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The Socratic Method

A secret society meets once every three years at a small diner in West Virginia. To join, you must come to the American Grill diner located in Cricket at 9:30 PM on September the twenty-first. The only uniform is a heavy overcoat and a green tie. Order an “Eggs and bacon platter with coffee.” The waiter will tell you that the breakfast menu is unavailable, reply, “Well, just the coffee then.” You’ll be allowed to stay after closing time for the meet. The meeting itself is a meeting of minds and philosophy regarding immortality. The society is called “The Socratic Method.” They hoist their mugs at the beginning and end of the meeting and say “Death to Socrates.” It’s rumored a little hemlock is added to the first cup, and an antidote to the last.

Posted in Rites & Rituals 2 years, 8 months ago at 10:10 am.

89 comments

89 Replies

  1. Mookster May 15th 2009

    of all the ‘rites and rituals to do with a specific location at a specific time’ pastas this is pretty poor to be brutally honest

  2. wat

  3. Azriel May 15th 2009

    I read this before. It was bad then. And it makes no sense.

    Stupid/poor/bad/notcreepy/boring/etc ritual is… You get the idea.

  4. pointless pasta is pointless

  5. creepyfag May 15th 2009

    one of the worst I have read :S

  6. Feaster of Fear May 15th 2009

    Wow…..this pasta must be older than me, lol. It was never very creepy, but it had a certain taste to it. Not muc of a taste, mind you, but I have read worse. I just wish there were some sort of story to it, instead of “This happens, the end”

  7. I don’t think it’s bad per say. Not really creepy though which is the point of the website, but there are other stories which are worse.

    This just makes me interested, Virginia is very close to where I live. ^_^ …Well, three hour drive close, but still close enough.

  8. Repoman May 15th 2009

    I could write a ritual pasta script to churn out better pasta.

  9. That one guy May 15th 2009

    But who was coffee?

  10. … and what’s the benefit? I’m not consuming hemlock to have a philosophical discussion on immortality.

  11. Anonymous May 15th 2009

    Wow. At the very least if you’re going to make a ritual pasta ake it have some oomph. This is the most bland pasta I have ever read.

  12. MisterVercetti May 15th 2009

    What exactly was supposed to be creepy about this? The hemlock? Death to Socrates? The unavailability of the breakfast menu?

    Fail pasta is fail.

  13. Sixth!

  14. YoungMoney May 15th 2009

    Also, no one in West Virginia would ever meet to discuss any kind of philosophy other than which cheap beer is the best or which brand of truck is most American.

  15. BUT WHO WAS….oh god damn this pasta doesn’t even deserve that

  16. I’ve read this somewhere before. I didn’t like it then much either. =/

  17. Mike Litoris May 15th 2009

    horrible

  18. mngamojemo May 15th 2009

    I have no idea how this could possibly be considered creepy.

  19. リタ May 15th 2009

    Old pasta is old, and one of the first pastas I ever sampled.

    … Seems incredibly stale by now.

  20. wasn’t this already on creepypasta before?

  21. lol if im going to risk being raped in a shit whole dinner i want a reward for DOING the pasta

  22. Anonymous May 15th 2009

    BUT WHO WAS SOCRATES?

  23. :x Wouldn’t the attendees of this secret society have already read the Phaedo?

  24. Anonymous May 15th 2009

    Pretty poor considering there’s no real reward. There’s the talk but there are plenty of other think tanks. They’re a secret society but it doesn’t mean they’re anything special.

  25. i think the concept of this pasta is genius- a meeting regarding immortality, during which they pull a Socrates and poison themselves, resulting in a philosophical discussion taking place while each is inching towards death. any story so short yet bursting with underlying possibilities and complexes deserves praise.

  26. Terra Obscurum May 15th 2009

    THEN WHO WAS THE SOCRATIC METHOD?

  27. pastalover May 16th 2009

    I remember reading this a few years ago and I seem to recall it saying “Funny. Because hemlock kills pretty much instantly.”

