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The Time Paradox

Estimated reading time — 2 minutes

A baby girl is mysteriously dropped off at an orphanage in Cleveland in 1945. “Jane” grows up lonely and dejected, not knowing who her parents are, until one day in 1963 she is strangely attracted to a drifter. She falls in love with him, but just when things are looking up for Jane a series of disasters strikes: First, she becomes pregnant by the drifter, who then disappears. Second, during the complicated delivery doctors discover that Jane has both sets of sex organs, and to save her life, they most surgically convert “her” to a “him.” Finally, a mysterious stranger kidnaps her baby from the delivery room.

Reeling from these disasters, rejected from society, scorned by fate, “he” becomes a drunkard and a drifter. Not only has Jane lost her parents and her lover, but he has lost his only child as well. Years later, in 1970, he stumbles into a lonely bar, called Pop’s Place, and spills out his pathetic story to an elderly bartender. The sympathetic bartender offers the drifter the chance to avenge the stranger who left her pregnant and abandoned, on the condition that he join the “time traveller corps.” Both of them enter a time machine and the bartender drops the drifter off in 1963. The drifter is strangely attracted to a young orphan girl, who subsequently becomes pregnant.


The bartender then goes forward 9 months, kidnaps the baby girl from the hospital, and drops the baby off in an orphanage back in 1945. Then the bartender drops off the thoroughly confused drifter in 1985, to enlist in the time traveller corps. The drifter eventually gets his life together and becomes respected and elderly member of the time traveller corps, and then disguises himself as a bartender and has his most difficult mission: a date with destiny, meeting a certain drifter at Pop’s Place in 1970.

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169 thoughts on “The Time Paradox”

  1. So he/she has a child with himself/herself in the past, who then confides in a bartender, who is also her/him. That’s… interesting.

  2. He is his own mother…O.O

    XD Nice story. Not very confusing. There are tongue twisters more confusing than this. But still, the events in real life would be confusing if they were over dramatised in their world. I rate this 5/10.

    Grim Gamer

  3. so the orphan girl grew up and was impregnated by herself because her future self took her present self to her past self then later stole herself and was left upon an orphanage step GENIUS!

  4. This proves the universe really is a great big ball of wibbly-wobbly, timey-wimey stuff. You can go sleep with yourself, give birth to yourself, and cause all of that to happen to yourself. Life is incredibly f****d-up.


  6. Me Gusta This Pasta

    OH I GET IT.
    Jane was the orphangirl and the drifter and the bartender… And his/her own baby? Mind F*ck!

  7. Epic, seriously I liked it a lot.
    Short, sweet, and unbelievably confusing if you try to think too hard about it.

    This would make a blockbuster movie, if there’s any screenplay writers reading. xD


    P.S, damn good achievement to still be getting good comments after nearly 5 years :P

  8. Oh,so the kid is her and….. Yeah that’s all i got.Oh then he has his own kid and at the end he is the bartender.So,wait he got himself (as a girl) pregent!This is very much so a paradox.

  9. Wow…This is actually very clever. Could be made to be more eerie and creepy but the unpinning mind f**** is brilliant. Great pasta.

  10. Jane’s her own father and mother, child, kidnapper, and the bartender who makes it possible to be her father.

    Why the hell did she have sex with herself?

  11. Wait so she’s her own mother/father/grandmother/grandfather/great-grandmother/great-grandfather/great-great-grandmother/great-great-grandfather/etc?

  12. Anonymous Insanity

    I\’m so tired of seeing this every time I look for creepypasta, for two reasons:
    a) The aforementioned (by several awesome people) fact that this is just the short bus version of All You Zombies, a Heinlein story in The Unpleasant Profession of Jonathan Hoag.
    b) It is not at all creepy. There is no threat to the individual reading the story, there isn\’t even a decent \"what if\" creepy factor.
    People should really stop posting this. For everyone who liked this version but hasn\’t read the original, go do that! It is so much better than this.

  13. Anonymous Insanity

    I’m so tired of seeing this every time I look for creepypasta, for two reasons:
    a) The aforementioned (by several awesome people) fact that this is just the short bus version of All You Zombies, a Heinlein story in The Unpleasant Profession of Jonathan Hoag.
    b) It is not at all creepy. There is no threat to the individual reading the story, there isn’t even a decent “what if” creepy factor.
    People should really stop posting this. For everyone who liked this version but hasn’t read the original, go do that! It is so much better than this.

  14. What if at first, before this cycle began, Jane was originally a normal person? She has regular parents and she grows up to found the time travelers corps. What if she was forced into this cycle because of some sort of threat to her existence? And that somehow this was the only way to ensure her very existence? I don\’t know how that would work out in a story or even if it could be done. But it would surely make this story a bit more interesting in my opinion.

