• Sepia

    A classic modern ghost story. I thought this piece worked because it maintained a good sense of realism and proportion throughout. That, and the creeping terror the plot invoked.

    The background was very credibly set, helping to build up the tension. I liked how the prose pays attention to the details of the exchange program and the lodgings instead of treating them as disposable plot devices designed to railroad the protagonist into the haunted house. This slow setting-up gave the impression of an incident instead of a blatant plot contrivance, adding to the believability.

    I loved the group dynamic going on between the characters. Besides giving another point in realism, the groupthink actually justifies a lot of bad decisions made by both the protagonist and the other girls; the others’ skepticism towards the protagonist was warranted, because her seemingly-baseless suspicions made her an outcast and eventually ‘a nutcase’.

    That said, I thought the pasta could’ve pushed this further. There was a good start in characterization- the pasta actually showing how the girls acted- but I felt that the protagonist was still hollow.

    The other girls, too, could’ve been fleshed out more given the timescale and the predictability of the plot; just one scene of bickering would’ve made the readers more sympathetic to their fates.

    The plot IMO shone because of the pacing and realism; the reader’s tension creeps at the same rate as the protagonist’s, giving that sense of unavoidable dread. She reacts believably, frantically warning everyone and, failing that, getting out at the first sign of serious trouble.

    Towards the last arc though, the plot falters a bit. I felt the climax was too blatant, the straight descriptions deflated the monster for me. The ‘light footfalls’ and photo were more than enough IMO.

    All in all though, very solid ghost story pasta. 8.4/10

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    Rating: +50 (from 80 votes)
    • http://loughboroughtattoo.com/content/view/16/31/ OjamaYellow

      8.4?
      What an odd number to decided upon.
      Just wondering… do you knock off 0.1 every time something minor annoys you?
      If not this then please let us know how you got to 8.4 oh mystical critic?

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      Rating: -18 (from 106 votes)
      • Len Lye

        I give your comment a 3.2, sixty-eight increments of 0.1 were taken off ’cause you annoy me a lot.

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        Rating: +86 (from 130 votes)
      • Sepia

        It’s a matter of personal preference, really. I have score ranges (70-74: promising, 75-78: good, 79-83: excellent etc.) but generally it’s nothing hard and fast. Just a personal score. What matters is the substance of the review for me.

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        Rating: +29 (from 37 votes)
        • Awesomesauce

          seconded

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          Rating: 0 (from 2 votes)
      • Grib Gar

        Oh mystical commenter of large degrees of sass and sarcasm, please kindly stop being a petulant asshole. It’s good that they use small incremental scores so it’s more precise. Not that you could possibly be bothered to care or understand.

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        Rating: +10 (from 38 votes)
      • kek

        It probably has something to do with their autism.

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        Rating: -66 (from 98 votes)
        • the guy above me is stupid

          how dare you mock autism. Autism doesn’t make people stupid, you jerk!

          VA:F [1.9.22_1171]
          Rating: +57 (from 81 votes)
        • leez

          don’t feed the trolls, bruh. 4chan doesn’t understand how to be a decent person on the internet.

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          Rating: 0 (from 0 votes)
        • Wolfewitz

          Dude really? Not cool

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          Rating: +34 (from 46 votes)
        • lel

          everyones butthurt

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          Rating: -17 (from 61 votes)
    • Anonymous

      That thing in the picture is so good-looking, that I wouldn’t mind having dinner with him.

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      Rating: +20 (from 32 votes)
    • paige

      i agree, the description of the monster was too much. i feel like the less you know, the scarier is is.

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      Rating: +4 (from 6 votes)
  • Connor

    Wat

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    Rating: -32 (from 40 votes)
  • Ahriannah

    WOAH. Face Cannon accepted! The story was phenonenal! The story was just creepy enough that the pics scared the hell outta me

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    Rating: +48 (from 50 votes)
  • Pužimir

    Magnificent. Just magnificent. Believable, can give you a good scare if you get in a similar situation. Good read. Not too long / not too short. I also like the detail and the addition of a picture. It had an original ide so props for that too. 10/10

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    Rating: +28 (from 30 votes)
    • Pužimir

      Idea i mean.

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      Rating: +6 (from 8 votes)
  • https://www.facebook.com/TheGoryHole Maggie

    Well, that was absolutely terrifying. :l

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    Rating: +21 (from 25 votes)
  • inxtcy

    Good read but two glaring questions. 1. If all that was at the end of this long hall was the cursed bathroom why not seal off the entire hallway? 2. Why didn’t she show her roommates the picture?

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    Rating: +41 (from 45 votes)
    • Andi

      *he

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      Rating: -54 (from 58 votes)
      • Nikita

        Narrator’s female, genius.

