The Lady Behind The Door
It was night and two guys in classic car traveled down a lonely stretch of I-95 in Pennsylvania. The one in the passenger seat had a pensive look about him. The driver reached down to fiddle with the radio. They slowly pulled ahead of me. Squinting through the darkness and the bug-dotted windshield of my eight year old Isuzu I observed a blue bumper sticker with the words in white “Hilary ‘08” on it. “God damn it. I hate those guys.”
Gabe looked at me inquiringly, still rubbing the sleep out of his eyes. “You mean guys who look like they’ve been pulled out of some teen drama on basic cable?”
“Huh? No. Guys who leave bumper stickers up from previous elections. For fuck’s sake Hilary didn’t even win the primary.”
“Where are we anyway?” Gabe stretched out until his hands touched the car roof. Admittedly that wasn’t that much of a stretch, he was one of those shaggy looking wiry fellows.
“Just out of Jersey. You think you can help me stay awake? The Blush Twins back there aren’t much of a help.” My sister Prissy and her friend Claire were passed out in the back seat. When they drank more then they were used they had the tendency to turn as red as tomatoes. That limit was two glasses of red wine.
Gabe mumbled something that sounded like “alcohol camels” and responded, “Yea sure. There’s not much to talk about though, Jack.”
“Well it’s night and Halloween is a day away. You ever seen anything that could be considered paranormal?” That was always a good topic if two people need to stay awake through the night. I did not even need to worry about a “no.” Even the most logical human being has had that one weird experience, whether it was a bad trip or one of those waking nightmares experienced during sleep paralysis.
“Well, uh, no. But I swear to God, Jack, this one time when I was five I remember flying. This isn’t paranormal, but I had this one reoccurring nightmare back before my father left. Haven’t had it recently, but I remember it pretty clearly.
“I was about eleven and remember lying in bed listening to a shouting match in the living room. My bed room was on the second floor, so I couldn’t make out exactly what they were saying except for the occasional ‘Fuck you.’
“Then I dunno, time passed, I fell asleep. The hall lights were out and screaming stopped. The doorway to my room was half open. Next thing I know I can’t move, not even blink. But I could see things moving on the walls, man. It was trippy.” Gabe was rubbing that scraggly blond thing on his neck he called a beard as he told his story.
“Don’t stop there. What kind of things?” I said.
“Shadows, man, shadows. But not like those stories on the internet. They had hair, like people hair. They were flat to the wall except for the hair. It was like the hair was three dimensional and the rest of them was two dimensional. They had different color hair too. I mean black and brown, normal people colors, but some of them weren’t people shapes. They did have people hair though, they all did. I could hear—
“I could hear them say, ‘Carry on my waywar—” The radio turned on without warning. Prissy had left the damn thing on at max volume, the girls in the back stirred with a bunch thrashing thumps.
I shut the radio off. “Sorry about that, my elbow must of hit the dial.”
Gabe gave me a weird look before he went on. “I was saying I could hear whispering and feel tingling on my toes. It felt like when a dog licks your toes. That’s when I saw it, the big it, or her, I really don’t know. All I know is that thing was boss and all the rest of them were bitches, ‘cause they all scattered off to the corners. She had really red hair, Christmas present red, and curly too. Its thin shadow was stretching out from behind my bedroom door.
“I didn’t hear her voice, dude, I felt it. Not like telepathy, like felt it reverberate in my skull. Almost as if it were that loud nagging voice in your head when you’ve done something real bad. She said, the voice in me said, ‘Dear—
“John on DVD this Friday at Wal-Mart.” Blared the radio again.
I shut it off again. “I guess I should get that looked at, sorry. Go on.”
Gabe went on, “It said, ‘Dear soul, you have grown so much. Why you’re so pink and cute, how’d like to come home with me? I could just dress you up with gravy. Look at those crinkles on your forehead you look just like a juicy jelly donut. The powdery dough is always the best part of a fresh baked donut.’
“I didn’t see a hand, but it felt like she pinch my cheek. Then the licking would not stop!” Gabe pounded the “would”, “not”, and “stop” out on the passenger side of the dash board.
If I had not been focusing on the road ahead of me Gabe would of seen the wide eyed bewildered look in my eyes. It was not over the dream, I have had weirder. The bewilderment extended from the clearly unresolved issue that were clearly bubbling beneath Gabe’s Chewbacca-like surface. “It was just a dream, Gabe. I’m sorry I asked. Relax, I‘ll drive the rest of the night. One of the girls can take over in the morning.”
The night after our chat in the car we spent the night in some shit motel in northern Georgia. In the morning we found Gabe feet up in a garbage bin behind the Waffle House next door.
