I know he knows I am watching him.
I can see Daffid look over his shoulder as he sits on his sofa. He is scanning the dark hallway behind him. He gets up and walks to his bedroom door, turns on the light and enters. He turns off the light and leaves a moment later. I imagine he has looked in the closet and under the bed. He walks down the hall to the bathroom, flicks on the light and enters. I can just see him standing at the sink and then he moves where I can’t see him. He takes a minute in there and comes back out. I can see him look all around his living room and kitchen area. He shrugs and sits back down to watch some 3:00 am infomercial. I record all of this in my notebook.
I have loved, Daffid Swythyn-Jones from the first moment I saw him through my binoculars. He is perfect. I know he loves me too. One day I will be Nechol Swythyn-Jones. We were made for each other. That is how he knows I am out here, waiting for him.
I know everything about Daffid from his favorite food- Hawaiian pizza to his work schedule, his sleep schedule, how often he showers, what he throws out as junk mail, how cute he looks sleeping in front of the TV and, where he likes to shop. I even know when his best friend’s birthday is. I mean was. Daffid was understandably sad when Kevin died in that horrible hit and run. I wanted to take him in my arms and never let him go. But the time wasn’t right for us to meet as Daffid still needed to break up with his bitch girlfriend Ginnifer- stupid name! Some Good Samaritan sent him some compromising photos of her and some other guy. I watched the fight from my high-rise across the street. She looked like she was denying everything, crying and pleading. She even got down on her knees and begged! Dumb, cheating cow. My Daffid knew what’s what and threw her out. She is lucky nothing worse happened to her.
Daffid is falling asleep. I smile and whisper, “I love you. I will see you tomorrow, my Darling. It will be a special day for us.”
I get up at 9:00am. I watch Daffid’s phone glow and he reaches out to grab it. He gets up, stretches and heads to the washroom. 9:18 he leaves wearing just a towel. He looks a little thin! He goes to his room. I imagine him getting dressed. He checks himself in the mirror next to the front door right before he leaves at 9:27. A little behind schedule today, Daffid hasn’t been sleeping very well lately.Today is magical. I am visiting our apartment today. Daffid dropped his key for me while I followed him to work yesterday and I made my copy. I knew he loved me! I left his keys with the concierge for him to pick up when he got home yesterday. I kept my copy on a chain close to my heart.
I walk over to my boyfriend’s place and enter for the first time.
I see myself in the mirror right beside the door. I look like I belong here!
I look out the window at my window across the road. I wave and smile.
I photograph everything.
I start in his bedroom. It is exactly what I expected. He has a queen sized bed, comforter tossed to the floor, sheets askew. There are lots of mirrors on the closet door, hanging on the wall and a tilting stand-up one. A few clothes are scattered about but otherwise it’s tidy like the rest of his…I mean, our place. I go through all his cupboards, shelves and movie collection. I go into his bathroom. I watch my hand reach out to the mirror and pull open up the medicine cabinet. Daffid has the usual things in there; shaving gel, razor and, cotton swabs. I look in the cupboard below and there is toilet paper, extra shampoo and a hand mirror. But the bottle of sleeping pills bothers me. Once I am here permanently, I will rub his shoulders and he will sleep like the dead. He needs a woman’s touch. Someone to cook and clean for him. Someone to take care of him, get him to work on time and schedule his day and make him her priority. Ginnifer couldn’t but I know I can! I write everything down in my notebook. When Daffid and I are together everything will be perfect!
I put on his dress shirt and lay down on his bed. I imagine how wonderful it would be if I could see out of every mirror in his apartment. He would never be lonely again because I would be with him all the time and he would always feel my love. I know he can feel it now but it would be more intense, like I was inside him. I wish he could see himself the way I see him. I daydream about how wonderful our lives will be. I must have fallen asleep because I woke up with a terrible fright. The only thing I can remember of the nightmare were palest blue, ice colored eyes burning through me with cold fire, a long black, cruelly sharpened nail piercing my throat and a desperate sense of agreement.