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        Rating: +49 (from 49 votes)
    • Lilyan

      i was asking mysefl the same questions,maybe she just tought that the other girls won’t belive her,i wonder what was the advice from her friend that spoke with her on skype.

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      Rating: +13 (from 15 votes)
      • Grant

        Those were photos of the crime scene I believe. There fore, she never had the chance to show her roommates. They were already dead.

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        Rating: -15 (from 15 votes)
        • inxtcy

          I was referring to the photo she took in the crawlspace in which she discovered the creepy face.

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          Rating: +14 (from 14 votes)
        • Anonymous

          No, that was the pic she took and showed her friend. She said there was a face in the picture and there clearly is one there.

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          Rating: +3 (from 7 votes)
    • Swirly Head Man

      I suppose it’d be a lot more suspicious to have a doorway blocked off than a little crawlspace. The crawlspace, remember, was painted over and hard to distinguish, which would be a lot more difficult to do wit a full-sized doorway.

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      Rating: +9 (from 9 votes)
    • Dave

      The picture is shocking for her because she suspects there is something there. The roommates, however, would have probably thought it was a light related effect or even that she was playing a prank on them.

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      Rating: +9 (from 9 votes)
  • shadybanana

    oooo nice pasta and a possibly true one as well

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    Rating: +3 (from 17 votes)
  • Phoenix

    This was a very tasty creepypasta. The picture at the end gave me chills.

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    Rating: +17 (from 17 votes)
  • jeff vs slendy

    i give 10/10 very interesting and gave me chills since i read it at night

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    Rating: +10 (from 10 votes)
  • Trenton

    Who knew the terror of sleeping in a apartment with other people. Well you made it sir. Gave me the shivers and too when you showed pictures. This one was good but you rushed in the beginning but not when you got to the apartment. I could tell you wanted to get to the part where you saw the creature. But still good. 9/10

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    Rating: -4 (from 14 votes)
  • Anonymous

    I glanced over this again after reading, and I’m pretty sure at no point does this girl show any of her roommates the picture. Which honestly makes no sense. Like why not just show them? They already thought she was crazy. Otherwise, this is a good story, but I just can’t get over the fact that she didn’t show them the picture.

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    Rating: +24 (from 24 votes)
    • Herobrine

      if she had shown them the picture, they still would not have believed her, they would have thought she Photoshopped it.

      -Herobrine

      Always watching…

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      Rating: +8 (from 8 votes)
  • Anon

    Seriously amazing! Made me too scared to even look at the picture!

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    Rating: +5 (from 13 votes)
    • Anonymous

      I have no problem reading creepypastas, but as soon as someone adds in a picture – photoshopped or not – it scares the crap out of me.

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      Rating: +30 (from 30 votes)
      • Roman

        I know right

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        Rating: +2 (from 4 votes)
  • Brickis

    Why didn’t she show everyone the pictures if according to her there was clearly some sort of demonic face in them?

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    Rating: +14 (from 16 votes)
    • Lemons

      I thought the same thing as well, for a second. But keep in mind that she took the picture before anything happened. I think if she were to show them that picture, she would have came off as a jerk or someone who just wants to give them a good scare. They wouldn’t have believed her anyway. You could photoshop anything into a picture, nowadays. Overall, fantastic story.

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      Rating: +8 (from 8 votes)
  • Anonymous

    This was great! I loved the mounting sense of panic and isolation, I just wish the creature had been more actively malevolent Sneaking into rooms and watching them is really creepy, but in the end it doesn’t have much of a punch. I’d love to know what he did with the other girls. Very nice pasta!

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    Rating: +4 (from 4 votes)
  • http://www.facebook.com/stupiddialup StupidDialUp

    Saw the pictures before reading the story. Puckered my ass. Made the story lagniappe for me!

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    Rating: +1 (from 7 votes)
  • Landen Bigham

    Great piece, I can tell you edited this a few times yourself. It was very clean and well put together!
    The few tiny sentence mistakes could have been edited out by someone else, but they didn’t distract at all because the pacing kept me interested. Why didn’t the protagonist show the picture to the girls, though?

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    Rating: +6 (from 6 votes)
  • http://loughboroughtattoo.com/content/view/16/31/ OjamaYellow

    I actually really enjoyed this pasta.
    Yes, its typical and doesn’t have the twist or fear of a pasta such as Psychosis.
    However I loved the fact there was a photo. Whether you believe or not in ghosts and supernatural encounters you can believe the story. Almost as if, even if there wasn’t a real monster, there was real fear.
    Good pasta, may even eat again.

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    Rating: +3 (from 3 votes)
    • Anonymous

      Psychosis isn’t scary, it’s simply meant to be the mind of a man who is slowly becoming insane.

