Bottle
My damnation came in the form of a bottle.
No, not like that.
When I was a child my best friend lived next to a little junkyard. Great place for a kid to hang out, a junkyard. Full of mystery and exciting discoveries, and if you find anything nice nobody minds if you take it, except your parents, obviously. Well, not my friend’s mom. Most of their bowls and plates came from that junkyard. But anyway.
One day a bunch of us were hanging out, dismantling a car. Some of us might have been interested in the parts, I just thought breaking stuff was great. When we’d got the engine strewn everywhere we set to work on the interior. Under one of the seats was a little glass bottle, full of some green, bubbly liquid.
Curiosity trumped hygiene in those days. I uncorked it and sniffed it. The smell was pleasant, minty, a little floral. One kid, Jackie, dared me to drink it. It was a double-dog dare. I had to.
The taste was also pleasant, and it warmed me on the way down. My body was filled with a strange, pleasant tingling. Nothing else happened, not until that night.
First effect, I couldn’t sleep. I haven’t needed sleep since. It’s all right. I get a lot done.
Second effect, a month later. I started to cough things up. I was playing alone in the woods and I hacked up blood. Then there were chunks in the blood. Then I was puking. The entirety of my coiled long intestine came snaking up as I sat there quivering, tears on my cheeks, struggling to breathe, literally puking my guts up. My mouth seemed to unhinge like a snake’s to accommodate my lungs. My heart was on my sleeve. The bloodstain would never have come out if I hadn’t abandoned the clothes I was wearing. The police searched frantically for a missing person, but never found a thing.
I wasn’t empty when I finished, though. New organs built up inside me. I could feel them, I could see them when I closed my eyes, nameless lumps and spirals springing out of nothing.
Third effect. Two months later. I began to crave the water. I can’t possibly describe the feeling of thirsty skin, but it was a desperate thirst. I left my parents’ house one night and walked and walked until I came to a swamp. I moved in. The murky, bug-filled waters feel like home now, as they did all those years ago. I sit under the water, watching the fish and salamanders get eaten by herons, looking at the surface waiting for my prey.
I’m sure you know what the fourth effect was. I’m typing this on the cell-phone of my latest victim. She was delicious. She smelled like fresh melons.
–
Credited to mngamojemo.
BUT WHO WAS MAN-FISH?
Nice concept. Not creepy, but i like it.
FIRST SWEET
NICE!!! I WANT SOME OF THAT!!! XDDD
Horrible.
Ehh, it was OK
BUT WHO WAS SWAMP MONSTER?
lulz ehh it could have been better it just feels too rushed
This is definitely good pasta, with a stingy ending. Yummy…
so the narrator drank some green shit from a bottle then turned into an alligator. cool story bro.
I like the concept. It’s much better than some of the other things that have been posted on here as of late. The ending was kinda blah. I like pastas that give me a jolt when I read the ending, a kind of unexpected twist. Sadly this was lacking in that department. It wasn’t a bad story, but not an amazingly good one either. I saw the ending coming a mile away. I’d say it’s just an average pasta. The writer definatley has potential though.
Excuse my spelling mistakes please, I’m not the best in that department.
Melons? he ate a nigger. lol
so wait…you became an alligator?
generic swamp-monster creepypasta?
Won’t be dining for pasta from this source again.
Oh man. D: Th-That part about puking up organs made me feel really sick.
Good story, too. :3
An alligator with enough intelligence and thumbs to know how and be able to use a cell phone!
“My heart was on my sleeve.”
^ Nice.
Not bad. Better than the last ones. Well written too.
Oh yeah and didnt his friend drink it too? what about him?..
That was horrible.
Wandered from creepy into unintentionally funny.
LOL,I was just about to ask “THEN WHO WAS THE NARRATOR?” Then I read the last sentence and lol’d.
The puking up organs and complete body restructuring part made me think Extremis. Not bad,pretty well written.
LOL,I was just about to ask “THEN WHO WAS NARRATOR?” Then I read the last paragraph and lol’d. So it’s a murderous man-fish that has opposable thumbs and posts creepypasta through a cellphone. Awesome.
The puking up your guts and complete body restructuing part made me think of Extremis. Not bad at all,pretty well written.
Fuck,doublepost. Suck cocks,disregard,etc.