  28. Anonymous May 16th 2009

    Join a cult. It’s paranormal.

  29. oldbatmang May 16th 2009

    pretty lame.
    coulda maybe been better if improved, but as it is, disappointing.

  30. Cthulhu May 16th 2009

    That was so bad I think it gave me cancer.

  31. Double wat May 16th 2009

    BUT WHO WAS BACON AND EGGS PLATTER?

  32. BeccaTheCyborg May 16th 2009

    This pasta has no creepy in it at all.

  33. ben dover May 16th 2009

    this am be not yes

  34. anonymous May 16th 2009

    this was written before pastas were creepy.

  35. You only understand it if you know the history of Socrates. It makes sense to me.

  36. Anonymous May 16th 2009

    Well, this is definitely the most believable ritual pasta I’ve ever read, if only because it doesn’t really involve the supernatural or anything particularly out of the ordinary (except the hemlock…I just…no. Biology fail on many levels).

    It’s definitely not creepy, though.

  37. Anonymous May 16th 2009

    Is the waiter in on it or does he just think there’s a lot of dipshits in ties wanting breakfast at night?

  38. THEN WHO WAS GREEN TIE?

  39. ArmTheAnon May 16th 2009

    this pasta tastes like shit

  40. But hemlock has no antidote….

  41. Diddler May 16th 2009

    @ Pastalover. That should’ve been put in there. It would’ve made it a helluva lot better. =/

  42. Nakhash May 17th 2009

    Perhaps if you set it in Kermit (real place). Though hillbilly heroin washed down with Mason jars of ‘shine would be more authentic.

    No boos! I’m a KENTUCKY hillbilly and very proud of that 200+ year distinction (350+ if you add other Appalachian states). :-)

  43. MisterVercetti May 17th 2009

    Y’know, I just noticed something: it explicitly states at the beginning that the Socratic Method only meets once every three years, yet the instructions make it sound like it’ll work every damn year.

    Obvious plot hole is obvious.

    @ Cthulhu: Should’ve changed your name to Calculon just that once. It would’ve made it even funnier.

  44. what the hell kind of a diner has a closing time?

  45. Arancaytar May 17th 2009

    WHO WAS HEMLOCK?

    If at least it included some kind of actual danger of not getting the antidote, it might be less boring. :P

  46. o.0 whaaa…?

  47. blahhh May 17th 2009

    what is the significance of having hemlock in your coffee and then drinking an antidote for it?
    why not just not drink it…?

  48. @blahhh: Pretension?

  49. No breakfast! THE HORROR!

  50. Midnightgirl May 19th 2009

    i really hate these ritual pastas who tell me what to order! sorry but this was awful.

  51. Unicorns May 19th 2009

    Fail pasta.

  52. GirlCalledCat May 20th 2009

    This sounds like a failed attempt at a Holder Series story.

  53. GreenFairy May 20th 2009

    Plotless pasta is plotless

  54. shortys roc my sox May 20th 2009

    i don’t get it … i raelly don’t.

  55. “‘sup dave”
    “alright, mike?”
    “let’s get this thing started, then?”
    “don’t see why not.”
    “so, immortality then.”
    “immortality.”
    “there’s no such thing, innit?”
    “guess not.”
    “right.”
    “right.”
    “we really should talk about other stuffs. i mean, immortality is fine and all, but this is a pretty shit philosophy society, i must say.”
    “adjourn this meeting and hit a proper pub?”
    “yeah sure. antidote, please.”

  56. How did this make it up? I’ll take some of that hemlock coffee now, please. Don’t bother with the antidote.

  57. isantorin May 23rd 2009

    I lol’d.
    Mostly because I happened to be writing an essay on Socrates.

  58. Stupid, worst thing ever posted.

  59. only in west virginia….

  60. Ridiculous. I’m not gonna make an ass of myself by asking for breakfast at such a late hour, then poison myself with hemlock, of all things, to chat with a bunch of other people crazy enough to do that shit. This is why we invented the internet. I could chat with looneys about their philosophical persuasions without poisoning myself in a diner.

