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The Agent from MIPA

Estimated reading time — 6 minutes

[A transcript of the first recorded interview with Subject H270, a victim of the recent “Interplanar Distress Phenomenon” that has taken approximately one hundred reported humans as of this date. Their numbers grow exponentially.]


17. October, 2005
To: Officer Kathe Waldheim
From: Agent Olaf Kaspar-Gottfried,
Unknown Beings Examinations Department


MIPA FILE NO. 33-4215
LAB NO. 92475683-K

NOTES: Subject H270 has been put under sedation and injected with truth serum to ensure accuracy of the report and my own safety. Interview takes place one night after his rescue. Subject remains shaky when regarding my person, yet is otherwise confident reporting the incident.

Part I
Kaspar-Gottfried: Recount for us the events that led up to your capture.
H270: Home… I want to go home…
Kaspar-Gottfried: You will be returned to your residence after the investigation, provided you cooperate with us.
H270: No, no. Not my home. The home.
(Sounds of a struggle. H270 shrieks, then whimpers softly.)
Kaspar-Gottfried: Now, please recount the events that led up to your capture.
H270: It started with the noises. You’ve heard them, haven’t you? The noises? They come out at night. Little clicks, whirs, taps, vibrating sounds, that sort of thing? Completely unexplainable noises that sound normal at first. But they only come out at night.
Kaspar-Gottfried: So these “noises”… they captured you?
H270: No. Not at all.
Kaspar-Gottfried: Explain.
H270: The noises grew louder and louder every night. I could never sleep. After a week of insomnia, I decided it was useless. I thought they were trying to dominate me and take control of my mind. I would not be a slave to them. So I embraced insomnia, used the night to truly listen to them. That’s when I realized… their voices had a pattern. A language. Time kept passing by, and I was determined to learn their language. And so I did. They kept saying the same things over and over again to me. “It is not too late.” “Come here, come quickly.” And then there are the things they said to each other. “What is he doing?” “Is he asleep yet?” “It’s okay, it’s okay. He’s coming soon.” The waking birds would drown their conversations out when dawn broke. Then there would only be silence. And one night, I noticed they kept telling me, “Come down, and descend. Come down.” I thought they were speaking metaphorically, about some descent into Hell. But it wasn’t. One night, I felt compelled by some strange force. A spirit not my own, to leave my bed and descend. I resisted as much as I could. After all, if I were out of bed. It’d mean they’d stop speaking to me! But I left. And I went into the basement.

Kaspar-Gottfried: And how did you find–
H270: The mirror? I was just getting to that. There was this warm light, an amber glow coming from nowhere in particular. The light was pointed at the mirror. In fact, the mirror was the only thing visible by this light. I approached the mirror. There, I saw what was one of the strangest sights I’d ever seen in my life. The light was pointing directly at it, yet all the mirror showed… was darkness. Visible shadows, dancing around. These, these were the voices. But they were speaking too much, talking over each other for me to understand them. So I concentrated. I selected a voice, and concentrated on it.
(Another pause)
Kaspar-Gottfried: And then what happened?
H270: It all became clearer. The shadows took their true form. They were small, demented beings. Tragic imitations of the human form. Like deformed children. It almost hurt to look at them, with their crooked spines and contorted limbs flailing about in spasms. What little I could make out of their facial features… Dear god, they were pressed and squeezed in ways you couldn’t even imagine. Even with you as an agent, you couldn’t imagine. It looked like their faces were made of melted candle wax.
Kaspar-Gottfried: But what about the voice? Who was the voice?
H270: To this day, I still don’t know. As I sat there, trying to figure out just who it was, gazing upon these sick little shadow-children, waiting for an answer… I heard heavy breathing from behind me. The voice kept shrieking at me, over and over again, but I couldn’t understand what it was saying. I turned around. A flash of light came from nowhere! And I was blinded as it engulfed me…
Kaspar-Gottfried: The light?
H270: No. The beast. It came for me.
Kaspar-Gottfried: You’re saying it ate you, then.
H270: No. The beast. It came for me. It had a purpose for me. And those were the events that led to my capture.


