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Slender Twilight: The “Naughty” Version

Estimated reading time — 5 minutes

“What the fuck did I just read?”

– Pretty much everyone.

FanBoy97: Journal entry 1.)

Oh, how no one understands the dark brooding angst stirring in my loins! I couldn’t concentrate in school again today, thoughts of Him distracted me from my composition writing class. How could I possibly worry about the fundamentals of English grammar stuff stupid when there’s a tall sexy devil stalking the spooky nights? I wish He would stalk me.  I know “some” people would say that I am a silly pants; that He would devour my soul or drive me to madness… but they don’t understand Him like do. I know He would not do this to me. And how could He? I’m His “biggest” fan. ;) Oh well, I suppose I’ll just have to prove them all wrong.

FanBoy97: Journal entry 2.)

Woe is me. Must I be alone for all eternity? Doomed to wander the cruel world in my misunderstoodedness? I spent the entire afternoon in the cemetery after school today, drawing the sacred symbol on each and every tombstone, the circle of darkness with the ‘x’ of also darkness, awaiting for Him to run into my arms. I even wore my outfit, my extra special Sailor Moon miniskirt and thigh high socks. I must have ridden my tricycle around those gave stones a thousand times before I ran out of Hi-C. How could He not be enticed by me? Am I not enticing? Of course I am, it must have been those fart faces who showed up and interrupted my unholy ritual. The called me names, really mean names that cut into my soul like razors. I tried not to cry, but I could not stop myself. “If you don’t stop… shouldn’t make fun of the black forces that dwell within me!” I yelled at them before they started throwing bananas at me. Bananas that cut deeper than any black razor of black blackness. I road my tricycle home as fast as I could. On the way I checked my vampire Pikachu watch, IT WAS ALMOST 6 O’CLOCK!!! My mom must have been worried sick! But then I got home and she gave me some spaghetti. Yummy!

FanBoy97: Journal entry 3.)

I just took a bubble bath, and now I need to check my emails for the rightful acceptance of my creepypasta submission. Let’s look… NOTHING! Anger and other dirty talk! How could it not be posted yet? I submitted it yesterday afternoon, how long do I have to wait for the world to see my spectacular greatness? I know, that jerky jerk face administrator is jealous of my uncanny ability to write epic tales of melancholy spookiness. Of course that’s what it is, nobody could pass up my masterpiece unless they were intimidated. It was called, “The grand adventures of the totally badass and in no way at all homoerotic sparkly vampires.” It was so awesome. I guess I’m just going to have to send that jerk a bunch of emails outlining why he’s such a jerk. Then he’ll see, they’ll all see. But it’s almost eight, and I need to snuggle into bed next to my Jeff the Killer body pillow and let my darky dark mind of darkness take me to the ultradarkness of dreamland.

FanBoy97: Journal entry 4.)


I woke up from that dream again, I just had to write it down this time. It was the one where I’m lying there still in my bed completely naked when the wind blows my bedroom window open, and then that beautiful slender body of His floats in, hovering above me, tempting me with the prospects of sweet sweaty passion.
“Come to me, sweet prince,” I say to Him as He lowers Himself gracefully, His black suit stretched tight across His lovely form.
“Do you know how long I’ve been waiting for you?” I ask him. He never says a word.
“Oh, the strong and silent type aren’t you?” I whisper into where His ear balls should be. “That’s okay,” I continue in the most seductive voice I can manage. “You don’t have to say a thing.” I pulled on His necktie, pulling His faceless face against mine. Then we start making out, AND IT WAS SEXXXXXY! Then after like, an hour, I whisper back into his ear balls, “How about you take off that suit and show me what those tentacles can really do…”
When I woke up my sheets were all sticky.

FanBoy97: Journal entry 5.)

