Advertisement
Please wait...

The Crawlspace

Advertisements


Estimated reading time — 15 minutes

Um… hi there. I guess you could say I’m writing this as a cautionary tale to those who plan on studying abroad in future. I don’t mean to discourage you from going in the first place, it’s more like I just want you to be aware of this so that something like this doesn’t happen to you too.

I guess I should explain a little bit. Last summer I was selected to participate in the study abroad program that would be centered in Rome for several months. Like anyone would be, I was elated. I had never been out of the states before, so this was going to be a real adventure for me.

In the weeks that followed I happily packed anything and everything I could fit into my suitcase. (I will be the first to admit that I had way over packed for this trip.) I was nervous about leaving my parents for the first time but I was also excited for the newfound freedom I would have while in Europe. Before I knew it my parents were dropping me off at the airport, and I was boarding a 19 hour flight to Rome.

Despite being long and tedious, the flight wasn’t all that bad. When I exited the airport I was greeted by the program supervisor and several other students who would be studying with me. They were about the same age and all looked just as excited as me. From there we went to our mandatory orientation meeting, and afterwards we went to pick up our apartment keys.

In the months that preceded the trip, we were responsible for getting to know our would be roommates as well as finding a place to stay that we could all afford. There were three girls I would be staying with. They were all nice enough and made an effort to make me feel welcome, though I will admit it’s a bit hard to get close to the group of preformed friends. But despite my slight alienation, it seemed that things were all going to work out well. All of us were on a similar budget plan, and by that I mean none of us really had much money to spend. Because of this we were all on the same page while searching for the cheapest apartment we could find.

After several days of searching we stumbled across an ad for an ancient apartment located above the Campo di Fiori. That was a prime location and we couldn’t believe it that it was still available, no less listed for an unbelievably low price. This immediately sent alarm bells off in my head. The place was enormous yet the rent was cheaper than the much smaller apartments in a far less desirable part of town. However reason never really wins out in a group of excited young women. They had already made up their minds and if I would be staying with them this was my only option.

We each received our own set of keys as well as a map with walking directions. Because of its prime location it really didn’t take us long to get there. The Campo was amazing. During the daytime it was filled with a vibrant market, while during the evening it was lined with lively street performers. All of the apartments surrounding it looked to be ancient, so ours really didn’t stand out all that much. After circling the square three or four times we finally noticed the number nailed to the front of a massive old wooden door. This would be our home for the next three months.

I fought with my keys for a moment until there was an audible click of the heavy old lock. The thick old door swung forward with a screech. We were then met with a long winding staircase. We all looked at one another and groaned. None of us had accounted for the fact that the building had been constructed before elevators were common. So three sets of stairs and countless complaints later, all four of us, with luggage in hand stood outside our new front door. Once again I reached for my set of keys and fought with the stubborn lock. As soon as the front door was opened there was a stampede of young women trying to claim the best rooms. Being a three-bedroom apartment, it meant that two of us would have to share. I personally didn’t really care so I let the others battle it out. When the dust had settled, I found that I would be sharing a room with a girl called Stephanie. That was fine with me. Stephanie was nice enough and she was also very quiet, my ideal feature in a roommate.

Over the course of the rest of the day we ran around exploring our new home. There were two bathrooms, a full kitchen, and a living room with an ancient TV. Once again I began to feel uneasy. Just how was it that we were able to get all of this for such a low price? But before I could finish the thought I was interrupted by a fit of loud squealing. My initial reaction was to panic, however I soon learned that all the noise was from excitement. Down at the other end of the apartment near the front door, apparently there was another part of the flat we had missed. I followed the noise until it led me to a long dark hallway. There at the end, behind the group of squealing women was a washing and drying machine. For those of you thinking “what’s the big deal?”, I should explain that these things are incredibly rare in Rome. Generally exchange students have to wash their clothes by hand in the sink before hanging them up to dry. What was a luxury item like this doing in such a cheap apartment?

Just as the screaming quelled it picked right back up again as the girls noticed a door adjacent to the washing machine. Beyond that door was a master bathroom. It had a balcony, a claw-foot tub, and even a bidet. The girls immediately started fighting over “who’s bathroom this was going to be”. I didn’t really see why we couldn’t share, but apparently the others were dead set on having ownership. As it turned out it ended up being my bathroom. Stephanie had made a logical argument that because she and I had to share a bedroom, while the other two each got their own, it was only fair that she and I got share the master bath. And I’ll admit that at first I was actually kind of excited, it was after all, a really nice room. However over the course of the next several weeks I began to grow more and more wary of the room. I don’t know how to put it into words. It’s like every time I went into that room I could feel something’s eyes on me. And the voyeuristic element wasn’t really what had me so unnerved. It felt like whatever was watching me was angry, that it didn’t want me there and that it wanted to hurt me.

I began doing everything in my power to avoid the room. I asked Alisha if she would mind if I were to use her restroom occasionally. I made up a lame excuse about how it was far more convenient since her room was so close while my bathroom was at the other end of the flat at the end of the very long hallway. She happily agreed though, when I told her that she could use my bathroom anytime she liked. This worked well for a while. For about the first two months of my trip I was able to completely avoid the eerie room. It wasn’t until the final month that everything began to unravel. One night as I prepared to brush my teeth, I found that Alisha was already occupying her bathroom. I could hear giggles coming from down the hallway, it was clear both Stephanie and our other roommate were both getting ready for bed in the master bath. I decided that since there was strength in numbers, it would be all right just for tonight.

