Have you ever wondered, “what would it be like to be dead?” I’ll tell you. It’s not fun. My name is Seraphina Kightin, and this is the story of my death. Two years ago, I was murdered on November 21, 2015.
To me it felt like the best day of my life, but I didn’t know it would lead to my last breath. As it all began two months before, when I just began to start school. Like any other story you probably have read or knew, I was the new kid.
Which meant that I had new neighbors and friends. I made friends fairly quickly, but I still don’t remember why. I was a bitch. I had to admit. So it still haunts me that people liked me. It was surprising. But again, not everyone liked me.
I am the type of person that will be loved on one side, but completely rejected on another. And there was one person who… Well… Seemed a bit off. You can even ask my living friends. The thing about this girl is that, she was completely along. Literally. No one talked to her so she talked to no one. Which, sort of confused me, because you have to talk to someone at some point. Seriously!? What about group projects!? But no, once again, loner. Now, how I died. Was karma.
I shouldn’t have gone in her house and- wait, that’s right. You don’t know yet… Remember, what I said about her being a loner? Well it turns out, she was! I mean seriously! Her house was completely EMPTY! Like, what kind of person would even WANT to be this alone?! Well, except for one room. I presume it was her room. But something seemed off about it to me. And myself being a dumb, curious 14 year old I was, wandered in. And what I saw…. Was horrific. It still scars me to this day. Even when I’m in fucking heaven!
It was so bad, that she had to KILL ME because I saw this… this.. slaughterhouse! I had so many emotions about that, it was like I just….. paused. Paused in life because of the things I saw there. The bodies that were piled upon bodies upon bodies.
It was like a sanctuary for dead people. A holding house for the deceased. And too many things to point out how they died.
Ok, question for you, “Imagine that you are walking home from school, don’t want to do your homework because you’re a lazy fat ass, and you come across a creepy house that you think belongs to the loner at school.
Would you, a) Go explore the house and most likely be faced with the burden of death or b) Run the fuck away from that place before you fucking shit your pants?” I for one, thought option a) was better. The last thing I think I should point out to you, is how I died, AND the way they did. After I went in the room, to be an idiot and see what they look like, I SAW how she killed people.
It was not pretty. She basically smashes your head with a baseball bat, and while you’re still unconscious, she ties you to a table with old weary stains from blood on it, gets out all of her murder-machine tools for her to slice-o and dice-o you open, and then, she does it so slowly to make you suffer. And once you’re long gone, she removes all the bones in your body and weaves them together to make a quilt.
A. QUILT. But what I thought was most interesting, is that, she didn’t do any of that….. More like, she was the victim. And the real murderer… Was me…. Well, I guess that’s karma….
Credit: Mirai Nikki, Cupcakes (MLP Creepypasta)
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32 thoughts on “Karma”
This was pretty bad….not sure how these stories end up getting accepted.
Some people will say this like haunts them but I like things that are creepy AF so I LOVE THIS!
In the spirit of constructive criticism, I would suggest that you learn to develop your plot, building it into a crescendo – then wham! Writer has the potential – just too young. But it will happen. Good luck!
shit, stories are escaping crappypasta!
I’m so very confused. Is she dead? Is she the murderer? I have read the comments, and I won’t bash writing, because I see the seed of the story and believe it could be very good, if it were nurtured enough to grow into a tree, but the way this is written it’s sadly smothered by weeds. I love the idea of the twist at the end, but I need a clear path to get there.
Ow!? My poor, crispy brain? SO looking forward to digging in to multiple pasta dishes after two 13 hour days at work! I just HAD, to pick this erm “dish” ? off the menu as my starter?
ITS THE “BEST” PASTA EVER!!!!
ITS SO CREEPY I CANT EVEN RATE IT
This was a difficult read. I read it again to make sure I didn’t miss something important. There are many problems with grammar, spelling, punctuation. Not wanting to be completely negative, I believe this could be worked into a decent story starting with plot development. I hope you take the constructive criticism and continue writing.
