Her Protection
In every major town and city, there is a house of which no official record exists, and whose windows have been boarded up for longer than anyone around can remember. The previous occupants, if there ever were any, are untraceable, and no organisation or individual will ever lay claim to the plot on which it stands.
Nevertheless, when you break in–always through a back, ground-floor window; you must never touch the outer doors–you will see amongst the dust the signs of inhabitants long gone. A flattened cardboard box, an overturned child’s cot, balding patches on the carpet where the pile has been worn away. Invariably there will be an orphaned double mattress in the master bedroom. What you will not see, however, are rats and cockroaches, or animal waste. Vermin know better than to come here.
These are Her sacred spaces.
The first time you visit, bring only what you need to help you enter the house. Then locate the master bedroom, stand in the centre, and draw an unbroken circle in the dust around your feet. Make it about a metre in diameter to be safe.
Face the doorway and say aloud; “I wish to make a sacrifice. Will you welcome the offering?”
Then leave as quickly as possible. You must not return until night has next fallen.
This time, bring nails, a hammer, an empty litre bottle, a sharp, sturdy knife, and a torch. Enter the same way you did last time. Remember the mattress in the master bedroom? Someone will be sleeping there. Don’t worry about waking them up; She has taken care of that for you. Turn the sleeper over onto their back and cut their jugular vein, making sure to collect as much blood as you can.
You will need to pour a little of the blood onto the floor of every room, including this one, but make sure you have some left at the end. When you’ve finished, leave by the same way you entered, and close up the boards again. (This is what the hammer and nails are for.) Walk home. Speak to nobody on your way. When you get there, tip some of the remaining blood into your right hand and smear it over your door handle before you enter. Then go to bed.
If there is any blood left, you must pour the rest of it onto any pavement in the city, but do not allow it to be poured down a drain. The knife you must never use again, and should bury. Do not trouble yourself with covering your tracks. When you next leave your house, the blood on your door will be gone, and the murder you have committed will have no repurcussions. From the moment you leave Her temple, DNA evidence will never again implicate you; law enforcement will creep around your footsteps without touching them. On cameras, your face will show up a blur.
You are under Her protection now.
Just make sure you get the right house.
I like this. Seems like something I would do, and I know just the place…
Ah, I really like this.
(But who was blood?)
There were way, way too many typos in this.
The beginning had me expecting a holder pasta, i wasn’t far off though.
Good pasta with a final line that kicks in the creepy factor.
Good
Good
nom nom nom nom
THEN WHO WAS SLEEPING PERSON?
The only moment where I rolled my eyes was the capitalized “Her” sentences. It’s been done so many times that the point the author was trying to make with it doesn’t really do anything for me.
Basically, a ritual pasta on how to become a serial killer and continually get away with murder. That in itself is creepy, but the whole ritual and what’s required to attain the rewards comes off as a little hokie to me. Just my two cents.
7/10
It was okay pasta, but the ritual pastas are getting old. Really.
“Go into this barn, wave your arm three times, blah blah blah”
“The knife you must never use again, and should bury.”
This sentence made me want to kill the author.
Too much like the Holder pastas.
i liked it, i also rofld at last sentence. and i cant do this ritual for 2 reasons
1) i need ppl to see my face on tv
2) there are about 30 million of those houses in DC :-P, id probly get the wrong house
Finally, a ritual pasta with a reward that would make the task plausibly worthwhile.
Bahahaha the ending was brilliant. Best pasta in a while
Really good pasta. Cookie to uncredited author.
Liked it…wasn’t too creepy, but was a good read. But whats everyone excited about the last line for? I don’t get it….WHO WAS THE RIGHT HOUSE!!??
Love the last line.
I didn’t really find this creepy, but at least it was a little better written and more interesting than some of the other recent pastas.
Make sure you get the right house…because if you do not…when you go back…no one will be sleeping in that bed and you can’t commit murder. Think about that while you’re trying to sleep tonight.
For those who don’t get the last line:
Make sure you get the right house, or you’ll end up killing a random hobo who snuck in through the hole you made, and end up in prison.
That is how i see it at least…
I’ve heard better ritual pastas than this.. I actually thought they’d be better but that’s a time long past. Still, decent noms nonetheless. And I must ask..
WHO WAS HER?!
That and what’s the point of this other than just get away with murder?
Oh make sure the one you really hate is in that bed, otherwise you’ll regret it..
BUT THEN WHO WAS HER PROTECTION
WAS IT CONDOM
IS SHE CONDOM
well too bad this only really should apply to the criminally-minded. To a normal person this doesn’t hold much promise.