I look at the time 6:42! Daffid will be home within ten minutes! I grab my shirt and run out the door.
I enter my apartment, hugging Daffid’s shirt around me, I head straight for the binoculars. My Love pauses at the door to his apartment, keys in hand. I forgot to lock the door! He looks confused and then somewhat frightened. I see his mouth open and he is yelling something. He waits a moment and then enters. He jumps a bit at the mirror and stares intently at his reflection in for a full minute before breaking his gaze. He slowly moves around his place looking at everything. He spends a long time in the bedroom and I become concerned that he has missed the shirt but, he comes out in his shorts and heads to the bathroom. He stays at the sink for a long time.
When he returns to the living room he walks directly to his mirror and stands there motionless.
After an eternity he walks back to his bedroom. He is in there so long I thought that he must be sleeping but he walks to the bathroom and turns on the light looking in the mirror. Eventually he walks out, turns on his kitchen light and stands before his mirror by the door. Standing and staring. Eventually he walks back to his bedroom and turns on the light. He does not come out for long time. But I am waiting and watching. He walks into the bathroom.
I feel so worried for him. This is not his normal behavior. He has been home for over four hours and has not eaten or turned on the TV. Something awful must have happened at his office today. I wonder if I should visit there and find the person who disturbed him this much.
I time and note Daffid’s movements. He spends 30 minutes in the doorway, an hour and a half in the bedroom and an hour in the bathroom. He has been moving all night. I am getting very tired but I am so worried about my boyfriend. I continue to watch him and his relentless circuit. He continues throughout the day not eating, sleeping or drinking. I cannot do the same; I eat, drink and sleep. When I get up at one he is in the bathroom. I can see his back. After a couple of minutes he walks to the door and stops. I focus on the reflection of his face in the mirror. I can’t see it very well but I am sure there are serious shadows under his eyes. My Daffid looks so tired!
All through the day and night he continues his pacing. He begins to stagger as he walks through his apartment. I can see a distinct sway when he is standing at the mirrors. I must have fallen asleep because the sound of my binoculars falling wakes me up. I quickly grab them up and look for my Love but they won’t focus, they’re broken!
All of Daffid’s lights are still on. I can’t see him. He must be in the bedroom. I stare as hard as I can at the doorway. I think I see a dark shape crawling from the bedroom heading for the bathroom. I can see the shape try and drag itself up against the whiteness of the sink.
I have to help! I have my key, I could go over there but I can sense the timing still isn’t right for Daffid and me to meet. He might be overwhelmed by the intensity of his love for me and he is already so unwell. I will call 911!
I grab my phone but my throat tightens in fear, they might not understand the depths of my feelings. I can’t call. I look out the window and see a street cleaner. I run out of my building as fast as I can and flag down the driver.
He looks over at me running and asks, “Are you okay, Miss?”
Out of breath, I nod my head up and down.
“Is someone hurt?”
“Someone hurt…” I say.
The driver asks, “Do you need an ambulance?”
“Need an ambulance!”
I gesture at Daffid’s building and I point upwards. Daffid’s window was the only one lit up. I can see the driver understands which room. I feel so much better when I hear him call 911 and that there is an ambulance on the way. The operator asks him to go into the building and let her know what is happening. The concierge lets the driver in and escorts him to the elevator. I can see him on the phone talking while they step in. I head back to my apartment.
Back at my window I see the concierge and driver enter Daffid’s apartment where they find my darling lying on the bathroom floor. I can see some movement- it looks like they are doing CPR. The ambulance arrives within a few minutes and I can see the EMTs take over in the bathroom, they don’t continue for long. I see them lift Daffid’s limp body onto the stretcher and cover it with a white sheet.
Soundlessly I scream.
They wheel him out.
They stop suddenly. I can see the glitter of shattered mirror falling to the pavement split the air brilliantly in the early morning sunlight.
Reflected in my window are cold pale laughing eyes.
Credit To – TKGoudie