Scary Paranormal Stories & Short Horror Microfiction

Creepypasta

FavoriteLoadingAdd this post to your list of favorites!
VN:F [1.9.22_1171]
Rate This Pasta
Rating: 9.3/10 (1218 votes cast)

Um… hi there. I guess you could say I’m writing this as a cautionary tale to those who plan on studying abroad in future. I don’t mean to discourage you from going in the first place, it’s more like I just want you to be aware of this so that something like this doesn’t happen to you too.
I guess I should explain a little bit. Last summer I was selected to participate in the study abroad program that would be centered in Rome for several months. Like anyone would be, I was elated. I had never been out of the states before, so this was going to be a real adventure for me.

In the weeks that followed I happily packed anything and everything I could fit into my suitcase. (I will be the first to admit that I had way over packed for this trip.) I was nervous about leaving my parents for the first time but I was also excited for the newfound freedom I would have while in Europe. Before I knew it my parents were dropping me off at the airport, and I was boarding a 19 hour flight to Rome.

Despite being long and tedious, the flight wasn’t all that bad. When I exited the airport I was greeted by the program supervisor and several other students who would be studying with me. They were about the same age and all looked just as excited as me. From there we went to our mandatory orientation meeting, and afterwards we went to pick up our apartment keys.

In the months that preceded the trip, we were responsible for getting to know our would be roommates as well as finding a place to stay that we could all afford. There were three girls I would be staying with. They were all nice enough and made an effort to make me feel welcome, though I will admit it’s a bit hard to get close to the group of preformed friends. But despite my slight alienation, it seemed that things were all going to work out well. All of us were on a similar budget plan, and by that I mean none of us really had much money to spend. Because of this we were all on the same page while searching for the cheapest apartment we could find.

After several days of searching we stumbled across an ad for an ancient apartment located above the Campo di Fiori. That was a prime location and we couldn’t believe it that it was still available, no less listed for an unbelievably low price. This immediately sent alarm bells off in my head. The place was enormous yet the rent was cheaper than the much smaller apartments in a far less desirable part of town. However reason never really wins out in a group of excited young women. They had already made up their minds and if I would be staying with them this was my only option.

We each received our own set of keys as well as a map with walking directions. Because of its prime location it really didn’t take us long to get there. The Campo was amazing. During the daytime it was filled with a vibrant market, while during the evening it was lined with lively street performers. All of the apartments surrounding it looked to be ancient, so ours really didn’t stand out all that much. After circling the square three or four times we finally noticed the number nailed to the front of a massive old wooden door. This would be our home for the next three months.

I fought with my keys for a moment until there was an audible click of the heavy old lock. The thick old door swung forward with a screech. We were then met with a long winding staircase. We all looked at one another and groaned. None of us had accounted for the fact that the building had been constructed before elevators were common. So three sets of stairs and countless complaints later, all four of us, with luggage in hand stood outside our new front door. Once again I reached for my set of keys and fought with the stubborn lock. As soon as the front door was opened there was a stampede of young women trying to claim the best rooms. Being a three-bedroom apartment, it meant that two of us would have to share. I personally didn’t really care so I let the others battle it out. When the dust had settled, I found that I would be sharing a room with a girl called Stephanie. That was fine with me. Stephanie was nice enough and she was also very quiet, my ideal feature in a roommate.

Over the course of the rest of the day we ran around exploring our new home. There were two bathrooms, a full kitchen, and a living room with an ancient TV. Once again I began to feel uneasy. Just how was it that we were able to get all of this for such a low price? But before I could finish the thought I was interrupted by a fit of loud squealing. My initial reaction was to panic, however I soon learned that all the noise was from excitement. Down at the other end of the apartment near the front door, apparently there was another part of the flat we had missed. I followed the noise until it led me to a long dark hallway. There at the end, behind the group of squealing women was a washing and drying machine. For those of you thinking “what’s the big deal?”, I should explain that these things are incredibly rare in Rome. Generally exchange students have to wash their clothes by hand in the sink before hanging them up to dry. What was a luxury item like this doing in such a cheap apartment?

