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The Onieronauts



Estimated reading time — < 1 minute

We are Onieronauts. We are explorers of the Dream World. We blur the line between waking life and sleep.

And we’re watching you.

It’s strange how many people forget that you spend 1/3 your life sleeping. People have forgotten the importance of dreaming. Less and less people even remember their dreams, and instead get up in the morning, shower, drink their coffee, and drive to work. They’re lives are repetitious and safe. They feel secure in their 2-bedroom condo overlooking the city, and they don’t dream. Instead, they plan their next day. They browse through clothing and furniture catalogs. They watch their cable TV with 999 channels. And yet, they don’t dream.

We do. Not only that, we know we’re dreaming. When you realize you’re dreaming, you realize you’re free. You instantly lift yourself off the ground and fly through the Dewy clouds. You Become a Jedi and eat ice cream while receiving a blow job. You’re free to do anything you please.

Over the years, a select few of us became profoundly gifted. We pushed the limits of the reality within. We would taste the color of nothingness, see 360 degrees around us, and, most astonishingly, communicate with each other. That’s right, we learned telepathy. We learned to enter each others dreams and explore the world together. After that venture, the skies the limit.

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Then, the most startling, most shocking discovery of all was made.

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We learned how to transcend the dream world. We learned how to communicate, from our dreams, to the waking world…in fact, This is my dream. You’re reading the words I’m currently dreaming. How does that feel, to know that reality and dreams are no longer separated?


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97 thoughts on “The Onieronauts”

  1. Suspension of disbelief doesn’t hold here. The story seems to think it’s witty about dreams, as if lucid dreaming isn’t a thing that many people do already. Once you start saying a normal phenomena is WHOA SO WEIRD AND UNREAL, I’m out. The telepathy thing and whatnot crosses the line. Grammar also needs work.
    Sometimes I wonder how so many pastas like this get manage to more than 2 stars…

  2. “You Become a Jedi and eat ice cream while receiving a blow job. You’re free to do anything you please.”…..that made me spit my sprite out hehehehe

  3. hazza lover. NOM pasta.. slendy

    This was kinda creepy for me. I had read a creepy pasta where a guy was dream I g and there was one of those… Very delicious. NOMNOMNOMNOM

  4. I missread the title as, “The Onanerenauts” and thought it was about w*nking! Now I’m going to go to bed and vividly dream about w*nking,…

    … vividly :(

  5. First off, if this hadn’t been written prior to the move Chronicle, I’d say it was a feeble attempt to rip it off.

    Second, this story had very little build up, and then a sputtering end. It was actually painful to read, due to the poor grammar, crappy punctuation, and lack of details.

    Last, I would urge this writer to stop writing. Just stop. Stick to reading instead.

  6. Not as creepy as it is a fantastic idea…..using a realm of dreams to merge or controll reality……brilliant.

  7. The ending reminded me of the ending of DAY OF ALL THE BLOOD. Also, xkcd already did the ending, in the one about Trans-Consciousness Messaging Protocol where the guy trains himself to type while he’s sleeping.

    Also, maybe if you had typed it while awake, it would have sucked less.

  8. At first, I thought this would be one of those “I eat your dreams” type of scary pasta. I was pleasantly surprised. Although its creepiness level was at about a 1/10, it contained a very good concept. As for grammar mistakes, i must say that they did NOT detract from your story.

    I liked the comment made by hmmm. His idea (or extra add) would probably raise the creepiness of this pasta.

    However, it’s perfectly great by itself. Good pasta is good.

  9. i think it would be better if you ended it like this:

    “so if we blur the line between our dreams and your world, we also blur the line between our nightmares and your world”

    but thats just me:D

  10. That had one of the worst beginnings I had ever read! I had to force myself, literally FORCE, to read it! It was a crappy story anyway, seeing as though it doesn’t really apply to me whatsoever. Sure, they’re watching me. For what reason? Should I care? So, they learned telepathy. Should I care?

    Nope.

  11. Not creepy, but had one of the greatest sentences I have ever read:

    “You Become a Jedi and eat ice cream while receiving a blow job.”