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      Rating: -5 (from 9 votes)
      • http://MattMHorror.wordpress.com Matt M

        Eeeeeexcept that Psychosis IS scary, and the bit at the end proves that his fears were true. Nice try though.

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        Rating: +7 (from 7 votes)
        • Jhe

          Wrong, psychosis isn’t scary, but the bit at the end does prove that his fears were not without merit.

          YOU LOSE.
          GOOD DAY SIR.

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          Rating: +3 (from 7 votes)
        • Bekah

          Okay, Well, Reading Psychosis I was’t scared, I was more just captivated and sucked into it that it gave me shivers. It may have scared some people, It kinda just depends if you’re scared really easily or if you can watch Human Centipede without being scared. (Really bad comparison…)

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          Rating: +2 (from 2 votes)
  • AppleWedge

    That isn’t a very good picture of the crawlspace to send to a friend. She’s too close and the picture doesn’t tell the viewer where the crawlspace is located in the room. If I were this girl’s friend trying to find a “logical explanation” for the noises in the crawlspace, I would have been very disappointed in the picture she sent me.
    Now that my unbelievably obnoxious nitpicking is over…
    Fantastic Pasta. I loved every minute of it, but I was a bit surprised that she did not show the picture to her friends (of course, If I was a roommate, I may have simply rolled my eyes at the picture, as the demon thingy in the picture could easily be some mold growing on the side of the crawlspace).

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    Rating: 0 (from 10 votes)
  • Kuratha

    Hey, I watch the auther of this creepypasta on Deviantart, I don’t know if she will see this, but the pictures… I can’t see the face, if I were that friend, I would have a hard time finding it.

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    Rating: +2 (from 4 votes)
    • I Consist Entirely of Lego Bricks.

      Upper right corner; just look for the eyes. Took me a bit to see

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      Rating: +6 (from 8 votes)
      • Manic Margerie

        Thumbs up on the user name.

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        Rating: +4 (from 4 votes)
      • Herobrine

        Love the username, Thumbs up there :)

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        Rating: 0 (from 0 votes)
    • alex

      what is the persons name on deviant art?

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      Rating: 0 (from 0 votes)
  • X

    Excellent pasta. I actually thought that when the creature was being described it was going to turn out to be Jeff. Only problem was the slow start. 9/10

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    Rating: -6 (from 10 votes)
    • Gem

      I imagined voldemort…

      VA:F [1.9.22_1171]
      Rating: +11 (from 15 votes)
      • Jhe

        YOU SAID HIS NAME! D:

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        Rating: +9 (from 9 votes)
        • Herobrine

          I imagined Voldemort too, the description of it reminded me, so did the picture

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          Rating: 0 (from 0 votes)
  • Nobody

    Me gusta

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    Rating: +3 (from 9 votes)
  • Anon

    The story was kind of killed for me due to her not doing the simple and easiest thing – simply showing the picture. I was willing to overlook it once as “maybe she was just too tired,” but it’s mentioned several times that she did everything she could. She obviously didn’t. I even waited until the end so the author could write “but the monster mysteriously vanished from the picture” or something along those lines.

    Overall good plot, wish a little more was done with it seeing as it’s a relatively long piece for what was presented, and that GLARING issue needs to be sorted out.

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    Rating: +8 (from 10 votes)
  • SeedsOfHanisour

    I felt this was an excellent pasta with believable characters, a steadily-paced plot and an overall story that didn’t show too much to dilute the impact or ruin the tension. That said, the one thing I would say, to repeat what Sepia wrote, I felt that the actual physical presence and the arching description did make it a little less terrifying than it may otherwise have been. That ol’ saying that less is more seems rather appropriate. But despite that quibble, I was otherwise impressed. Good job on this one. It was nicely told.

    Oh, one last note to everyone else, to my mind, reading this story while listening to Atrium Carceri’s Cryo Chamber really sets a mood for this.

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    Rating: +3 (from 3 votes)
  • Yep I’m gay

    I thought this was very good, probably one of the best on this site. I do think it could be a bit better with some tweaking of the writing though.

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    Rating: +2 (from 4 votes)
  • Mr.Major

    This was good, definitely got my heart pumping by the time I got to the pictures. The big plot holes really irked me, though. As others have said: Why not show your roommates the picture? Why is this thing so interested in just the author, seemingly avoiding all other members of the house?

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    Rating: 0 (from 2 votes)
    • Dave

      the picture is definite proof for her because she knows there is something there. But looking at the picture yourself, do you think the roommates would have believed her? I bet they would’ve dismissed it as a random light effect on the photo.

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      Rating: +5 (from 5 votes)
      • Anonymous

        It only went after the author because it wanted to pick them off one by one, but when it realized that would not work, because the author left, it took the remaining three girls. Thats my theory

        VA:F [1.9.22_1171]
        Rating: +1 (from 1 vote)
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