I don’t think I have ever enjoyed reading a ritual pasta. They always consist of a bunch of random, nonsensical steps and they never EVER seem worth going through. They are also obscenely easy to write. Observe:
Murder your wife and children and we’ll give you a tasty sandwich! But not before entering an abandoned house at a precise time and date and talking to a hobo for precisely 5.86 minutes. Then knock on the sixth door to the left with your right shoe. If nothing happens, then GET THE FUCK OUT OF THERE. If the door opens, then enter and take a fork off the table and eat the rat shit on the floor with it BUT DON’T EAT THE MOUSE SHIT. When you’re done, go home and kill your family. After that, when you wake up say, “I have awoken! Let the spirits bless me with their gift!” Your sandwich will be waiting for you in the dining room.
Also, the sandwich will make all your fingers and tongue fall off if you eat it. But it sure is tasty. Wasn’t that a spoooky ritual?
Average. I liked the reward part, being under “Her protection”. I’d give a 6/10.
That.. That was beautiful.
I like this one. This is one of the better pastas we’ve had lately.
Yes, ritual pastas are getting a little old, but this one had a worthwhile reward that was creepy in itself.
The typos and the overused, Holder-like beginning keep me from giving this 10/10.
the last sentence made me laugh.
BUT WHAT WAS BED?
Well aimed shot. Only people who would be willing to repeat a murder would do something like this. Of course that is just me stating the obvious. An above average pasta, made better by impeccable aim.
I really liked this one all around
I liked elmo’s version better XD
Now that’s interesting!
BUT WHO WAS BLOODY DOORKNOB?
I agree with This Is What, I liked Elmos version better. Also, if you do this and are suddenly under her protection, then they don’t have a record of you, so you can’t buy anything, don’t you guys see?! You’ll slowly starve to death if you do this Ritual! Also, who do you think She was? And if she is so powerful, why does she live in some old abandoned house? And there was a part that said that you stand in the middle of the room, and say “I’d like to make a sacrifice!” Then leave as soon as you say, that. Why do you need to leave? What is she gonna do abut it? Also a little message for Violent Harvest, VIOLENT HARVEST, I LEFT YOU A LITTLE MESSAGE IN THE COMMENTS SECTION FOR THE PASRA, “YOU’RE NOT SCARED, RIGHT? ” YOU MIGHT WANNA READ IT!
This would’ve been better if the author had explored the implications of people who get it wrong, or at least made more than a passing reference to it. That’s the most interesting part of the story - people who may have fucked it up, but are so willing to get this “protection” that they try again.
The weakest part of the story is obviously the second-person narrative. This is getting embarrassingly common, here, folks. Please stop doing it. The Holders are what, like, six years old or something? It feels like six million years old.
Sick of ritual pastas…
Until last line made it all good.
So either I’m not a murderer, in which case I have no interest in this, or I am a murderer, in which case a ritual involving killing somebody won’t bother me.
Um. Yeah. Not so much creepy.
Very interesting. I like ritual pastas. Though they can get old after a while. But the ending kept this one fresh. 7.5/10
So if I get the wrong house I won’t have to commit murder in the first place and won’t need anything for some chick to protect me from?
Sounds alright.
Ritual pasta, nothing new… I do like the last sentence, though. It has some good dose of unfortunate implication. Other than that, it’s the same old ritual “do this, precisely this, or else you’ll be doomed; DOOMED, I TELLS YA!”
I like this compared to other ‘ritual’ pastas. I have to admit that at first, I was worried it would be something from The Holders series. Glad it wasn’t.
People keep talking about typos–I have to admit, I didn’t spot any. Is it possible they mean the anglicised spellings?
I don’t understand this story…can anyone explain?
Get rid of second person, it’s annoying. Do something other than a ritual pasta. They are annoying.
Last line was the only good part of this pasta. 3/10
I was honestly expecting better from the ending. I was hoping for something like having to sleep there the second time, and hope no one else is doing the ritual. Still lame, but much better than “omg dont fuck up or ur g2jail lolx”
Some of your grammar is a little awkward and I kind of hoped for a little more creepiness. I was surprised the ritual ended when it did, and that there didn’t appear to be any negative consequences in exchange for your new abilities.
It was solid, though, and the last line made me smile.
The “make sure you get the right house” made me laugh. I liked this one
I would probably have drawn it out a bit more though.
Wow. Really.
I liked this. It was eloquent and not overly ornate. The last line seemed a little weird because it strikes me as overwhelmingly likely that if you did pick the wrong house, then the next time you come back it’ll still be abandoned. What if instead, she indicated a second house for you to go to? That one might look normal, and then you really wouldn’t know whether you’d done it right, and were murdering her chosen sacrifice, or if you were just killing a random person.
I liked this. It was eloquent and not overly ornate. The last line seemed a little weird because it strikes me as overwhelmingly likely that if you did pick the wrong house, then the next time you come back it’ll still be abandoned. What if instead, she indicated a second house for you to go to? That one might look normal, and then you really wouldn’t know whether you’d done it right, and were murdering her chosen sacrifice, or if you were just killing a random person.
