drink and found what seemed to be the only free table left, tucked in the farthest corner. A place where no one would disturb me, ‘How perfect’, I thought to myself.

I felt the stale heat and a ring as the bell rang announcing someone had entered the cafe. I was focused on my drink, wiping up the drips as they slid slowly down the glass. It was then that I first heard her speak. “Can I get an ice water please”. Those simple words were enough to make me take notice. She was beautiful, more than that, she was the most perfect person I had ever laid eyes on. Her curly black hair braided with an elegant flower at the end. Her womanly curves calling to me. I had a sudden urge to run to her but I held myself back and watched her from a distance. For one split second she looked in my direction and she saw me, actually saw me. She smiled and I knew instantly she felt as I do. Knew she needed me in her life as much as I needed her. To my luck she came sauntering over, ice cold water in hand and asked if she could share my table. I knew she could have found a seat somewhere else if she wanted to but she was obviously as drawn to me as I her.

Few words were spoken before the silence grew between us. After we spoke I regretted my words, wishing I could replace them with others that were more intelligent, more humorous, but I found myself momentarily speechless in her presence. I knew that words didn’t really need to be spoken, when she looked into my eyes we knew how we both felt. I don’t know how long passed as I sat there staring at her, taking her in, learning every detail of her face. After she took the last few sips of her drink, she got up to leave and I felt a sudden pull on my heart. This short time we had together was not enough for one day. I needed more, much more.

As she opened the door and the bell announced her departure, I pictured our future together, I knew what I needed to do. I watched through the window as she walked up the street. Biding my time so no one would notice me follow.

I don’t know how long we walked for, I was fascinated by the way she moved. I was completely captivated by her. She stopped to look in shop windows and my heart skipped a little as I had to hide and wait. Finally we came to a nice little bungalow with a pretty garden, ‘She would love our new garden’, I thought to myself. I feared for her safety, it was a very old house, no security that I could see. I couldn’t leave her here unprotected. Anyone could hurt her.

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I found a safe spot where I wouldn’t be seen and I settled in patiently until darkness hid my true intentions. I wasn’t prepared for any of my plans as of yet but I had no choice. I needed her in my life now, I couldn’t live another day without her. I took one hour, one excruciating hour away from her but I needed my car and a few essentials for my plan to work. Each second that past was to much to handle.

It was way to easy getting into her house, the air was still heavy so she had cracked her bedroom window open to relieve the heat as she slept. From what I had seen as I waited she did not live alone, I was so thankful for the open bedroom window, this way I didn’t need to risk being seen by anyone else. She was so thoughtful to leave it open for me, she must have known I was coming to her. I watched her for hours as she slept. So relaxed and perfect. I felt so bad about having to wake my sleeping beauty but it was going to be bright soon. I needed to get to work on getting her to our new home together.

I never loved my job that much but I could keep my own hours and being a nurse I had my drug kit in the car, so I guess it had its advantages. As I drew up the sedatives she began to shift in her sleep. “One little pinch my love and then we’re going home”. As I knew she would, she awoke to the sound of my voice. She struggled but I knew she didn’t mean to, I just surprised her. Everything after that happen so quickly, I got her home in no time at all. She was light to carry and the darkness of the night made sure of our privacy.

I set up her room as she slept peacefully on the couch. The attic room was perfect for her. The window was small so she couldn’t hurt herself trying to get out and a lock on the door leading up to the attic. I stood back and admired the space I had created for her, ‘She will love this’, I thought to myself. Gently I carried her up to her bed to let her sleep off the drugs. I placed a chair next to her and got lost in my own thoughts as I watched her sleep. I spend the next while telling her how I truly feel. Exposing my soul to her. Deep down knowing she would truly understand.

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“When i’m with others I am observant, I willingly consume all of my beautiful surroundings. Every little detail is so precious to me but when I am with you I’m surrounded by a dark emptiness as I am consuming every last word you breathe. I know that I will not be able to think of anything other than you with each remaining second of the day. I will waste away the lonely moments with you in my heart. When you breathe, you breathe my soul.”

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When she woke she was distraught, I don’t know why, she could see it was just me. She was so frightened. As much as I tried to comfort her, it only seemed to make things worse.

Four days passed and everyday is the same, Isabelle wakes up, cries, refuses to eat and becomes so hysterical that I need to sedate her. I hate doing that but I want her happy and relaxed. She just needed time, time to see that I love her more than anyone else could ever love her. That we were made for each other.

On the fifth evening she was worse than she had been so far. She was screaming, crying and pleading with me. Quickly I prepared the sedatives and gave them to her , more aggressively that I meant to but I needed her to stop screaming. I could take it anymore. Why was she acting like this!

I lay down beside her, stroking her hair and whispering in her ear while she drifted off into a peaceful dream of me. I must have drifted off too at some point. I woke up the the ice cold touch of something beside me. I kept my eyes closed for another minute hoping that I was wrong, hoping that it wasn’t my Isabelle that I could feel. Listening for any noise, but there was none. I would do anything to hear a noise from her, even a scream right now would make me happy. I slowly opened my eyes, still a darkness in the room but there was a beam of light coming from somewhere.

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The light shone directly onto her face, that angelic face that I crave so much, now covered in what appeared to be vomit. She wasn’t breathing, no matter what I did, I could not wake her. My heart broke when I realised my mistake, I had gotten my dosage wrong in my haste to calm her, I gave her to much of the sedatives. My Isabelle was no longer her perfect self, only but a shell of my love.

I put her a pretty yellow dress that I had bought while she slept. I placed her back in her bed in the room she loved so much. I knew there was no place she would rather be. It pained me to do this but at least now I know she will always be safe. Her crypt where I will always have her with me, I built a wall shutting off the attic. Sometimes I swear I can still hear her asking for an ice water but I know its just my heart willing her to still be up in her room, waiting for me.

“My heart will be crying out for yours for all eternity. With every beat of my pounding heart this feeling grows deeper within me. I dream of you, your face portrayed in my most vivid dreams, dreams I will forever long to be a reality. I desire sleep knowing you will be there to guide me through the long night ahead. Your smile that day in the cafe crumbled down the archway to my heart, that undernourished heart will forever palpitate your name. My inner turmoil, infatuated with you. The residue of a picturesque happiness can only be recalled when you were in my arms. You isolated and destroyed any premeditated fears I have previously encountered.”

Unfortunately It’s time for me to move on, with the police looking my way I can no longer stay here. I will never forget my Isabelle. She will forever resonate in my memories. My new beginnings will be tainted with tarnished thoughts. She will always be my world, my everything. But if nothing else, she has taught me to be more careful next time.

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As I drive out of this town, away from my love, I see her face everywhere. Her parents put up a lot of missing child posters.

Credit : Popper Tron

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