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Short Break: Derpbutt Needs Repairs – Updated 2/4



Estimated reading time — 4 minutes

UPDATE 2/4:

I’m working on reading submissions and getting things scheduled. Expect to see new pastas on the main page starting on February 8th, and please do visit Crappypasta if you’re really starving for new pastas! I’ve been updating it for about a week now, and I’m sure the authors would appreciate some constructive criticism. Remember, the more we can improve the community’s overall skill level, the easier it will be for me to find new main-site pastas! Most of the holdup right now comes from the simple fact that I have to get through roughly 50+ unpostable submissions to find one acceptable submission. Please remember that I can only work with what I’m given, and I have no spider-sense that will allow me to bypass the slush and zero in on the good stuff. It’s my hope that if the community legitimately helps the Crappypasta authors, this ratio of crap:creep may become a bit better in the future.

Please pay particular attention to the Just Needs Polishing, Shows Promise and Undercooked Pasta categories, as they generally include the submissions that can benefit the most from a lot of feedback and suggestions.

As before, I’m putting the older updates below the “read more” to avoid causing confusion.

UPDATE 1/23:

I’m (somewhat) back, and don’t worry, I am fine. I’ve finally passed the “sleeping all day” phase – turns out prescription painkillers make me incredibly tired, even more so than the antibiotics that I’d been on previously. The painkillers do make me feel a bit nauseated, to the point where long periods of time looking at the computer screen or TV, certain foods, car rides, etc can make me feel pretty rotten and send me running back to bed. So while I’m starting the process of getting back into reading submissions, it might be a couple more days until I’m able to do it for any long periods of time, so I have to warn you guys not to expect me to dive back into things at full speed.

I am going to need to get through a few more days of submissions before I begin posting again. I need to get a better idea of where we’re at with the quality:quantity ratio. Specifically, I need to figure out if posting 2 pastas a day is still easily viable, or if I need to drop down to one per day. As I’ve said before, I’ve received a higher amount of submissions than ever before, but most of them are – not to be rude – not particularly impressive. This means that it takes me longer to find postable submissions, which means that reducing the amount of published pastas to one per day might be easier/more realistic for me at this point in time. Once I get a decent idea of what I’m working with in regards to submissions, I can also come up with a time frame for the next submission open/close period.

Expect some posts on Crappypasta within the day, so at least you guys have that to look forward to. Sorry about the delay on publishing and reading submissions. I owe you all a lot of thanks for the outpouring of nice comments in this post; I was honestly expecting to get yelled at, so this has been a really pleasant surprise. Thanks also go out to my unnamed-by-request friend who stood in for me with approving comments and made sure that the submission form got closed on time. You are all very much appreciated.

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I’m putting the original post under the read more, so as not to cause confusion. If you’re seeing this on the front page and have no idea what’s going on, click the read more icon or the post title and you’ll see the rest of this post.

ORIGINAL POST FROM 1/13:

Hi guys, derpbutt here. As I’ve mentioned once or twice in the comments, I’ve been on a run of antibiotics and had an upcoming surgery to fix my current health issue. The surgery is tomorrow, and I’m told that I’ll need a couple of days to recover. I’m to expect to be very sleepy and not much in the mood for doing anything productive during this time. Given how sleepy the antibiotics have already been making me, I’m taking this to mean that I’ll be pretty much a zombie for a few days.

That said, to make things a bit easier on me, no new pastas will be posted until I’m recovered. I’ve been playing catch-up with scheduling submissions anyhow due to the combination of antibiotics drawing me to spend most free time asleep and the high quantity/low quality ratio of recent submissions. This means that I was only getting things scheduled the night before they went up on the site anyhow, and I’ve been stressed out about how I was going to make this work when I was even more out of commission.

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Solution: I will drift in and out to approve comments and make sure that nothing’s exploded, and I’m asking a trusted friend to monitor the health of the site for me – essentially babysitting to make sure we’re not hacked while I’m unconscious. And before you ask, no, he’s not interested or capable in doing anything on the submission side of things, so be happy that there’s even someone trustworthy willing to do this much for us, please.

I hope that you all understand, and I sincerely hope that the lack of stress helps me recover more quickly. Truth be told, I’ve never had to have surgery before so I’m pretty nervous as it is, and having you guys be nice about me needing a short break would definitely help to ease my mind.

To make up for this, I am extending the submission open period. You will now have until next Sunday, January 20th, to submit. Writers, take advantage of this small break to send me some really awesome pastas, please. I won’t be able to eat solid foods for a bit, so figurative pasta will have to do!