So I made my way down to the large bathroom where I joined the boisterous girls in brushing my teeth. They were in the midst of some conversation when Lindsay, our other roommate, had broken into such a furious fit of laughter that she had to lean on the wall for support. But suddenly she jolted upright as if she had been shocked. We all looked at what had been the cause of her reaction: there on the wall, about the same level as the bathtub was a tiny door. None of us had noticed it because it was the same color as walls. The landlord had even painted over it. Naturally this made me a bit nervous. Whatever it was, the landlord clearly didn’t want anyone opening it. But as usual, throwing all caution to the wind Lindsay reached for the handle and began tugging with all her might. Stephanie clucked her tongue in disapproval before pulling out a small pocket knife. She began delicately carving along the seam of the door. I wanted to beg her to stop, but I really didn’t have the energy to argue that night. So within a few minutes, Lindsay had yanked the little door open with a loud crack.

It was… a crawlspace. It was fairly large. My guess would’ve been you could have fit at least three or four people in there. I was rather curious as to why the landlord would’ve sealed up an empty little room. While I thought about this, Stephanie and Lindsay began calling for Alisha to come see their new discovery. She was just as excited as they were when they first discovered it. However, as could be expected, this excitement waned over time and eventually the crawlspace was just turned into storage for a few towels and laundry baskets.

In the following days after the unsealing of the crawlspace, things started to go from eerie to downright terrifying. Annoyingly, Alisha had changed her nightly routine so that I could no longer use her bathroom in the evenings. Once again I was back in the large bathroom, all the while, the feeling that I was being watched growing worse and worse. I began to get so paranoid each time I went into that room that I would literally jump at the slightest noise of pipes settling, and as soon as I was finished I would run at full speed down the hallway and close the door behind me. For some reason I seemed to be the only one feeling this way. It’s not like I could’ve told the other girls either. I was already enough of an outcast as it was. So I just kept to myself and hoped it would go away eventually.

Unfortunately that wasn’t the case. One night as I was getting ready for bed, I found myself alone in the bathroom. As I stood in front of the mirror brushing my teeth something set the hairs on the back of my neck straight up. There was a faint rustling noise. Not the kind that could’ve been caused from my roommates at the other end of the flat. Any noises caused by them would have had to have been quite loud to reach me all the way at the end of the long hallway. No this noise was very faint, the sound of someone gingerly shuffling things around. I stood completely silent, terror filling me. The soft rustling noise was coming from inside the crawlspace. I turned on my heels and ran down the hallway to grab the attention of my roommates. I tried to explain to them what happened, but all that came out were incoherent murmurs.

Eventually I managed to stutter “S-Something. Something’s inside the crawlspace!”

The Crawlspace

They looked at me with fear and confusion in their eyes. As a pack we moved together down the hallway into the bathroom. I nearly fainted when I saw the tiny door hanging fully ajar. Though this discovery filled me with horror, Alisha immediately pointed to the balcony’s sliding door. Stephanie had left it open to air out the bathroom after having taken a shower several hours ago. She peeked her head out the door and pointed to the slanted rooftop adjacent to ours. There was a pigeons nest occupied by few birds. The girls surmised that a pigeon must have found its way in and was the cause of the disturbance. They all had a good laugh as we made our way back to the living room. I pretended to shake it off but I knew it was not a pigeon that caused the rustling noise. First off, the tiny door had been shut tight all day. None of us really cared to leave it open because it smelled quite musty inside. And secondly, the door had been shut when I left the bathroom, I am certain of this, yet there it was wide open when I returned. You’re not going to tell me that a pigeon knows how to and is capable of opening and closing a door all by itself.

It was at this point that I began to suspect that something was terribly wrong with this apartment. When I got back to my room I pulled out my laptop and called my best friend via Skype. She had always been the skeptical and methodical type, however she also kept an open mind towards things that were hard to explain. I decided that out of anyone she was probably the best to talk to about my situation. As I expected, she was initially quite doubtful. Though she also agreed with me that a pigeon was quite likely not the source. She asked me if I had any photos of the crawlspace. She said that if she could see it, that would help her to understand a little more clearly, and possibly help her to come up with a more logical explanation.

Relieved at her willingness to at least hear me out, I reached for my camera and made my way back down the eerie hallway. When I arrived I found, to my relief, that the door was still closed. I stood in front of it for a moment, gathering my nerve before finally pulling the little door open. Despite the clutter left inside by my roommates, it was empty. I snapped a quick photo before closing the door once more and running back to my room. I immediately plugged my camera into my computer and uploaded the photo. When I finally opened the image, I was petrified by what I saw. There in the upper right-hand corner was a face, baring its teeth at me. My whole body began violently shaking.

“Dear God. That thing is in our home!” I muttered to myself.

Fear began to overtake me. Someone had sealed whatever it was inside of that crawlspace, and we had let it out. I was so absorbed in my panic I didn’t even notice when my roommate returned. She was so blissfully unaware of the imminent danger we were in, yet even if I tried to warn her she would not believe me. I was at a loss of what to do, and finally decided that I would deal with it in the morning. Though not by a large amount, I did feel braver in the sunlight. From there I attempted to get some sleep. Though for the first time ever since being there I closed and bolted my door before getting into bed. Stephanie eyed me suspiciously while doing so, but I just told her jokingly that Lindsay had been sneaking into our room the previous nights and had been stealing my nutella. She laughed heartily, shaking her head before settling down for the night. I will admit that the only reason I was able to find any sleep that night was because of her presence. Something about not being alone can give one a sense of false security.