OMG!!<333333!!!! I don’t even know to explain it, but after that hot sticky dream I just couldn’t go back to sleep. So I kinda just stayed awake and sent fifty complaints to that jerk faced administrator , when I got this sense you know? A most… arousing sense at that. I got this feeling that I needed to look out of my window, and when I did, I that it was… it was Him! Slenderman was watching me from across the street. I knew it was Him at once, He’s impossible to mistake. The tall, thin body in the most fabulous of suits. He was just standing there motionless, expressionless, beckoning to me… Oh shits! I better get back to the window, He’s still out there and I need to press my bare nipples against the glass to keep Him interested. I’ll come back later to write how it went. Oh God, I feel as giddy as a school girl at the gynecologist’s!


The Next Day…

Officer Stinson is standing at the scene of the crime, his partner, Officer Drake approaches him with a cup of coffee in each hand.
“So what in the hell and the hootenanny happened here?” Asks Drake as he glances over the carnage. Up high in a tree sectioned off by yellow hazard tape is the body of a young boy, his torso impaled on one of the many jagged braches. On the ground below him, there are several plastic bags filled with what is assumed to be some of the boy’s organs. They include; eyes, kidneys, liver, pancreas, gallbladder and several fingers. Officer Stinson hands his partner a piece of paper covered in blood.
“We found this nailed to the tree.” Says Stinson to Drake. “I think you know what it means.” Drake reads the note, each letter spelled out in crimson.
“No means no,” Drake reads aloud. “Great googally moogally! Not another one of these sickos! Must be the third one this year, and it does explain why the kid up there is wearing a dress.”
Officer Stinson looks back up into the tree. The boy is in fact still wearing his Sailor Moon outfit.
“Yeah,” Says Stinson, “We’re dealing with one twisted pervert here alright. We checked this kids journal earlier this morning. It looked like he was getting ready to try and date rape Slenderman.”
Drake shakes his head in disgust. “Sweet zombie Jesus. Kids these days, messin’ around on the interwebs, thinking that it couldn’t happen to them, then all of a sudden ‘ol Slendy gets sick and tired of being sexually harassed. Can anyone really blame him for resorting to this?”
Stinson looks down at his feet with a somber look on his face. “No, no I don’t think anyone really can. But we gotta look at it this way; at least for now, we can take comfort in knowing that this nightmare is finally over.”

Just then, the boy in the tree coughs out a spattering of blood.
“WHY? WHY DON’T YOU LOVE MEEEE?!?” He chokes out. Without hesitation, Officers Drake and Stinson pull their side arms from their holsters, emptying the clips into the whining fan boy. When the dust settles, Stinson looks back to Drake.
“Okay, now it’s over.”

Credit To – Stephan D. Harris

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Copyright Statement: Unless explicitly stated, all stories published on are the property of (and under copyright to) their respective authors, and may not be narrated or performed under any circumstance.

270 thoughts on “Slender Twilight: The “Naughty” Version”

  1. This was painful to read. My neurons are committing suicide, jumping out of my ears.
    But it was freaking hilarious. I needed that laugh. XD

  2. That was delicious and hilarious. The creepiest thing though, is that I didn’t know that Stephan D. Harris who usually writes beautiful creepypasta can actually write something as maddening as this. Awesome. Really got to love your works! ?

  3. Normally unnormal

    Why is someone that stupid, that he want to ugh “make out ” with slenderman…
    But kinda good 8/10

  4. Not sure how I feel about this…I’m very confused on a few different levels. But I like the ending, nice twist :)

    1. It is calling to you… beckoning you to wear it…

      That or you’ve just given away your browsing history ;-) Because the batman panties I looked at (drooled over, actually, wanting to buy so badly) on ThinkGeek are always featured in an ad on this site when I visit. As is Precious… because I look at that longingly every day.

  5. Based Madoka Kaname

    am i the only dangan here. anyway i died at “ear balls”. 10/10. also i don’t want a jeff version because i kinda want a jane version more because crazy fan 2: the lesbian boogaloo

  6. I love this pasta even more now after realizing that its author is the same guy who wrote the Harlequin series. =)

  7. XD XD XD XD XD XD XD XD XD I AM LAUGHING S HARD RIGHT NOW! I would be like that kid but with Jeffrey! lol he is the only guy i like and omg i would so get my ass whopped lolz

  8. A Zerg Hydralisk (wearing a tophat)

    AGHH!! AHHH!!!
    *sobbing, takes off tophat and pulls on over face*
    DerpButt, operator, anyone?! god someone please help me! don’t let the fangirls/boys lock me in a room with this! I know they want to, they hate my hydralisk existence! SOMEBODY FUCKING HELP ME!

