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The Wal-Mart Prophet



Estimated reading time — < 1 minute

There is a Wal-Mart somewhere in Indiana, with a concealed trapdoor in the frozen food section. If you tap on the door three times with your left foot, a voice will ask you for a toll. Open the trap door, put three lemons inside, and close the door. After ten seconds, you will hear a knock on the trapdoor and find a red piece of paper that tells you two of the following three things: the exact location of your death, the manner of your death, or the exact date and time of your death.

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93 thoughts on “The Wal-Mart Prophet”

  1. I walked into walmart and asked where is the prophet under the trapdoor in the frozen foods section the guy said we do not have one I left not knowing if they did not have the prophet o ra frozen food section

  2. As the old saying goes: when life gives you lemons, go to Walmart to receive a death note from a hobo living under the store.

  3. I wish this was real, I’d so want to do that.

    If I knew the date and time, I could make sure I do everything I dream to do by that day.

    If I knew the manner and place, I could try to prevent it by never going to that place.

    I wonder if you can go back like, say, the next year, and get the other two. That would be awesome.

  4. he should have added that he knew what they would say. The location would be right infront of the trap door, the date and time would be on second after he finished reading and the cause would be potato.

  5. Give me the where and when. “On main street in crestview Florida may 23 2031 5:54 pm” hah nope, go live in alaska

  6. This sounds like a boring-ass ritual, coz the majority of people probably die in really boring ways, so its most likely be pretty uneventful stuff to discover.

    Also the Wal-Mart’s in Indiana must be running out of lemons at some unbelievable rate.

  7. You had me at Wal-mart. I’m not trying to be mean, but I’ve read better. Knowing my death would be cool though. Better go buy a plane ticket.

  8. … maybe if you give it apples it’ll tell you whom you’ll marry instead or something? I’d spend all day giving it all sorts of food to try to figure out which ones did what… :D

  9. I tracked down that Wal-Mart, but all I got was a piece of paper that said I was the 1,000th customer and someone threw a box of tofu at me. Am I in the right place?

  10. I live in Indiana so this interested me o: wouldn’t try it though even if I could. Knowing those things would drive me crazy..

  11. hmm… In Indiana, you say?

    I live there…and there’s a WallMart across the street….

    Well, guess my afternoon is all planned out now :D

  12. Thought it would be cool, sorely disappointed. These ritual pastas should be more creative and expanded. 4/10.

  13. I would hope to get the location and time, personally. Why?

    Let’s say the time is two months from then, in London, England. Then I just don’t go there around that time

  14. i no where this is exactly where this wal-mart is it is in muncie Indiana i dont know what street but its across the street from a petsmart and beside a Lowe’s if you still cant find it stop pretty much anywhere and ask how to get to north wal-mart they will tell you and p.s. they dont sell lemons there

  15. See, I’d be so tempted to throw myself in front of a truck or something after having been told I’d be drowned in 17 years’ time, just as big fuck you to the spirit world.

  16. lol I want to try this now how stupid would u look kicking th hell out of a freezer and stealing 3 lemons from the produce section just to find out ur death? ooh sounds fun!

  17. It’s very difficult to be scared by the “time and date of your death” thing as a WoW player considering that Nozdormu suffered the same fate and seems pretty cool about it. Also he’s a dragon that can manipulate time. Badass.

  18. exactly anon, i thought the same thing. being naturally broke, i would give him some i stole from the produce section. just me though…waste money if u guys want, but imma give him some cheap dented ones with spots on ’em, just to see what he’d say. and russell crowe, that was funnier than the story itself, happy ass kicking, my friend.

  19. exactly anon, i thought the same thing. being naturally broke, i would give him some i stole from the produce section. just me though…waste money if u guys want, but imma give him some cheap dented ones with spots on ’em, just to see what he’d say. and russell crowe, that was funnier than the story itself, keep up the ass kicking, my friend.

  20. my question is: do you have to pay for the lemons? or (if there is one at this particular walmart) can you just grab them from the produce section?

  21. “You can attempt to give him one or two lemons rather than the required three, but the resulting piece of paper has three lines-
    Walmart
    Horribly Painful Disembowelment
    YOU RIPPED ME OFF!”

  22. Open the trap door, put three lemons inside, and close the door. After ten seconds, you will hear “OW FUCK! ONE HIT ME IN EYE!”

  23. Anonymousity x 2

    @33
    Lemons!

    Okay, but why lemons? why not oranges, apples, a strip of your own flesh, a certain amulet, the object that the “Holder of the End” has, blah blah blah

  24. XD
    omg FCF i know who you are =P

    btw…y lemons of all things?
    does greasy fat guy want some to go with his iced tea and lard mix?

  25. bogus! it’s prly just sum greasy fat guy who writes random things on paper in exchange for lemons for his ‘lemon collection’ or something just as stupid…

    i would lol if sum1s paper said:
    ‘here, now, i shoot u in the face’

  26. i would read it and find out my death. if my death didn’t say I would kill myself, I would kill myself. If my death said I would kill my self well….I would say fuck you to the guy in the trap door and piss on it, then I would slip on my piss and break my neck causing my own death.

  27. @3
    i wouldnt want to know the manner and location just as much as time and date. i would be way to paranoid to go wherever im supposed to die =(

  28. @”russell crowe”: i bet vagina face nerds give great head.

    @all: how else do you think that walmart gets their fresh-squeezed lemonade?

  29. Mister Simpson, please stop putting lemons inside the refrigerator. Mister Simpson, do not make me call the police.

  30. haha, i do happen to test some of these when i get really bored…

    plus, i live in indiana…maybe i should go to wal*mart tomorrow!

  31. Not creepy, but cool..
    Would have been nice if it turns out to be “Place of death: walmart, cause of death: mistirious lemon eater, time of death: 10, 9, 8, 7,..”

  32. guy: where do you work?
    me: wal mart.
    guy: what do you do.
    me: oh, i predict the location, time, and methods of deaths of people.
    guy: …how…how much does that pay.
    me: depends on how the day goes. usually i get to walk out with a lemon or two.

  33. I enjoy this. It’s one of the first creepypastas I remember reading. :D I think the easiness of the task makes is it so appealing, as it seems somewhat plausible. ^^ Although, I wouldn’t do this myself.

    I kind of want to go out and just buy the guidebook for Unknown Armies and just not play the game. o.O

  34. Hmm. This is actually a bit of a rip-off from a Post-Modern Occult RPG called Unknown Armies.

    It original comes from pg. 24 of Unknown Armies 2nd Ed. and goes like this:

    “There is a man who lives behind a trap door in the sporting goods of a Wal-Mart in South Dakota. If you ask him for a lemon, he will accurately predict your future for you.”

    By the way, that game is like a Creepypasta RPG that was made before creepypasta existed. If you dig tabletop RPGs, check it out!

  35. The person formerly known as 'Noneya'

    It would be a waste of time trying out these things. Half of them are incorrect (like it takes place in a town that doesnt exist) and they were all written by people at message boards.

    As for this one, I’d rather know the location and manner rather than time aand date. Knowing the time and date of your death is like being sentenced to death row. Everyone knows theyre going to die, but having it set in stone, always waiting for it and counting out the days is just wrong.

  36. I would like to but that does seem a bit silly. And what would happen if it really did work? Ha, but I suppose that’s where the creepyness comes in.

    1. I honestly have tried a couple of these. This one would never be able to really be proven because there are so many walmarts out there

        1. HashSlingingSlasher

          Luls, no. I wish. Or at least I don’t think so? I work in one and haven’t seen one before ???

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