It was about two o’clock in the morning when the sound woke me. I had always been a light sleeper so the faint noise was enough to stir me. It sounded like a door being pushed open at the other end of the flat followed by footsteps. But these weren’t just normal footsteps. They were far too fast. It sounded like someone was running at full speed from the foyer to the living room and all about the apartment. But these weren’t heavy footfalls like the kind you would expect from a running person. They were very light, almost unnaturally so. My initial reaction was to assume it was either Alisha or Lindsay, so I got up and stuck my ear to the wall behind me that separated Lindsay’s room from mine. I could hear her faint but steady breathing. She was clearly asleep, it wasn’t her. I then crossed over to the other side of my room near the door and once again stuck my ear to the wall. Alisha’s snoring was quite audible, there’s no way it was her. I slowly began to grow fearful as I turned in a last resort to see if Stephanie had perhaps gotten up, but I could plainly see her resting form silently rising up and down. A shiver went down my spine and I nearly screamed when I realized that the footsteps had come to a stop outside of my door. Despite all the lights being out, I could clearly see the looming dark shadow of a form through the tiny crack at the foot of my door.

I dared not move. Whatever it was, it was just standing there. Waiting. Then to my horror, my doorknob slowly began to jiggle. Gently at first but then growing violent at the realization of it being locked. The noise of it eventually woke my roommate. She sat up, blinking in confusion. That instant the jiggling of the doorknob stopped. She asked me just what the hell I was doing and if I knew what time it was. I told her it wasn’t me! I told her that whatever had opened the door to the crawlspace the previous day had come back. But she just furrowed her brow at me and said that I needed to get more sleep.

The next day I made an appointment with my programs supervisor. I told him that I just needed to go home. He tried to tell me that I was just homesick and that it would pass, but I insisted. He eventually gave up and let me call my parents. They were confused but understanding. They were able to change the date of my return flight to the following morning. I really wanted to get out of there that day, but understandably that was the soonest they could manage. Unfortunately this meant that I would have to stay one more night in the apartment.

When I returned I tried to tell the others about what had been going on. I knew I was going to be getting out of there and would be out of danger, but I was still immensely worried for their safety. But none of them took me seriously, they looked at me as if I was a mad woman. They didn’t say anything but I was sure they all thought I was going home because of some sort of mental breakdown.

At that point there was nothing I could say that would convince them. So that night I locked my door and hesitantly went to bed. And right on cue, once again around two o’clock in the morning I was awoken by the rapid footsteps scampering around the apartment. I could hear the door to the bathroom begin to creak open, followed by the door at the end of the hallway. The footsteps grew louder and faster as they moved through the apartment. And finally, once more they came to a pause outside of my door. I could hear breathing this time, slow and heavy. I sat up in panic, and to my horror I saw that Stephanie had forgotten to lock the door behind her after getting up to use the restroom.

It was right outside my door and I did not know if I had time to jump up and try to lock it before the thing realized there was nothing blocking its way. I hesitated a moment too long and by the time I had sat up straight in my bed, the handle slowly began to turn. I froze in terror as the door cracked open revealing my tormentor. It stood there ominously in the doorway, staring me down. It’s eyes protruded slightly from its skull and gave off a very faint bluish light. It didn’t appear to have a nose, only slits where the nostril should have been. It had the teeth of a man, but had no lips, giving it the impression of an eternally toothy snarl. It’s grayish white skin was waxy and stretched tight over its bony face. The rest of its skeletal form was hard to make out as it was almost entirely enveloped in shadows.

After pausing for a moment in the doorway, it began to head toward me. As it moved, its body let out sickening cracks. I sat there, still petrified by fear until it had made its way to the foot of my bed. It’s heavy breaths were deafeningly loud. I don’t know how Stephanie slept through it. The air had begun to smell sour and stagnant.

With frightening speed, it jolted to the other end of the bed, mere feet from me. I gagged at the smell of it, like sulfur and rotting flesh. Slowly it unfurled one of its along the gnarly hands and proceeded to reach for me. Not until it was several inches away did I finally find my voice. I screamed as loud as I possibly could and it halted in its tracks. Stephanie shot up from her bed, visibly frightened. The creature hunched over on all fours and fled from the room with unsettling movements that recalled those of the spider. A moment later Stephanie switched the light on and looked at me furiously. She demanded to know what the fuss was all about. I told her exactly what had happened, but she just called me a nutcase.

The taxi came to pick me up very early the next morning. The sun had not even risen by the time it arrived. None of the girls came to see me off, but I expected this. After loading my luggage into the trunk I climbed into the back seat of the old cab. It had driven right through the square and was sitting at the base of my apartment. When I leaned to look out the window I could see where my room had been. My face contorted into a mixture of panic and concern. There, looking out of my old window was the creature. It’s unblinking eyes bore into me and it’s lipless mouth curled into a snarling grin. Before I could say anything, the cab driver had taken off, leaving that hell house far behind.

I tried to warn them. I really did. I did everything in my power to try to warn them of the danger that they were in, but none of them listen to me. There was no way I could’ve stopped what happened after I returned home. You see, several weeks after returning to the United States I received a phone call from the program director. He informed me that a day before the program ended, all three of my past roommates had been reported missing. The authorities had no idea just how long they had actually been gone for, as they were only recently discovered to be missing when the program director went to check on them after none of them made it to the end of the program wrap up meeting. They assumed it had been at least a week or two, since all the food in the apartment was expired. There was no sign of forced entry, and no valuables were missing. The only notable detail mentioned in the report was that when they arrived on the scene, there was a strange little door hanging ajar in the bathroom. And when they approached it, they were met with a powerful odor coming from no visible source. The official report has them declared as missing, but I know that they’re all dead.

I know that I’m incredibly lucky to have made it out with my life. I think the only reason I’m still alive today is because I fled thousands of miles and across an ocean. Despite their unwillingness to listen, I still feel an unimaginable amount of guilt over what happened to those girls. That’s why I’m writing this now. I may not be able to go back in time and save them, but maybe I can prevent this from happening to you. Please, PLEASE heed my warning. If you ever get the opportunity to study abroad, keep this in mind: if it seems too good to be true, it probably is. And WHATEVER you do, don’t stay on the third floor of the ancient yellow apartment complex above the Campo di Fiori. There’s something there. Something evil.