Part II
Kaspar-Gottfried: Now, what happened while you were inside this beast?
H270: The first month was hell. While I was subjected to searing pain, pain from blinding light that should never be been on earth, I saw visions. Visions of my family, and everyone who ever loved me. I kept trying to scream at them, begging for them to rescue me, but they couldn’t hear! They could only hear me in their mind. And they never heard screams. They heard little noises, thumping and whirring in the night… And that’s when I stopped. It was torture enough to know their loss, their panic. I would never dream of subjecting them to the beast’s children, their twisted siren song luring them into that dreadful fate. The only way to stop the noises was to stop screaming. Yet the hellish light and visions continued.
Kaspar-Gottfried: And the second month?
H270: That’s when I became wiser. I knew better then.
Kaspar-Gottfried: Explain.
H270: Some time after I stopped screaming, the noises started again. These were determined little shadow-children, I decided. As the visions kept flashing before my eyes, I came to realize… I should just stop caring. I learned the children’s games, so it was time to learn the beast’s. I forced myself to become indifferent to family and friends, and eventually, the entire earth. Never before had I known how petty the physical earth was. A bunch of shivering little souls crawling across a lump of rocks and water, never concerned with anything but the other little souls they come across. And you know why? Because every one of those souls is just like the other. And they’re so obsessed with themselves, that they have to simultaneously love and hate every other soul they find. And when I became disgusted with them, the beast became proud of me. For the very first time, I could see exactly where I was. The light stopped, and I could move freely again. I was in a spherical realm, consisting of plasma that was both dark and light at once. And then, I felt no pain. I was approached by a spirit, much like a shadow-child, but at the same time, the opposite of one. I would say it was healthy, but this being transcended the concept of health itself. Physicality simply did not matter to it, just like it stopped mattering to me. Then all it did was place its ghostly hand on my shoulder and say, “Acolyte.” But that’s when your men smashed the mirror! And there I was, in human form, lying on my basement floor like some imbecile again! It was utterly humiliating!
Kaspar-Gottfried: I’m sorry, but such was my assignment.
H270: Don’t give me excuses, human! Flesh-lover!
(Sounds of a struggle, then a cry of pain from H270.)
Kaspar-Gottfried: I am not here to fight you, nor do I have to explain myself! Just tell me what happened, or I’ll hurt you again!
H270: I’ll be good, I promise. Just don’t hurt me that way any more.
Kaspar-Gottfried: Continue, then.
H270: I don’t know what to say.


Part III
Kaspar-Gottfried: Tell me about any thoughts, dreams you’ve had since the rescue.
H270: I’d hardly call it a rescue with the nightmares I’ve had. More blinding light, more searing pain, and you know the worst part?
Kaspar-Gottfried: What?
H270: I could not defeat it. I thought I knew it all, I thought I had the realms and spirits figured out. And of course I knew their games. But this certainly was no game. They needed me. And I needed them. My purpose, their destiny.
Kaspar-Gottfried: I’m afraid I do not understand.
H270: Of course you don’t. You’re just another soul. But at least now I know what that one shadow-child was trying to tell me in front of the mirror.
Kaspar-Gottfried: And what was that?
(Silence. Olaf clears his throat.)
Kaspar-Gottfried: I think we’re done here. Thank you.
(A thud.)


[Upon receiving this message, Officer Kathe Waldheim decided to speak to H270 herself, but neglected to sedate him in her haste. She thought she had calmed him when she promised to return him home to conduct the interview there, as noted in a MIPA file. The only thing that could be heard on that interview’s recording were wild shrieks, tearing flesh, and piercing laughter. Inspectors of the scene found that nothing was left of Waldheim’s body but a torso, limbs and head ripped straight off and nowhere in sight. On the torso, carved in rough letters, were the words “NOT HOME.”

H270 remains missing to this day, and more people are beginning to fall victim to Interplanar Distress. Another MIPA file states this, “No matter what it takes, we will continue to work on rescuing these victims. Despite Waldheim’s mistake, despite H270 being on the loose, despite any risk we could be taking, we must work out the cause of this phenomenon. We will keep sending agents after this beast no matter how many lives are lost in the process. We may even need to feed victims to it, just to see if they can find its weakness.” Agent Olaf Kaspar-Gottfried was promoted, and placed at the head of this operation. He claims he’s not insane. He says he just needs to find his home.]

