161 responses

  1. Arbitrary
    April 3, 2013

    That was amazing.

    I don’t get why they did that to so-and-so though, but I guess they didn’t quite make it to any place better? Limbo?

    I imagine Edgar did it in a way.

    I’m not sure, I really liked it through apart from what happened with the woman in the parking lot.

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    Rating: +14 (from 30 votes)
    • LadyX
      April 4, 2013

      If you’re going to prison for murder, you might be more willing to commit suicide.

      The son and wife want him to kill himself, give him as much motivation as possible. Also, she knew he was married and was okay with that… I would want revenge on her too.

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      • umm
        June 14, 2013

        why was the boy already a man when he died as a baby?

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        Rating: -12 (from 16 votes)
      • Anon
        June 26, 2013

        Reading… It’s what’s for dinner. They-He- explained it.

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        Rating: +11 (from 11 votes)
      • chris
        April 5, 2014

        would an 18 minute old baby wear a triple breasted suit and shoot a girl in the face?

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    • Dave Taylor
      April 4, 2013

      She was the woman Edgar had the affair with, so they were bitter about that. Seems a bit harsh, but they’re dead and pissed. Thanks for reading!

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      Rating: +23 (from 25 votes)
      • The Bomb.com
        June 23, 2013

        Wow, thanks for the meal, dude. Just the right amount of cheese and sauce!

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        Rating: +7 (from 11 votes)
      • Anonymous
        July 8, 2013

        I honestly think it’s her fault she committed suicide she chose to be selfish and took both her and her sons life the son should be pissed at her.

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        Rating: +30 (from 34 votes)
      • Anonymous
        October 9, 2013

        Completely agree. Edgar had an affair, Haley killed the child. Still very well written, I dig it

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        Rating: +19 (from 19 votes)
    • Hopesworth
      April 26, 2013

      Bloody brilliant. Well done!

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      Rating: +3 (from 5 votes)
  2. diadi321
    April 3, 2013

    Beautiful.

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    Rating: +14 (from 20 votes)
  3. African American
    April 3, 2013

    Noice

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    Rating: +13 (from 25 votes)
  4. Jinx
    April 3, 2013

    Oh my. This is not just among my favorite pastas here, but favorite short stories I have ever in my 18 years read. I was so engrossed in reading that when my cat literally launched himself onto my torso from the window sill I barely registered the event. I thoroughly enjoy your writing style and ability to weave those subtle elements of humor so seamlessly into the text. The descriptions are so vivid; you paint a flawless image in the mind of the reader. That is a true gift. The concept itself is simply brilliant. You have a great mind. Thank you for giving me the opportunity to enjoy this.

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    Rating: +70 (from 86 votes)
    • Anonymous
      June 14, 2013

      I agree with jinx it’s a verry good story and unless you got this from someone else this could be in a book

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  5. Cara
    April 3, 2013

    Wow. Best I’ve read for a while. I like how everything fit together so well.

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    Rating: +11 (from 15 votes)
  6. Espernea
    April 3, 2013

    This was a wonderful twist I did not see coming.

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    Rating: +11 (from 15 votes)
  7. mighthavebeen
    April 3, 2013

    Great pasta!!enjoyed every part of it from begining to end!!

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    Rating: +9 (from 11 votes)
  8. Doopy
    April 3, 2013

    Almost more mysterious than creepy. A little creepy, though. It has a film noir feel to it, and it feels… depressed.

    More importantly, beautifully rendered and well crafted. You have talent.

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    Rating: +22 (from 26 votes)
  9. Anonymous
    April 3, 2013

    Very well done indeed, One of the best if not the best I’ve ever had the privilege of reading. I look forward to future stories by you.

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  10. izzy
    April 3, 2013

    I think this is the best pasta I’ve ever read.. It was simply amazing. :)

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    Rating: +11 (from 13 votes)
  11. Tmoney6556
    April 3, 2013

    he could of made it a bit shorter

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    Rating: -17 (from 25 votes)
    • Dave Taylor
      April 4, 2013

      I agree. I wrote this months ago, when I first got back into writing after many years of non-productivity. In hindsight, if I could change one thing, it’d be the length. Thank you for reading, though!

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  12. Xsys
    April 3, 2013

    Well made. Liked it from start to end.

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    Rating: +7 (from 7 votes)
  13. Anon
    April 3, 2013

    Great writing but I didn’t like the overall message. I hardly think it was Edgar’s fault, especially not Samantha. I don’t condone cheating at all but I blame Haley for her own death and the unborn child.
    I also feel like it was dragged on a bit, but that is just my opinion. As I said, brilliantly written.

