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Touch



Estimated reading time — < 1 minute

He and his girlfriend weren’t the most romantic couple – their idea of spicing up their relationship was making out in the dark. He came over to her house late one night, when her parents were out of town, and they lay down on her bed together. He turned off the bedside lamp, held her hands in his, and began kissing her gently. The thing about the darkness is that it heightens your other senses.

The sound of her gentle breathing, beginning to quicken.

The sweet smell of perfume at the base of her neck.

The taste of her lips, and the salt on her skin.

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The feel of nails beginning to dig into his shoulders.

Despite the darkness, his eyes snapped open as he realised that both her hands were still clasped firmly within his own.

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Credit To – September Derleth

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35 thoughts on “Touch”

  1. The structure was off towards the end and it felt more like a really cheap scare with an obvious twist. You’re descriptive writing is however, very good. The structure at the start was great and i sort of wished you’d carried it on. Looking forward to seeing how you develop :)

  2. Really good and chilling micropasta. The build of the tension is really smooth and not too quick or choppy, and the imagery of it was amazing. Well done. :D

  3. I definitely had to re-read this over 3 times before I was like ‘oh, wow okay that’s what happened.” Don’t worry, that’s just how I am. Like it though. Short and sweet. :)

  4. I get the basic idea, but, it seems easy to write (writing comes easy to me) and simple. I know it’s just a micropasta but, dang…

  5. You need to work on your parallelism. None of the final sentences “go together” because they are not similarly structured. You should have done something like

    The sound of her gentle breathing, began to quicken.
    The sweet smell of perfume at the base of her neck intensified…
    The taste of her lips and skin became salty…

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