I froze; my feet became glued to the frost covered ground. My chest tightened in fear and anxiety. I could hear my heartbeat in my ears; my pulse could be felt in my fingertips. The sound of my blood rushing in my ears drowned out every other sound. It was so loud I could hear nothing else.
I willed myself to calm. With great effort, began to slow my breathing, in through the nose, out through the mouth. While it still came in shallow bursts but it was easier now, and my burning lungs began to no longer reject the cool autumn air.
The crack of a stick broke me out of my attempt of calm. My pulse began to race again as the fear and adrenaline began to spike. I pushed my stiff legs back into movement.
“Don’t stop!” I screamed internally. If I stopped, I would be done, I would die. I ran deeper into the forest, surrounding myself with the burning reds and oranges. The trees appeared to be on fire in the pre-sunset light.
I could hear his footsteps begin to pick up speed. Mine began to slow in response. No, this could not be happening, not when I was so close to escaping fate. If I don’t keep going nothing would save me.
“Push.” I screamed at myself. As his footsteps become louder, I pick up speed in response. I hear him even more clearly, he must be close.
I stop and hide behind a large gnarled oak tree, my back pressed into the gritty bark. I tried to cover myself behind the changing leaves of a partially broken branch.
I hear him come to a stop and I stifle the sound of my breathing. He is so close, then I see him come around the side of the tree walking to the clearing, his face was flushed and primal and his breath was as heavy as mine.. How did such a portly man give such a chase in this molted terrain?
He was so close to my hiding spot I can feel his rancid breath. I pounced on him, grabbing him; finally I slit his throat and removed his tracking device. Then I smiled, I was safe, no one would know about me. I began to hum as I headed home to my cottage in the woods.
I love the thrill of the hunt.
Credit To – Ahriannah
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This pasta tasted like pizza *noms a slice of pizza* oh wait…
ii am so confused…what just happened…? why did he have a tracking device…? will someone explain this please…?
Whoa, this was actually really good! I love those pastas that kind of set the reader up in one particular ‘path of thought’ and then subvert it – but then, in closer examination, there had been half-truths and vagueness hinting at it in advance! (Then again, that’s because murder mysteries are my favourite genre, and they use that strategy often.) I’m giving this an 8/10!
Thanks TO. :-)
This could have been interesting with less detail,especially the ones that directly conflict with the “twist” ending. Had it been more vague it would’ve been much more satisfying. Seems like a poorly written version of the ‘Retaliation’ (Think thats the title) pasta
Eh. It’s really over-written and the ending doesn’t gel: it’s too abrupt and I find the “twist” unsatisfying. (Plus, it wasn’t creepy at all. Not even a little.)
Very nice piece. The deception worked really well, and it ended up setting up a good scene that kept me interested. Loved the frantic tone of it, couple with the intentional half-truths that made the ending all the more rewarding and surprising. The tense changes were a bit confusing, and were jarring from time to time. Some sentences have two tenses within them, which just reads really awkwardly. But, beyond that, it was a piece that managed to pack a whole lot of emotion and information into a very short span. You also left me wanting more, not because you neglected anything, but because the setting and character were so interesting. Thanks for a surprising read! Happy writing!
I do always love your feedback. Thanks!
I didn’t like that you kept going from writing in past tense to writing in present tense. It was confusing.
Thank you for pointing that out. I will be conscious of it in the future.
Nice this person gave me advice on how to become a beta reader. Like the pasta too.
I read it, i see it wi-
No! Just no!!
Seriously, i read this and thought: This is pretty good
And then i see who wrote it and my brain exclaims: TEN OUT OF TEN!!!
Lol. Thanks zurg