Credit: Kaitie H.

 

This story was submitted to Creepypasta.com by a fellow reader. To submit your own creepypasta tale for consideration and publication to this site, visit our submissions page today.

Please wait...
Advertisements

Copyright Statement: Unless explicitly stated, all stories published on Creepypasta.com are the property of (and under copyright to) their respective authors, and may not be narrated or performed under any circumstance.

184 thoughts on “The Crawlspace”

  1. InTruthYou\'reGreat

    This pasta left me in an indifferent state. Reason being that I’ve read stories like this repeatedly throughout my life and they rarely bring something new to the table; same story different setting.

    The main character is “the one who knows best” and “tries to help” yet still is lacking when it comes to action; she’s merely reacting and trying to save herself. The other characters somewhat fade into the background; name or not, they’re dull. They have minimal personalities; explained, not shown.

    You get a sense of isolation from the main character, but it’s more of an indifferent sense of isolation, not a jarring one. The latter would be portrayed more openly if the main character somehow realised that the creature was only targeting her, for example, and would not show itself for the others. Imagine a creature plucking people one by one. Furthermore detailing the reactions of the flatmates would add to the dread; how they could mess with her fear, downright ignore it, or seek to condescendingly soothe her.

    The adding of small pieces of vital information as an afterthought is a no-go. It ruins the pacing. Think of the murky crawlspace and the closed little door it has: As BernidetteAnne pointed out, why would they put towels in there in first place? Not to mention calling it empty later on when she took the image. This could’ve easily been avoided by explaining that they started using it as storage until the towels started smelling; hence removing the items and shutting the space tightly. Plan it.

    Overall, the story could’ve been made vastly more captivating had the main character been forced to stay for the duration of the trip. Seeing that she was low on funds, it wouldn’t be farfetched to assume that her parents would disagree to let her come back – plane tickets are not free – or her feeling ashamed of wasting hard earned money.

    That way, the protagonist would be in a situation where she couldn’t escape. That would force her to attain allies and gain trust.

    Let’s say Stephanie – her roommate – did hear the sounds, but choose not to acknowledge them since she refuses to believe in such things. She also felt a danger in the bathroom, thus always ensuring that she was there with someone else. But, she does not believe in the supernatural. How would the main character “convert” her?

    The friend she spoke with about the image, how could she help her along? Keeping watch from a safe distance through her camera? Looking up information? Give these characters roles.

    Imagine the characters having to fend off this creature together, and realising that as they learn, the creature learns too. That’s scary.

    The creature never even has to show itself, or be described with detail. The reactions and thoughts of the characters can suffice. (It is always a gamble to give the creature a shape.)

    Yet, this is only my opinion and you are more of an author than I am. Putting this story up is applaudable on its own.

    What I found utterly unnerving, though, was the footage. Good job.

  2. Fantastic story… it totally pulled me in! My only issue was why not show the other girls the photo she took? Even if they did not believe her, then she really had tried everything.

  3. This story is really vivid and explicit! The details laid by the author were able to put clear mental pictures in my head. It’s easy to understand and the story gave me creeps especially by the moment the monster finally materialized in the story.
    P.S.
    By the way, guys, don’t fight over something that is too petty. Look, everyone has their own opinions, perception, and interpretation. We can’t really blame nor despise them for expressing their own thoughts. With that being said, just enjoy this place. :)

  4. My only criticism is the main characters reaction to her discovery..[spoiler title=”takes a pic and sees a monster, but instead of ever showing anyone the pic she decides to go to bed and deal with it later.. wtf happened to the pic!? “]

  5. Loved it! Reminds me of one of the tales from the Darksiders episodes. Where the student gets killed by a monster in her closet.

  6. Carlos Mario Charris Dominguez

    Why didnd she showed them the picture or tried to contact the landlord or tried to seal again the door?

  7. Every story has flaws but that doesn’t subtract from the creepiness and feeling of authenticity I felt with this one. No matter grammer ( haha… evil I am ), or set up of scenes, or the misinformation, this pasta is still a great one, and certainly makes me think twice about travel and accommodation.
    10/10 :)

  8. “Reason never really wins out in a group of excited young women” Wow. I signed up just to make that comment. It was a good story with a good plot, and I know there were a lot of differences with the main gal and her room mates, but it felt to me like you portrayed women in general with a strange tone, not just the specific girls in the story. I’m sorry for focusing on that one thing, it just stood out to me. It was a good story though

  9. Kristopher Holmberg

    This is kinda the perfect example of the hate part of my love/hate relationship with creepypastas.

    The thing is 100% exposition. That’s just bad writing. You need scenes, and when you write a scene as exposition, well — show, don’t tell.

    The idea is fine, creature in the crawlspace. Plot of 9million or more stories because simple works. But characters carry such stories, and this one doesn’t have it. Show, don’t tell. Dialogue is your friend, etc. etc.

    This is a damn long story considering it doesn’t have any scenes. At least twice again as long as it should be, it doesn’t have the momentum to carry thru.

    Superlatives, like adverbs, are a writer’s worst enemy.

    It’s all stuff typical of creepypasta — the good ones are things written by people with a bit of talent in stories, and absolutely no skill in the craft of writing.

    I’d just love to see a much higher standard.

  10. Federica Scalone

    Ok hold on. I am from Rome and what the hell are you talking about !!!
    Like we do have washing and drying machines they are not luxurious stuff , every home has one. Also it is really uncommon that our cabs are “ancient” or “old” and there are no big apartments in Campo Dei Fiori…. Stop thinking italian people are still living in 1400. If you dont know things, dont talk about them.

  11. My damn!

    one of the best creepypastas I have ever read, on my recording program I read it, and it scareed the shaz out of me, the photos helped the ambiance and I was absolutly rapt to the story!