//
Credited to Tower.
BUT WHO WAS RADIO?
What was that. That was the most random thing ever. The ending didn\’t fit with the story at all. This was quite a disappointment, especially right after that last, fantastic one. Nothing made sense in this pasta. The radio was never explained and why the hell did Gabe end up dead? Too many loose strings, too many arbitrary details. I really thought it was going somewhere just about the time when the radio first turned off, but I was sorely mistaken. A gross pasta overall.
3/10
If that was a joke pasta then it was pretty good.
If it was meant to be serious then all I can say is… WTF???
Wat
Ending made me lol. “Then suddenly, he was dead!”
Also: “Gabe would of seen…” This ruins so many stories that would otherwise have potential. It’s “would’ve seen”.
Otherwise it was a nice read.
But who was first?
I thought he was found feet up in the waffle bin because he was fat, liked waffles and was going through their garbage?
confusing pasta is confusing
Y\’all oughta know that Tower posted a sequel:
http://www.creepypasta.com/forums/viewtopic.php?f=3&t=13878
I didn\’t get either of them: I didn\’t see any horror/suspense in either work; but whatever, y\’all might.
Absolute shit.
Guys, this pasta is just a parady pasta! It’s a joke
Who do people who lack basic grammar skills even bother to \"write\"?
Not only is the grammar bad, but the actual story too is retarded.
And to think I thought that pasta was going somewhere…
Horrible writing, and nothing made sense. Gross.
0/10.
Yeah, up until and then we stopped and then Gabe was dead this was going pretty good.
It shouldn’t have ended like that.
Also, you can’t just put in the radio switching itself on for arbitrary creepiness. It’s too disconnected from shadow monsters that kidnap people and eat them.
I mean, why would they want to switch on a radio at people?
It’s not that bad, just the grammar that is kinda messed
But the story is good…
Probably was a tasty pasta…till it that ending was prechewed for us.
The setup for the final paragraph is also poor-
“If I had not been focusing on the road ahead of me Gabe would of seen the wide eyed bewildered look in my eyes. ”
No comma to break it up.” wide eyed bewildered look in my eye” is repetitive and breaks focus.
“It was not over the dream, I have had weirder.”
I guess you mean a semicolon here. But this is the unclear. Who exactly is having the weirder dream?
“The bewilderment extended from the clearly unresolved issue that were clearly bubbling beneath Gabe’s Chewbacca-like surface.”
“issue that were”? Likely you meant “issues that were”.
I almost get that you are trying to say that “Hey, Gabe has been fucked up because of this. His repressed issues are finally coming out, which will soon cause his demise.”
This last paragraph is key for framing us understanding Gabe’s death. But it is pretty poorly written and thus distracting.
The fuck guys. The fuck.
A lot of that story was pretty good, but the ending didn’t really tie anything together.
The way the victim died didn’t really match anything in his ghost story, nor was it clear why he died then as opposed to any other time, nor was the radio thing tied in at all.
Overall I feel that the writer has a lot of talent, I thought the idea for the story and some of the dialog and descriptions were pretty good, but as a whole this story really needs some work.
It was fairly hard to follow. It almost seemed like you were going to reference the White House at the end instead of the Waffle House. You did a good job of creating a visual approximation. I could just imagine the guys talking. What kind of name is Gabe anyway? I’ll give you a 5/10.
I feel like it just cut off. what the hell.
The way they talked annoyed me. The shadows with hair sounded freaky, but other than that, it was just. . . Eh. 2/10
Lolwut.
Okay, so some guys are driving around with one guy’s passed out sisters in the back, one decides to ramble ’bout dogs licking people’s feet and creepy women pinching people’s cheeks, the radio is broken, and then one guy decides it’s a good idea to go sleep in the trash can.
…Or die, whatever.
It’s like the pizza came right at the end xD
0/10 for creepypasta, 8/10 for humor x3
Everything Undefined bitched about was pretty much what made this story good. I liked the flow of it, just wished his death would be a bit more connected to the story, like his head was shaven or something. Great detail, great potential, definitely a step up from the crap that’s been around lately.
i couldn’t get past “It was night and two guys in classic car…”
i couldn’t get past “It was night and two guys in classic car…”
wait… wat???!!!
at first i was like cool!
but then i was like ……what the ****?
I give this 2/5 WTFs
The beginning sounds like an eight year old kid wrote it. I\’m sorry but this is just awful in my opinion. I saw there was some new content which made me smile. Until I read this.
Gabe is not a fan of shit motels.
Was this a Mad Libs creepypasta?
I’m no writer, but that was so flowery and awkward.
LOLWUT?
