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Torture.avi



Estimated reading time — 3 minutes

I’m bawling my eyes out as I type this, locked in my closet. For those of you who think this is one of those internet ghost stories, then I envy you. After this you can just continue on with your lives, but it will catch up with you soon enough. And it’s your fault for reading this. Don’t try and stop now, it’s too late. But if you read on, you might be able to defend those around you. Get away from your loved ones. Don’t tell anybody. Embrace death.

My story (and soon to be yours) started early in the morning. I checked my mail to find bills, junk and a small package. I opened the padded envelope from the bottom and a flash drive fell out. I picked it up after it bounced on to my mat. “What’s this?” I wondered aloud as I examined it. It was a plain, black USB stick. I asked my wife in the kitchen if she has ordered anything but she was just as puzzled about the drive as me. I looked up at the clock – I was almost late for work. I put the mail on the table and dashed out the door.

When I arrived at the office, I kept wondering about what could be on the flash drive. Was it some marketing idea? A prank that just contained some stupid video? I decided to check it out once I got home. The day seemed to drag after that, as I curious to find out what was on that stick. When I finally arrived home, I found my wife’s body in bloody ribbons across the living room floor. I was about to scream hysterically, when I noticed a faint glow. I turned to see my wife’s laptop turned on with a blank screen. With tears in my eyes, I crossed the room, over the bloody mess on the floor, to the computer. I tapped the spacebar and the screen lit up. There was a file named “Torture.avi” in a folder named “Removabledisk:E”. I looked down, and sure enough the USB stick was in the USB port. Without thinking, i clicked on the file. A video automatically started playing.

A black and white video of a 7, maybe 8 year old girl in a bed. After 20 seconds or so the girl suddenly sits up in bed. Her eyes snap open, revealing wide, pea-green orbs. Her body hovers a few feet into the air, then an earth-shattering scream issues from her mouth. It sounds inhuman, not even animalistic. It is the scream of something too sinister to even register. Suddenly the scene is a street that looks familiar to me. The camera man walks down the street until he reaches a house, that also seems familiar to me. Suddenly, my heartbeat quickens. My mouth turns dry as I realize that the camera man is walking up the path to my door.

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I jump as there’s a knock on my door. I look through the frosted glass and I see a dark hooded figure. Without realizing it, my legs are carrying me through my hallway. As I was locking the door of my bedroom, I heard my front door being flung off the hinges. I barricaded the door as best I could and grabbed my laptop. I climbed into this very closet and here I am.

I am about to die. I know that. I can hear whoever or whatever the thing is banging down my door right now. I just wanted to tell my story before I pass. Soon, you will receive the same flash drive. DO NOT watch it. Dispose of it. Oh God, it’s in the room. It’s in the room. It’s in the room. It’s i

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Credit To: This is my first creepypasta, and yes I realize I have used the video-tape cliché but I just wanted to write SOMETHING. Please criticize on what I need to work on.

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Copyright Statement: Unless explicitly stated, all stories published on Creepypasta.com are the property of (and under copyright to) their respective authors, and may not be narrated or performed under any circumstance.

65 thoughts on “Torture.avi”

  1. This one was okay, but I mean if its in the room why are you typing? 1) Some computers are really loud 2) I’d be getting ready for a fight 3) Are they typing when the dude opens the closet?
    Creepy dude: Time to die!
    The guy: One sec let me type this crazy ending!!!!
    Creepy dude: Srslly?

  2. I liked it, but I feel like you could have described the part of the wife’s death a bit better. Like a bit more of what exactly happened to her, besides the fact that she was in bloody ribbons on the floor. Also the guy felt very little emotion about his wife dying… And what exactly did the girl in the video have to do with the rest of the story? (and what was happening to her exactly) Is she the dark hooded figure that came to kill him?
    The story was written nicely, but as i said, maybe add some more details next time :)

  3. I think it was good. Amateur but good. After a proof read or two, added and extracted details it would be a solid ten but currently I say six. Good luck on future pastas

  4. The beginning was creepy but then it got a little rushed plus the hooded figure could use a little more back storie

  5. Great! Overall I enjoyed it. It was a bit short and could use a bit more detail in the beginning, maybe he sees his wife being murdered because the little girl didn’t make much sense. Over all I enjoyed it though and would be willing to read more of your work.

  6. Actually, I think this story wasn’t rushed enough.
    I mean, there is a man downstairs who is gonna kill me as soon as he reaches me, I take my laptop… OK, no, I take my phone and call the police, actually, but let’s say I take my laptop and write my story for someone, it would be more like “got a plain flashdrive in my mail this morning. When I came home after work, my wife was dead on the floor, the laptop was on and the USB drive was in, there was a video, I watched it, then a man unhinged my door, now he’s coming to kill me”.
    Either that, or I agree with the killer to give me time to write down a detailed report for posterity.
    But I agree, it makes no sense that a laptop distracts the narrator from his horribly dead wife.

  7. well love it is well done but it could have been better… as many have said your wife’s death had no emotion not even a sense of being distraught… and the ending did seem rushed in a way but you did end with a bang! i left me with a little chill… over all i give it 7/10 the imagery was great though… try to give it more creativity emotion and thought next time… still goodjob love :)

  8. I liked it but a “hooded figure”? That’s over used. Make up something original, I like where you’re going with the story but the perpetrator isn’t too terrifying! I mean if that was me, I would have just grabbed a weapon & beat it’s head in!

