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Mess



Estimated reading time — 4 minutes

I awoke with a start as I heard a loud bang out in the street. I HATED noise before 8:30 AM. I have OCD, so the tiniest things can set me off.

Annoyed, I pulled on my bathrobe and walked out the front door to see what the commotion was. I stopped to fix a flower that was drooping to the wrong side. Immediately, I was assaulted with the world’s imperfections. I gave a silent yell as I surveyed my block; it looked like a disaster zone. A house down the street was on fire, and people were running out of it, screaming. Overturned trash cans and makeshift sand bag barricades lined the sidewalk. I gave a small “humph” and turned on my heel back into my house, locking all 4 of the bolts on my way in. I checked to make sure all my windows were boarded properly; everything seemed ok.

I moved over to the living room, grabbing the orange juice container and pouring myself a glass before I sat down on the sofa. I flipped on the television, and the hum of the backup generator kicked up as power usage increased. For the 4th straight day, the state’s emergency broadcast system was airing. I sighed, and returned to the kitchen to make myself a piece of toast. I was tired of the broadcast. I was hoping they’d be back on schedule with the morning news soon.

“The governor has issued a state of emergency. This broadcast has been tailored to your area.” A short pause. “Residents of San Diego and Imperial Counties are urged to make their way to the Red Cross centers in San Diego and El Centro. If you are unable to leave your home, lock and barricade your doors and windows. Arm yourselves with any weapons you can. Firearms are most effective, especially when aimed at the head. Remember to stay hydrated if infected. The CDC has so far been unsuccessful at finding a cure, but it is noted that staying hydrated keeps the immune system functioning properly. If an infected has already passed and returned in your household, do not hesitate to euthanize them. We repeat, DO NOT HESITATE. Remember, the Red Cross has centers in San Diego and El Centro. The military has camps throughout the state. Please stay safe.”

I recognized those closing words, and switched off the TV to conserve power. Another loud bang could be heard outside. I jolted, alarmed at the noise. I swore under my breath, I straightened the sofa pillows as I stood up, making my way back to the front door. Another bang. Looking through the peep-hole, I saw a disgusting figure knocking its head into my front door. It was one of the zombies, with rotting gray skin and yellow eyes. There was a festering wound on its neck; its dirty, blood-stained clothing accentuated its repulsiveness. Horrified, I stepped back. I had only seen the zombies on the television, never in real life. I wasn’t sure what to do.

Suddenly, a gunshot roared across the street, ripping into the zombie’s skull. It fell immediately, its brain and blood all over my porch. I nearly fainted. So much mess. I heard a loud whoop, and then the rippling sound of a motorcycle engine. I realized that I wasn’t safe in my home anymore. But with OCD, I found safety in what was familiar. The crowded, dirty city was not familiar. I knew it was foolish, and later I regretted it, but I chose to stay home.

I could hear the zombies becoming restless outside later in the evening, wailing late into the night. A few times I heard screams as the living tried to escape. One sounded like Mrs. Avery from two houses down. Another like Mr. King from around the corner. I vowed to try to escape while I still could the next day. With the thudding of zombies against my door, I fell into a fitful sleep.

The next morning, after gathering everything that would fit in my car and my Smith & Wesson, I backed out of my driveway for the last time. The air conditioning in the car cycled in the putrid stench of decay and vomit. The smell was overwhelming. I glanced around, trying to see if there was anyone nearby. Only zombies. They rushed over to my car, banging their bloody fists against my beautiful Lexus. One smeared entrails all over the window. I gave a small yelp, and floored the gas pedal to get away.

Minutes later, I was driving down the freeway. Overturned cars littered the road, with a few struggling bodies trapped in the wreckage. I hoped that those struggling were the undead. I passed a hospital with a large, crude banner reading “No help here, Try Mercy,” written in black paint. I shuddered at the thought of hospital patients, trapped in their beds, as the undead came limping down the hallway. I was amazed that everything had gone to ruin so quickly. Pent up inside of my perfect house, I had no idea what the rest of humanity was facing out in the world.

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All of a sudden a zombie came trundling out in front of my car. Noticing it, I instinctually swerved to avoid it, which proved to be a mistake. I slammed into the center divide at about 65 miles per hour, flipping a few times before coming to a stop upside-down. My arm was twisted in a less than glorifying position, and I had multiple gashes and cuts from broken glass. Worst of all was the fact that I couldn’t move my legs. I didn’t know what was wrong. There was blood all over the place, gushing like a fountain. So much crimson, disgusting blood. I began to hyperventilate, and soon I was hysterical.

