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Stalked



Estimated reading time — 6 minutes

Dear Reader,

I’d like to start off by saying that I don’t have a clue why I’m writing this letter. Maybe I want this thing to be known to the world, or something. The events described in this letter happened about a month and a half ago, in Springdale, Kentucky, although I started writing this about two weeks ago. I just haven’t really had the guts to finish until what happened at the gas station.

The story starts in late September, when my family went to go visit our relatives, who invited us up to celebrate one of them getting like 2,000 bucks in some scratch-off lottery thing. They live in this really hillbilly part of Springdale that people from Charleston, Shepherdstown and Duncanville (basically the least redneck parts of KY) like to call “Hicksville”. We lived in Duncanville. It is way down in a valley, and exactly like how everyone pictures it when they hear about it – nothing but crappy shacks and rusty-ass rebuilt trailers.

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The relatives we were visiting are absolutely weird. They all acted as if there was some sort of secret that they always had to keep hidden. Which they did, and that would be discovered later. So anyway, we’re up here in this godforsaken trailer, and it sucks. There’s like eight relatives, plus me, my dad, my mom, and my sister. About two hours in, my mom takes my cell phone so that I can “focus on the family time together” (which is crap, all we did the whole time was eat TV dinners and be forced to watch Nascar and shit). After like 6 hours of that, about ten minutes before we’re supposed to leave, it starts raining. We know how treacherous the roads can get down in the valley, so we decide to wait for the rain to die down.

Two hours later, it’s fucking dark as hell, ten o’clock, and there’s a flood warning for the area. I have my phone back by this time (no service, of course); I’m playing Tetris and Texas Hold’ Em and stuff. When suddenly I hear my dad start losing his mind in the next room. I walk over, and it turns out that they let slip that they’d buried their kid, Thomas, outside, and apparently were afraid the rain would wash up his body or some other crap. The kid was like six, he was attacked by a dog, and they never told the cops. Just fucking buried him like he was a family pet. My dad’s flipping out and rightfully so, because, you know, we live in the 21st century and all. So our relatives all say they’ll sort it all out in the morning. My parents tell me and my sister to stay in the same room as them during the night, and we do. None of us really suspected that they’d killed Thomas or anything, since they’re really peaceful. They didn’t even own any guns except for this one old rusty double-barrel shotgun they had on a mantle. Nevertheless, we were creeped the hell out, and intended to tell the cops in the morning once we got to town.

So, it was like 3 in the morning. I couldn’t sleep. Power had gone out for the fifth time or so, and I’m not able to charge my dead phone. Worst part is, I could see Thomas’s little grave right outside the window. Little cross on it and everything, and I assumed the kid couldn’t have been buried deep at all since they were so worried about him just washing up out of the grave. So I was just fixated on it. I kept being drawn to look out the window. And then I saw the fucking worst thing in my life.
Something was creeping through the trees toward the house. I stared at it for a while, but couldn’t get a good look at it since it was raining and the brush was so thick. For a few minutes I assumed it was two really pale horses, kind of ambling through the woods side-by-side. But then it walked into the moonlight, and I saw that it was all one thing, like some kind of human torso, but wider. It finally stepped into full view, and I saw it had something like six legs, kind of somewhere between a beetle’s legs and a horse’s legs. Two arms, right where someone would normally have them, but they were about a half a foot longer than any normal man’s arms. It had a bald head, but the face looked like some sort of fucking bizarre blank kind of mask, this clenched-up, furrowed forehead and a nose that looked sort of like a raven’s beak. It didn’t have eyes, either…just the sockets where eyes would go. It looked like it had a human mouth, just a very large one. What still strikes me to this day is that it seemed to have a stinger on its back. Right between where a normal person would have shoulder blades. The thing moved sort of gracefully, and made these soft thump-thumping noises when it moved. It must’ve been like seven, or eight feet tall, but sounded like it weighed maybe only 100 pounds at most.

It starts walking towards Thomas’s grave, and then I finally snap out of whatever trance I was in, and scream. My mom is the first to wake up, and I tell her to look out the window. She rushes over, and doesn’t really seem to understand what she’s looking at. After a minute, though, the thing bends down and starts pawing at the grave with its clawed hands. My dad and Jasper, my uncle, rush in, and Jasper fucking loses his shit. Screams like a little girl, runs back out of the room, yelling for his father screaming “It’s outside, it came and it’s outside!”