  15. I don’t think intersex people can get pregnant or can get other people pregnant. I definitely don’t think any one person could do both of those things.

    this is still awesome, though.

  16. Lame sauce….no one likes nastiness like that.

    P.S.–It’s easier to sexually convert one into a female than a male. And a cesarean section would have been called…they’d have had to REALLY screw the pooch to get that result.

  17. Guys its simple.

    He met herself to fuck herself and then gave birth to herself then had to have a sex change then went back in time to fuck herself. Then went forward in time to meet himself to lead himself to have sex with herself and then give birth to herself. Time travel is so easy as long as you have it written down.

  18. anonymouseisanon

    Why, Robert A. Heinlein! I didn’t know you were on this site!

    Seriously, I recognized “All You Zombies” by like, the second paragraph.

  19. So, she screwed herself so she could be born, all so she could screw herself again and then subsequently allow herself to screw herself again and again?

  20. MIND = BLOWN.


    See what the f_ happens when you mess with time travel? You get pregnant with your own baby, kidnap yourself, meet yourself in a bar, get yourself’s baby kidnapped by yourself’s self, and… and… and…
    Pretty neat.

  21. hi, dont turn around

    both he, and the author of “all you zombies” must not realize that, the bartender, the most futer version of himself, would realize what he did and take the “drifter” (jane becomes john you twits) to the futer, breaking the cycle and erasing both of them from the time stream, obviously one would speculate that after doing this that part of time keeps looping yet the rest continues on, remove the link of the chain you have two chains, toss the removes link and attach the two chains.
    light thinks itself the fastest thing, yet darkness is always their first – unknown author



  23. Wait, id seriously hit that, tap that, its not rape and its not incest because its yourself (for the idiots who dont know the meaning of incest, look it up before you hurt yourself) apart from that, not creepy, but freaky.

  24. OhMyGosh this is probably the best CreepyPasta I have ever read! It’s creepy in an amazing way! This could not be any better!! My friend (Author of We Danced here on CreepyPasta!) introduced me to this website and i immediatly fell in love i now go on everyday and look for some delisious pasta! Thanks for a wonderful dinner! <3

  25. HOLY SHI-

    Although I’ve read this somewhere before, it’s still mind blowing.

    And to everyone who’s trying to nit-pick the story apart, just stop. Just take it as it is and enjoy it imploding your brain.

    Now i’m off to read “All You Zombies”.

    On one last note: This is why we shouldn’t own a time traveling machine. I do not want to be my own mom, dad, lover, child, and random bartender. Me does not equal whole family.

  26. The universe explodes when you touch yourself…

    wait, no, I said that wrong…

    I meant coming in direct contact with yourself in the past…

    if you need me, I’ll be here digging a hole.

  27. Also, how can you have sex with yourself, kidnap yourself, and…Wait, how is this even possible? Where did the DNA of that baby come from? Is she/he a hermaphrodite because she only has one set of chromosomes?

  28. –All You Zombies– is one of the BEST science fiction stories I have ever read. This version, albeit paraphrased, still manages to get the gist of it and still accomplish the mental explosion that is sure to follow.

    You people aren’t getting it, though. Jane doesn’t have both male and female external genitalia, she just has both male and female internal organs.

    As for Joe not noticing that the girl he’s fallen in love with is actually the past version of himself, well, he just traveled backwards through time. I don’t think he would notice that small detail.

    And, technically, this wasn’t incest. For it to be incest, he would had to have had sex with one of his relatives. But, technically, he did have sex with his mother and daughter at the exact same moment, so maybe it was incest. But wait! She was a past version of himself! So he wasn’t having sex with a relative, he was having sex with himself! And everyone does that. But wait! If those past versions of himself were also technically his mother, daughter, grandmother, granddaughter, great-grandmother, and great-granddaughter, then it must’ve bee–oh no ive gone crosseyed

  29. WE KNOW that it’s All You Zombies by Robert fucking Heinlein, as you may have noticed, every single fucking retard who reads this pasta feels personally obliged to tell us.

  30. Oh you suck. You stole that from the Robert A. Heinlein story “All You Zombies”. You didn’t even change the names! Goddamn, you suck.

  31. Poor Jane, having to go through life as a woman inside a male body. Must’ve been/is/will be awful for the poor girl.

  32. he was attracted to a young orphan girl (himself) and despite realizing she was a heraphrodite (How the **** could how not have noticed) after he dropped her panties, banged her anyway, and obviously knowing that he was the one who fucked his ownself over, STILL did it anyway!? After realizing somehow I was the drifter I would have stayed the fuck away from her, just let her get on with her life as a dickgirl and make money in porn. Better than mind****ing yourself into a constant divide by zero with no end or beginning.