Just as the screaming quelled it picked right back up again as the girls noticed a door adjacent to the washing machine. Beyond that door was a master bathroom. It had a balcony, a claw-foot tub, and even a bidet. The girls immediately started fighting over “who’s bathroom this was going to be”. I didn’t really see why we couldn’t share, but apparently the others were dead set on having ownership. As it turned out it ended up being my bathroom. Stephanie had made a logical argument that because she and I had to share a bedroom, while the other two each got their own, it was only fair that she and I got share the master bath. And I’ll admit that at first I was actually kind of excited, it was after all, a really nice room. However over the course of the next several weeks I began to grow more and more wary of the room. I don’t know how to put it into words. It’s like every time I went into that room I could feel something’s eyes on me. And the voyeuristic element wasn’t really what had me so unnerved. It felt like whatever was watching me was angry, that it didn’t want me there and that it wanted to hurt me.

I began doing everything in my power to avoid the room. I asked Alisha if she would mind if I were to use her restroom occasionally. I made up a lame excuse about how it was far more convenient since her room was so close while my bathroom was at the other end of the flat at the end of the very long hallway. She happily agreed though, when I told her that she could use my bathroom anytime she liked. This worked well for a while. For about the first two months of my trip I was able to completely avoid the eerie room. It wasn’t until the final month that everything began to unravel. One night as I prepared to brush my teeth, I found that Alisha was already occupying her bathroom. I could hear giggles coming from down the hallway, it was clear both Stephanie and our other roommate were both getting ready for bed in the master bath. I decided that since there was strength in numbers, it would be all right just for tonight.

So I made my way down to the large bathroom where I joined the boisterous girls in brushing my teeth. They were in the midst of some conversation when Lindsay, our other roommate, had broken into such a furious fit of laughter that she had to lean on the wall for support. But suddenly she jolted upright as if she had been shocked. We all looked at what had been the cause of her reaction: there on the wall, about the same level as the bathtub was a tiny door. None of us had noticed it because it was the same color as walls. The landlord had even painted over it. Naturally this made me a bit nervous. Whatever it was, the landlord clearly didn’t want anyone opening it. But as usual, throwing all caution to the wind Lindsay reached for the handle and began tugging with all her might. Stephanie clucked her tongue in disapproval before pulling out a small pocket knife. She began delicately carving along the seam of the door. I wanted to beg her to stop, but I really didn’t have the energy to argue that night. So within a few minutes, Lindsay had yanked the little door open with a loud crack.

It was… a crawlspace. It was fairly large. My guess would’ve been you could have fit at least three or four people in there. I was rather curious as to why the landlord would’ve sealed up an empty little room. While I thought about this, Stephanie and Lindsay began calling for Alisha to come see their new discovery. She was just as excited as they were when they first discovered it. However, as could be expected, this excitement waned over time and eventually the crawlspace was just turned into storage for a few towels and laundry baskets.

In the following days after the unsealing of the crawlspace, things started to go from eerie to downright terrifying. Annoyingly, Alisha had changed her nightly routine so that I could no longer use her bathroom in the evenings. Once again I was back in the large bathroom, all the while, the feeling that I was being watched growing worse and worse. I began to get so paranoid each time I went into that room that I would literally jump at the slightest noise of pipes settling, and as soon as I was finished I would run at full speed down the hallway and close the door behind me. For some reason I seemed to be the only one feeling this way. It’s not like I could’ve told the other girls either. I was already enough of an outcast as it was. So I just kept to myself and hoped it would go away eventually.

Unfortunately that wasn’t the case. One night as I was getting ready for bed, I found myself alone in the bathroom. As I stood in front of the mirror brushing my teeth something set the hairs on the back of my neck straight up. There was a faint rustling noise. Not the kind that could’ve been caused from my roommates at the other end of the flat. Any noises caused by them would have had to have been quite loud to reach me all the way at the end of the long hallway. No this noise was very faint, the sound of someone gingerly shuffling things around. I stood completely silent, terror filling me. The soft rustling noise was coming from inside the crawlspace. I turned on my heels and ran down the hallway to grab the attention of my roommates. I tried to explain to them what happened, but all that came out were incoherent murmurs.

Eventually I managed to stutter “S-Something. Something’s inside the crawlspace!”

