The Lost Cavern City
Deep beneath the New Mexican desert, there is a lost city in a dark cavern. Many have journeyed to the deep city, some have returned, some have not, completely vanished without a trace. As for what happened to the builders of the city, no one knows for sure. What I do know, is that I have walked the rubble strewn streets, and I have heard the cries in the dark, inhuman shrieks. I have no clue what these creatures that make these sounds are. I’ve been told that pictograms in the cavern suggest they were slaves to the builders, but like I said no one knows.
Eventually the random cries in the dark began to take a toll on me and I fled the cavern, returned home, and until today told only a few close friends of what I’d seen, and heard. Now, as I walk down the darkened streets of my hometown, I’ve begun to hear the creatures again. They are calling me back to the cavern.
The time is coming.
It was poorly written…but I could like the concept given it was a better story.
What? So the monsters are planning on storming our world and becoming slaves to us now?
I could live with that.
kind of boring, not terribly well written. sorry.
Hmm….I think that the first-person POV detracts from the spookiness. Overall, it’s just all right. *shrug*
This sounds like The Descent. Not that shitty movie, but the semi-decent book. Haydals scare the dookie out of me.
Don’t copy me. I’m gonna sue.
Sounds like an incredibly poor reference to the Shoggoths from H.P. Lovecraft’s At the Mountains of Madness
yey! the time is coming! lol, nah, that last line gives the idea that the narrator knows what his talking about. meh
The only thing I could think the whole way through was, “Schizophrenia.”
Could be better with clearer writing and more details.
It would’ve definately been creepier if instead of the creatures being slaves, they were the ones who ended the civilization. Like you saw a stone tablet showing inhuman creature things eating people. You know, like in Doom. Things come out, kill everyone, leave ruins. Simple but effective.
I like the concept, but it could be written a lot better.
Yeah, WHO WAS SHOGGOTHS indeed. I think slightly drier, terser writing could have made this sort of compelling, though. Everyone’s a sucker for giant underground cities. Making it sound like everyone knows about this place jars the mood, though–make it a place that no one knows about or explain why people know about it and what the impact has been; either one would help.
@5 it remeinded me of the descent too.
and Ghost Whisperer, cause of the city under the city.
it wasnt bad, but it coulda been batter
better*
I like the idea.
It would be good if it were longer.
y halo thar Ted the Caver.
Lost cities inhabited by strange creatures are a common theme in Lovecraft’s stories.
This, I believe, suffers from lack of detail to be scary or creepy.
I’m likin’ the idea, but too vague to be too creepy.
WHO WAS CAVERN?
This cavern, it was made for me.
Agree with the others, concept is nice, but a little too vague.
There’s be a drastic improvement in the story if the author would have proofread. I see run-ons, other general comma abuse, and redundancy.
Still, Phone, thanks so much for posting these for us every day.
i lol’d
=\
Nice story…but no ripping?
Hello.
More tosh.
Oh, so that’s where I held my last birthday party.
Didn’t make heads or tails out of it. Bad creepypasta.
Ah, this one is just chilling.
Attention would-be writers: Commas. Please learn about them.
There were some passages in The Necronomicon similar to this.
This is pretty much point-for-point the plot of the Myst spin-off Uru.
NO U, my plot.
Sounds like this one story I read.. tedthecaver.com
This one had me laughing out loud, sorry. It’s just that, how can it be a lost city if you (and many others) know where it is and have been there?
I liked it but it could have been written longer and maybe even a little better hm?
…and as MissFiggles points out, if it is lost how can you know where it is?
Seriously, shortened version of Ted the Caver…
Lost city? New Mexico?
Must be D’ni!
This actually really creeped me out because of the so called “Hollow Earth” theory. There’s a foreign film based on it in which a man tries to discover the reason why a man who commited suicide in a subway showed so much fear during his death. He discovers a hole which leads to tunnels underground that leads to something like an underground city. In the city he finds a girl shackled in a cave. He discovers after taking her to his apartment that the only thing she will drink is human blood…
The film is called Marebito if you want to check it out. It’s actually very scary, despite it sounding incredibly cheesy.
@Annoymous above: I actually don’t think that sounds creepy. It would actually probably make a good pasta if correctly written. I want to watch the movie now and might check it out.
As for this pasta, it wasn’t creepy. This line killed it for me “there is a lost city in a dark cavern.” Too commonly used and there are better ways to describe this underground city to build up the creepiness to it.
My bad. Cheesy* Not meant to type creepy there. xD
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I believe Mr. Welldone summed it up nicely.
Fear the Darkness
-Nex
nex you’re gayer than a bag of dicks