“Help!” I screamed. “Oh, God, someone help me! Please!”

Bad idea.

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The zombies, hearing my loud cries, began to migrate over to my car. Where I couldn’t move my legs. Where I was defensless.

I screamed more. I wildly attempted to get myself free, but I simply couldn’t. Eventually, as the first zombies began to reach in through the window, I accepted my fate.

Delirious with blood-loss, I found myself with a childish grin. I felt dizzy as I said my last words.

“Just don’t make a mess.”

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45 thoughts on “Mess”

  1. The ending sinched up the story nicely. Whenever I watch zombie movies, I briefly think about hoarders & people who can’t leave their houses.

    This creepypasta entertained me- the zombie apocalypse seen from the eyes of an OCD sufferer was original.

  2. When I read the “no help here. Try Mercy” spot I instantly thought of the No Mercy campaign from Left 4 Dead. Am I the only one who thought that?

    This was quite an interesting story, I really enjoyed it.

  3. Why do they run?

    Oh to have OCD in the zombie apocalypse. As if things weren’t bad enough. Interesting story,sad ending, 7/10.

  4. I FLIPPING LIVE IN CALIFORNIA EL CAJON WTF IM SCARED WHAT IF IT CHANGES TO UR LOCATION WTF WTF WTF!!!!!!!!!!!??????????

  5. Igivusalmonilla

    We all thought some weird things about this storyline. At least let Butthurt dwellers whisk you away to Candy Land.

  6. You guys are too hard on the author. When I broke my arm I was laughing at the awkward position it was in, because I felt no pain. Given the amount of blood loss the author described and the amount of injury the protagonist sustained would put someone into shock.

    About the apparent lack of originality present in the story: IT IS A ZOMBIE PASTA. The author probably wasn’t going for a unique storyline. The author most likely wanted to show a different kind of protagonist than the typical.

    The OCD of the protagonist is poorly represented, but only to those who have OCD themselves. All cases of OCD are different, in both severity and content. Anyone claiming this OCD the protagonist has is unrealistic is wrong. His OCD is just mild.

    Oh, and to the person who repeatedly keeps using the word “anyways” (you know who you are): that word doesn’t exist. “Anyway” is the proper word.

  7. plz becuse im writeing a story on a man called james and hes eating to much candy and turns into a candy monster and basiculy kills pepol lookin for candy

  8. Swirly Head Man

    I must say, I think you need to work on your characterisation. I didn’t feel in tune with the character at times like his first look at a zombie. I didn’t feel frightened or tense until you stated he was in horror. Besides when you state clearly how he feels, my mind makes him just move around casually, seeing a zombie casually, oh wait, he’s scared, now suddenly he’s scared. It all comes down to a lack of description. Your scenes seem forced and when the first zombie is shot, it just seems to happen. That’s the case with the story overall. It just happens, there’s no flow.

  9. Elizabeth-No-Name

    I like that the person has OCD and that it makes them feel more comfortable in a huge mess of a world.

  10. Awkward Thursdays

    Because every time I break my arm, I totally think “My arm was twisted in a less than glorifying position.” Some lines like this really throw off the story and make it less interesting or believable. I think I would have liked it without the cliches of yellow eyes, grey skin, and crimson blood (I don’t know how many times I’ve heard this) and the sarcastic ending; then again, this might be what you were going for It wasn’t really apparent… If this is a parody, make it obvious. If not, then use less cliches. It was decent, just not great in my opinion.

  11. It was okay. The ending was fine. Not great, but fine.

    I don’t really believe that the protagonist could just survive in his house if the zombies are smart enough to know he’s inside and bang on his door. It’s also a little weird that he’s the only survivor around besides that one guy with a gun, when everyone else is infected. Especially since he’s going outside.

  12. Megan Kate Gemma

    Just another zombie pasta I suppose. The OCD part was badly written- I myself have OCD and this was not realistic at all. Bad pasta. Bad rating from me.

    1. I agree. I too have OCD, and frankly this bothered me. It was unrealistic, the writer believes the stereotypical person who suffers from OCD. Overall, it was quite bad.

  13. It wasn’t great, but not bad either. I mean it’s a creepy pasta, you can’t expect a touching story of a man’s struggle with OCD or the perfection you might find somewhere else. So I feel like everyone else is being a bit harsh. It was short, but to the point, which I liked. It didn’t drag on. And I don’t see how some of you guys think this could be a parody…?

    Anyway, 7/10

  14. I don’t really find anything creepy about this so I hope you were trying to write a parodypasta about zombie apocalypse cliches, which I still found to be quite boring.