Hahah, that last line was win. Turned it meh-meh into win.
elmo’s comment made me laugh so hard.
I liked this. True, it’s just ritual pasta, but it still entertained me. Left me wondering who “She” is. 8/10
Not bad, but certainly has a “Holders” feel to it.
Lulz, I like the ritual pasta’s, they’re sickk .
<3
the last line of this was sick.
7/10, Great pasta
I like this ritual very much.
A very original concept by my knowledge.
My only gripes were the punctuational errors in the beginning that made it a bit difficult to read. Otherwise, it was quite a good read.
–Char Mander
Jesus H Roosevelt Christ, Elmo. Win.
the last line made me laugh. xD
but, nice one.
not bad, had some interesting parts, and i like the fact that the result is not mone, or eternal beauty, but complete coverage for anything against the law you wish to do. And indeed, if you have the balls to slit the troath of someone to perform an unknown ritual and such, you’re ballsy enough to get a profit from your newly acquired criminal safety.
Still, it is written in a way that is too similar to the holder series. 4/10 for me.
Yeah, Elmo’s ritual is actually more straight-forward than some of the others I’ve seen here. Also, I mean- who doesn’t like sandwiches?
This story: 4/10. The only creepiness for me was the fact that this is seemingly a ritual for “wet behind the ears” serial killers. As long as they find the right house.
Meh.
Umm I came back the next night and there was no person on the matress
There was already someone dead on the matress. DAMN IT.
I agree with Internet Love Machine, whose ending idea I actually really liked. The story was decent, but not riveting.
The end line was what made this story.
Last line was cool, but yeah, all these stupid ritual pastas are boring.
I like this ritual very much.
A very original concept by my knowledge.
My only gripes were the punctuational errors in the beginning that made it a bit difficult to read. Otherwise, it was quite a good read.
–Char Mander
—————————-
Did you put “Charmander” on purpose?
xD yes commit a crime to fall of the grid, orginal but suckish
still i ate your pasta
light thinks itself the fastest, but wherever it goes, darkness gets their first - unknown author
But, what if I get the wrong house :O
This might cause the deaths of some bums around the country
This might inspire some idiot to do exactly what was written and then they realise, there is no Her.
Most definately enjoyed this Pasta it has much nice sauce, i give it my 7/10 would try and enjoy.
lol the ring
good
that was sick, after it was finished i was just “wowed” lol
I must find the location of this house.
Strange, there’s a place in my town like that… old and boarded up…
I wish this were true, I’d love to be able to do this
reminds me of the dark brotherhood from oblivion
I liked that it was just
‘Fuck it up, nothing happens. Too bad for you.’
Instead of the usual
‘Fuck it up, you die.’
It was crap. I hated it
is it bad i could picture myself doing that?
not that i would do that but like i saw it in my head and instead of a nameless girl doing the tasks i saw myself doing it,
very tasty pasta.
7/10
Wayy too cliche.
Good pasta. The house I’d have to hit is my used-to-be-neighbor’s house, though. At least it’s convenient to break into. Derp.
I think a lot of you people are missing the point. The way I see it is that this wasn’t supposed to be a creepy ritual, but more like a subtle parody on them, thus the last line. I liked it a lot. 9/10 (due to the continuity of the “smear blood, immediately go to bed, but wait pour the remaining blood out and bury the knife).
I am new to these websites. These are all fictional stories, right? I just can’t tell.
To those who say this has ‘no negative consequences’ in this, isn’t the aftermath of killing someone a consequence? Unless you’re seriously messed up, that will play on your mind until the day you die. You don’t just kill someone and forget about it like nothing happened.
I liked this.
Oh no Lolzer, these are true stories.
I highly advise you find a building like this in your town, and callously slaughter some random person sleeping within it.
This, I would probably try if there was no chance of getting caught going in/out of the house and if the wasn’t one of these houses on every street xD Most likely I’d get the wrong one
Wait… It implies that the victim is impossible to wake up =/
There is no way to fuck it up. You just need to attempt to wake up the person. If they wake, then you got the wrong house. If they don’t wake, even after, say, pissing on them, then you have the right house
Great, the fridge logic ruined the creepiness D:
I normally dislike ritual pastas, but this was the best one I\’ve eaten in a while. It tastes like something that\’s not impossible to do, with satisfying results , rather than \’throw used toilet paper at the temple of stupidity, then when you go home you\’ll have infinite soda lolz\’. I hardly noticed the typos. 8/10
very nice pasta. I liked the last sentence. made me laugh. knowing me i wouldn\’t be able to do any of that in the first place but if i could i would get the wrong house lol
A good pasta, but I’ve never really been a fan of these Ritual/Instruction pastas.
Still, 8/10.
And people… there are no typos! They’re anglicised/anglicized spellings! Just like the word anglicised!