Credited to Lindsay S. (HackerOnHacker)

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Copyright Statement: Unless explicitly stated, all stories published on are the property of (and under copyright to) their respective authors, and may not be narrated or performed under any circumstance.

106 thoughts on “The Agent from MIPA”

  1. This was pretty good. Wasn’t creeped out at all but very well written. It’s funny the stuff I find truly frightening, nobody else does lol…

  2. Men of Intergalactic Pterodactyl Anuses
    That’s what MIPA really stands for, ANYWAYS really great pasta but I was slightly confused on what the “DONT LOOK BEHIND YOU” thing meant or about the home thing, could someone please explain, I know I’m probably just an idiot but i really want to know

  3. Good sir I do believe your story was so amazing it has made all stories I have ever written in my life pregnant with little creepy kid books. You are an awesome writer, one of very few pastas that held my attention right to the end. Very well written and very well executed.

  4. H270: Of course you don’t. You’re just another soul. But at least now I know what that one shadow-child was trying to tell me in front of the mirror.
    Kaspar-Gottfried: And what was that?

    Oh Shit! oh shit!
    *Looks behind*
    Oh shit dude you scared me

  5. H270: Of course you don’t. You’re just another soul. But at least now I know what that one shadow-child was trying to tell me in front of the mirror.
    Kaspar-Gottfried: And what was that?

    *sitting in darkness*
    i couldnt help but look *looks behind self* behind myself when i read that part
    *stand up and turns on light*
    nicly done

  6. The one problem that I really have with this is the whole “truth serum” thing. There simply isn’t any substance on the planet that can force somebody to tell the truth, which kind of took away from the experience.
    But this is just one extremely minor complaint on what is really an incredible story.

  7. Outstanding. HackerOnHacker, I tip my hat. A word of advice, however, I would suggest that you cut back on the exclaimation marks; it detracts from the reality of the story and makes it less frightening.

    Fear the Darkness


  8. “…even if we have to feed victims to it to ‘find its weakness’.” Hahah. Good cover, Agent Kaspar-Gottfried.

    I didn’t particularly like this one though. Too scattered and H270 talked very out of character. His speeches were too long for someone who regarded other humans simply as “another soul”.

    And truth serum… seriously?

  9. @ IRSCARED:

    These stories rarely scare me anymore, they used to but not anymore. I read these stories because I like well-written stories and I quite liked this one.

    Very well done.

  10. @ exclamation: nice resident evil reference
    RE5 = the shit
    Anyway, this story was quite impressive. It didn’t scare me, but it creates a very convincing scenario. The details in H270’s experience were very well written and imaginative. I enjoyed this one a lot.
    Good job HackerOnHacker!!

  11. I could so easily see this as a series, cataloguing Olaf’s transformation from an agent into a power-hungry being of EVIL seeking the knowledge that these Interplanar Distressed individuals gain.

    like Wesker. Wesker has always been crazy awesome.

  12. HackerOnHacker: Please do keep writing. And if you do find someone with the proper accent, seize that opportunity with BOTH HANDS and maybe your teeth as well for good measure.

  13. i read that comment about how u like the m,well i hate that letter,i are not gonna say it in i next four co- posts…..hahah i got you, for now on none of that letter.okay,lets go insane,without the letter that i are not saying

  14. “Officer Kathe Waldheim decided to speak to H270 herself, but neglected to sedate him in her haste.”

    YUP, once again women manage to fuck everything up!!

  15. Haven’t been on the main site in a while, so I’m reading the stories I’ve missed.

    So far, this is my favorite.

    This is really, really interesting. I hope you do plan on writing more about Agent Kaspar-Gottfried.

  16. I have actually considered the possibility of recording the tape and posting it to YouTube, but first I’d have to find voice actors and I’m far too lazy to do so. Besides, I imagine Olaf to have a very specific accent. To recreate such would be a feat indeed.