I don’t get it
I\’ve read this again and again and concluded it must be a parody.
tower? just no. first off you screw up the lyrics of wayward son (its “i can hear the voices say”), second dear john is a walk to remember meets boy meets world so it sucked, and lastly the ending. i love waffle house, it would never kill anybody. and don’t say waffle house didnt kill him cuz you never gave the force that did kill him! also the main guy is waaaaay too nonchalant about finding his friend dead in a garbage can. also i dont think they would’ve made it from jersey to georgia in that time…i think thats everything except a rating, so…
2/10 at best. fire the chef please
What is with all the Supernatural(TV show) references in this pasta? Two guys in a classic car, ‘Carry on Wayward Son’, crap motels, mentioning the CW (“You mean guys who look like they’ve been pulled out of some teen drama on basic cable”). I don’t think anyone else on this site will get those, but man, what is your issue?
Overall, crap pasta is crap even for a joke.
And then Gabe was a zombie.
“It was night and two guys in classic car traveled down a lonely stretch of I-95 in Pennsylvania.”
AND THE PANTS WERE DEAD.
Sorry, I don’t know if I can take the rest of this pasta seriously after the author accidentally an article.
But I will TRY.
Wow…. that was more like some weird acid-trip, Tom Waits ballad than a creepypasta; with some tightening it could be an ok story on its own, but it’s not very creepy, just trippy. Shadows with hair, man.
Wat.
OB-1: uh, no? It goes “I hear the voices when I’m dreaming, I can hear them say”, and the second time “I set a course for winds of fortune, but I hear the voices say” etc etc.
But yeah, it’s one crappy pasta you got going on here. What was with the ending, man?
Did anyone notice how it went from third to first person halfway through?
Lol’d at this, funny one. Especially the ROCK FALLS EVERYONE DIES ending
The shadow said she wanted to cover him in gravy. He died in a Waffle House dumpster.
Not random. Pay more attention.
I’m not sure if it’s because I’ve been reading actual books for a while and not things born and bred from internetters, but the way this was written totally distracted me from the story. Not that the story itself was much better. This was a little bit like the first time your kid tries to tell a scary story around the campfire without reading it from a “Scary Ghost Stories 8″ book. “Then, my friend Doug was telling me about this scary dream he had, about shadows. But they had hair. And one of them could talk. And it said I looked like a donut. Then he died. OOH WEEEE OOOOOHHH”
Actually, it was pretty much exactly like that.
I was still entertained, though, so I guess a thumbs up on that. Too many cliches pounded into one story to be good, but I don’t regret reading it.
It’s a solid 7/10.
alcohol camels… lmfao!
This was pretty crap but the ending is hilarious.
Oh and “would of” really gets on my nerves!!
IT’S “WOULD HAVE” COME ON IT’S NOT THAT DIFFICULT.
Interesting read but rather abrupt in the ending and not really creepy. In fact, the only really creepy thing wasn’t even really in the story. I was listening to music on low and reading at the same time and just as I got the part with Carry on Wayward Son, the song started playing on my iPod. Or…I noticed it was playing, anyway, because it was a few minutes in. It gave me quite an effective jolt of surprise.
“Would of” is my most common mistake. When I speak, in my wonderful half Queens accent, the contraction “would’ve” sounds like “wu-dov.” Somehow my brain translates that to “would of.”
I was trying to incorporate comedy into a creepy scenario. Given I’m not all that creepy. Thanks for the feedback folks.
“Someone else”, I also noticed the shift from third person to first person. It bugged me even more than the bizarre ending.
After reading a comment pointing out the ‘Supernatural’ references (it was just the “carry on my wayward son” lyrics that gave me SPN tingles) I gotta say… I’m even more disappointed. Reminding me of a network show that is scarier and more interesting doesn’t help this story. Like at all. And I’m glad there are no Waffle Houses in my general area. (IHOP all the way!)7
>my elbow must of hit the dial
>must of
Stopped reading there.
Rodina: thanks for linking to the other chapter – too bad it’s also terrible.
Let me channel my inner-Simon-from-American-Idol: “That was the most stupid thing I’ve ever seen…”
1/10. Not even sure it deserves THAT much.
Wait, wait, I think I got it. They’re on a cheap road trip, so probably getting a bit smelly by this point, right? And the music keeps coming on randomly?
No soap, radio!
You did a good job with the characters. I felt like Gabe and Jack were real people and not just fancy words. The descriptions were pretty okay, too. Really the only things that sucked were the grammar mistakes and the stupid ass ending. As a story it’s aight, but as a creepypasta it’s not very good.
