Scary Paranormal Stories & Short Horror Microfiction

Creepypasta

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You awake at a crossroads. You have no idea how you got there or how long you have slept. There are five signposted directions to take: Life, Death, Fortune, Fate and Destiny. As counter-intuitive as it may seem, you must, MUST, take the road to Death first. When you arrive at your destination after hours of walking (which was strangely untaxing on your legs) you find a house with boarded-up windows and a large, black portal with an ornate ivory door-knocker. Using the knocker will cause a wooden hand to form out of the wordwork of the door, and into this hand you must place the Ivory Key you found earlier.

Wait, I did mention the key, right? It’s sort of vital to continue.

Oh hell, wait a minute, I skipped ahead in the walkthrough. I must’ve tapped PgDwn or something. Hang on..

Okay, did you get past the minotaur yet? By tricking it into walking into the fire pits using the red scarf? Did I tell you to take the Death path first? Okay, wait, no.. no, this is.. ah, right, no, go down the “Fate” path first. There’s a gemstone down there that opens a portcullis in the Destiny path. Man, I’ve been going about this all backwards. Let’s start over:

You awake at a crossroads. Since you’ve read the Magician’s Journal, you already know that the Teleportation Ritual has deposited you here as a test to claim your rightful place as King of Etheria. Wait, this is for the second playthrough, oh goddammit. Here, just bring up the console and type “isuckatcreepypastamakemeaspellmaster” to unlock all the spells. Then just fireball everything until you win. You win when everything is on fire. Hooray!

And then you die. Of, uh, I don’t know, SIDS. That’ll teach you to get trapped in one of these stories.

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Rate This Pasta
Rating: 5.4/10 (163 votes cast)
The Murder Of Innocence, 5.4 out of 10 based on 163 ratings
  • Yep

    *SHRUGS* I just wanna shoot the writer for this carrot top-esque pasta.

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    Rating: +14 (from 16 votes)
  • Anonymous

    Another joke pasta? this one’s less funny though.

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    Rating: +6 (from 10 votes)
  • Moar

    Awesome.

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    Rating: -3 (from 11 votes)
  • It’s a Secret

    I thought only babies died of Sudden Infant Death Syndrome..
    Ohwell…

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    Rating: +6 (from 6 votes)
  • adfsdf

    lollin.

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    Rating: +2 (from 2 votes)
  • Anon

    This story reads like a total asshole/douchebag wrote it.

    Game walkthroughs can never be funny in any context, ever…plz note and then kill yourself

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    Rating: +9 (from 15 votes)
  • WhoWasPhoney?

    I thought april’s fools was over.

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    Rating: +3 (from 5 votes)
  • Comment Leaver

    AWESOME!

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    Rating: +2 (from 4 votes)
  • Cthulhu

    lol this is great

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    Rating: +4 (from 4 votes)
  • Spunk

    Joke pasta wasn’t funny.

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    Rating: +1 (from 9 votes)
  • Shuleeps

    Meh

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    Rating: -1 (from 1 vote)
  • Diddler

    This joke pasta fails at life. It gave me a head ache. I’m going to mope now. Thank you.

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    Rating: +2 (from 4 votes)
  • http://metalganon.deviantart.com G.R. Ramírez

    April’s Fools was over.

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    Rating: +1 (from 3 votes)
  • http://myspace.com/darkwolf4ever Father Crow

    I lol’d

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    Rating: 0 (from 2 votes)
  • Harvest

    HHAHAHAHAH I lol’d

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    Rating: -1 (from 1 vote)
  • Highlordmugfug

    Hahahahahahaha. Funny pasta is funny.

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    Rating: -2 (from 2 votes)
  • Kat-chan

    LOL WTF?

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    Rating: 0 (from 2 votes)
  • HackerOnHacker

    I’ll admit, I thought it was cute.

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    Rating: +3 (from 5 votes)
  • NISIOISIN

    ….What….?

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    Rating: 0 (from 2 votes)
  • Tyto

    Joke pasta is a joke.
    It’s not April Fools, so I have no time for worthless, unfunny jokes.

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    Rating: +1 (from 3 votes)
  • The Person Formerly known as ‘Noneya’

    EPIC.
    I absolutley LOVED this one.

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    Rating: 0 (from 0 votes)
  • Naris

    Mildly amusing.

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    Rating: +3 (from 3 votes)
  • Claire

    Lame as hell.

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    Rating: 0 (from 0 votes)
  • 99% human

    ha ha. It sounds like most of the ritual pasters exept gone wrong.

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    Rating: +1 (from 1 vote)
  • Anonymous

    BUT WHO WAS FOURTH WALL???

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    Rating: +3 (from 3 votes)

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