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    • Dave Taylor
      April 4, 2013

      I agree on both points. The message one was intentional, but the length one was just an unfortunate event brought on by being a little rough around the edges. I hadn’t written anything in a very long time, and the story definitely suffered as a result of the rust around my edges. If I could rewind time, I’d go back and try to trim some of the fat. But it was my best effort at the time, and I thank you for reading it.

      As for the Edgar/Haley/Samantha dynamic, none of them were really good people. Every character in this story, while writing it, made me feel like I just needed to go take a shower. Haley was completely responsible for the death of her little Timmy Doe, and her own monstrous overreaction to the affair. Edgar cheated on his pregnant wife. Samantha knew he was married and expecting his first-born child, but slept with him anyway.

      People make mistakes, everyone’s human. But sometimes those mistakes just spiral into a huge shitstorm, and an elderly-corpse-looking spectral nameless baby convinces you to kill yourself. You know, that ol’ chestnut. Thanks again!

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      • J
        May 4, 2013

        This is the perfect explanation of this story. Everyone wants a hero in the stories they read or so, but some of the really wonderful stories out there, the ones that make you think and actually FEEL what’s happening, have no one to root for, no hero. I gave this story 10/10, length and all.

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      • Ghost
        August 30, 2013

        Amazing.

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        Rating: +2 (from 2 votes)
  14. Kittie
    April 3, 2013

    Loved this! I couldn’t put it down and I’d love to see more of this writer on here they did great.

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    Rating: +5 (from 5 votes)
  15. Ismael Zuniga
    April 3, 2013

    It’s been a while since I’ve read a pasta this amazing. Hats off to you, author! Very good read and that twist was really unexpected.

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    Rating: +7 (from 7 votes)
  16. Tee
    April 3, 2013

    That was the best pasta I have read in awhile. It was quite lengthy, but not in a bad way at all. The length was needed to fully explain the story, which you did quite well, I must say. Couldn’t pull my eyes away from the screen <3

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  17. POWER LEVELS!!!
    April 3, 2013

    was long but worth the read really awsome pasta u should be a writer with the diction you use you could fill a good deal of books with stories 20/10

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    Rating: +6 (from 6 votes)
  18. Anonymous
    April 3, 2013

    The best I have read on this site so far.

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    Rating: +4 (from 6 votes)
  19. Crow
    April 3, 2013

    I am awed. Few stories have impressed me as much as this one. Definitely worth its high rating.

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    Rating: +8 (from 8 votes)
    • rake lover#1
      April 27, 2013

      it wasnt that good. i’ve seen better WAY better stories. But i agree with Crow, few stories have impressed meand this one didnt cut it.

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  20. Sunny
    April 3, 2013

    First comment I’ve ever made on Creepypasta. Best short stroy I’ve EVER read.

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    Rating: +5 (from 7 votes)
    • Estelle
      November 21, 2013

      And what, exactly, are stroys like?

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      Rating: -3 (from 7 votes)
  21. gingerbread
    April 3, 2013

    Wow. One of the best pasta I’ve ever had, this is amazing! Great job my good sir, this was genuinely creepy. Fresh and original pasta unlike I’ve ever read before! 10* for me :)

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  22. gingerbread
    April 3, 2013

    One of the best pasta I’ve ever had, this is amazing! Great job my good sir, this was genuinely creepy. Fresh and original pasta unlike I’ve ever read before! 10* for me :)

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    Rating: -3 (from 7 votes)
  23. gingerbread
    April 3, 2013

    One of the best pasta I’ve ever had, this is amazing! Great job my good sir, this was genuinely creepy. Fresh and original pasta unlike I’ve ever read before! 10*

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    Rating: -4 (from 6 votes)
  24. gingerbread
    April 3, 2013

    One of the best pasta I’ve ever had, this is amazing! Great job my good sir, this was genuinely creepy. Fresh and original pasta unlike I’ve ever read before!

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    Rating: -4 (from 6 votes)
    • Estelle
      November 21, 2013

      Can you help explain it to me?

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      Rating: +1 (from 1 vote)
  25. gingerbread
    April 3, 2013

    One of the best pasta I’ve ever had, this is amazing! Great job my good sir, this was genuinely creepy. Fresh and original unlike I’ve ever read before!

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    • ShadowKIrbz
      May 4, 2013

      i agree

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