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I look back and see the thing is digging furiously at the ground, kicking up huge mounds of dirt. I hear the sound of feet running around the house. I think they were looking for the shotgun. The thing reaches into the hole and grabs up what I assume was Thomas’s body by the leg in one hand. The thing kind of gallops back into the woods, snapping all these branches and shit, and then that’s when we all hear it:

A kid crying. The sound of a child sobbing and crying, from the direction that the thing took off in. So we left as soon as the rain let up, at like 5 am. I don’t even think we told anyone at the house, just drove straight back to Duncanville, only stopping for gas. No one said a word to each other. My family refuses to speak about what happened; I tried to bring it up once, just to make sure it was real. My dad told me to shut the fuck up, so I did. I started writing this about three weeks after it happened, but just saved it in a school folder and left it alone. Never mentioned it to any of my friends or anything, just tried to erase it from my mind. It mostly worked, up until I went to work.

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See, I work at this gas station in Duncanville from 8 pm to 3 am. I work the register, keep the place clean, and take out the trash. When I was bringing the trash bags over to the back of the building for the dude in the morning to take care of, I heard what I had assumed to be some junkie kicking around in the dumpster. I yelled at whoever it was a couple of times to get the hell out before I called the cops. But as I walked towards the source of the noise. I suddenly heard those same footsteps. That soft thump-thump. Hooves or feet, or whatever the hell they were. I turned right around and went back into the store and hid behind the counter. I look over at the outside security monitor and see some kind of movement from just off screen, something huge casting a shadow and moving. I caught a glimpse of…I don’t know, an elbow or something. A pale limb, darting in and out of view. It had to have been the same thing. I waited for it to leave, and after a while, it did. I woke up behind the counter at 1 am this morning. I was in complete fear of the creature that was pursuing me. But it was gone now, and now I had nothing to fear. At least for the moment. That was when I heard the cry. The cry of a child. Then there was scratching at the back door. I ran back and made sure that the door was locked, which it was. Thankfully, the back door had no window on it, so I didn’t have to see what was there. I went back to the register and looked at the security cameras. A young boy, around the age of 6, was scratching on the door. His head leaned at a strange angle, and some of his flesh had fallen off. But what was even more disturbing about it was that he seemed to be growing extra limbs. And a strange pointed one was starting to jut from his back, right between the shoulder blades… I continued to cower behind the register until I fell asleep again.

I woke up this morning to my boss flipping out because I was asleep on his floor. He was probably thinking I was a drug addict or something. I took the whole week off to stay at home, waiting for the creature to come back. Every so often, it does. I sit and I wait for that creature to finally have me. I have photocopied this letter and mailed it to all the people that I hold dear. You may find me dead one day, if you don’t find a way to help me first. The power has been out at my house for a while, and the phones don’t work. I’m going to go outside for the first time in a long time to mail these. Hopefully, it isn’t waiting. I hear it now, and I may have just heard a window break. Maybe I won’t get this out for a while until it’s gone. Or maybe not at all, depending on whether or not the shadow looming over me is my imagination. Thump, thump.

Credit To: Kyle

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56 thoughts on “Stalked”

  1. This was just terribly written. I mean the writing style really kind of ruined the story. It seemed so amateurish. 3/10

  2. That last part tied the entire story together it was just…. AMAZING Oh my gosh this was great! Good Work. ☼

  3. A very well written pasta! Hope you write more, though to be honest I do agree with some of my fellow critics here in the comment section… more detail could have been added though most things were well explained,with a little interpretation from the reader!

    All in all, very well written and hope to see more like this 9/10

    1. Strange, Googling passages from this brings up absolutely nothing else but this very post. As always, if you’re going to accuse the person who submitted this of plagiarism, please provide some sort of evidence.

      1. I googled “six legged centaur” and immediately found the story on the wiki, where it said it was posted on 4chan in 2008 (but having no idea who the authour was, I can’t say if this is plagiarized or not. For sure it has an additional part at the end)

  4. That monster reminds of a dead hand from Legend Of Zelda… O.O *shivers* XD nice story! I absolutely love the ending!! hope you keep writing pastas! :)

  5. This story IMO has real potential, but what ruined the immersion for me the most was that the character claims to not be able to make out the creature as it was raining so hard, but then goes on to say the thing stepped into the moonlight; other than that I was really drawn in until the end with the whole “it broke in and was right behind you” bit, which both seemed unnecessary and caused the story to fall flat because it kinda broke the feeling that this could be something that actually happened. 8/10

  6. HerobrinCreep09

    I needed to read this 2 times to get the scare off me… Love this so much! Hope u keep writing more! For some reason, I am happy that im going to have a nightmares tonight.. I havn’t had one in months! O,O

  7. Fucking liar. This is taken from a story posted on 4chans x board. You justs tole it and added an "ending’. fucking jerk, dont pretend you wrote this. Dumb bastard.

