Her
Stop. No, don’t look. It just encourages them.
You know who I’m talking about. Them. More specifically, her. Keep those eyes focused here, don’t look. Don’t even glance. Use your peripherals, because I know you see her. Just at the very edge of your vision?
Glance to the left side of the monitor, but don’t glance beyond it. There, your peripherals should have picked up a bit more. You saw her in the corner, didn’t you? You saw her black hair billowing across her pale face, the loose nightgown she wears over her emaciated frame. She’s been there for a while, just waiting. That’s how they spend their time. The spirits of the damned. The ones unfit for heaven, yet avoiding hell. The ones who walk the Earth with their sins on their shoulders. They live in constant, insurmountable, indescribable pain. The story goes that when St. Peter takes pity on a soul who has committed a grave sin, like murder, rape, torture, cannibalism, or worse, he punishes that soul and sends them back to our plane, to exist among the living until they’ve successfully repented for their sins. But first, he rips out their eyes, so that they can covet nought. Then he tears their jawbone from their skull, so that they cannot speak evils.
No, don’t look. She has moved closer, but that is only her curiosity. She can’t actually see you, not as you could see her. She sees in outlines, in blurs and motions. Her empty sockets let her see a person’s soul, yet it is useless to her. She lives not on the person, but on the body. Her spirit hungers for communion of the flesh, but she is eternally denied. Only the Savior can be a proper conduit of communion, to satisfy her cravings. She has tried, though. She has tried often in the past.
She certainly has taken an interest in you, hasn’t she? You see, she feeds on the living. She, like many before her, found humans to alleviate her ailments. She starves for communion, but humans like yourself can work as a…placebo, of sorts. She’ll try to get you to turn, to see into the voids which take residence over where her eyes used to be. She’ll pull you in, hypnotizing you with the dark, hollow sockets. She’ll close in even more, excitedly exhaling on your supple skin. She’ll jab her rotted teeth into your slender neck and lap the blood with her flopping tongue. I’ll scrape in with my fangs and scoop out your flesh like ice cream. I’ll yelp with glee at the warmth of your innards as I slash into your fatty abdomen. I’ll pull the bones from their sinew and suck the marrow out like a candied filling. I’ll jab my bony fingers into your eyes and take them for my own. I’ll rip your jawbone from your skull and use it as my own. I’ll become whole again, with your help.
But it’ll only work–
–if you look.
Gorgeous Pasta, I like it.
I am sure as hell not looking.
this is one of the best creepy pasta’s iv read and iv read quite a few. keep up the ghastly work
I ain’t looking, certainly.
Yeah, looking seems like a pretty bad idea.
But the idea of someone with no bottom jaw jabbing their teeth into me…is kind of lulzy, not going to lie.
Good, but somewhat killed by the fact that I didn’t see or imagine anything out of the corner of my eye.
I looked and saw my mom sleeping on the couch. But I’ll still be paranoid as Hell whenever I spot something out of the corner of my eye, so good job
I like how it turned into 1st-person, by the way; it really adds to the creepyness.
Ok I really liked this. Still, am I the only one who got tripped up in the sudden change of perspective? I love Pasta’s like this but it felt like the ‘oh shit’ moment was really forced. :/ Anybody else get that feeling? Otherwise I loved it.
Look Look Look.!:D
I looked and nothing ha
Comment leaver, it bothers me too.
I think I’ve read too much creepypasta, as this didn’t actually scare me. Well, I also have a wall to my left.
I feel the same as comment leaver it should’ve taken slightly longer to change perspective
Sweet. 9/10
ahhhhhhhhhhhhh, it is the middle of the day and i think i squeezed a little bit of lemonade out. good pasta.
Hmph, simply just walk away or close your eyes.
Problem solved.
I quite enjoyed this one. Loved how the pronoun changed from She to I.
I looked.
One question though, why does it switch from third person into first in the middle of the paragraph?
OH FUCK my cat is STARING STRAIGHT AT ME from the corner of my vision like ‘Oh, ya got me, I’m a cursed spirit’
I liked this one quite a bit, actually. Well done.
Somehow reminds me of when Stewie’s head was getting gnawed on by that retarded horse lol.
If you close your eyes, you’re eternally screwed because she’ll be in the corner of your closed eye or whatever. Great pasta, it’s quite delicious. Some creatures like this could be awesome in a horror game.
how do these spirits of the damned get computers anyway
Storries on this site never seem to scare me any more…
I love this pasta, but I want one that’ll have me quivering and crying with fear.