The author needs to write with less choppy sentences, and stick more to the plot (who cares about the friend’s mom?).
Good concept, though.
this was terrible. completely terrible.
Did he drink Gatorade?
Wow. Fish man.
Haha, give me some of that!
Why does this remind me of one of those old movies?
I’m probably saying the name when I say what it’s about but, the thing that came from the swamp or something.
Maybe this shows how he became such a monster?
Not really feeling this one. It started off cool enough. I mean, children wandering around unattended in a junk yard? It starts with some potential. I’m not a huge fan of the execution though…
Jim Halpert said:
>so the narrator drank some green shit from a bottle then turned into an alligator. cool story bro.
/thread
haha, fail
Hrm…..don’t know if want. I live in the swamps, so I suppose my skin wouldn’t be thirsty, but on the other hand, I love to eat alligator………so would I love to eat me?
On the whole, I’d say this one could use just a bit more creepy. After all, gore/vomit/blood all make wonderful additions to any creepy recipe, but don’t try to use them as a substitute FOR the creepy. Other than that, though, it was executed rather well, and it kept me interested.
Very well written but the ending could have been better
not actually scary, just quite funny
LOl at gatorade. GREAT PUN. Other than that its a pertty good story
Old Gregg, the scaly man-fish! O:
this was dumb…
who drinks stuff you fins under old van seats in junkyards anyway?
it should have turned him into something worse & scarier.
THEN it would be a good story.
eh…it had a good start but It would have been kool if the girl he ate was part of the story too..
I didn’t expect to see this on the mainsite. But then again, silly me, DAY OF ALL THE BLOOD got posted here.
I liked it, but the ending was predictable. I think it would be cooler if they didn’t just start eating people, but started becoming more and more swampish.
That was just awful..
“my heart was on my sleeve” Clever. Pretty cool pasta, I wish that more were like it.
heh heh doodle
Started strong, but got worse and worse. I thought I was in for something interesting, but ended up with a pretty bland pasta.
….alligators don’t have thumbs, people… *facepalm*
Also, crocs don’t “drink” through their skin. They’re not amphibians. gb2/1stgradescienceclass
…Whut
alligators cant text u idiot
Not creepy, but pretty cool.
that was really boring
nice try though
Eh, it was a good idea but I think it could’ve been written a little bit better. It’s more entertaining than the last batch of pastas, at any rate.
Well this was a nice pasta, but I couldn’t help it, that this had the reference to some old classic horror movie with a swamp monster snatching up a woman.
:/
OH HALLO THAR INNSMOUTH LOOK.
All of the “effects” seem completely unrelated and useless. Fail.
Total nostalgia trip from the swamp-man ending. Overall nothing spectacular but it made for a good read.
Sweet. BD
I didn’t think it was bad, then I read “she smelled like fresh melons” and burst out laughing.
Lovely pasta if I do say so myself. I rather enjoyed the humanity/monstrosity of the author until the end describing her scent. Something about that just gets me in a pasta. My compliments to the chef.
IT’S OLD GREGG!
I’m surprised nobody said anything about this yet…
“watching the fish and salamanders get eaten by herons”
i am a heron
…fuck, it IS Old Gregg…my Mighty Boosh obsession got into my pasta….
This is pretty horrid stuff and not in a good way. Boring, poorly constructed cliches and horrible writing skills. I would suggest the author stop writing and do something they’re better at… like sucking dick.
THEN WHO WAS ALLIGATOR!?!?!?! story was OK
writers got some potential
Hhaaa!
Scary Fish-man;
Alright, Alright:D
hot damn, i liked this. can’t say it was too creepy, but it made me chuckle. the voice really had character to it.
I love fresh melons.
But why would a swamp monster like fresh melons?
Cool pasta but a bit hurried.
“She smelled like Fresh Melons” seems like a reference to a poem from Grim Fandango. Really nice reference, if it is.
Different Pasta, Didn’t quite get it though? ^o)
Man fish? Vampire? Alligator…Like the recycling advert says…..’The possibilities are endless’ xD
+1 to Gatorade comment. Still, pasta fails.
He’s a kupo!
crazy…i loved it…it was sick…10/10..hey dylan
i am a heron. i haev a long neck and i pick fish out of the water w/ my beak. if you dont repost this comment on 10 other pages i will fly into your kitchen tonight and make a mess of your pots and pans
THEN WHO WAS MELON?
