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Knocking



Estimated reading time — 6 minutes

Bella awoke from a horrible dream. Or at least she thought she did. Somehow she knew she was still dreaming, but she now looked down upon herself, as if watching a movie. Something like someone having had recorded her, and playing it back for her. But the edges around the “picture” looked hazy…there was a certain numbness that just told her she was still dreaming. Dreaming but unable to actually interact and intervene.

She watched herself rise, rubbing sleep from her eyes. She was in a cozy little bedroom. One that seemed so very familiar, she was sure she’d seen it, even having been inside it before. Yet it still felt wrong. A small, clean single bed sat in the corner, the one she’d risen from. The air was bathed in artificial heat. It felt refreshing. The lighting was dim and flickering slightly, as if ablaze by candle. But nothing visible seemed to be producing it, and there wasn’t a single window to allow natural light inside.

A sharp rapping of wood startled her, and broke the trance. The dream version of Bella stood still for a second, seemingly frozen in time. She watched intently, as if looking in through a haze filled pane of glass at herself. The rapping continued, someone was knocking on a wooden door somewhere. And they continued to do so until she finally decided to move from the cozy bedroom. The hallway outside the room was long, extremely dark and cold, bone chillingly cold compared to the comforting warmth of that bedroom.

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The knocking got louder and sharper, and a chill ran up Bella’s spine as she stepped out into the hallway. The air out here spreading goosebumps over her body. She could feel the chill inside and outside of the dream, it seemed. A faint light crept out from the darkness down the long, unrealistically long hallway. Each step she took thundered around her in a deafening echo. The atmosphere thick and intensely quiet, all except for the constant pounding of the door somewhere down the hall every few seconds.

After what seemed like an eternity she emerged from the hall into the light. The place seemed like some sort of extremely rustic foyer. A heavy oak looking door without a single pane of glass stood before her, seemingly the door that was being knocked on. Bella slowly reached for the heavy looking iron handle bar. Hand clasped around the ice cold metal, but hesitant to pull it open. Everything told her not to open this door. To just ignore the constant knocking and walk back down that strangely long hallway and lock herself away in that cozy little warm bedroom. Whatever was knocking obviously hadn’t tried to open the door itself yet. She was doubtful that it would. She felt this as certainty. It’d been knocking now for at least ten minutes. The trek down the hall had to have taken nearly eight alone, at least it had seemed so.

“Just turn around, block out the knocking, go back into the cozy little candlelit bedroom, lock the door and curl up on the bed therein. That simple, just drift off to sleep and forget about this.” The real Bella intervened here, somehow. “Just fall asleep and wake back up, but for real this time. Put this behind you.”

But the knocking continued to grow louder and more frequent. It seemed insanely loud now. Each knock in quick succession echoing like a thunder blast of an intense storm. Bella’s grip tightened on the door handle, and slowly began to pull. A creak was heard as a small gust of wintry wind swept inside. The knocking ceased, and for a moment she stood frozen. Again she rolled that thought of just turning away through her mind. Just shut the door again and turn around. Instead she quickly, as quickly as she could anyway – as the heavy oaken door weighed even more than it looked, flung the thing ajar. The first thing her eyes focused on was the whiteness of the large yard beyond the threshold . Then her eyes focused.

Before her stood the near skeletal face of a woman. It’s fleshless face seemed to form a permanent grin, ice hanging from it, and from it’s straggly gray hair. There were no eyes in it’s hollowed out sockets, and no sign of anything seeing from them. None the less it stared intently for a few seconds, Bella could feel it’s gaze, feel it in her bones, looking through her. Ragged, white flesh hung loosely from the knuckles of its right hand, still raised as it had been knocking.

Bella was frozen, unable to move, unable to breathe even. Finally the thing, the corpse’s jaw seemed to unhinge, lowering as a shrill, bone chilling wail escaped from within its frozen, decaying body. A thin yellow mist poured from the mouth, and finally Bella found her breath as a thin yelp escaped from her own throat and her feet finally seemed free to move.

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And move she did. Running, no, sprinting back down that too long hallway. The banshee like scream continued behind her as she heard the all too quick clattering footsteps chasing behind. Forcing herself not to look back she just continued to run as fast as her short legs could carry her. The wailing and the footfalls seemed to be catching up to her. Bella’s lungs were burning, her energy quickly draining. She chanced a look back over the shoulder and caught sight of the thing again. It ran like an Olympian, the trail of yellowed gas having filled the hallway behind them, and streaming from the gaping jaws of the corpse.