    ಠ_ಠ

  12. The flight time was off, but the story did give me a bit of a crawl. The begging wasn’t all the great and i kind of what more from the ending but it was one of the better ones that I’ve read.

  13. My only issue with this pasta is why would one store towels in a space where they refused to even leave the door open due to a musty smell?

  14. Yeah sure this story would be great except only a few paragraphs in and the whole thing was kind of ruined for me.

    ” Before I knew it my parents were dropping me off at the airport, and I was boarding a 19 hour flight to Rome.”

    There are no 19 hour flights to Rome. There are no 19 hour flights period. The longest flight in the world, announced August 2015 is only going to be about 17.5 hours (and you can bet your ass it isn’t from the United States to Rome). Flights from the US to Rome are about 8 hours. Assuming you’re leaving from the east coast, anyways. Still, even if you were flying from somewhere else in the US directly to Rome, it wouldn’t be 19 hours.

  15. I was curious after reading this so I googled the apartment. It comes up with pictures of the bathroom, there is an actual crawl space painted the color of the walls… It’s still for rent but it has great reviews so…

  16. Hampered by some typographical issues (its/it’s confusion), and I tend to think of exclamation marks as something you should really only use once in a blue moon. But the fact I’m digging down to little nitpicks like that should make it pretty clear that, overall, I thought this was pretty darn good. It might have been better to keep the ghost/creature a little more vague. The picture included at the end was a great surprise and definitely amped up the creep factor. Pretty solid little spook story, all told.

  17. My only real complaint is HOW DO YOU NOT NOTICE A DOOR THAT’S BEEN PAINTED OVER? That, and the description of the monster kinda ruined it for me. But other than that, It was really good. 8/10

  18. all I could think of while reading this was my freinds apartment when I stayed in rome…I kept wondering if there was a crawl space I missed in here master bathroom.

  19. Brilliant. Absolutely amazing. Usually a story doesn’t scare me so much that I won’t look at the picture, but boy this one did.

  20. My heart stopped when I read this story. And the pictures just made me even more terrified. I have a crawlspace in my house, and now I won’t even go into that room.

  21. I read many stories here but don’t comment much. However this is my second in as many days.
    Very well written and thought out! I don’t much care about sticklers like why the students had to find their own place, perhaps it was part of the program they were involved in.
    And the photos can be torn apart by ‘experts’, however, they give a nice creepy ending.
    Thanx for some good reading!

  22. The picture is either fake or a trick of the light, otherwise you just discovered something that can pass through walls

    1. Well, obviously it’s a fake, but in the context of the story I think the thing isn’t visible in the light, which is why no one saw it when they looked in initially, so in the partial darkness it might have been only partially visible.

  23. I copied this pic and opened it in photoshop and played around with it, I can’t find anything that would’ve originally altered the photo. Tried to enhance it as well and I couldn’t really bring out the details any further. It looks like smile-dog in a way… Very freakin creepy.

  24. 10/10 I read this next to my best freind at a sleep over and the pictures made it so real, and I diarrheaed my pants.

  25. Ok, but wouldn’t the school have provided accommodation, or at least ensured that they had accommodation before flying all the way to Rome? I mean don’t you have to know where you’re staying before they’ll even let you into the country, it was like that when we went to India

  26. Holy. Hell.
    I haven’t been transported into a story so much in years and years. What an amazing pasta, the photos at the end made my heart leap too.

  27. this is my FAVORITE pasta you did amazing job on this one it gives me chills and its one of the ones that I will never forget a lot of them I just read and go on but this one I have prolly read atleast 3 times to maked sure I didn’t miss anything!10/10

  28. Wow… This is one of my favorite pastas I have read so far. I love this. The tale progresses almost perfectly and you had me absorbed in the story pretty quick. I would like to see a little more depth in the main character though. I have read a lot of pastas that were not that scary, and this one had me freaked out. Great job!

  29. in the photo I could see the corner leading to a wall and just a face placed on it, maybe darken the wall a bit to give effect.

  30. This was really good, but I think the description of the creature was unnecessary – I found it much more frightening when I was left to imagine what it looked like.

  31. Is it just me who thinks that it looks like smile.jpg was photoshopped in?
    Love this pasta though. The ending wasn’t too bad, but it wasn’t the best. People are saying about the character not showing her roommates the picture, even though thats the obvious thing to do, and yeah I agree but I don’t think that’s a bad part about it. Sometimes we forget that there are stupid people and that the author might have planned for the character to be one of them

  32. I found this to be quite a good read however the ending did kind of ruin it. I saw nothing wrong with the description of the creature nor the photos. If anything I think that added more to the thought of this perhaps being a real experience. Except the police. It was a little anticlimactic especially when the first thing the authorities would have done is question the last person to see the girls alive. Especially as she is also the one who wanted to go back home so abruptly. It would make her the prime suspect of a triple homicide so the story could have carried on to include that. Just to add a more realistic approach. Other than that I thought it was very well done and even as I read about the light movement of the feet i could hear it in my own head

  33. Bro, this is the first actual story to make the hair on my body stand up, I literally read like half-way through, and all of a sudden my arm feels a little odd. I look over, and to my surprise my arm hairs are standing up.
    Amazing Story.

  34. I give it 8 out of 10. It was actually pretty good but when I got to the description of the creature all I could think was “When did Voldermort move to Rome?” That messed up the rest of the story for me.

  35. Manichappiness

    That picture scared the piss out of me!!! I was gonna scroll past it but I just HAD to look :”(

  36. No rest for the wicked

    Heart palpations towards the end!
    Really felt the solitude the narrator was in and the effort she made not to go in that room again!

    Could have gone with a little more eerie situations in my humble opinion, for Some more suspense (did I write that correctly?)