My interpretation: She starts off by saying she is someone named Seraphina, the new girl who makes friends, and talks about how she is dead and it happened at the loner girl’s house where she had killed lots of others.
The speaker is actually the loner girl. I suspect she lured Seraphina in because she was jealous of her and wanted to be her. Remember Seraphina said “I’m a b—“? That was the speaker’s assessment. Seraphina probably didn’t want to be friends wit the speaker (understandably given the way it ends) so the speaker labeled her as such and decided to get her revenge (ie, the karma) by luring her to the speaker’s house. So she killed her and took on her persona until, working through the events, she realized she was the killer.
And did the author bite their name from a manga?
How do you weave bones to a quilt? That part amazes me the most I think.
I wondered about that, too.
Come on guys, give the author a break. They were obviously high as fuck ?
Happy 4/20 Everyone!
-no but seriously this is awful :/
Or derpbutt was high when he approved this one.
What is this supposed to be? A parody pasta, a crappy pasta somehow escaped the proper website?
This shouldn’t have even made crappypasta.
It’s weird that when I read this the only thing I could think of was that karma is my nickname
A quilt, from bones? The real murderer was the narrator, who said she is in heaven? Huh?
I liked the attempt at conveying a young person’s voice, but the elements of the story don’t make any sense.
My advice? Rig your keyboard so that every time you touch the comma key you get a little shock. After a while you’ll stop using so damn many of them. There are far too many stopping/pausing points in this story, whether they’re a result of the aforementioned commas, ellipses, or something else. I think you were going for a stream-of-conscious meets conversational-style story telling, but it just doesn’t work. That’s really just the tip of the iceberg as far as the problems with this story are concerned. As others have said, it really doesn’t make much sense, and I’m not sure why anything in this story happened. And I must ask, how does one make a quilt out of bones?
Keep trying. I think I know what you were trying to pull off, and I can see a kernel of creativeness buried in there somewhere. Next one will be a winner.
I agree with everything you said (although I won’t judge the comma abuse, it’s something I struggle with myself. I recommend giving browser tools like grammarly a chance, they’re free and good for catching common mistakes and misplaced commas).
It’s a weird story because it’s not good but there’s something in there.
I do like the narrative voice, for example. It’s a real character, convincing as a 14 years old, slightly bratty girl. If we accept the narrator is talking from the realm of the dead for now, I also like the thought of a spirit that still has the attitude of a teenager died in this age instead of magically being transformed to a wise, solemn being.
The words used aren’t bad either, I didn’t come across anything that sounds cringy.
What broke the story were neither the character nor the writing style but the plot. The tools for writing a story are there, think of a well-equipped carpenter store and having moderate skills in building furniture but then you decide to use all this to build a three-legged table with a big hole in the middle.
Coming up with a good twist is tricky and delivering it well is another challenge. Here, both failed, the twist nonsensical and the delivery is poor in addition. Telling about Christmas and omg, Santa is in fact dad, that’s a twist. Telling about Christmas and omg, lol, all wrong, it’s Easter! That’s nonsense.
I get that the narrator is supposed to be unreliable, which is a good thing, unreliable narrators are awesome, but it just doesn’t work if 99,9% of the events are a lie and the only truth about it is relieved in one sentence.
I have the feeling the author has some writing skills and is on to something but bit off more than they could chew with their idea for this. I hope they keep writing despite the not all too positive feedback. Well-balanced story telling needs practice and as far as I can judge from this piece, the author isn’t a lost cause, they just need more practice and experience with creating plots and executing them. And as anybody who writes knows, failure is part of the drill. Chin up, keep going.
Yeah, I really hope the author doesn’t get discouraged from all this negative feedback. I truly believe they have the ability to produce something much better.
I just don’t get it.
I can’t get it!
it’s like my mind is a rectangle and this is a square that’s trying to fit in my mind but… it just can’t!
Oh dear … I don’t like to be too negative towards any writer’s earnest effort so I’m going to say, in the spirit of constructive criticism, that this writer shold spend a bit more time on plot development next time.
This hurt to read.
Couldn’t have said it better.
What happened to these going on crappypasta first?