  12. 1 how does it feel: “meh”

    2 i had a friend who had lucid dreams all the time, he said whenever he figured out it was a dream he lost all potential superpowers. he would try to shoot lightning out of his hands and it just wouldn’t work, like if you tried it right now

  13. awww, i liked this one.

    not the actual story, but the concept.

    minus the whole Jedi-ice cream part, the actual story didnt suck so completely bad.

    only, in lots of my dreams, i do realize that im dreaming, but i dont do stupid things like fly or “taste the color of nothingness”

  14. hm well
    sure it’s not really creepy but, come to think of it, it kinda is – indirectly.
    in our dreams, we get a lot of creepy stuff, though not necessarily real scary. Sometimes it’s just startling, sometimes it comes to you only after a while, sometimes it’s stronger.
    one of the first interesting fact about lucid dreaming is that to wake up inside your dreams you need solid self-confidence, good self-awareness and memories. So, basically, thinking about the nature and contents of lucid dreaming actually increases your chances to experience lucid dreaming… and get some creepy action! In that view, the jedi/ice cream thing is a kind of invitation to project whatever creepy stuff you dream about… into your dreams!
    So it’s like pre-creepy stuff.
    Also creepy, the idea that we’re really all connected and it shows up in our dreams sometimes (NOT a novelty but still), and you get in some weird places where you can find people like you and me except they’ve gained powers “beyond your own imagination”.
    Imagine what it would be like… dream watchers, dream terrorists… endless possibilities, including the fact that dreaming life influences waking life as much as the opposite does… (for instance if you don’t dream for a while, you go crazy then you die)
    Interesting : the allusion to the fact that any manmade object must have been an idea first, abstract before concrete, dreaming before waking up. So this text is a reminder of that, because it “comes from a dream”, and the boundaries between real and unreal, fiction and non-fiction, creepy and non-creep aren’t so clear anymore. It’s just a matter of where you wanna go with it in your imagination.

    So I guess it could be creepy-ish, if put in the right context, and if an opening to something more developped… but interesting nonetheless. Just saying.

  15. While I agree to a certain extent that this pasta was not all that creepy, but the comments that gets to me are the grammar Nazis and the people screaming LUCID DREAMING FAIL!

    First off, these guys writing pastas aren’t usually authors nor do they have an editor to help them with their English. IMO, as long as they can bring their ideas across and we understnd them, then I feel, it’s all good.

    Secondly, to those people bawling about Lucid Dreaming, lucid dreaming is about the awareness that you are dreaming while you are in a dream. The story is proposing that onieronauts are able to communicate between the dream world and the waking world once they have surpassed the level of lucid dreaming (which I guess was the creepy part of the story). So it’s not entirely made of fail and I suspect the writer might have gotten some ideas from that topic.

    But in terms of creepy levels, you guys are spot on. It’s as creepy as a kitten playing with a ball of thread.

  16. As usual with the most hated pastas, I really liked this one.
    I don’t know about you, but I end up with enemies that are intelligent.
    If you imagine your enemies in an ethereal, eternal form, a form without boundaries or the limitations of space and time, you’ll understand.

    I couldn’t do it though. I just spend my dreams in futility, taking apart millions of flowers and sorting the petals and stamens. I hate my dreams.

  17. I enjoy that it thinks our ultimate fantasies include ice cream and being a Jedi. This was clearly written by a neckbeard.

  18. This was terrible. Sorry coff_syrup.
    Bad grammar
    Ice cream and blow jobs
    Fight Club-esque rant about the common people and their boring lives
    “We’re watching you” again
    The fact that the dream does not relate to “we’re watching you” specifically
    Nothing scary or trippy about the reader supposedly living someone’s dream, if they’re living boring lives as aforementioned

  19. Oh my god this was horrible. You didn’t give us any reason to fear the narrator. You didn’t give us any reason to question our reality. You didn’t even tell us why you wanted from us. Now if these Omniwhoziwhatsits wanted to pull us from our reality into theirs which would leave us in a coma, that would be scary. Why not tell us that they pull us into this coma while we sleep, that people who have died in their sleep didn’t really die, but were pulled into the…I’m not going to pronouce the name…Omni dream world. Now that would produce a few brix because we NEED sleep. The best part if this story was the middle paragraph about being a jedi eating icecream while getting a blowjob…I actually laughed a bit.

  20. Pasta sucks ass.The whole concept of ‘reality is but a dream’ is awesome and has a lot of potential.But this sucks.FAIL.

  21. This had soooo much potential…. At the end I was like ‘huh?’
    Also the bit about Jedi blowjobs…..yeah….kinda killed it before it started.

  22. This one was just awful. Nothing creepy, the ‘we are watching you’ has been done to death and “less and less people” and “They’re lives”? I don’t usually complain about grammar or spelling or anything like that when the idea is there, but come on.

  23. Er… How does it feel? Pretty damned awesome! How do I sign up to learn this?

    A nice concept but somewhat lacking in creepiness.

  24. Bad grammar makes this fail. The writer of this story must’ve not even graduated from high school. Furthermore, how can something be remotely creepy when he talks about receiving blowjobs while eating ice cream? Worst pasta in a long time.

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