    I could understand why she didnt show the picture to her roommates, but what happened with the friend on Skype?

  37. UncaringSquire

    Ok, this is actually creepy… i have a crawlspace too, and no matter what we do, there is this… odor, not of rot and decay but just musty and… hot dog breath, you know?

  38. This pasta just didn’t do it for me. Several things just made it a little to unbelievable. Why wait until the creature was at her bed to start screaming? And I would think the narrator could have done much more to convince the other girls that something was wrong. Also, if she was so terrified, don’t you think she would have made sure that her bedroom door was locked on her final night? All that said, it’s still a better than average pasta…just not one of the top ones in my opinion.

  39. It was definitely creepy so that would classify it as a successful creepypasta.

    That said I was annoyed by the repeated use of the term “ancient” to describe everything. I realize buildings in Europe are generally older than buildings in America but that doesn’t warrent calling everything ‘ancient’ all the time without further describing it. I missed the further descriptions. It gave me the impression that the writer had never actually been to Europe and was trying to rush any details that might give that away.

    Also I am unsure if the statement that Romans do not have washers or dryers is entirely accurate. I would imagine not everyone has both, but personally I find the statement that Americans need to hand wash their crap when they go to the old country a bit condescending and silly. Who told you that, a Valley girl who went on a community college trip for fun?

  40. The thing in the crawlspace if u look close it kind of resembles the head of a dog. I don’t know why that person wouldn’t look close enough to tell the difference between a demon and a stray dog the that got lost.

  41. To be honest this story reminds me of something in my house but not near as cool i wish this would happen to me i have never been scared in my life and that would be a really scary and cool experience Great Story I loved it :)

  42. I thought the story was really well written. It became a bit rushed at the end, and I can’t imagine why one wouldn’t show the roommates the picture of the face in the crawlspace.

    But then, I saw the picture.

    And my mind went completely Harry Potter, and now all I can see is Voldemort stalking around the apartment :I

  43. Great creepy story. It just bugs me how in SO many ghost/scary, it is set to have all secondary characters blow off the Protagonist (who is clearly disturbed with something going on) as them just “being a nutcase” and going on with their lives blissfully ignorant. And what’s worse is when the protagonist intentionally keeps horrific details/experiences to themselves.
    It always takes that great believable story such as this one (with a photo for evidence even) and makes it “just another typical ghost story”.
    It’s usually necessary for isolation of the character and makes it more frightening…Necessary, but unfortunately predictable. If that makes sense…

  44. Nice pasta,. I’m just bothered with one thing. She took a photo of the crawlspace, a scary face appeared then she showed it to her friend over skype. Why didn’t she show the Photo to her roommates to convince them?

  45. Fuck me I found this story so intense… I found myself creeping closer and closer to my boyfriend sleeping next to me, almost pushing him out of the bed, and having to turn the flashlight of my phone on. This was an amazing scare! I had to scroll over the pictures too, I don’t think I can handle those after this story.

  46. Bill The Stripper

    3 things 1. Thank you. I didn’t want to sleep tonight anyway. 2. I had to cover the picture with my hqnd when I scrolled down
    cause It freaked me out so much. 3. I have to watch Charlotte’s Web now, so see ya later

  47. ahhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! dude that was sooo scary i felt like i was going to die and I LOVED IT!!!!!!! most of the stories i read on here don’t really scare me much but this one did a lot!

  48. Liked the story but the setting was killed for me from the start as I live in Italy and we do have washing mashines, we never adopted drying machines but pretty much no one wash its clothes in the sink.
    Really this detail armed the realism a lot, maybe still in the sixties washing machines were not common, not after.

  49. What I liked about this story was that the narrator was smart enough to leave, instead of sticking around to investigate like they do in most stories and getting hurt or killed because of it.

  50. You all think waywayway too much into these stories. I swear all of you that pick appart these short stories like a hardcore editor is just halarious!!!

  51. This pasta had promise until I easily predicted that the pic would have captured the monster. It was OK but really not creepy for me. Nice writing style though!

  52. So very creepy…it will give me chills, that picture scared the shit out of me….I wont be able to sleep tonight 0.0 +_+ X(

  53. I tried so hard to skip the picture xD I failed. that monster thing kind of looks like voldemort first harry now this?!?

  54. I used the down arrow to scroll though the page as i read, at one point during the climax i revealed the top part of the first photo at the end, i didn’t know there would be any so it took me a moment to make the connection the photo mentioned in the story but as soon as i did, i experienced some of the worst goosebumps in a while and immediately switched my finger to the up arrow. Awesome pasta!

  55. This is a really good story… But I think the roommates were way to stupid to be realistic IMO. It’s unlikely that the main character would be the only one to notice anything, while the others are apparently deaf.

  56. This was extremely tasty. If you haven’t checked out my husband reading it on youtube you should.Gave me chills. -Mrs. Creepypasta

  57. Very well written, and incredibly creepy. The picture was also a very nice touch. That said, I have a few questions.

    1. If the monster/demon/ghost was ethereal, as indicated by the photo, then why does it shy away from the locked door? Wouldn’t it be able to simply phase through or appear within the room?

    2. Why, when the creature’s face appeared in the photo, did she not take it to her roommates? I feel that an opportunity for her “skeptical” friend to share her panic would have been a fun addition as well, or some sort of research done by the friend and revealed in the days before she left.

    3. (Not a question) Though the description of the creature was indeed creepy, I feel that the story lost something by it. The glowing eyes were a nice tough, but that should have been all that was described give or take a few details (the exposed teeth were also quite creepy). Overall I think some of the tension was lost to the description; if you describe its face in detail you may as well describe its body too, it’s an all or nothing situation as far as the description is concerned.

    All in all it was one of the better stories I have read in a while, a delicious pasta.