  15. I liked this 8/10
    it reminded me a little of the begginning of ‘Dawn of the Dead’ (Remake), with the driving and such.

    It was a good, short story, as any good pasta should be.

    The only problem I did find was the overuse of capitals. I personally don’t think putting something in capitals, (minus signs, sub-headings etc), really makes any difference to the reading experience.

    Also the comic last line was out if place, like the character is breaking the fourth wall. Not sure that works great.

  16. This man has clearly watched to much Walking Dead folks. It almost reminds me of a web-e-sode of another person’s perspective, other than Rick and the groups.

  17. This was alright. Unlike other zombie stories where the protagonist was some bad ass or scientist, this was just a story of an ordinary victim. 7/10

  18. Couldn’t get into it. And this is in the middle of history class at school. Might need to work on the actual scare, eerie factors in the story.

    Good enough either way I guess.

  19. I feel that the story would have been better if the character hadn’t crashed. The ending was way too abrupt for me and I wasn’t satisfied with how anti-climactic it was.

    It also said that the character regretted staying home.. Why? There would still be zombies on the freeway if the character had left immediately, although there might have been less Infected the day before…

    6/10

  20. Interesting idea.. sorta…

    Why do I get the feeling this was partially inspired by Zombie Land?

    Could maybe make an interesting story if it was longer, if there was enough info to either make you love, hate, or pity the protagonist, as a short story, the way it is now is, (while not a fail,) it doesn’t really succeed. Not creepy and with that last line I’m getting the impression you were trying to go for a laugh. Maybe not an amused laugh parse, so much as that slightly unconfortable “you poor doomed bastard, never stood a chance” kind of laugh.

    I don’t know. Maybe I am way off.

    1. i agree, a decent zmobie story is hard to come by so i think this was a 7/10 for providing short entertainment although it lacked originality

  21. Hey!

    I’m not really sure what this was supposed to be. A parody? A serious attempt to tackle the minutiae of a zombie apocalypse? A look into OCD? Maybe it tries to be all. For the purposes of this review, I’ll call it an indecisive parody.

    I thought the characterization was a bit halfhearted. I found myself awkwardly alternating between grinning and furrowing brows because the protagonist seemed to be somewhere between a strawman for sufferers of OCD and a parody-filtered version of the characters from a few zombie movies.

    The OCD part didn’t go over so well, IMO. There’s no attention to the quiet anxiety or the apprehension that comes from realizing your urges are irrational, so it comes off as a bad parody. This is made rather worse by the suicidal things he seems to do and the lack of empathy that he shows. Somehow, he manages to change tack (suddenly packs car and goes) in the middle of the narrative, making him somewhat inconsistent IMO. I couldn’t laugh, but neither could I take the character seriously.

    If this was meant to be parody, then I thought it sort-of succeeded in pointing out the more absurd cliches of zombie films, like the overly cool (and well groomed) characters, the cozy setting despite the world falling around them and the widely alternating moods – switching between coolness and brief emotional epiphanies despite the world falling apart. Maybe the author postulated that the only way these cliches could happen is when the protagonist is suffering from some kind of mental disorder?

    I call this a weak parody because the author didn’t really seem to emphasize the things meant to be parodied, except perhaps the OCD. The story seems to be content to only point them out. The setting is rather typical, and the plot is a fairly accurate pastiche of the standard zombie fare. Needless to say, I didn’t think it was creepy.

    I thought the narrative didn’t flow well, either. The news broadcast is a rather thinly disguised exposition that takes up a bit too much of the story, and the descriptions feel rather typical. There’s a bit of a mood whiplash towards the end, but perhaps this was intentional?

    All in all, I thought this was a bit of a weak satirical take on the zombie survival creepy (if it was a parody at all). Minor bonus points for the Madison Avery and Stephen King cameos, but otherwise could use a spot of rewrite. 6/10

    1. Man, i see you everywhere. hahahas. You’ve really got a load of free time don’tcha. Well I guess i do too, otherwise i wouldn’t be here. Good feed back, keep up the great work.

      Anyways, I do believe the author was trying to create a lighthearted insight onto what it would be like to have OCD (not that seriously mind you, otherwise the character would have stayed in his home till death as we’ve seen with other characters in movies and games. Quote the guy from L4D2 who we have to get coke for). The author was probably trying to explore into different characters that live in the world especially when put into a different scenario other than our day to day comings and goings, such as say.. a zombie apocalypse? hahas! anyways this is my own insight. hope it helps clears your confusion. tata.

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