  61. Alice Jun 5th 2009

    BUT WHO WAS SOCRATES?!

  62. Isaac Jun 6th 2009

    This is pretty crap

    @Estor: You best be trollin’.

  63. MeowMixKid Jun 10th 2009

    But…who was antidote?

  64. This is sort of vague….

  65. anonymous Jun 17th 2009

    i think the real point of this is the “discussing immortality while dying” bit mentioned above….with a twist.

    you see, there IS NO ANTIDOTE FOR HEMLOCK. to survive a dose that would kill you, you would need to be put on an artificial respirator(like an iron lung) for up to 48 hours until the toxin wore off.

    the people who join this society don’t leave unless they actually achieve immortality within two hours.

  66. What’s hemlock??

  67. Excuse me, I happen to be Socrates’s number 1 groupie/fangirl, and I do not approve of this.
    He drank hemlock because he believed the people of Greece were his enemies, and if he did not, he would be an enemy to society.

    Stupid pasta is stupid

  68. You see the creepy thing is that this has been going on for years and you never knew. Duh.

  69. Mr. Miyagi Jul 1st 2009

    There’s nothing creepy, scary, or even interesting about this.

  70. Anonymous Jul 6th 2009

    BUT WHO WAS WAITER?

  71. Twitch Jul 9th 2009

    This pasta tastes like hemlock. I think I’m dy*(&(-0u9rt43

  72. tacopants Jul 12th 2009

    BUT WHO WAS TIE?

    it was okay i understand the whole chat about immortality thing and antidote but really? it’s not creepy at all…
    fail.

  73. egregori Aug 29th 2009

    *pah!* what the hell was put in this pasta?? it’s horrible.

  74. Anonymous Nov 12th 2009

    I really liked this one. It wasn’t creepy at all, but it sure is realistic. If I were running a secret society, I would use a similar set-up, I think.

    I assumed from it that far from not getting anything out of it, the members of the club have some shit-hot ideas going on. Take a notepad, and win.

  75. Sunshine Nov 28th 2009

    I drank the hemlock, but then my Mom got scared, and said, “You’re moving in with your auntie and uncle to Bel Air”

  76. You know this is supposed to be a joke, right?

  77. West virginia…? Silent Hill anyone?

  78. Hurpadadurpa Mar 14th 2010

    Congratz guys, Socrates is dead, you’ve won.

    In fact he has been dead a while now.

    You’re a bunch of retards.

  79. Poor. That is all.

    Fear the Darkness

    -Nex

  80. Mr.Awesome Jun 22nd 2010

    Who gives a fuck?!

  81. Lancelot Jul 5th 2010

    NO BREAKFAST MENU! OH THE HORROR!

  82. ramenfiend Jul 21st 2010

    worst pasta ive read in a while.

    @YoungMoney: its agreed, i live in wv, (no im not an inbred moronic cannibal). no one is concerned with philosophy xD just beer and trucks. btw budweiser and chevys all the way.

  83. Anonymous Aug 10th 2010

    just ………………. terrible.

  84. Icalasari Aug 17th 2010

    Who would want to steal ideas from people stupid enough to consume hemlock?

  85. HollyStorm Aug 19th 2010

    That sucked. Just plain ol\’ sucked.

  86. I like this one (clearly I’m part of a minority >_>)

    It’s not scary but it’s believable like Anonymous said a few posts up, short and sweet and inspires curiosity as to what the point of the whole society is.

    Anyway, it’s such a small dish that it really shouldn’t leave a bad taste in anyone’s mouth.

  87. Britni Nov 1st 2010

    But Socrates IS dead, and hemlock has no antidote…

  88. Weavile Mar 16th 2011

    ‘Crito, we owe a cock to Asclepius. Pay it and do not neglect it.’

  89. Anonymous Jun 4th 2011

    I suppose if one was living in West Virginia, they might be desperate enough for some decent conversation to try this.


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