They looked at me with fear and confusion in their eyes. As a pack we moved together down the hallway into the bathroom. I nearly fainted when I saw the tiny door hanging fully ajar. Though this discovery filled me with horror, Alisha immediately pointed to the balcony’s sliding door. Stephanie had left it open to air out the bathroom after having taken a shower several hours ago. She peeked her head out the door and pointed to the slanted rooftop adjacent to ours. There was a pigeons nest occupied by few birds. The girls surmised that a pigeon must have found its way in and was the cause of the disturbance. They all had a good laugh as we made our way back to the living room. I pretended to shake it off but I knew it was not a pigeon that caused the rustling noise. First off, the tiny door had been shut tight all day. None of us really cared to leave it open because it smelled quite musty inside. And secondly, the door had been shut when I left the bathroom, I am certain of this, yet there it was wide open when I returned. You’re not going to tell me that a pigeon knows how to and is capable of opening and closing a door all by itself.

It was at this point that I began to suspect that something was terribly wrong with this apartment. When I got back to my room I pulled out my laptop and called my best friend via Skype. She had always been the skeptical and methodical type, however she also kept an open mind towards things that were hard to explain. I decided that out of anyone she was probably the best to talk to about my situation. As I expected, she was initially quite doubtful. Though she also agreed with me that a pigeon was quite likely not the source. She asked me if I had any photos of the crawlspace. She said that if she could see it, that would help her to understand a little more clearly, and possibly help her to come up with a more logical explanation.

Relieved at her willingness to at least hear me out, I reached for my camera and made my way back down the eerie hallway. When I arrived I found, to my relief, that the door was still closed. I stood in front of it for a moment, gathering my nerve before finally pulling the little door open. Despite the clutter left inside by my roommates, it was empty. I snapped a quick photo before closing the door once more and running back to my room. I immediately plugged my camera into my computer and uploaded the photo. When I finally opened the image, I was petrified by what I saw. There in the upper right-hand corner was a face, baring its teeth at me. My whole body began violently shaking.

“Dear God. That thing is in our home!” I muttered to myself.

Fear began to overtake me. Someone had sealed whatever it was inside of that crawlspace, and we had let it out. I was so absorbed in my panic I didn’t even notice when my roommate returned. She was so blissfully unaware of the imminent danger we were in, yet even if I tried to warn her she would not believe me. I was at a loss of what to do, and finally decided that I would deal with it in the morning. Though not by a large amount, I did feel braver in the sunlight. From there I attempted to get some sleep. Though for the first time ever since being there I closed and bolted my door before getting into bed. Stephanie eyed me suspiciously while doing so, but I just told her jokingly that Lindsay had been sneaking into our room the previous nights and had been stealing my nutella. She laughed heartily, shaking her head before settling down for the night. I will admit that the only reason I was able to find any sleep that night was because of her presence. Something about not being alone can give one a sense of false security.

It was about two o’clock in the morning when the sound woke me. I had always been a light sleeper so the faint noise was enough to stir me. It sounded like a door being pushed open at the other end of the flat followed by footsteps. But these weren’t just normal footsteps. They were far too fast. It sounded like someone was running at full speed from the foyer to the living room and all about the apartment. But these weren’t heavy footfalls like the kind you would expect from a running person. They were very light, almost unnaturally so. My initial reaction was to assume it was either Alisha or Lindsay, so I got up and stuck my ear to the wall behind me that separated Lindsay’s room from mine. I could hear her faint but steady breathing. She was clearly asleep, it wasn’t her. I then crossed over to the other side of my room near the door and once again stuck my ear to the wall. Alisha’s snoring was quite audible, there’s no way it was her. I slowly began to grow fearful as I turned in a last resort to see if Stephanie had perhaps gotten up, but I could plainly see her resting form silently rising up and down. A shiver went down my spine and I nearly screamed when I realized that the footsteps had come to a stop outside of my door. Despite all the lights being out, I could clearly see the looming dark shadow of a form through the tiny crack at the foot of my door.

I dared not move. Whatever it was, it was just standing there. Waiting. Then to my horror, my doorknob slowly began to jiggle. Gently at first but then growing violent at the realization of it being locked. The noise of it eventually woke my roommate. She sat up, blinking in confusion. That instant the jiggling of the doorknob stopped. She asked me just what the hell I was doing and if I knew what time it was. I told her it wasn’t me! I told her that whatever had opened the door to the crawlspace the previous day had come back. But she just furrowed her brow at me and said that I needed to get more sleep.