  58. Those who can’t see what’s in the crawlspace. Look in the upper right hand corner. You’ll see what looks like a face of a mummified corpse. It almost blends into the shadows. I can make out it’s eyes and lipless snarl.

    1. You should be able to see it. The face is in the upper right hand corner of the crawlspace door. It looks like a mummified face blended with the shadows. You can make out it’s eyes and teeth.

  59. I see that”demon” in the photo. If this is a true story, I believe you. Italy and other parts of Europe tend to have hidden crypts and maybe this was the only way they knew how to deal with apparitions. By trying to seal them away. I say it’s a demon or a demonic spirit just by it’s behavior it’s appearance and the fact her classmates dissapeared after the main character/author left.

    1. Well, no, we don’t tend to have hidden crypts _in_homes_, and I don’t think anyone here would think that some paint can seal an evil being (consider that in the story, the only thing preventing the crawlspace door to open is indeed paint), the thing would have been walled up.

  60. Nice, classic ghost (though that shouldn’t be a ghost, I guess) story, except for three things that don’t really click.
    – The little door to the crawlspace was painted over and hard to notice, which is fine… until you say it had a handle. How did they fail to notice the handle?
    – The photo that was never shown to anyone (apparently, not even to the friend over Skype, who just disappears from the narrative at once, revealing to be just a plot device to justify the photo itself). OK, maybe the girls would not believe anyway, but try at least.
    – It only takes screaming to scare the monster off? Is it not self-confident enough to believe it can take two girls at once? Then how did it take three? And if he took them one by one, how come the remaining two (then one) still weren’t alarmed?

  61. Thought I was only creeped out until my dog coughed and I jumped 10 feet lol. Loved it. I’m new to this site so my opinion doesn’t hold much weight, but I can honestly say this is the best story I’ve read so far, and the photo really topped it off great. I’m praying to god it’s photoshopped haha.

  62. I’m not sure how to describe this. Can’t see what’s in the picture, but I don’t look at it for too long because it’s horrifying.

  63. Was a great story and nice detail but when it said I did everything in my power to warn them why not show them the photo of the creature that he had taken?

    1. She. And it’s not like they would have believed her; they were very skeptical and would probably just have said that she Photoshopped it.

  64. The picture at the end doesn’t really depict what she says in the story but nonetheless it was a fantastic story

  65. This chilled me to the bone! I think the simple, youthful grammar is what really gets me. There aren’t any embellishments, or flowery language. It’s simple, and terrifying!
    The pictures at the end completely shocked me. Really well done.

    My only critiques would be about not showing the photo to the roommates, and a need for more information about what the friend said.

  66. PASTA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    This pasta on its own is well written . But, the fact that there were pictures makes it fantastic, amazing and delicious pasta! 10/10

  67. This was good, definitely got my heart pumping by the time I got to the pictures. The big plot holes really irked me, though. As others have said: Why not show your roommates the picture? Why is this thing so interested in just the author, seemingly avoiding all other members of the house?

    1. the picture is definite proof for her because she knows there is something there. But looking at the picture yourself, do you think the roommates would have believed her? I bet they would’ve dismissed it as a random light effect on the photo.

      1. It only went after the author because it wanted to pick them off one by one, but when it realized that would not work, because the author left, it took the remaining three girls. Thats my theory

  68. I thought this was very good, probably one of the best on this site. I do think it could be a bit better with some tweaking of the writing though.

  69. SeedsOfHanisour

    I felt this was an excellent pasta with believable characters, a steadily-paced plot and an overall story that didn’t show too much to dilute the impact or ruin the tension. That said, the one thing I would say, to repeat what Sepia wrote, I felt that the actual physical presence and the arching description did make it a little less terrifying than it may otherwise have been. That ol’ saying that less is more seems rather appropriate. But despite that quibble, I was otherwise impressed. Good job on this one. It was nicely told.

    Oh, one last note to everyone else, to my mind, reading this story while listening to Atrium Carceri’s Cryo Chamber really sets a mood for this.

  70. The story was kind of killed for me due to her not doing the simple and easiest thing – simply showing the picture. I was willing to overlook it once as “maybe she was just too tired,” but it’s mentioned several times that she did everything she could. She obviously didn’t. I even waited until the end so the author could write “but the monster mysteriously vanished from the picture” or something along those lines.

    Overall good plot, wish a little more was done with it seeing as it’s a relatively long piece for what was presented, and that GLARING issue needs to be sorted out.

  71. Excellent pasta. I actually thought that when the creature was being described it was going to turn out to be Jeff. Only problem was the slow start. 9/10

  72. Hey, I watch the auther of this creepypasta on Deviantart, I don’t know if she will see this, but the pictures… I can’t see the face, if I were that friend, I would have a hard time finding it.

  73. That isn’t a very good picture of the crawlspace to send to a friend. She’s too close and the picture doesn’t tell the viewer where the crawlspace is located in the room. If I were this girl’s friend trying to find a “logical explanation” for the noises in the crawlspace, I would have been very disappointed in the picture she sent me.
    Now that my unbelievably obnoxious nitpicking is over…
    Fantastic Pasta. I loved every minute of it, but I was a bit surprised that she did not show the picture to her friends (of course, If I was a roommate, I may have simply rolled my eyes at the picture, as the demon thingy in the picture could easily be some mold growing on the side of the crawlspace).

  74. I actually really enjoyed this pasta.
    Yes, its typical and doesn’t have the twist or fear of a pasta such as Psychosis.
    However I loved the fact there was a photo. Whether you believe or not in ghosts and supernatural encounters you can believe the story. Almost as if, even if there wasn’t a real monster, there was real fear.
    Good pasta, may even eat again.

        1. Wrong, psychosis isn’t scary, but the bit at the end does prove that his fears were not without merit.

          YOU LOSE.
          GOOD DAY SIR.