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The bedroom was getting closer, Bella could see the light under the crack of the door, even feel the change in temperature slightly. She knew somehow that if she could get back in there she could shut the thing out and everything would just somehow be fine. But her legs were faltering, her lungs burning as if doused in napalm, she felt nauseated. Sweating and gasping desperately for precious oxygen. But it wasn’t just the sheer exertion of the near ten minute long sprint down this freakishly long hall, the air was steadily growing more and more sour and acidic. It stung her eyes now, and burned in her nostrils and in the back of her throat. The hall was filling with the yellow gas that seemed to just gush fourth from the thing behind her with each bloodcurdling scream it unleashed.

The door to the bedroom was now in sight, she could feel it’s radiating warmth, feel the anxiousness in her every pore to dash inside and slam the door shut behind her. But her vision was growing fishy, she felt a warm liquid run down her nose, trailing to her chin, knowing without looking it was blood. Her throat felt ragged, raw and mangled with each wheezing breath that tried to escape. She could not only feel but even slightly taste the rustiness of blood running down into her esophagus.

Her legs felt like jello, her feet numb. Eyelids seeming to swell, she stumbled, catching herself, her hand pressed against the warm door of the bedroom to prop herself up. within arms reach was freedom, narrowed down for the taking. Only wood and a lock to put this horrible nightmare behind her. Bella choked on blood, coughing, her eyes blinded now, she slumped forward against the door, head pressed against it. So close…so very close. She felt the thin, skeletal grip grasp her neck, fingers so cold they burned, literally. Instinctively, Bella jerked back, freeing herself from the searing grasp. A new smell mixing into the noxious, burning chemical odor wafting to her nose for a moment, seared flesh. As she’d jerked back the door swung open, spilling it’s oh so cozy candle like light into the dark, gas filled hallway. The warmth splashing out like a tidal wave.

Bella hit the floor gasping for breath, eyes, nose, ears and mouth oozing darkened blood now. Her swelled, watery eyes glimpsing freedom, it mocked her, laughing at her pitiful attempt to find sanctuary. No, not it, the thing, the skeletal thing was laughing as that searingly cold clutching grip again latched around her neck.

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With a start Bella awoke from a terrible dream, it had seemed so realistic. She sat on the edge of her bed trying to sort out the details and feeling a tinge of deja vu. Probably a sick fever dream as she felt like she was coming down with somehing. Her throat and sinuses felt kind of ragged and sore, her eyes burned. The hint of an unpleasant acrid aftertaste lingered at the back of her tongue. She shivered, wrapping a blanket over her shoulders.

Something felt off. This was the bedroom she’d spent a majority of her childhood in, the bedroom in her parent’s house. Not the bedroom of the uptairs apartment she rented now as a working college student. She shook her head, her mind felt hazy and it made her a bit dizzy. She just needed rest.

She decided it’d be better if she just went back to sleep, rest being the best medicine. A sharp knocking came from somewhere seemingly far away. It was persistent. Exhaustion tugged at Bella’s mind as she rose, letting the warmth and comfort of the blanket slide to the floorboards. She trembled as she slowly opened the door, not really understanding why. The hallway beyond was frigidly cold and dark, so very dark. The knocking continued, louder each time, determined to be responded to.

Credit: Xeo

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24 thoughts on “Knocking”

  1. Smelly Johnson

    Lesson of the Day: Don’t open the door for gaunt, eyeless women with a bad case of gas.

    I like it. We’ll call it 8/10. Cheers!

  2. Yeah, it was written in about 15 minutes at like 3am. I agree a lot could have been better. I’m my own editor though, and a poor one at that. Thanks for reading!

    I’m actually glad you perceived the threat as a monster though. It’s an interesting interpretation of what I actually have happening.

  3. Why thank you. This was pretty short and not honestly up to the standard I usually imply, I’m glad to enjoyed it.

  4. This started off badly but became better near the end. At first there I was very confused as to which Bella you were referring to each time: the one that was looking at the dream or the one that was in the dream? As the story started to progress and only the Bella in the dream started to be mentioned I started to understand it and like it more. The creature was very creepy. It really reminded me of the banshee with the wailing. However, you gave a really wonderful twist to it with the acidic mist coming from its mouth and you really described her appearance so well. I really liked the ending. It is really horrible to be stuck in a loop you can’t get out of. However, I would just love it more if I knew the reason why she had that dream and why is she stuck in a loop. There were some things in the story that are so minor but make the story less realistic. For example, if you walk a corridor in 10 minutes, you don’t sprint that corridor in 10 minutes. These simple yet annoying things could have been simply eliminated by proofreading. The writing style was very good. You describe everything till the last small detail and the scenes were described so vividely that they were implanted in my head. The build up of the story was also very good. It instills so much curiosity as to who is knocking. There is also a lot of tension in the chasing scene. It keeps the reader on edge to find how it will all end. Good job! I give this a 7/10. Keep up the great work and hope to read more of your stories in the future!