I cannot give a precise date for when I’ll be back in fighting shape, but it is my sincere hope that it won’t take too long. Take care!

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Copyright Statement: Unless explicitly stated, all stories published on Creepypasta.com are the property of (and under copyright to) their respective authors, and may not be narrated or performed under any circumstance.

120 thoughts on “Short Break: Derpbutt Needs Repairs – Updated 2/4”

  1. Hello derp, I’m currently working on a series of CreepyPasta hunter stuff and I was wanting to know if I could have your permission to hunt a potential survivor of the Russian Sleep Experiment. I was going to make the survivor a Russian militant officer who stole a canister holding the gas that was used in the experiment and he uses it on himself to try to stay awake during a night watch, but depletes his supply of the gas and acts similarly to the test subjects. I wanted to have your permission to hunt this monster.

    If not, I totally understand and appreciate it!

  2. lollipop_gestapo

    Hey, happy to hear you’ve recovered enough to work on this! Hope there are no complications and your road to a full recovery is successful

  3. If it isn’t too much Mr. Derp, may I make a suggestion on how to weed out the crap from the creep? A simple forum could be used instead of the current submission system, or in conjunction. Here authors would put their work up for scrutiny before it sees the main page.

    I’d know I would love that. Terror Tortellini is too easy to ignore and a bit discouraging to newer writers from how slow people there respond.

    1. It’s been explained before as to why (you can see the full explanation on suggestion box), but this will never happen.

      I’ve linked TT from the main menu, so hopefully more people will use it. Of course, it’s a bit of a self-fulfilling prophecy that you’ve got there – if you don’t post because it’s slow, it will never become more active.

  4. Take your time Derp, don’t listen to the insensitive jerks. You’re only one person and can only do so much, especially when you’re not feeling well. No one here is going to die if they don’t get enough pastas every day.

    And if you guys really need scary stories so much, there is a list with other sites full of stories and other scary stuff you know. Cut Derp some slack.

  5. I hope your surgery goes/went well, and I don’t mean to sound insensitive, but can we have one pasta to tide us over ? please Derpbutt ? If you can’t then fair enough, but it would be hugely appreciated if you could :)

  6. I’ve been feeding off crappypasta for the last week and it amazes me how some people do not even know how to structure a paragraph, indent, space, etc. It’s an English teachers nightmare!!! That’s a creepypasta in itself really…

    Derpbutt, you are a saint among the living having to wade through this muck! Kudos and thanks to you bruh.

  7. I haven’t been on creepypasta in a while, I’m sorry to hear you’re not well. Anyone who bitches you out for not reading submissions at this time is a jackass and should be tied to some train tracks and run over. Focus on your recovery (you already are I’m sure) and I hope you feel better soon :)

  8. you just lost the man sweety

    derpbutt, if you need spare parts….. TAKE ONE OF MINE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  9. Get well soon! Also, I feel for you, every two or three months I have one week I have to spend in hospital eating blended food. On the positive side, everything solid tastes absolutely delicious afterwards! ;)

  10. i think u should post more stories. or have someone post some for u. :D i can only read so much back-log before i lose my place. i keep rescrolling over that picture of that guy with the black eyes. i know i should just use my bookmark button but i always forget. make us some moar stories and junk! with unicorns! unicorns are creeeeeepy

  11. I just wish you get well soon. Pastas are not oxygen. People can survive for another month or so. Don’t you worry Derpbutt.

  12. I read your post about a week ago, but haven’t had time to set up an account on my computer until now. I’m home sick, so I’ve been sleeping for two days, only spending like, three or four hours awake. I hope you get better soon, and take care of yourself, we can manage a while longer without new stories, we’ll just read the older ones.

  13. Glad to see a slew of additions to Crappypasta…work is definitely getting done! Looking fwd to reading less drivel on Creepy though :)

    1. Are the tweeted stories on Creepypastacom twitter the new approved stories or just old stories? I noticed the dates were the last few days. Was wondering if it just wasn’t updating on the main page. New to the site. Yes i read FAQ :)

      1. If it says “new” in the tweet, it’s a new post either here or on Crappypasta. The ones that are just the story name and a link are old stories that are tweeted automatically every so often. We’ve got a pretty hefty archive going here, so I wanted a way to draw eyes to older stories as well.

        The only new posts in the past few days have been on Crappypasta, though. I haven’t yet found enough main site postable pastas to get a schedule going, unfortunately.

    2. Yes, slowly but surely. It’d be faster, it’s just that I’m still really tired all the time and not in the best mental state to read submissions. I’ve mentioned before, but when I’m tired, I tend to read submissions as worse than they actually are – stuff runs together. That’s not really fair to the writer. So I’m going, but slowly.