The next day I made an appointment with my programs supervisor. I told him that I just needed to go home. He tried to tell me that I was just homesick and that it would pass, but I insisted. He eventually gave up and let me call my parents. They were confused but understanding. They were able to change the date of my return flight to the following morning. I really wanted to get out of there that day, but understandably that was the soonest they could manage. Unfortunately this meant that I would have to stay one more night in the apartment.

When I returned I tried to tell the others about what had been going on. I knew I was going to be getting out of there and would be out of danger, but I was still immensely worried for their safety. But none of them took me seriously, they looked at me as if I was a mad woman. They didn’t say anything but I was sure they all thought I was going home because of some sort of mental breakdown.

At that point there was nothing I could say that would convince them. So that night I locked my door and hesitantly went to bed. And right on cue, once again around two o’clock in the morning I was awoken by the rapid footsteps scampering around the apartment. I could hear the door to the bathroom begin to creak open, followed by the door at the end of the hallway. The footsteps grew louder and faster as they moved through the apartment. And finally, once more they came to a pause outside of my door. I could hear breathing this time, slow and heavy. I sat up in panic, and to my horror I saw that Stephanie had forgotten to lock the door behind her after getting up to use the restroom.

It was right outside my door and I did not know if I had time to jump up and try to lock it before the thing realized there was nothing blocking its way. I hesitated a moment too long and by the time I had sat up straight in my bed, the handle slowly began to turn. I froze in terror as the door cracked open revealing my tormentor. It stood there ominously in the doorway, staring me down. It’s eyes protruded slightly from its skull and gave off a very faint bluish light. It didn’t appear to have a nose, only slits where the nostril should have been. It had the teeth of a man, but had no lips, giving it the impression of an eternally toothy snarl. It’s grayish white skin was waxy and stretched tight over its bony face. The rest of its skeletal form was hard to make out as it was almost entirely enveloped in shadows.

After pausing for a moment in the doorway, it began to head toward me. As it moved, its body let out sickening cracks. I sat there, still petrified by fear until it had made its way to the foot of my bed. It’s heavy breaths were deafeningly loud. I don’t know how Stephanie slept through it. The air had begun to smell sour and stagnant.

With frightening speed, it jolted to the other end of the bed, mere feet from me. I gagged at the smell of it, like sulfur and rotting flesh. Slowly it unfurled one of its along the gnarly hands and proceeded to reach for me. Not until it was several inches away did I finally find my voice. I screamed as loud as I possibly could and it halted in its tracks. Stephanie shot up from her bed, visibly frightened. The creature hunched over on all fours and fled from the room with unsettling movements that recalled those of the spider. A moment later Stephanie switched the light on and looked at me furiously. She demanded to know what the fuss was all about. I told her exactly what had happened, but she just called me a nutcase.

The taxi came to pick me up very early the next morning. The sun had not even risen by the time it arrived. None of the girls came to see me off, but I expected this. After loading my luggage into the trunk I climbed into the back seat of the old cab. It had driven right through the square and was sitting at the base of my apartment. When I leaned to look out the window I could see where my room had been. My face contorted into a mixture of panic and concern. There, looking out of my old window was the creature. It’s unblinking eyes bore into me and it’s lipless mouth curled into a snarling grin. Before I could say anything, the cab driver had taken off, leaving that hell house far behind.

I tried to warn them. I really did. I did everything in my power to try to warn them of the danger that they were in, but none of them listen to me. There was no way I could’ve stopped what happened after I returned home. You see, several weeks after returning to the United States I received a phone call from the program director. He informed me that a day before the program ended, all three of my past roommates had been reported missing. The authorities had no idea just how long they had actually been gone for, as they were only recently discovered to be missing when the program director went to check on them after none of them made it to the end of the program wrap up meeting. They assumed it had been at least a week or two, since all the food in the apartment was expired. There was no sign of forced entry, and no valuables were missing. The only notable detail mentioned in the report was that when they arrived on the scene, there was a strange little door hanging ajar in the bathroom. And when they approached it, they were met with a powerful odor coming from no visible source. The official report has them declared as missing, but I know that they’re all dead.