Heron ruined it for me, I lol’d.
I don’t understand…explain?
Reminded me of the creature Dagon. Not very well written, kind of predictable. I expected more and got less.
Waiter, I wish to return my pasta.
HEY KIDS;
NEVER DRINK FROM BOTTLE YOU FIND IN CAR SEATS, K?
And when he said “He left his parents” means they accepted him even though he had no jaw and no organs?
WTF?!?
Remember when it wasn’t necessarry for a story to explain how and with what it is written? I like the alligator idea, but alligators can’t type with cell phones.
To the pasta itself, I don’t know. Every pasta I’ve recently read has left me kinda cold, and empty too. I’ve already read the creepiest pasta and after that, am not afraid of less creepy ones even though it’s rainy day and I’m currently alone. And been reading creepypasta/ghost stories since Tuesday.
Well, this pasta was creepiest to this point, but still missed that “something”. It’s a boring life if creepypasta doesn’t creep.
And the fourth effect was the ability to write stuff on a cellphone O_o
nice story… strange ending… seemed a little rushed from the middle of the story
It was cool, but you can’t actually puke up your intestines. That part kind of killed it for me.
and cthulhu was born…
So basically some guy drank some green drink and turned into black man who craves watermelons?
I was underwhelmed.
Delicious pasta & nicely written on top of it. Although the concept is kind of over-used, wait a minute! I think i smell a melon human walking by -nom nom nom-~
But then who was alligator?
-__________- That was HORRIBLE. I was bored, and thought that the story was completely pointless. Not very exciting. -5/10
The timing doesn’t make sense. Since when do you say, “when I was a kid i drank some shit”, then say “two months later i saw other effects” and say “after that now i’m typing on a cell phone”.
THEN WHO WAS KID?
Nice start, but I was all “meh” during the ending.
mmm.. melons. :3
Very well written, but after the gut-puking I felt like it ran out of steam. The ending didn’t really top the horror of a person puking up their own intestines, I think.
Cell phones totally work in the water :downs:
Ever drink Bailey’s from a shoe? Wanna go to a club where people wee on each other? I’m gonna hurt you. I like you. What do ya’ think of me?
Why are the quality of comments on this site sub-Youtube quality? “OMG that suxs” “I could do better than that” “This is the worst -80000/10″
ARGH! New creepypasta: everyone who posts stupid comments is a real, living person. They talk and think exactly as you would expect from reading their comments. Most of them were able to acquire jobs. Some of them will reproduce and raise children.
@roflwut? I love you. Will you do me the honor of marrying me in an underwater cavern?
Why do people keep saying he’s an alligator now? Maybe he’s a fucking crocodile?!
But seriously, I never saw him as becoming an alligator. Just a swamp-lurking cannibal.
LOL @ Kaytee
Exactly what I thought of when it ended.
The vomiting of the internal organs reminded me of severe radiation sickness. Very good. 7/10.
Fear the Darkness
-Nex
Man what you smok…. Drinking.
reminds me of an RL Stine story i read ages back
i think instead he ate a fruit, forgot about the details, but I do remember the narrator turning into some sea creature
CRIKEY LOOK AT THIS ONE
big lipped alligator moment… anybody know where i got that from?
+1 to whoever said “he drank gatorade”
ps….why would a car in a junkyard have that bottle? or is that part of the creepyosity?
Not really creepy, but oddly, very interesting. Liked the part where it said he puked up his guts. 7/10
@mngamojemo
He’s just looking for love…
Swamp-man goes rogue?
If I could regrow my organs, I\’d take advantage of that.
Chopped liver, anyone?
from what I can understand, he was part sea cucumber, considering that he could puke out his guts and grow new ones, a defense mechanism of the sea cucumber
So that’s who was phone
Nothing supernatural happened. He’s just tripping.
BUT WHERE IS BLACK LAGOON!?!
I’m not about to go through all the comments, but did no one else think about the fact that cellphones have a symbol limit with texts? A hundred-something, I don’t know I never text. I’m pretty sure this exceeds the max though.
Story fails. Ending fails harder.
the part where he writes the entire story on some chick’s cell was kinda unrealistic though. but overall i liked the descriptions, especially when he puked up organs was pretty graphic.
for some reason i really liked it though, smooth reading.