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Estimated reading time — 3 minutes

This is a simple series of journal entries for my own sanity to be held together. I’d just like written proof that this is actually happening to me, you know? Okay, to start, I’m twenty-five, I’ve been living with an amazing girl for the last couple of months in a simple loft apartment, and I have a simple job as a photographer for a magazine. I have seen a new tenant in our little apartment building but that hasn’t really bothered me. But what does bother me is the fact that I’ve seen… Things… All around my building and I’ve even seen them in my apartment… They aren’t normal things you’d hear about… They seem to be aware of their surroundings. I’ve seen them studying people. It might sound crazy but they watch people’s interactions with one another. They don’t see me watching them, at least I don’t think. These things aren’t animals or statues or paintings… They are just there. They have bodies and small limbs, Heads but nothing but eyes… They sit in darkness watching and studying us… I don’t think the other tenants know about them. I’ve told my girlfriend about my sightings but she doesn’t believe me.

September 26, 2011
I have tried to catch them on tape or in a photo but they seem to be too fast for me. I even tried setting up an overnight video of the room but still nothing. The more I think about it, the more it seems like I’m just crazy. I want people to believe my stories of them but they never listen. I think I’ll try to catch one soon…

October 17, 2011
I did it! I fucking did it! I caught the sneaky fuck. He was watching my girlfriend eat breakfast when I walked into the kitchen this morning. I sneaked up on him and caught him. He bit me though, little bastard… But I’ve got him in a small container under my bed. He’s been down there for about two or so hours in silence… I’ll write again soon…


October 29, 2011
He’s gone. He is gone. I don’t know how but he got out and he is somewhere in here with me. I locked every window and every door. I told my girlfriend to stay at her friend’s house for a couple days and after some convincing she agreed… A little while ago the bite mark, which was more of a scar now, began hurting. It’s more of an aggravation than anything. It’s almost midnight now and I still haven’t found him. I think I’m going to lay down now, I feel a little woozy.


November 27, 2011
My girlfriend broke up with me because I wouldn’t let her in. I told her it’s for her own good but she refused to listen to reason. He’s still loose. I haven’t found him yet. My arm is entirely swollen now and pink nearest the bite. Occasionally I can hear laughter in the dark corners of my bedroom at night. I think it’s him mocking me… I think I’m going to get off…


December 24, 2011
My arm is purple now… It really hurts and I think I might die… I just want to find him. That’s all I have left now… I want… I want my old life back… I was twenty -five and successful… With a beautiful girl and a nice home… I don’t want to die.. I want to go back. Wait.. There he is.. He’s… He’s smiling… He know what he has done and he is happy. I feel tired now so I bid you a final farewell. Just please share this with whomever you meet…

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35 thoughts on “Ter’nia”

  1. Andrew Montgomery

    There was a the 17th and 29th it was written like the 29th happened a day after or something but like you didn’t do anything at all for 12 whole days that just doesn’t seem realistic show that to your girlfriend and you wouldn’t have lost your gf and I would send that to the press and boom instant famous that just didn’t make sense to me but I liked the beginning it was gripping and then it was like you just let go after that point.

  2. I felt like he was going to end with something that the creature had mocked him that good that it took over his life; also that the man would become the creature. Something like that if you follow me haha.

  3. As others have said, this is flawed. How can a creature with only eyes bite, how did he catch it, why didn’t he go to a doctor. It is very unrealistic and the way it is written repels the reader. I suggest peer-editing. Yes, like in 6th grade when you would peer edit. This is low quality and needs to be fixed. Try adding more background and suspense. Motive and emotion. Passion and fear. 6/10 as is.

  4. Uhm… for a starter, a journal written by you is no written proof that something is really happening to you and you’re not just imagining it.
    Second, a journal written by you is, you know, written. If you’re tired, you don’t put traling dots between words as you write, that just doesn’t make sense.
    That said, the story was too abrupt and with serious logic flaws. Aside from the biting-eye creature that many pointed out, these things start harmless, then get apparently evil without a reason. The narrator is concerned because one of them is in his room, but they had always been there anyway, so what’s the point? And why nothing seem to happen in the weeks in which the creature is “caged”? Why does the bite infect only after it is (sort of magically) set free.

  5. Really good. Yeah, it had some flaws and the ending was a little weak. All in all good writing style!

  6. I think he is turning into one of the creatures and also if the creatures only have eyes how does it smile or laugh or communicate at all

  7. Very amateur diary pasta. Some of it didn’t make sense.. but it was okaaay… It wasn’t very suspenseful and not very thought out :/

  8. You said that the creatures had faces, but nothing but eyes. then at the end, you said it is sitting in the corner smiling. Just an observation!(:

  9. The beginning is really good! It started very promising!.. and then… BOOM – it’s over. The end.
    P.S. if you are too lazy to make it complete at once, just leave it as is and get back to it whenever you are in mood again – it’s really disappointing to read something with such an abrupt forced ending…

  10. WOW, for a first time writing I liked it a lot. Of course there are things that can be improved on, but that’s why everyone starts somewhere! To all those that wanted to hate on this (and not critique with heart and helpfulness) you should read some of your first writings and tell me how crappy they where! Good job DC! I liked it, cant wait to read more as you progress!
    Haters are haters for a reason, they cant do it right them selves!

    1. *sigh* I hate it when the author’s friends/author tries to make people feel bad for being realistic.

      I wanted to give this a 4/10, because I liked the idea but it was poorly written. Thanks to this comment though, 1/10 for a jackass friend.

    2. Nicola Marie Jackson

      People comment on every pasta, Hon and having a hissy fit because a story wasn’t as highly rated as you think it should be makes you look like an immature mardarse. If you are his friend then help him use the comments, good and bad, to improve the story and re-post it. And just because someone hasn’t written a pasta themselves doesn’t mean that their comments aren’t valid. Now put your lip back, pick up a pen and be a friend. Good luck Xx

  11. Wait… So they sit there in the dark and from what he can see they have “Nothing but eyes” and then he bit him… That’s a flaw but maybe their pure black or you can’t see the other features through the darkness or how black the thing is…?

  12. I honestly appreciate the input on this story. It was definitely not a well thought out thing but more of a “middle of the night, what the hell” kind of moments. And I’d appreciate an email describing how I could improve.

    1. Well obviously it bit him with its eyes… er… whoa, that’s a bizarre mental image. Okay, scratch that, nah you’re right it doesn’t work.

  13. You said the heads had no features besides eyes, and yet in the end he’s smiling. I’m not sure if this is intentional, or just an error made while in the moment, but it doesn’t seem like anyone else notices.

  14. This story had potentia,l but it felt cut out leaving the story with a mediocre ending that left no enthusiasm for the reader to continue if the writter was planning on continuing.

    Also I found that the creature wasn’t well thought out considering that at first the creature only has eyes…but then the creature bit the storyteller….not only that,but the creature went from watcher to tormmentor.suddenly shifting and overall betraying the creatures original intent.

  15. Amateur at best. The idea is great, the main spook being some kind of entity, observing us. But the story itself could have been much better, had it been taken into deeper thought. Maybe taking into account that common feeling of being watched and making that into something? If you want my advice, you should take this story, and add to it. Make it sound more professional, you know?

  16. not a very good ending. you built it up so well though! i was expecting something big to happen, like he would turn into an imp himself, or his girlfriend turn out to be the imp or something cool! I’m sure if you rewrite the ending, it would be a yummy pasta! but i love the idea :)

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