  9. ButterscottchFairyTale

    This has to be the most brilliant parody of all time. I actually feel so bad for my family. They probably think I’m nuts for laughing so hysterically for the past 10 minutes. xD Good job, sir!

  10. Bravo, good sir or ma’am.

    I must say, I truly enjoyed reading this.
    The use of satire was delightful.

  11. Brian
    April 2, 2013
    I’ve just….. No wait… I mean…. Well the sailor moon part was….. No, no….. Slenderman…. I mean….. I have no words for what this is….

    XD I think his brain just died…

    Anyways, nice story. XD This describes exactly on how some of the fans of Slenderman are even more scary than Slenderman himself.

    I rate this 6/10!

    Grim Gamer

    Blood is red, corpses are blue, I love games…don’t you?

  12. ok ive seen someone in the woods he was big it was a tall man and his head was white i was scared so i ran back from the woods to my home the at 2:32 in the moning i went to the woods and i seen a papper it sed dont look or it takes you so i went back once more and stade

  13. J:
    Are you telling me there are really creepers out there like that?! That adds a whole new level of creepiness to the story.Poor slendy……

    I agree that is not cool to do to slendy

  14. I LOVE Slenderman!!!!!!!! <3 I scare the shit out of my classmates at school. Mostly by accident. I scare them in the same manner as Slenderman ( without the killing, and stalking. I just seem to pop up behind the classmate.

  15. That story is some messed up shit, but still better than any twilight movie I have ever seen. Still whoever wrote this needs some serious therapy. Weather they like it or not, i’m still having the same question at mind as almost everyone that read this “What the Fuck did I just read?”

  16. So here I am, reading this parody pasta, laughing and generally thinking, “WTF am I reading right now?” at the same time. Then I finish the story, see the name of the author at the bottom and am like, “Oh shit, one of my favorite authors wrote this! Bloody brilliant!” To top it all off, I just got done reading the Harlequin Series yesterday for the third time, then I come across this. Stephan Harris, you just made my day, you brilliant bastard.

  17. That one person!

    This. Was just plain out creepy. Slenderman wasn’t the creepy part of it, it was the “Fanboy” in this. Good, but creepy. To quote “hot sticky dream”. I swear I’m going to have nightmares about that, which would be pretty damn unusual.

  18. What kind of bullies throw bananas? ……. And what kind of person uses the word loins… I couldn’t stop laughing… And if I woke up in the middle of the night because of that dream my first action would be to wonder on my Slenderman can make out with someone if he ain’t gots no mouths. ._. I still can get over the banana thing xD

  19. Oh my god. This literally made me laugh out loud. I hope I didn’t wake my family up with my giggles. This is one of the best things I’ve read in a long time. Your choice of vocabulary is perfect. I can’t even. Thank you for sharing this piece of comedy gold.

  20. As I was reading this I just kept staring at my Slender man poster Since he is my favorite creepypasta and always will be :D :)

  21. WHY DONT YOU LOVE ME WHY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  22. “still a better love story than twilight” is basically what the title and the author are trying to say right? Slender Twilight and i immediately got the referance (if that was the referance)EVERY time my sister says on movie night “lets watch twilight” so me and my dad go watch Family Guy or something then figure out a way to snap the twilight disc(spelling?)and replace it with something better.

  23. Well.. Errhm.. I.. I don’t know what to say O_O the thing I can say though is that I will probably get more nightmares now X.x

  24. LittleMissHush

    Does anyone else imagines Slender Man and the other Creepypasta monsters in a support group for monsters who have crazy fans?

  25. LittleMissHush

    Does anyone else imagines Slender Man and the other Creepypasta monsters in a support group for monsters who have crazy fans?