That may be hard to write though, but if any pasta authors out there that would like to take me up on this, I check this site daily.
there’s sort of a wall about a foot from my face but otherwise good pasta!
Sent chills up my spine. Very good pasta.
can’t
look
left
._.
“as I slash into your fatty abdomen”
That was uncalled for. 8(
My left eye hurts.
Awesome pasta.
I’m paranoid as fuck now.
st. peter’s a pretty kick ass bouncer, i must say. he takes pity on souls by ripping their shit up then puts them on a plane.
creepy grudge girl = not good story.
and the changing from she to i is dumb.
thanks for warning me, now I sure as hell ain’t looking.
Nevermind that, I suck cocks, I tottally looked. XD
I looooooked!
AHHHHHHHH!
Nothing happened.
The transition from third to first-person was a great idea, but could have been made more smoothly. Should be a less obtrusive and sudden realization. Though, I imagine it would be tricky to phrase . . .
i sorta agree with comment leaver, really great pasta, but the change and stay with the perspective was to sudden, but very well done
Hmmm, I took the perspective change as the narrator getting all excited in the descriptions and slipping up.
I have to say pretty good pasta but what the hell is wrong with St. Peter?
omg this was legit creepy
Not…bad. I’m not a fan of christian mythos, so that was a bit of a turn-off, but other than that it was good. Excellent use of the she/I transition near the end. 8/10.
she she she i i i…lol wut?
u is she? or she is i? no…wait…SHE AIN’T GOTZ NO EYEZZ!!!!111
Same issue as Lieto - I have a wall to my left. And the change in perspective also threw me a little bit out of the story.
Plus, wouldn’t it be a tad counter-productive to send souls back to this plane for repentance, yet give them the ability to dismemeber and devour the living? Is St. Peter so bored at the Pearly Gates that he has gone to dropping peote in his free time?
Yea, I know the point is to be creepy but the shift in point of view didn’t work.
i loved this one,
but WHO WAS MONITOR?
This was pretty good, made me look D=
Doesn’t help that I heard sounds coming from the hallway, and what sounds like muttering from the vents, and the OH SHIT CRAZY EYELESS BITCH GET IN THE CAR!
If you hadn’t have done Christain references it would have been scarier to me; being an Athiest, but still very well done
@BUT WHO WAS JAW?
But you wouldn’t have a problem with, say, other mythical monsters and such?
And yes, I’m an Atheist too, but that line just didn’t mesh well. Even though I perfectly why — we have to deal with these fucks, but we’ll never meet a demon. It’s *all* fantasy, so might as well enjoy all kinds of “yay evil things”.
random change in perspective for the win! (I’m serious, I just about shat myself when that happened…)
WHO WAS CRAZY BITCH?!
Meh
BITCH CALLED ME FAT >:I
Yeah, um…there’s a wall on my left.
FAIL.
Holy fuck I felt something tickling at the back of my neck XD But then I realized it was just my hair..after I read this pasta and looked. Brix were shat.
The change in perspective was jarring for a second, but it suddenly made the story that much more intense. However, not one of my favorites. It’s nothing that I haven’t seen before.
D: that wuz scaryy
i like ittttt
Hmmm, I don’t it’s a good idea to provide too much detail for the instructions regarding the peripheral vision. Because face it, I can’t see any-
I liked it more or less.
Not very creepy to me.
I love how it goes from her, to I. It makes it get scarier.
I love it, but I think that just these lines should be first person:
“’ll jab my bony fingers into your eyes and take them for my own. I’ll rip your jawbone from your skull and use it as my own. I’ll become whole again, with your help.”
Those are the main points from earlier, and it’ll be sufficiently creepy beforehand, while building suspense to make your point.
I love it, but I think that only these lines should be in first person:
“’ll jab my bony fingers into your eyes and take them for my own. I’ll rip your jawbone from your skull and use it as my own. I’ll become whole again, with your help.”
Those are the main points from earlier, and it’ll be sufficiently creepy beforehand, while building suspense to make your point.
Bricks were shat. I loved it.
I looked. A lot.
aw man.
this would have been a really good pasta if I read it at night time alone
BRIX WERE SHAT.
I’m actually shaking
I looked at the same time my neighbour decided to open my door.
Now I need to change my pants.
Hey, thanks for all the constructive criticism. It was a bit rushed, but the perspective change was intentional. In hindsight it probably could have been done more smoothly, but that’s something that’ll come with time.
I do intend to keep subbing, though. Maybe I’ll actually make a scary pasta for once.