Don’t you get it? It’s Wendy from Wendy’s Waffle House
(Sarcasm) Hey, obviously the radio in the car was from his father’s car, and in both cases said radio picked gabe up and put him in a dumpster. No explaination for the dog though…
(Sarcasm) Hey, obviously the radio in the car was from his father’s car, and in both cases said radio picked gabe up and put him in a dumpster. No explaination for the dog though…
If this was a parodypasta, if fucking sucked. If this was a creepypasta, it fucking sucked.
In all, this story fucking sucked.
The end.
@ Undefined: The ending fit. It was that lady behind the door ate him, just like he was explaining in the “dream” I guess either it had continued to happen, and he just lied, or talking about it brought her back, and she was like “oh your so yummy nomnomnomnom”
Wow…
RIP Gabe Newell.
Hey guys, the first sentence makes perfect sense. There are no dropped words. The “in a classic car” is just there for description.
“The apple on the table is red.”
“One cat in the house yawned sleepily.”
“Two guys in a classic car traveled down the road.”
All sentences are perfectly correct and complete. Sheesh. English 101 here.
ITTY BITTY BABY
ITTY BITTY BOAT
I DON’T BELIEVE IT
HABEEB IT
WAFFLE HOUSE
That pretty much sums up this horrible pasta.
This reminded me too much of Supernatural to take seriously. With the “Two guys in a classic car travelled down the road” and the “Carry On My Wayward Son” coming on the radio.
Lame pasta is lame. 3/10.
Fucking terrible. Either Gabe died or got fucking trashed and decided to crawl INTO the trash – who knows? It doesn’t even mean it has anything to do with his stupid ass dream. I don’t even know what Gabe’s “CLEARLY unresolved issue” was supposed to be.
Also, writer needs to learn the difference between “of” and “have.”
Gabe sounded like Shaggy in my head
As such, my theory:
They left the Scooby Proxy at home. He tracked them down, pissed that Shaggy Proxy ate the last of the pot brownies. He then found Shaggy Proxy and murdered him
It just kind of ended. Wtf. This pasta was a let down.
@Snuzzled: Read again. It doesn’t say “two guys in a classic car.” It says “two guys in classic car”, which is not correct. It’s the sort of thing you get from someone who’s speaking English as a second language, when their first language doesn’t include articles like “a”, “an”, or “the.”
@Everyone: For everyone hoping reading the sequel someone linked will make it better… don’t bother. I only skimmed it, but that was all I needed to tell that the two stories don’t read like a continuous narrative. They read like entirely separate stories clumsily rammed together by claiming they involve the same characters. The tone, style, and metaphysics are entirely different, and the two accounts of the events that Gabe was talking about are so different that it’s impossible to imagine them coming from the same person, as is claimed.
“I could hear them say, ‘Carry on my waywar—”
That line alone made me love this pasta.
Guys, it’s probably a parodypasta. It’s a parody of the pastas that have so many loose strings, it’s hard to even know wtf just happened.
Um, what?
In addition to everything else, there aren\’t really any lonely stretches of I-95 in PA. The only point at which 95 crosses into PA is around the suburbs of Philly.
can I just give props to the one commenter who made a full-life consequences reference? because that was the best thing on the page.
The radio actually does make sense, but the development of the story, especially revolving around the radio, is poorly executed. As far as I could tell, the radio turned on to try and prevent Gabe from finishing his story. It was his insistence to continue telling the story of the hairy shadow people that summoned them up again and killed him.
Overall, this pasta was simply disappointing. With better writing this could have been a much tastier story, although likely still cliche as heck.
wait, he was dead at the end..?
._. i thought the drunk girls woke and and threw him in there, but he was sill sleeping and somehow didn’t notice that he was in a trash can…
Hmm… good, gave me goosebumps(although it’s cold in here), but was lacking something.
4/5
Would order again.
After reading the sequel, it’s clear this was Lovecraftian.
In fact, I believe one of those gods was an actual god in the Cthulhu mythos.
It’s starting all over again.
CTHULHU FTAGN!
This story was just plain dumb
anyone else suppost to be doing homework but instead reading this?
The radio was obviously flipping on randomly as he was trying to repeat what was said to him, because these shadow monsters did not want it to be repeated. And I believe that he ended up in the waffle house dumpster because a.) He shouldn’t have repeated what was said, and the monsters ate him and tossed him in the trash, or b.) he committed suicide because of his underlying issue. Which sort of makes sense, but I’d much rather believe he had been consumed by the shadow witch.
And also, the grammar sucks alittle, and the spelling is off, but hey, the writing is nice, and people make mistakes. No big.
Ultimately, this was a very good Pasta, in my opinion.
hm…the dream was really cool and interesting but the story had no structure to it…it was just random and…lol dumb. not very good pasta -spits it back out onto the table…yuck