  26. First of all: yeah its me thats stupid because second of all now i dont get it. third of all how do u know im a girl?!?! maybe im a gay boy too!!!

  27. what i mean is a fangirl that has similarities to the fangirl that may be written will be, well, embarrassed/happy. you know, the kind of happy u get when someone does something embarrassing and you’ve done it too and your like “haha, yeah…”
    (sorry i’m really stupid)

    1. Does anyone else get this or am I stupid or she really stupid? So you want a version of this but, with Jeff so his fangirls can be happy BUT, this is making fun of them! As insulting them! I don’t see that as making them happy! I get it if you want the fangirls to be made fun of but, No you want them to be HAPPY! I DON’T UNDERSTAND!!???

  28. i agree with jeffthekillerlover. there needs to be a jeff the killer version with a fangirl so all of the real fangirls who are that way can feel happier. X3

  29. why was it a boy? XD still funny as hell though. I imagine Slenderman with an anime-like anger mark on his forehead… or where it should be.

  30. BEST STORY EVER! The first time I read this I thought it was a chick but I was like oh it’s just a gay boy hahaha but I feel bad for Slendy, “no means no” haha 10/10

  31. Honestly, that fact that all of you are talking about having erotic dreams about slender makes me feel like I am the only decent person here.

    1. First, stephen D. Harrison the author was making fun of people like you.
      Second, I’m not for sure but, I’m pretty sure he hates Jeff. Just a guess.
      Third, Why him of all people to make said character?
      Fourth, There is a female Jeff; Jane the killer who sucks as much as Jeff.

      1. jeffthekillerlover

        Well,I guess I have a different perspective on Jeff the Killer than most,besides…Jane the Killer sucks…by female version I meant the child be female..-_- Jeff the Killer does have fangirls…Trust me

  32. Candy BlackSmith

    Oh my…I never would have guessed that Slender Man would pay any aspect of attention to someone that obsessed.

  33. CreepyPastaFanHAHA~

    pfft this was awesome XD “WHY DON’T YOU LOVE MEEEE”
    Me: He probably doesn’t love you cuz your a crazy Slenderman obsessed fan boy XD

  34. Diegothewafflenator

    I am mentally scarred from this story. At first I thought it was a girl until I read further and when I found out it was a boy I chucked my iPod across my room. Very very fucked up

  35. Diegothewafflenator

    Why the fuck did I read this. This is the most jacked up thing I’ve read in my life. I hope slender man kills you.

  36. I have to say that the kid was really dumb if he thought that Slender man aka The Tall man would like a person. It seems to me that Slender Man is doomed to loneliness forever. No one can change the fact the Slender Man eats children’s necks and leaves the rest to hang on a tree to scare others. So in other words it is impossible to survive The Slender Man, even if you are a Fan girl or Fan boy.

  37. Just…..I don’t even know how to react to this…It is probably the SINGLE most amazing peice of Pasta I have ever read in my entire LIFE!”

  38. One of the best parody pastas I’ve ever read, but you missed an opportunity to have the grim crime scene built up into an epic climax of Slendy wrapped in a trauma blanket, sipping cocoa and trembling, with glittery lip gloss kiss marks all over him. :D

    1. This is what happens every time someone submits a terrible Jeff/Slendy/Rake self-insert fanfic. Half the expense of running this site is the gallons of comforting cocoa I have to keep in stock, man.

  39. Stephen, you made my day. Maybe then people will think twice about sending in another slendy fanfiction. If anything, this was hilarious and I enjoyed it! 10/10

  40. This fan boy was an incredibly terrifying character. ;~; I hope I never meet anyone like that. Poor slendy, being harassed… I hope that fan boy goes to heaven. He’ll hate it there.

  41. You sir, have offended me with your terrible story. this should be on crappy pasta. who did u have to blow to get it on this site?

    did u blow slender man?

    im offended.

    1. I thought so too, also because of the “I need to press my bare nipples against the glass to keep Him interested” part. That was WEIRD! But funny.