I like how it seamlessly changed from third person to first person.
I saw a really dark shadow of myself in a reflection and I moved forward so i could read easier when ” she” was moving closer. i am wearing a white shirt, and right at the end i turned left really fast and laughed at myself…My mind messes with me when i read these…
Very nice pasta.
When people read it, they’ll shit brix. BRIX.
Bitch, please. You must have a mental disease. Assume the position, and get back down on your knees.
The perspective change scared the crap outta me.
The last paragraph, the “I’m gonna rip you into shreds of tattered shit and love it” part, ruined it.
@Bri/x/ - You just turned my fear into gales of laughter
@Bri/x/ - You just turned my fear into gales of laughter.
i turned and saw a man. hmm :\ hehe love this pasta it’s kool
I am so scared, I refuse to look, and that’s at daytime with people in the room. Very nicely written, enjoyed the transition from ’she’ to ‘I’
i looked =P
Kinda creepy, actually. Good job, I haven’t been creeped out in a long time.
Well, I don’t see anything to the left of my monitor.
The right, however, is a different story…
Beautiful pasta.
But now I’m afraid to get up.
:c
I liked it. I pictured that chick from the Grudge, but okay.
this is surprisingly one of my favorites.
yummy pasta.
Am I the only one who couldn’t stop laughing through the descriptions?
Creeped me out a bit, and I see where the narrator getting excited and slipping up may have come in with the change in perspective….But I didn’t really like it. *shrug* Too many like this. Getting….A bit old, I suppose.
I stopped reading at the heaven/hell bit in the beginning. CHRISTFAGGOTRY == SHIT!
ahhaha my black-haired sister came in the room when i was reading this pasta. the door is to the left of my moniter.
It’s too bad I don’t have a ‘fatty abdomen’.
Hehe, nice pasta!
It’s 3:11 now, dark and silent everywhere…
and I couldn’t look to the left for like forever.
And when I did, I got pretty evil chills.
But I’m still alive, so everything’s fine.
Nope, not looking.
Terrible. Forced, trite, cookie-cutter pasta that reads like it came from some sort of pasta-generating bot.
http://tinypic.com/r/2rgf4tl/5
NO WAY.
Bitch called me fat. >:-(
But WHO WAS GIRL?
But serious, I fackin shat brix.
D:
This was an interesting story, right until the shift in perspective in the last paragraph, from third person to first. It killed the fun, and made this stupid.
This was an interesting story, right until the shift in perspective in the last paragraph, from third person to first. It killed the fun, and made this stupid.
I looked and my fucking wardrobe made a bang noise :S
I’m laying on my bed reading this on my blackberry. Only thing to my left is pillow. Lol and it seems some atheists are having the same problem as i am, only i am a christian. St. Peter Is catholic stuff btw. i think we just get judgement. That’s it. Not to start a debate or anything… But seriously… WHO WAS FATTY ABDOMEN?
This was a good one.
I think I read this before…it is written nicely
and it is also very creepy
I really don’t get some of the people posting here. Creepypasta = fiction, so what the hell does it matter if we throw in a religious backstory? I’m a friggin Atheist myself and I saw no harm nor foul in including the Christian-based explanation of why a fictional spirit is fictionally ripping apart a fictional “you”.
Very good pasta, but the door to my left didn’t gnaw on me. DDD=
The last paragraph is just describing a gory scene.
Things aren’t creepy when they’re just gore.
Shit that’s good.
WHO WAS FATTY ABDOMEN?
*NOM NOM NOM*
I have a wall to my left too, so I guess it’s safe to loOH SHI-
There’s a mirror on my right, a door on my left and another door behind me. A terrible arrangement for reading creepypasta.
Me like.
Especially the change in perspective.
Well done.
I thought it was good at first. Creepy, well written. Then the end suddenly just changed to first person and left me saying “whuuuh?”
I looked and all I saw was my Candlejack doll. I feel gypped, this story’s a ri
whitenoise: are you joking? having mirros and doors is perfect for, like, 80% of whats on this site. all you need now is a china doll sitting next to you, and maybe an old book, and you’re set for every story.
but yeah, i’ll admit, it was a good little while before i could convince myself to look left.
“She’ll close in even more, excitedly exhaling on your supple skin. She’ll jab her rotted teeth into your slender neck and lap the blood with her flopping tongue.”
Sounds hot.
great story! although it’s best read at night with dim lights. the overall impact diminishes if you can’t imagine something at the corner of your eye.