      On the upside, I’m too tired to reply to the people leaving comments whining about how it’s “been a month” (math is hard) and there’s “nothing on the site anymore” – which is probably a plus for my blood pressure.

      Anyhow, I’m hoping that my energy will return when I’m able to eat normal food again, but that won’t be until next week.

    1. Whoops, I am sorry good sir, but it seems that everytime I try to give your insensitive comment a thumbs down I accidentally give it a thumbs up. I’m going to stop trying now, because it seems as though it keeps adding more positive votes to your comment, which I do not want. Have a good day.

  14. Also, yes, don’t push yourself. I remember when I was sick and I kept trying to push myself to feel better, but I only got worse. So relax for a while :)

  15. Seriously, derpbutt, we’re fine with ZERO creepypastas per day. Just take a break for a couple of weeks/months. Lounge around,watch terrible movies, eat ice cream(if possible) and generally take it easy. Remember,”Absence makes the heart grow fonder”.(And forget “Out of sight ,out of mind).;)

  16. We are thankful our administrator has returned, sincerely thank your unnamed-by-request friend for his devotion to keeping this site safe, and of course wish you a speedy recovery.

    But for reality’s sake derp, please don’t push it. We are thankful you’re willing to get back on the job so soon, but please do not hesitate to simply take another few day’s break should the need require. Do not degrade your health for our sake, we can survive without another week or two without pastas.

  17. Idk how derp does it… reading through every submission… You ever considered having others read through them? Like promoting admins or something?

  18. One cannot live by Creepypasta alone. If I were you, I’d take it easy for a few months; let the users wonder around a bit, a bit of hunger never killed anyone. God knows a few of you could stand the lack of food, YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE! IIIII SEEEE YOUUUUUU.

    体をお大事に。

  19. namelessfaceless

    from a total stranger that doesnt know you but loves the site:
    hope you have a speedy
    recovery, and best wishes

    -a nameless
    and
    faceless woman;)

  20. Submitted a pasta. But I’m doubting if it pasted correctly. Is there a way to check what I submitted or can I post it again?

  21. I submitted a pasta but I’m doubting if I pasted it correctly. Is there anyway to check what I submitted or could I submit it again just to be sure?

  22. just a question to u derpbutt.How/From where did u get the idea to open a site which gives a whole new genre of horror?

  23. lollipop_gestapo

    For my own amusement, I’m imagining you’re having a sex change operation, and when you return, your name will be DerpVerginer. In all seriousness, I hope there are no complications and you go back to your normal self soon

  24. May I ask how your surgery went?

    And may I inquire a little further and ask what the surgery was for (which body part)?

    1. Hi Tariq. Friend who is monitoring site here. Don’t want to comment too much under his username to avoid confusion. So will just reply to this one. Small complication arose with anesthesia. Surgery was delayed until yesterday. Not sure of recovery time or details or any future appointments. He will be fine. Sleeping a lot. On heavy painkillers. Don’t think he wants me to go into personal details about what is going on. sorry. But did tell me it is ok to reply and let you know surgery is over. Passing on well wishes. Thanks.

      1. Oh good I’m glad the surgery went well.

        Yeah you don’t have to disclose any personal stuff for him, if he wants to mention it when he gets back that’s fine but you don’t bother. Send him my condolences and tell him to take his time and recover properly.

        And don’t bother replying to say anything in response to this, I get it, you don’t want to post under his name. Thanks again for letting us know.

  25. Oh poor Derpbutt! The lot of us wish you a total recovery, and really, really, appreciate what you’ve done in putting up (and putting up with) creepypasta.com. We love you and wish you only the best, you awesome mystery human.

    And Derpbutt’s friend, should you read this, thank you for doing your pal (and us) a solid one.

  26. hey man..i don’t know what physical ailment you have but i hope you will get better soon :)

    you’re awesome for maintaining this site and doing all the work so take your time.

  27. I’m so sorry derpbutt, for all the disasters you’ve had. Please get better soon and TAKE YOUR TIME to recover. I hope I speak for all the denizens of the site in saying that we can endure any length of time without pastas to ensure the well-being of our favourite unknown person.Best of luck for the surgery and hope you have a speedy recovery!

  28. Random question… Is “pasta” in Creepypasta pronounced like the food, “pah-stah”, or like “pay-stah”? I have heard it pronounced both ways on several different occasions.

    1. I think it is personal choice, Kenzie. I’d guess pasta as in the food, but I’ve had American friends mock my pronunciation of that as well so I’ve really no idea.