I know that I’m incredibly lucky to have made it out with my life. I think the only reason I’m still alive today is because I fled thousands of miles and across an ocean. Despite their unwillingness to listen, I still feel an unimaginable amount of guilt over what happened to those girls. That’s why I’m writing this now. I may not be able to go back in time and save them, but maybe I can prevent this from happening to you. Please, PLEASE heed my warning. If you ever get the opportunity to study abroad, keep this in mind: if it seems too good to be true, it probably is. And WHATEVER you do, don’t stay on the third floor of the ancient yellow apartment complex above the Campo di Fiori. There’s something there. Something evil.

The Crawlspace

Credit To – Kaitie H.

VN:F [1.9.22_1171]
Rate This Pasta
Rating: 9.3/10 (1218 votes cast)
The Crawlspace, 9.3 out of 10 based on 1218 ratings
  • Sepia

    A classic modern ghost story. I thought this piece worked because it maintained a good sense of realism and proportion throughout. That, and the creeping terror the plot invoked.

    The background was very credibly set, helping to build up the tension. I liked how the prose pays attention to the details of the exchange program and the lodgings instead of treating them as disposable plot devices designed to railroad the protagonist into the haunted house. This slow setting-up gave the impression of an incident instead of a blatant plot contrivance, adding to the believability.

    I loved the group dynamic going on between the characters. Besides giving another point in realism, the groupthink actually justifies a lot of bad decisions made by both the protagonist and the other girls; the others’ skepticism towards the protagonist was warranted, because her seemingly-baseless suspicions made her an outcast and eventually ‘a nutcase’.

    That said, I thought the pasta could’ve pushed this further. There was a good start in characterization- the pasta actually showing how the girls acted- but I felt that the protagonist was still hollow.

    The other girls, too, could’ve been fleshed out more given the timescale and the predictability of the plot; just one scene of bickering would’ve made the readers more sympathetic to their fates.

    The plot IMO shone because of the pacing and realism; the reader’s tension creeps at the same rate as the protagonist’s, giving that sense of unavoidable dread. She reacts believably, frantically warning everyone and, failing that, getting out at the first sign of serious trouble.

    Towards the last arc though, the plot falters a bit. I felt the climax was too blatant, the straight descriptions deflated the monster for me. The ‘light footfalls’ and photo were more than enough IMO.

    All in all though, very solid ghost story pasta. 8.4/10

    VA:F [1.9.22_1171]
    Rating: +49 (from 79 votes)
    • http://loughboroughtattoo.com/content/view/16/31/ OjamaYellow

      8.4?
      What an odd number to decided upon.
      Just wondering… do you knock off 0.1 every time something minor annoys you?
      If not this then please let us know how you got to 8.4 oh mystical critic?

      VA:F [1.9.22_1171]
      Rating: -17 (from 105 votes)
      • Len Lye

        I give your comment a 3.2, sixty-eight increments of 0.1 were taken off ’cause you annoy me a lot.

        VA:F [1.9.22_1171]
        Rating: +85 (from 129 votes)
      • Sepia

        It’s a matter of personal preference, really. I have score ranges (70-74: promising, 75-78: good, 79-83: excellent etc.) but generally it’s nothing hard and fast. Just a personal score. What matters is the substance of the review for me.

        VA:F [1.9.22_1171]
        Rating: +28 (from 36 votes)
        • Awesomesauce

          seconded

          VA:F [1.9.22_1171]
          Rating: 0 (from 2 votes)
      • Grib Gar

        Oh mystical commenter of large degrees of sass and sarcasm, please kindly stop being a petulant asshole. It’s good that they use small incremental scores so it’s more precise. Not that you could possibly be bothered to care or understand.

        VA:F [1.9.22_1171]
        Rating: +9 (from 37 votes)
      • kek

        It probably has something to do with their autism.

        VA:F [1.9.22_1171]
        Rating: -65 (from 97 votes)
        • the guy above me is stupid

          how dare you mock autism. Autism doesn’t make people stupid, you jerk!

          VA:F [1.9.22_1171]
          Rating: +56 (from 80 votes)
        • Wolfewitz

          Dude really? Not cool

          VA:F [1.9.22_1171]
          Rating: +33 (from 45 votes)
        • lel

          everyones butthurt

          VA:F [1.9.22_1171]
          Rating: -18 (from 60 votes)
    • Anonymous

      That thing in the picture is so good-looking, that I wouldn’t mind having dinner with him.