  42. Well, I assume that Stephen D. Harris watches 100masks and Deadaces on YouTube. If anyone didn’t already know, this was a crappypasta before this. Stephen D. Harris just made a fucked up, grammatticaly (I probably spelled that wrong) correct version.

  43. Unfortunately this may be one of the greatest creepypastas in existence, if not the greatest. It is also very realistic in a sense, I thank you for this,good job

  44. That was to say horrible.I mean the fact he ‘wets’ himself made me shake my head.The writing is good but the actual story is just awful.Not one of your best stories Stephan.

  45. “What the fuck did I just read?”
    Sweet fuckin’ god in heaven that story was brilliant. Kneel and pray to it.
    Or kneel and accept his slender lovin’… not.

    1. Your name makes me think of the movie ‘Bedknobs and Broomsticks’ With the star of Asteroth…. Traguna, Macoidies, Tracrodum, Saint de Stee (yes, I spelled it Phonetcally)

  46. Wow, fantastic story! I usually don’t like Slenderman stories but damn Stephan you put a whole new spin on this! It was so interesting seeing a new perspective like this, I wasn’t sure if it was a boy or girl at first but to my liking it was a boy! Very different and weird, I love it.

    1. a nervous hobbit

      I feel it’s important for you to know that I accidentally rated your comment thumbs down. I meant thumbs up, sorry. Thumbs all the way up! xD

  47. Oh geez, that was hilarious! That was awesome. Not so creepy, but still hilarious. Man, you just made my day. Thanks, author.

    1. I agree with those who hate this. Slender Man is NOT to be joked about. At first, all he does is haunt, and then… Nobody knows what happens next. I hope to never find out, but I believe that my hopes may soon be crushed.

  48. John the Chaos Dude

    Stephan Harris the author of Harlequin #7, you are the greatest author of all time. I will offer my first born child to you as a sacrifice. Thank you.

  49. The Great Llama Amalume Sama

    Yeah, what the fuck did I just read…

    This is one of the best creepypastas I’ve ever read cause I know a kid who acts exactly like that. He never stops talking about how hot slenderman is O.o

    1. I suppose it takes all types… but really? Slender Man is sexy?

      I suppose if he had a dapper mustache. I dig dapper mustaches.

    2. Are you telling me there are really creepers out there like that?! That adds a whole new level of creepiness to the story.
      Poor slendy……

      1. Well, what would you expect? We never see Slendy getting any action. As crazy as it sounds, he should take in the invites.

        But this invite? I would reply with a “aw, hell naw!”

        1. Y is it that we never hear of slendie gettin some? And i totally agree with that invite, i would be very scared for slender.

        2. You have obviously never read the horrifying crappypasta know as Slender: My personal Account. I would never recommend this brain cell killing abomination. So I’ll sum it up for you. Chick get stalked by slenderman for 10 years. Then slender asks her to run away with him. She says yes. They go to a demon dimension of sorts. Slenderman turns into a prince they get married have sex and have slender babies. THE END

        3. Nicola Marie Jackson

          You forgot the part were she could “Feel him inside her” I had to hit my head with a rock to get that out my head. Lost a few memories and the ability to count but well worth it. Now where is that rock….

  50. I’ve just….. No wait… I mean…. Well the sailor moon part was….. No, no….. Slenderman…. I mean….. I have no words for what this is….

    1. POWER LEVELS!!!

      the best slendy parody pasta ever!!! i lov all the referances to twillight (i no can spell sorry still LOLing every where) and the hit on all the people who get pissed when their pasta is rejected or not posted fast enough. yummy pasta it kind of tasted funny(see what i did there) 9/10

    1. okey i dont get it in the begining i thought the boy was a chick. when did he/she/it change genders

        1. I’m insane… Am I? I think I saw him last night, I went out to get me dog and she raced to me, and I thought I saw a tall man with tenticales. Please reply to me… If you’ve seen him that is.

        2. my friend didnt believe me, i wwas all like, so this dude is gay and she wwas all like, no its bella. and i said but it says FanBoy. and she said wwell thats wwho wwas wwriting the story.
          I cant put wwords together correctly.

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