  8. I gave this story a 7/10.

    The only thing I really didn’t like was the ending. Rather than attempting to give any explanation of what happened in the story, it just has one of those generic “I’m trying to get my message out before I die, oops the thing is behind me now” endings that have become far too common in creepy pasta these days.

    This isn’t wrong, but it can be done SO much better. Instead of just dying at the end, the character in the story should be making a last desperate final stand. This might include an investigation into the events threatening his life, or it might just be an attempt to fortify his home in the hopes of keeping the monster/ghost/undead/whatever out. This part of the story can give additional background into the problem, as well as be used to set a creepier atmosphere as the creature gradually breaks down whatever barriers the character has put in its way.

    See “The Huntsville Camping Trip” creepy pasta for an example of what I mean. The story teller presumably dies at the end of that one as well, but he gives a lot more detail into how he is being stalked and creeped out by whatever force is hunting him.

    Like:
    “Whoever lives above me started to scream in pain and crying deeply recently. I hear giant footsteps from their apartment, I hear bangs and something falling to the ground. From the neighbours to the right of my apartment I hear what sounds like a baby that never gets tended too and then it sounds like a baby doll whose batteries are dying. My phone has been ringing now and it’s Alex telling me things in a language that I have never heard before, nor could even manage to repeat. I kept getting emails of pictures of black and small colorations, now I can’t even access my email. Someone knocks on the door, then they slam against it. I hear the bolts unlocking one by one and I run to make sure to lock all of them back.”

    Versus:
    “depending on whether or not the shadow looming over me is my imagination. Thump, thump.”

    See what I mean?

  9. This guy stole this entire story, literally changing one sentence about the monster having a stinger instead of the original design, which I won’t spoil. Anyone interested search ” the six-legged rape centaur”, this guy really shouldn’t be getting any credit for someone else’s work.

  10. I agree with Kyle on this one. The vagueness of the story, to me, makes it creepier. After all the person writing the letter wouldn’t know what exactly is going on. It also leaves you wondering. Did they live or die? If they did die, did the letter get mailed in time. It leaves it up to decide what happened.

  11. Kyle Y. (Author)

    It is vague because it is creepier. I mean, what’s there for the imagination if at the beginning of the story in big bold letters it says, “THIS WAS FOUND ON THE BLOODY CORPSE OF THE AUTHOR”?
    I suppose maybe there would be room for that at the end, but I like the dramatic “Thump, thump” sound/theme that I tried to incorporate throughout the story.

  12. I love this story, but the only thing I dislike about it is the ending. It is vague whether or not the narrator survives and gets the letters out or not.

  13. holy hell
    I wouldn’t believe this was real, but it’s REALLY freaking weird. it’s the kind of story my scumbag brain makes me remember the moment I leave my computer at night to go to bed when all the lights are off

    I want this to spread and become as widely known as stuff like slender man and the rake. this is too awesome to be ignored.

  14. Preacher Jonson

    Meh, didn’t like the creature, it has a blank face yet somehow has very definable facial features?

    The story could have been better but the potential is still there.

  15. poisoned echoes

    So, am I the only one who thought about The Gromble in Aaahh!!! Real Monsters when describing the monster?

  16. That was brilliant. I really enjoyed and i was thoroughly creeped/freaked out all the way through. Moreplease.

  17. It has potential but needs to be pulled apart and re-written, fleshed out a little, and some plot-holes secured. I know I want to see it for sure when you get it past the first draft stage. Keep writing :)