    1. I’m glad you enjoyed the piece! Yeah, there actually IS a lot more to this than just this little slice, to be honest. This is from a MUCH larger story, an excerpt if you will.

      While I certainly did make my share of mistakes, the thing you mention about the running length of the hallway was actually done intentionally. Remember, while it was confusing (this was actually also intentional) in the beginning, it tells of how this is a dream like haze, or at least has one coated over it. That carries through into the hallway as well. The rules of normality and physics aren’t really at play in this scene. You find a hallway that seems to expand and lengthen, not unlike a nightmare.

      You’ll read more from me in the future, and something most likely with more length and substance than this, which admittedly is sort of a fluff piece. I honestly wasn’t sure if my lousy grammar would get me accepted, and even then how people would take to it and the length of this piece. It’s shown me however than people are willing to sit down and read something I write, and I promise you I can and HAVE written better than this piece.

  5. Overall, okay plot. I can’t help but feel that the monster was extremely cliche. The whole ‘in a loop’ idea was great though. However there were some repetitive grammar mistakes which ticked me off. I think a previous comment already pointed out most of them but I saw a common mistake. You used it’s instead of its, e.g. “It’s fleshless face”, if you used it’s then it would basically be “It is fleshless face” because it’s is a contraction. The correct version would be its because that’s the possessive term.

    Good pasta but wouldnt eat again. 6/10.

    1. Haha, yeah. I know better than that too. But what can I say? I’m a piss poor editor. As lousy as it sounds, I try to convey the story before the grammar. Sure, I will attempt to edit it up to snuff after I’m finished, but not only do I make mistakes within the body, but then again when patching it up.

  6. Well, that sucks for her. That truly would be a terrible reality.

    Although, if all she has to do is ignore the door to keep the evil out, it really takes away the scariness for me. Just don’t open the door; it doesn’t matter how loud the knocks get! Heck, I’ve ignored MY door for no other reason than I just didn’t want to answer it. If I knew an evil entity would chase me if I opened up, they could knock until their gross flesh fell off their hand completely and I would be chilling in my cozy room happy that Mrs. Evil breath didn’t know how to turn a door knob.

    Really though, good job; it was entertaining and I loved the part where she turns and sees the monster chasing her through the hall. 7/10

    1. So glad you enjoyed it! There’s a bit more to this than simply answering the door, I left some of it open to the imagination, but there was certainly intended to be more between the lines there.

  7. This started off well and ended with a cliche. A few errors I spotted: if Bella jerked back when the skeletal creature grabbed her, she’d be jerking straight into it. You should have had her jerk away. And its is the possessive form; it’s means it is or it has or it was. Also, if it took her almost ten minutes to walk to the door, it wouldn’t have taken her that long to run back to the room. If you’re implying the hallway grew during her run back to the warm room, you need to actually mention that fact.

    The descriptions were good, if a bit tired. 6/10

    1. Thank you for the feedback! I purposefully left that bit about the length of the hallway there, mostly in part to further emphasize the dream like quality of the situation. I’m guilty though of the rest. What can I say? I’m my own editor, and a poor one.

      I wanted a loose, hazy dream-like quality to the entire thing though, so yeah, I chose not to mention your latter point there, as well as a few other things.

  8. I was pretty sure halfway through this dish that while sleeping & dreaming, the narrators house had caught fire and her subconscious was desperately trying to wake her up, chasing her and wailing away. The knocking I thought was perhaps something from the “real” world. A panicking neighbor trying to rouse her, while waiting for the fire trucks wailing in the distance but getting louder, closer, carrying firefighters to break down the door. I tied her physical suffering in the dream,that got progressively worse, to her lengthening smoke inhalation again in the “real” world. By the end though, I wasn’t so sure. I am curious about my fellow diners takes on the flavor of this dish!

    1. That’s a very interesting theory! I would almost prefer that the reader puts the pieces together themselves (much as you’ve done here already) rather than me just flat out telling you what I had in mind while writing it.

      I’ll hint though, simply because I can’t help myself, you’re close.

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