        2. Okay, Well, Reading Psychosis I was’t scared, I was more just captivated and sucked into it that it gave me shivers. It may have scared some people, It kinda just depends if you’re scared really easily or if you can watch Human Centipede without being scared. (Really bad comparison…)

  75. Great piece, I can tell you edited this a few times yourself. It was very clean and well put together!
    The few tiny sentence mistakes could have been edited out by someone else, but they didn’t distract at all because the pacing kept me interested. Why didn’t the protagonist show the picture to the girls, though?

  76. This was great! I loved the mounting sense of panic and isolation, I just wish the creature had been more actively malevolent Sneaking into rooms and watching them is really creepy, but in the end it doesn’t have much of a punch. I’d love to know what he did with the other girls. Very nice pasta!

  77. Why didn’t she show everyone the pictures if according to her there was clearly some sort of demonic face in them?

    1. I thought the same thing as well, for a second. But keep in mind that she took the picture before anything happened. I think if she were to show them that picture, she would have came off as a jerk or someone who just wants to give them a good scare. They wouldn’t have believed her anyway. You could photoshop anything into a picture, nowadays. Overall, fantastic story.

    1. I have no problem reading creepypastas, but as soon as someone adds in a picture – photoshopped or not – it scares the crap out of me.

  78. I glanced over this again after reading, and I’m pretty sure at no point does this girl show any of her roommates the picture. Which honestly makes no sense. Like why not just show them? They already thought she was crazy. Otherwise, this is a good story, but I just can’t get over the fact that she didn’t show them the picture.

    1. if she had shown them the picture, they still would not have believed her, they would have thought she Photoshopped it.

      -Herobrine

      Always watching…

  79. Who knew the terror of sleeping in a apartment with other people. Well you made it sir. Gave me the shivers and too when you showed pictures. This one was good but you rushed in the beginning but not when you got to the apartment. I could tell you wanted to get to the part where you saw the creature. But still good. 9/10

  80. Good read but two glaring questions. 1. If all that was at the end of this long hall was the cursed bathroom why not seal off the entire hallway? 2. Why didn’t she show her roommates the picture?

    1. i was asking mysefl the same questions,maybe she just tought that the other girls won’t belive her,i wonder what was the advice from her friend that spoke with her on skype.

      1. Those were photos of the crime scene I believe. There fore, she never had the chance to show her roommates. They were already dead.

        1. I was referring to the photo she took in the crawlspace in which she discovered the creepy face.

        2. No, that was the pic she took and showed her friend. She said there was a face in the picture and there clearly is one there.

    2. I suppose it’d be a lot more suspicious to have a doorway blocked off than a little crawlspace. The crawlspace, remember, was painted over and hard to distinguish, which would be a lot more difficult to do wit a full-sized doorway.

    3. The picture is shocking for her because she suspects there is something there. The roommates, however, would have probably thought it was a light related effect or even that she was playing a prank on them.

    4. Right! Why didn’t she show the picture of that monster to her roommates? She could’ve saved those three girls when she did.

  81. Magnificent. Just magnificent. Believable, can give you a good scare if you get in a similar situation. Good read. Not too long / not too short. I also like the detail and the addition of a picture. It had an original ide so props for that too. 10/10

  82. WOAH. Face Cannon accepted! The story was phenonenal! The story was just creepy enough that the pics scared the hell outta me

  83. A classic modern ghost story. I thought this piece worked because it maintained a good sense of realism and proportion throughout. That, and the creeping terror the plot invoked.

    The background was very credibly set, helping to build up the tension. I liked how the prose pays attention to the details of the exchange program and the lodgings instead of treating them as disposable plot devices designed to railroad the protagonist into the haunted house. This slow setting-up gave the impression of an incident instead of a blatant plot contrivance, adding to the believability.

    I loved the group dynamic going on between the characters. Besides giving another point in realism, the groupthink actually justifies a lot of bad decisions made by both the protagonist and the other girls; the others’ skepticism towards the protagonist was warranted, because her seemingly-baseless suspicions made her an outcast and eventually ‘a nutcase’.

    That said, I thought the pasta could’ve pushed this further. There was a good start in characterization- the pasta actually showing how the girls acted- but I felt that the protagonist was still hollow.

    The other girls, too, could’ve been fleshed out more given the timescale and the predictability of the plot; just one scene of bickering would’ve made the readers more sympathetic to their fates.

    The plot IMO shone because of the pacing and realism; the reader’s tension creeps at the same rate as the protagonist’s, giving that sense of unavoidable dread. She reacts believably, frantically warning everyone and, failing that, getting out at the first sign of serious trouble.

    Towards the last arc though, the plot falters a bit. I felt the climax was too blatant, the straight descriptions deflated the monster for me. The ‘light footfalls’ and photo were more than enough IMO.

    All in all though, very solid ghost story pasta. 8.4/10

    1. 8.4?
      What an odd number to decided upon.
      Just wondering… do you knock off 0.1 every time something minor annoys you?
      If not this then please let us know how you got to 8.4 oh mystical critic?

      1. It’s a matter of personal preference, really. I have score ranges (70-74: promising, 75-78: good, 79-83: excellent etc.) but generally it’s nothing hard and fast. Just a personal score. What matters is the substance of the review for me.

      2. Oh mystical commenter of large degrees of sass and sarcasm, please kindly stop being a petulant asshole. It’s good that they use small incremental scores so it’s more precise. Not that you could possibly be bothered to care or understand.

        1. don’t feed the trolls, bruh. 4chan doesn’t understand how to be a decent person on the internet.

    2. i agree, the description of the monster was too much. i feel like the less you know, the scarier is is.

Leave a Comment

Your email address will not be published.

Scroll to Top