  29. I hope it all goes well! My friend’s getting surgery too, so I’ll divide my best wishes amongst both of you (: Half my best wishes!

  30. Holy crap. I hope you get better quick. I hope the surgery goes well and you’re back on your feet and you shall be amazeballs once more. You’ll definitely be in my prayers. But it’s gonna be weird saying, “And I pray that Derpbutt will recover without error. Amen.”

  31. Hope your surgery goes well, and you get better. I think I can handle no new pastas for awhile, I’ll read old pastas. My prayers to you and hope all goes well.

  32. Oh sir Derpbut the great, you are a kind person and deserve a break, you give so much and all we do is take. You work yourself over your limits and the people who spam, troll, and annoy you should be ashamed. Those who complain when your are taking a leave of absence are selfish, you can take a break whenever you feel like it, not just because you are sick. I frequent this site very often but this is my first comment, when I read those mean comments I understand your quiet rage. Rest now and get well soon, then continue to bless us with some of the delicious pasta your site has to offer. We honestly do not deserve your eferts to run this site, but know you are greatly appreciated. (Left out out word in previous comment approve this one:)

  33. Hey man, good luck there! I’ve had a couple of surgerys before, so I can tell you that as long as the doctor says it isn’t risky you don’t need to worry one bit.

  34. no one important

    Anyone who says anything negative about your activity to do with this site (submissions, comments, etc) regardless of whether you are sick or not, has a utter lack of respect.
    This site is like another world for me.
    You are a god.

  35. Take good care of yourself. We all love you. Please convey our Thanx to your dear friend. Hope to see you in good health and mood. Don’t worry about us, we will read each other’s comments in the meanwhile :D

  36. Dude, there’s no explanations needed. Your health and well-being will and SHOULD always come before the site. You are, as you’ve had to reiterate far too many times, a human being, not a computer. You require and deserve a break. I know you feel like you’re under pressure because you feel you need to please everyone on here, but when it comes to situations like these, you just need to say screw it and focus on getting better. We want a moderator, not a martyr. I sincerely hope all goes well and you’re feeling better, physically and mentally. Take it easy, Derp! Literally.

  37. Hope things go well for you! And if it makes you feel any better, I’ll be praying for you as well. And don’t worry about not getting any submissions through for a few days, I’m sure we’ll survive. This will give a lot of us time to catch up on some of the older pastas, anyhow.
    Good luck!

  38. Damn, this makes me feel really bad about that surgery pasta I submitted recently.

    In all seriousness though, get well soon. This and nakedmidgetsin3d.xxx are my favorite websites. And one those has already been disconnected due to legal issues.

  39. Whoa, shit. Look after yourself, hey.
    Hope you’ll be feeling better soon. And hopefully no arseholes decide to take advantage of your absence. That’d be fuckin’ low, seriously.
    Take care, and may the repairs (and subsequent recovery) be quick and relatively painless. Good luck.

  40. Derp: I can’t even begin to express how sorry I am that you’re having to go through this. I discovered this website mere weeks ago, and you’ve seemingly been running it for years.

    In the time I’ve been here, I’ve really become as fond of you as anyone can of any anonymous person who shares their sense of humor and horror. I respect you, and I hate that you’re having to face these tribulations. You sacrifice your free time in order to run this website, and you deal with an unknowable quantity of shit because of that decision.

    I wish you the best, and a speedy recovery. You’re by far my favorite person that I’ve never met. I wish people appreciated everything you do as I do, but such is the world we live in.

    The selfish part of me wishes you would hurry the hell back, but the part of me that realizes you’re a fellow human being hopes that you stay gone way longer than you require. Whatever happens, I hope your recovery is so speedy that someone feels the need to write a Creepypasta about it.

  41. YOU CAN'T HANDLE THE USERNAME!

    It sounds like you’ve been through absolute HELL recently, hacker, virus, submission delay, death of a loved one, sickness, recent crap pastas, now this! Get well man. You need a break.

  42. Stephan D. Harris

    Holy shit dude, I didn’t know it was that bad. This is where some people would pray for you, but since I don’t do that you get this….

    ….please be okay.

    1. I should be fine, it’s not particularly risky – it’s the followup surgery in 4-5 months that’s going to be the big one that I’m trying not to think about at all because I’m a big baby.

      I’ll just be too stupid to handle submissions properly this week, and probably be grumpier than usual because I’ll be on a diet of blended food.

      On the other hand, when I get back my mood should be well improved because I won’t be in pain all the time, so I might even be nicer!

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