My eye hurts ._. I will forever be paranoid when I see something out of the corner of my eye.
Nice.
But I see my mom sitting on the couch to the left out of my peripheral vision. My computer is in the living room
Is it wrong that I got a hard-on from her?
Damn it. I was going through the site last night, and wouldn;t read this one out of fear. Thoguht reading it in the iddle of the sday would be better. Now I’m home alone, and can’t stop looking over my shoulder…. GREAT PASTA
dead crazy girl bitches with long black hair = overused. This pasta is covered in maggots and the sauce is a mix of piss and shit. 1 skull.
Aw, didn’t like the ending. Wished it had been more strong/forcible.
But otherwise, deliciously spine-chilling pasta.
@Gegner:
I think that they’d have to choose for themselves to repent and not eat people. If not, why bother sending them back to repent if they aren’t given the choices to allow them to do so?
imo lulz
OMFG! WHY?! Why is it always a creepy GIRL with DARK HAIR! For god’s sake PICK A BLONDE FOR ONCE!
Please look… for me… please…
I looked… and yelled at my dresser >=( I bet he was on her side the entire time… >_>
ugh creepy
right as i finished reading this my light went out
Brix were shat.
Not to mention the fact that my house is a hundred years old and happens to be where there hundreds of revolutionary war soldiers were buried. And I have a freakin’ enormous mirror that FALLS OVER RANDOMLY in my room. And I saw her… I’ve seen her before, too…
Delicious, eerie pasta, but I don’t think… the lights will be going out tonight.
My computers in the corner and there isn’t anything to the left of it except the wall, so I didn’t read past the first paragraph.
Good write, I kind of predicted the ending as much. But still, great details and structure. But allow me to give you a massive FUCK YOU to you. I have a large mirror on the left side of me, and looking through peripheral vision, it kind of did look like a girl was in my room D;
I didn’t see anything in the reflection of my laptop’s monitor, but I sure as fuck am not turning around any time soon.
I have a 360-degree field of vision. THERE IS NO CORNER OF MY EYE.
If she pokes out my eyes… She’ll ruin them… And if she ruins them… How can she use them…
“’ll jab my bony fingers into your eyes and take them for my own.” She does so. ” Oh, wait…” SHe says with honest surprise. ” It seems that I have ruined these eyes.” “Here, you can have them back.” She says as she places the eyes back into your skull. “Sorry to have inconvenienced you.” She says as she walks out the door.
It’s funny ‘cuz there’s a wall to the left.
@mooooose: yeah, that sounds hot to me too.
Also, how ca she byte if her lower jaw has been ripped out? Pretty meh pasta.
uhuh
Fantastic pasta. Its been a while since I’ve read one that actually creeped me out a little. Wonderful imagry.
I am sure as hell not looking.
“She’ll jab her rotted teeth into your slender neck and lap the blood with her flopping tongue.”
Dude what the fuck. I couldn’t keep reading after this lump of shit.
Pasta fucking sucked hard.
So… Head is out of the question..?
“She’ll jab her rotted teeth into your slender neck and lap the blood with her flopping tongue.”
Ew. No thank you.
i read this and out of the corner of my eye saw something and got scred shitless. turns out it was just my shadowthat was in the left corner of my room XD
Go on. Look. I dare you.
Fear the Darkness
-Nex
Testing balls
*looks left*
Yup pure titanium
F-fatty abdomen? D:
it didnt really work out for me cause there is a wall not even five inches to my left. But im pretty sure it would have if there wasnt a wall. thats a scary story lol.
This is the freakiest pasta I have ever read. Well done.
Creepy girl, white nightgown, pales skin, long black hair? Now where have I read that before? Oh yeah, that’s right, every single fucking pasta on this sight. Moar originality pl0x
Fatty abdomen? Pfft bitch you lost me there
Wait… if you\’re right next to me than how did you post this pasta telling me you\’re right next to me?
Also, NOT LOOKING IS JUST WHAT YOU WANT ME TO DO i\’M LOOKING
………………….. OH GOD NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
BLARGLEARGLEGURLEURGLEBURGLE!
Nice. Would’ve scared me if not for the fact that there is a wall a few inches to my left. Nice try, missy.
The only place you could be now is to the right, which is just ridiculous. You don\’t exist. I\’m looking to the right right now to show you that you ain\’t reaOHSHITSHITSHIT
Wait, no! I’m full of cholesterol! I’ll give you hypertension and you’ll die again! I-I’m too chewy! No! Stop! Don\’t doAHHHHHHHHHHHHH