      VA:F [1.9.22_1171]
      Rating: +20 (from 32 votes)
    • paige

      i agree, the description of the monster was too much. i feel like the less you know, the scarier is is.

      VA:F [1.9.22_1171]
      Rating: +3 (from 5 votes)
  • Connor

    Wat

    VA:F [1.9.22_1171]
    Rating: -32 (from 40 votes)
  • Ahriannah

    WOAH. Face Cannon accepted! The story was phenonenal! The story was just creepy enough that the pics scared the hell outta me

    VA:F [1.9.22_1171]
    Rating: +48 (from 50 votes)
  • Pužimir

    Magnificent. Just magnificent. Believable, can give you a good scare if you get in a similar situation. Good read. Not too long / not too short. I also like the detail and the addition of a picture. It had an original ide so props for that too. 10/10

    VA:F [1.9.22_1171]
    Rating: +28 (from 30 votes)
    • Pužimir

      Idea i mean.

      VA:F [1.9.22_1171]
      Rating: +6 (from 8 votes)
  • https://www.facebook.com/TheGoryHole Maggie

    Well, that was absolutely terrifying. :l

    VA:F [1.9.22_1171]
    Rating: +21 (from 25 votes)
  • inxtcy

    Good read but two glaring questions. 1. If all that was at the end of this long hall was the cursed bathroom why not seal off the entire hallway? 2. Why didn’t she show her roommates the picture?

    VA:F [1.9.22_1171]
    Rating: +41 (from 45 votes)
    • Andi

      *he

      VA:F [1.9.22_1171]
      Rating: -54 (from 58 votes)
      • Nikita

        Narrator’s female, genius.

        VA:F [1.9.22_1171]
        Rating: +49 (from 49 votes)
    • Lilyan

      i was asking mysefl the same questions,maybe she just tought that the other girls won’t belive her,i wonder what was the advice from her friend that spoke with her on skype.

      VA:F [1.9.22_1171]
      Rating: +13 (from 15 votes)
      • Grant

        Those were photos of the crime scene I believe. There fore, she never had the chance to show her roommates. They were already dead.

        VA:F [1.9.22_1171]
        Rating: -15 (from 15 votes)
        • inxtcy

          I was referring to the photo she took in the crawlspace in which she discovered the creepy face.

          VA:F [1.9.22_1171]
          Rating: +14 (from 14 votes)
        • Anonymous

          No, that was the pic she took and showed her friend. She said there was a face in the picture and there clearly is one there.

          VA:F [1.9.22_1171]
          Rating: +3 (from 7 votes)
    • Swirly Head Man

      I suppose it’d be a lot more suspicious to have a doorway blocked off than a little crawlspace. The crawlspace, remember, was painted over and hard to distinguish, which would be a lot more difficult to do wit a full-sized doorway.

      VA:F [1.9.22_1171]
      Rating: +9 (from 9 votes)
    • Dave

      The picture is shocking for her because she suspects there is something there. The roommates, however, would have probably thought it was a light related effect or even that she was playing a prank on them.

      VA:F [1.9.22_1171]
      Rating: +9 (from 9 votes)
  • shadybanana

    oooo nice pasta and a possibly true one as well

    VA:F [1.9.22_1171]
    Rating: +3 (from 17 votes)
  • Phoenix

    This was a very tasty creepypasta. The picture at the end gave me chills.

    VA:F [1.9.22_1171]
    Rating: +17 (from 17 votes)
  • jeff vs slendy

    i give 10/10 very interesting and gave me chills since i read it at night

    VA:F [1.9.22_1171]
    Rating: +10 (from 10 votes)
  • Trenton

    Who knew the terror of sleeping in a apartment with other people. Well you made it sir. Gave me the shivers and too when you showed pictures. This one was good but you rushed in the beginning but not when you got to the apartment. I could tell you wanted to get to the part where you saw the creature. But still good. 9/10

    VA:F [1.9.22_1171]
    Rating: -4 (from 14 votes)
  • Anonymous

    I glanced over this again after reading, and I’m pretty sure at no point does this girl show any of her roommates the picture. Which honestly makes no sense. Like why not just show them? They already thought she was crazy. Otherwise, this is a good story, but I just can’t get over the fact that she didn’t show them the picture.