  18. I don’t know what they’re talking about. I thought it was AMAZING. And for your first post too? My hats off to you.

  19. Kyle Y. (Author)

    @Elly-Rose
    In response to your comment, there were a few things you might have missed, and also a few things that I just plain out screwed up with. About the people not questioning the burial of the kid, they did. But I mostly just showed their reactions. “My dad’s flipping out and rightfully so,” “My parents tell me and my sister to stay in the same room as them during the night,” “we were creeped the hell out, and intended to tell the cops”. They buried the kid about 3 feet deep (in my mind as I wrote it) and the rain comes down not only very hard, but sloped because of the large hill they were on. Even though the narrator never goes in their backyard, and neither does his family, if they did and saw the cross they would most likely suspect it to be a family pet. Then there’s the creature. I left the part where the family knows about it mysterious, mostly because I couldn’t find a decent explanation as to why they’d know. It didn’t shapeshift. The decomposed kid was the kid that was buried. I thought I made that clear, but going over it now, it seems I didn’t really go into detail about that. But the thing goes after children, and when it gets them, it sort of, well, “infects” them. It takes the youngest so that it will have a longer life span I guess. Also, it’s like Pet Semetary. It brought the kid back to life, but the kid was evil.
    @This guy.
    That’s a good way to go with the security cameras I suppose, but since that never really occurred to me….let’s say, well, the narrator was so shocked about being stalked by the little dead kid that it didn’t even occur to him! Yes, sounds good.
    Hopefully this cleared up things for some of you. Thanks for the criticism.

    1. I hope you take this as insightful and not me being an ass, but plan your stuff out better. This story had a lot of potential but as previously mentioned by somebodies review, it felt rush. Not enough was explained, not enough detail was given to paint any kind of mood… You had a great idea for a story, just some stuff to keep in mind on future pieces.

    2. And this reply doesn’t make the story better. Yes, you’re giving additional details, but OUTSIDE OF THE STORY. If I didn’t read your comment I wouldn’t have understood it… Those little details that you made up as you defended yourself against criticism should have been long ago thought out and added.

    3. You explained it well enough, it’s just a matter of how much people are used to reading into things. I thought it was very well written, I honestly felt like someone was in front of me, freaking out and telling it to me. As for how the family knew, I kind of just assumed it was where they saw it attack their kid, but told everyone he was attacked by a dog.

  20. Huh, well… It wasn’t terrible. The whole thing feels pretty rushed, and we don’t really develop any of the characters. We don’t know anything about the main character, the kid that died, the creature (which at least sounded somewhat interesting) or any of his relatives. It’s very bare bones.

    1. We’re visiting my redneck family.
    2. Their son is dead.
    3. Monster comes.
    4. Monster is after me now.

    7/10. Good pasta, but a little bland.

  21. I really enjoyed this story even when some things didn’t make all that much sense. Why didn’t you show your boss the recordings from the security cameras? That’s about my only problem. I liked how the rest made it rather mysterious and opened ended.

  22. I’m sorry I just…what is this? It feels like I’m reading three or four different stories that have been squashed into one. It doesn’t flow and the plot makes no sense.

    So, they buried this kid but they couldn’t be bothered to dig a hole any deeper than a couple of inches or something? WTH? How much rain was there that they were scared it would wash him up if he truely was buried deep.

    And the fact no one questions WHY they buried the kid and didn’t tell anyone, what is the point of that? But there’s no suspicion about the grave? Everyone just carries on like they HAVEN’T just been told there’s a kid buried in the back yard…WHAT?

    And then there’s the monster, which conjures up an image of Twoface from “Thing”. Why is it there? Why does it look like that? Why do the parents know what it is? Why is it digging up the corpse/skeleton of the kid?

    WHY DOES NO ONE QUESTION ANYTHING?

    Why does it follow them back? Why does it only stalk the letter writer and NOT the parents when it was so obvious earlier that it was after the body of the dead kid?

    Why can it shapeshift from a half decomposed child into this strange Twoface thing?

    WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY?

    There’s too many questions to this story and not enough answers so it completely detracts and makes the entire thing unable to flow probably. The only positive thing I have to say is at least you can spell.

    1. the kid never died, the thing attacked him once before and the family buried him thinking he WAS dead. Later the creature came back and stole the kid, who showed up later as the one in the end ‘transforming’. Its not shapeshifting, it’s infecting.

      They obviously don’t know that much about rain, or how much it takes to wash a body up, just like I doubt you do (How many little boy bodies have YOU buried?), so having hidden a child’s body in your back yard as is, would it not be natural to worry about every little detail that might possibly get them caught considering they’re already pretty sick in the head?

      As for all of your ‘why’ questions, how stupid are you to have come onto creepypasta and held on to the EXISTANCE of ‘why’?

    1. The “Thump thump” at the end kinda killed the realism that the story had held up until that point. It also ruined the ambiguity of whether the narrator lived or not. other than these small criticisms, this was a very well written pasta.

  23. xAlexApocalypsex

    This… just tripped me out.. this was amazing.. and it just gets me.. I think this is definitely one of the better ones that I have read on here.. I wanna say its fiction. but i’m just so convinced… I hope all is well..

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