  33. I agree, really not a paradox. As far as I can see, they lived a closed loop, where the events do not go back to the start, rather onwe lives them out and continues with life. A messed up, crazy life, perhaps…

  34. The original is a lot better, I must say. Especially the end line, from which the title is drawn.

    “I know where I came from—but where did all you zombies come from?”

  35. I’ll tell you, the story is kinda cool. But the undeniable logic breaker here is: how can someone live up to 18 and NEVER realize she/he/it has both sexual organs? Specially when they’re BOTH functional? I mean… Jane would probably realize, someday, that having balls isn’t normal…

    Other than that… not exactly a paradox, more like a stable loop. A cool one, indeed. But the hermaphrodite just blew my mind…

  36. … Wow, that’s so awesome. The cycle would be so annoying to do over, and over… and over.

    And they don’t even know they have to mean themself! Amazing! xD

  37. Summary : She gets left at an orphanage by her dad witch was also herself with a sex change, then when she grew up she got knocked up by herself with a ‘manhood’. Then she gives birth to herself and gets a sex change and meets up with himself to go back in time. Then he knocks up his past self that hasn’t had a sex change yet, grew up and time travels with himself

  38. “Not only has Jane lost her parents and her lover, but he has lost his only child as well.”
    um ur doing it wrong. it should have been:Not only has “Jane” lost his parents and his former lover, but he has lost his only child as well. also, the ending was a shat bricks moment, but not in a good way. bricks of disapointment

  39. It was fine until I read “Time traveler corps.” I knew exactly what was coming from there.
    Jane was the daughter of her future self and her future-er self, making her his own father and mother.

    Deep, but pointless.

  40. @42:



  41. ehh… this is terrible. nobody cares about how they are all the same person. you should not have paraphrased the book. surely it would actually be interesting because it would be written better than this crap.

  42. so wait, this person had sex with him/herself, gave birth to him/herself, kidnapped him/herself, then helped him/herself do all that again? GAAAAAAAHHHHHHH *head doesn’t explode*

  43. this is pretty much my FAVORITE story on here.

    hahaha, i mean where else is someone their own family?

    ive never heard of anyone else being their own mother, father and daughter-son.

    pretty much awesome.

  44. Thinking Too Much

    Isn’t it much pretty impossible for a human to be a TRUE hermaphrodite…the person can have both sets of genatalia, but the chances of them having both testes and ovaries is 1 in 25,000.
    Somehow, the time travel seems more feasible.

  45. This one made me rofl. I mean seriously…wth? Sex change, betrayal, illegitimate children, sex, and a bar.

    This is a daytime soap opera, not a creepypasta lmao.

  46. i find this story beautiful because unlike most “time travel”stories it shows that time cannot be changed

    in some stories people try to change the past – but this is not possible if we could change the past it would smply become our future and we would gain new memories and probably have never visited the past

    this one sums all that up in a nutshell


  47. So wouldn;t it be considered masterbation? And if this particular case of masterbation impregnated this one person shouldn;t it be possible for anyone?…*puts hand in pocket*

  48. so, he slept with himself?…that’s totally gross!…and if you were born with both sets of organs wouldn’t it therefore be impossible to have kids?
    it did make my brain hurt a bit, but it was easy enough to follow

    i didn’t get why he bothered to disguise himself as an old bartender…it’s just a bit pointless if you ask me

  49. Wow, I like this one. Not all pasta is ment to be scary (whoever thought the Holder series were scary?), and this one is a prime example of a good helping of pasta. Thanks for sharing it.

  50. @ Comment Leaver.

    This isn’t one of those instructional pastas. It’s more or less a mind****. Which it indeed did do to mine :P I thought this was fantastic. Reminded me of that episode of Futurama where Fry becomes his own grandpa. But it’s this X 1000 :P

    1. And totally misses the point — and scariest part — of All You Zombies, to wit:

      “I know where I came from, but where did all you zombies come from?

      I felt a headache coming on, but a headache powder is one thing I

      don’t take. I did it once– and you all went away.

      So I crawled into bed and whistled out the light.

      You aren’t really there at all. There isn’t anyone but me — Jane —

      here alone in the dark.

      I miss you terribly.”

    1. ThisIsANameForAComment

      Paraphrased? I’d say straight-up ripped-off. I knew it was a rip-off right from the first sentence. Despite any negative comments I may have posted in the past, those are nothing to how annoyed I am with this one. Something that has never happened before with this site, I actually disapprove of this pasta.

  51. WHHHHY would Jane/Joe even want to continue this cycle? It’s not even like his life is going to get any better, and ‘him/her’ existing in the first place doesn’t make sense because… well, you know.

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