    VA:F [1.9.22_1171]
    Rating: +24 (from 24 votes)
    • Herobrine

      if she had shown them the picture, they still would not have believed her, they would have thought she Photoshopped it.

      -Herobrine

      Always watching…

      VA:F [1.9.22_1171]
      Rating: +8 (from 8 votes)
  • Anon

    Seriously amazing! Made me too scared to even look at the picture!

    VA:F [1.9.22_1171]
    Rating: +5 (from 13 votes)
    • Anonymous

      I have no problem reading creepypastas, but as soon as someone adds in a picture – photoshopped or not – it scares the crap out of me.

      VA:F [1.9.22_1171]
      Rating: +30 (from 30 votes)
      • Roman

        I know right

        VA:F [1.9.22_1171]
        Rating: +2 (from 4 votes)
  • Brickis

    Why didn’t she show everyone the pictures if according to her there was clearly some sort of demonic face in them?

    VA:F [1.9.22_1171]
    Rating: +14 (from 16 votes)
    • Lemons

      I thought the same thing as well, for a second. But keep in mind that she took the picture before anything happened. I think if she were to show them that picture, she would have came off as a jerk or someone who just wants to give them a good scare. They wouldn’t have believed her anyway. You could photoshop anything into a picture, nowadays. Overall, fantastic story.

      VA:F [1.9.22_1171]
      Rating: +8 (from 8 votes)
  • Anonymous

    This was great! I loved the mounting sense of panic and isolation, I just wish the creature had been more actively malevolent Sneaking into rooms and watching them is really creepy, but in the end it doesn’t have much of a punch. I’d love to know what he did with the other girls. Very nice pasta!

    VA:F [1.9.22_1171]
    Rating: +4 (from 4 votes)
  • http://www.facebook.com/stupiddialup StupidDialUp

    Saw the pictures before reading the story. Puckered my ass. Made the story lagniappe for me!

    VA:F [1.9.22_1171]
    Rating: +1 (from 7 votes)
  • Landen Bigham

    Great piece, I can tell you edited this a few times yourself. It was very clean and well put together!
    The few tiny sentence mistakes could have been edited out by someone else, but they didn’t distract at all because the pacing kept me interested. Why didn’t the protagonist show the picture to the girls, though?

    VA:F [1.9.22_1171]
    Rating: +6 (from 6 votes)
  • http://loughboroughtattoo.com/content/view/16/31/ OjamaYellow

    I actually really enjoyed this pasta.
    Yes, its typical and doesn’t have the twist or fear of a pasta such as Psychosis.
    However I loved the fact there was a photo. Whether you believe or not in ghosts and supernatural encounters you can believe the story. Almost as if, even if there wasn’t a real monster, there was real fear.
    Good pasta, may even eat again.

    VA:F [1.9.22_1171]
    Rating: +3 (from 3 votes)
    • Anonymous

      Psychosis isn’t scary, it’s simply meant to be the mind of a man who is slowly becoming insane.

      VA:F [1.9.22_1171]
      Rating: -5 (from 9 votes)
      • http://MattMHorror.wordpress.com Matt M

        Eeeeeexcept that Psychosis IS scary, and the bit at the end proves that his fears were true. Nice try though.

        VA:F [1.9.22_1171]
        Rating: +7 (from 7 votes)
        • Jhe

          Wrong, psychosis isn’t scary, but the bit at the end does prove that his fears were not without merit.

          YOU LOSE.
          GOOD DAY SIR.

          VA:F [1.9.22_1171]
          Rating: +3 (from 7 votes)
        • Bekah

          Okay, Well, Reading Psychosis I was’t scared, I was more just captivated and sucked into it that it gave me shivers. It may have scared some people, It kinda just depends if you’re scared really easily or if you can watch Human Centipede without being scared. (Really bad comparison…)

          VA:F [1.9.22_1171]
          Rating: +2 (from 2 votes)
  • AppleWedge

    That isn’t a very good picture of the crawlspace to send to a friend. She’s too close and the picture doesn’t tell the viewer where the crawlspace is located in the room. If I were this girl’s friend trying to find a “logical explanation” for the noises in the crawlspace, I would have been very disappointed in the picture she sent me.
    Now that my unbelievably obnoxious nitpicking is over…
    Fantastic Pasta. I loved every minute of it, but I was a bit surprised that she did not show the picture to her friends (of course, If I was a roommate, I may have simply rolled my eyes at the picture, as the demon thingy in the picture could easily be some mold growing on the side of the crawlspace).