  17. That was a good pasta. ^^
    It would be quite entertaining if someone created the “tapes” of the interview between Kaspar-Gottfried and H270. =]

  18. This was crap.

    What agent says “Just tell me what happened, or I’ll hurt you again!” This is a bad pasta.

  19. Post #54 Fruit:

    The military uses YYMMDD for their date system, and some offices do use DDMMYY for their dates. Just because MM/DD/YY is the common convention for offices and some government agencies doesn’t mean that everyone uses it.

    Please do not post anymore if you’re going to continue to be a moron.

  20. Also, the reason I used “Ministry” as opposed to a more American term is because, quite frankly, I just like the M.

  21. Thank you for all the comments, praise, criticism, and whatnot. I actually am considering expanding this story, maybe even develop a sort of “beast mythos”. But mostly, I’m planning on writing more about Olaf’s mission, mostly from his perspective. To be honest, I’ve grown a bit attached to his character.


    wouldnt a ministry be like in britain or something….. the us has agencys not ministries

  23. H270: Of course you don’t. You’re just another soul. But at least now I know what that one shadow-child was trying to tell me in front of the mirror.
    Kaspar-Gottfried: And what was that?
    Didnt quite understand this part but it freaked the hell out of me.
    Good pasta.
    I want more.

  24. That one was pretty good. Really creepy since just a few weeks ago a friend and I were talking about all the weird noises that you only hear at night. Like that creaking sound coming from the doorway or the popping sound coming from the foot of your bed. So yes, this one was a bit creepy. Very well written.

    And @ Fruit: You’re only making yourself look stupid by bashing someone else’s story. I’ve never seen a story credited to you on this site. Perhaps there’s a reason for that?

  25. I am not easily scared by much. Not even a bunch of zombies that go crazy and attack you when light is shined upon them.

    But this will probably give me nightmares for awhile.

  26. Fruit, stop being a whiny baby, and just enjoy the story.

    And who’s to say that there can’t be a ministry in the States? Could be associated with Masonic lodges.

  27. Why is a British person trying to write a pasta that takes place in America? You failed hard. No government office in America would be called a “ministry” of something. Also, it’s MM/DD/YY here. Could have been good, but authenticity was fucked.

  28. At the “Do not look behind you” part, I heard footsteps behind me.
    I looked [of course] and noone was there D=
    This pasta was very delicious however =D

  29. Despite how wonderfully well this was written, it didn’t appeal to at all because of how well H270 was speaking. He was speaking in entire narratives and paragraphs, didn’t sound like an actual conversation.

    Still, good pasta I guess.

  30. Aguythathatesrap

    I re – read the story, but I still don’t get it, what do the shadow children what and why did he say Do not look behind you???

  31. It was a good story,
    I admit that,

    But I’m just not a fan of transcript style stories..
    Or anything, for that matter.

    But good job, just the same!

  32. so the agent was one of the shadow children or one of the victims who either
    1.looked back
    2.was also “rescued”
    Thats the only thing i cand understand from the ending but the officer part wirh the torso was cool.

  33. Sir Shoop Woopington

    i read this on the forum ages ago, how come it took so damn long to get put up here?
    one of the most recent pasas was written only days before showing up here. Tese are indeed deep questions

  34. “I was determined to learn their language. And so I did.”

    So just because she wanted to learn the language, she ‘just did’?

  35. Holder of the Penis

    Nice, I really liked this one. It was left open enough for interpretation to really let your imagination run riot.

    I’d actually like to see this as part of a serial. Get on it, Lindsay, fuck with my mind!

  36. H270: Of course you don’t. You’re just another soul. But at least now I know what that one shadow-child was trying to tell me in front of the mirror.
    Kaspar-Gottfried: And what was that?

    That fucking scared the hell out of me.

    1. Username, or no username, there is no name user

      No, the think that ‘took’ H270 killed the agent, at least that’s what i THINK happened

  37. This one I like. It conveys a true sense of helplessness. It also has the same effect as Jaws did in that the lack of a description of the beast lets your imagination run wild and construct it in the way that you find most frightening.

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