    VA:F [1.9.22_1171]
    Rating: 0 (from 10 votes)
  • Kuratha

    Hey, I watch the auther of this creepypasta on Deviantart, I don’t know if she will see this, but the pictures… I can’t see the face, if I were that friend, I would have a hard time finding it.

    VA:F [1.9.22_1171]
    Rating: +2 (from 4 votes)
    • I Consist Entirely of Lego Bricks.

      Upper right corner; just look for the eyes. Took me a bit to see

      VA:F [1.9.22_1171]
      Rating: +6 (from 8 votes)
      • Manic Margerie

        Thumbs up on the user name.

        VA:F [1.9.22_1171]
        Rating: +4 (from 4 votes)
      • Herobrine

        Love the username, Thumbs up there :)

        VA:F [1.9.22_1171]
        Rating: 0 (from 0 votes)
    • alex

      what is the persons name on deviant art?

      VA:F [1.9.22_1171]
      Rating: 0 (from 0 votes)
  • X

    Excellent pasta. I actually thought that when the creature was being described it was going to turn out to be Jeff. Only problem was the slow start. 9/10

    VA:F [1.9.22_1171]
    Rating: -6 (from 10 votes)
    • Gem

      I imagined voldemort…

      VA:F [1.9.22_1171]
      Rating: +11 (from 15 votes)
      • Jhe

        YOU SAID HIS NAME! D:

        VA:F [1.9.22_1171]
        Rating: +9 (from 9 votes)
        • Herobrine

          I imagined Voldemort too, the description of it reminded me, so did the picture

          VA:F [1.9.22_1171]
          Rating: 0 (from 0 votes)
  • Nobody

    Me gusta

    VA:F [1.9.22_1171]
    Rating: +3 (from 9 votes)
  • Anon

    The story was kind of killed for me due to her not doing the simple and easiest thing – simply showing the picture. I was willing to overlook it once as “maybe she was just too tired,” but it’s mentioned several times that she did everything she could. She obviously didn’t. I even waited until the end so the author could write “but the monster mysteriously vanished from the picture” or something along those lines.

    Overall good plot, wish a little more was done with it seeing as it’s a relatively long piece for what was presented, and that GLARING issue needs to be sorted out.

    VA:F [1.9.22_1171]
    Rating: +8 (from 10 votes)
  • SeedsOfHanisour

    I felt this was an excellent pasta with believable characters, a steadily-paced plot and an overall story that didn’t show too much to dilute the impact or ruin the tension. That said, the one thing I would say, to repeat what Sepia wrote, I felt that the actual physical presence and the arching description did make it a little less terrifying than it may otherwise have been. That ol’ saying that less is more seems rather appropriate. But despite that quibble, I was otherwise impressed. Good job on this one. It was nicely told.

    Oh, one last note to everyone else, to my mind, reading this story while listening to Atrium Carceri’s Cryo Chamber really sets a mood for this.

    VA:F [1.9.22_1171]
    Rating: +3 (from 3 votes)
  • Yep I’m gay

    I thought this was very good, probably one of the best on this site. I do think it could be a bit better with some tweaking of the writing though.

    VA:F [1.9.22_1171]
    Rating: +2 (from 4 votes)
  • Mr.Major

    This was good, definitely got my heart pumping by the time I got to the pictures. The big plot holes really irked me, though. As others have said: Why not show your roommates the picture? Why is this thing so interested in just the author, seemingly avoiding all other members of the house?

    VA:F [1.9.22_1171]
    Rating: 0 (from 2 votes)
    • Dave

      the picture is definite proof for her because she knows there is something there. But looking at the picture yourself, do you think the roommates would have believed her? I bet they would’ve dismissed it as a random light effect on the photo.

      VA:F [1.9.22_1171]
      Rating: +5 (from 5 votes)
      • Anonymous

        It only went after the author because it wanted to pick them off one by one, but when it realized that would not work, because the author left, it took the remaining three girls. Thats my theory

        VA:F [1.9.22_1171]
        Rating: +1 (from 1 vote)

This website contains fictional content that may be too scary for younger readers. Please verify that you are either at least 18 years of age or have parental permission before proceeding.