  9. You didn’t really show much emotion for your wife’s death. I thought the actually story was really good though. Little bit rushed but over all really good. Great job. :)

  10. William M. Buttlicker

    If the video was black and white, how did you know the color of the girl’s eyes? Also, the man didn’t seem to care about his wife’s death much.

  11. Decent writing, but the whole “Now that you have started reading this you will die, even if you stop reading it” cliche makes this pasta more awful than listening to Justin Bieber. Please write something else.

  12. I agree strongly with Sam. It was too rushed and had little reliance to the video tape. That and if you added a little more detail it (emotional) and I think maybe you should have had a jumble of letters at the end like so mnj4ehnkb vopo9wp’rw to symbolize the mans head falling on the keyboard. But for your first pasta, that was pretty good. And I actually like those types of pastas that say they are real, they make me cower in my bed but, even though they are just stories, they’re good. And I loved how you cut off the end of the sentence mid word. Very good idea. I hope your future as a writer goes well.

  13. People, when someone is busting into your home and ready to kill you, you don’t have time to type out your life’s story. This is being written as the killer is drawing near. They don’t have time to type out something long and greatly detailed, it’s simply meant to be a short message to anyone who finds it after he’s dead. So quit saying ‘rushed’ and ‘needs more detail’ because it IS rushed. The killer’s not going to say, “Oh, death story? It’s cool bro, take your time. I’ll just go raid the fridge or something.”

  14. LOL~! I feel very ridiculous! When I read the pasta, i thought it was real! I felt very scared… until the end… LOL~! thanks for saying it’s fake!!! XDDD

  15. Only serious complaint is how easily he shrugged off his wife’s horribly mutilated body.

    “OH MY GOD MY WIFE IS DEA- Ooh, the latpop is on, let’s check it out! :DDDDD”

  16. 1st of all “now that you started it’s too late to stop” or something is really a thumbs down. At the end of the story you never explained why it’s too late. You never mentioned you read something like this before of how reading this will endanger the reader. Also when you say something like “I just wanted to write this before I die” sort of thing, please don’t span the story out within like an hour of the event leading to the typing. I mean really, who the hell gets that long of a time limit to describe their whole day in detail, grammar check, and still manage to post their story when they didn’t even live long enough to type out the last sentence. You need to make it somewhat logical.

  17. Try not to make the USB drive in the story so important. If you received an innocent looking flash drive, you probably wouldn’t care or even remember it again until you got home. And the sentence “Sure enough, the flash drive was in the computer,” made it seem like this was to be expected. Other than that, I liked it quite a bit. 8/10

  18. Yeah, very cliche, but it had potential. A bit too rushed, and maybe add a bit more detail. But for a first try, it was alright. Try and think of an original idea next, because that makes it so much better. 7/10.

  19. Entertaining read. I think the quick pace worked pretty well, considering the about-to-die ending. What sticks out to me, however, is the dead wife part. Either add more detail and emotion to that part, or find a way to cut it out. Maybe “you” didn’t come home to find her murdered, maybe “you” came home to find some sign of intrusion, some other sign of impending doom? Overall, quite enjoyable, it was just the wife part that seemed off.

    1. I firmly believe with all of my heart, the killer was kind enough to find this website and post it for him. What a nice person!

  20. Not a bad pasta.
    I feel like the video is too vague, then abruptly changed into something impossibly specific. The screaming girl thing is just too cliched the way you used it, and it bore no relevance to the rest of the story. Then, it changed and became like a livestream, whivh bothers me because that’s not how USBs work. He shouldn’t be able to look out his window and see the camera guy.

    I would’ve changed it one of these ways: the girl screaming was like his wife/daughter or something like that, or, the video is his wife getting killed, then the file is left open for him to see. That would justify all the images you wanted to have in the pasta AND justify the name Torture.avi – subject was tortured, torture to watch, etc.

    tl;dr Not bad, a little stale and too familiar. 4/10

  21. Ow no there is a man outside the door who is probably the killer of my wife lets not call the police because i have to post this shit!

  22. I liked some of the imagery, like with the little girl. The very start (you’re already completely fucked, die die) prevented it from being anything more than laughable, see TVTropes ‘Darkness Induced Audience Apathy.’ Also the fact that right off the bat you insist it’s true – we know it isn’t, you need to slowly and subtly ease us into the feeling of “OMG BUT WHAT IF??” The cut off ending is always stupid (if you couldn’t finish typing how did you post it). Those are my main gripes.

  23. Let your writing flow a little more. I am not sure why, but when I was reading it I found myself pausing after almost every sentence. It seemed kind of monotone and emotionless. It’s good for your first Pasta, keep it up.

  24. I agree that you definitely have a pacing problem. It’s okay to take time to setup and discuss the emotional trauma of your wife’s death. Maybe try discovering the laptop after cleaning your wife’s flesh from the floor? Also, don’t worry about asking for feedback, because it ruins any realism you were trying to create.

    1. If he didn’t ask for feedback, instead of giving him actual feedback people would be raging about all the cliches in one story.

  25. It had some good imagery, but it was definitely rushed-feeling. I would say just go ahead and take the time to go back over it and fill things in.

  26. Main complaints are the insistence that the story is true. We all know it isn’t. Thinking it’s true doesn’t add anything but the assertion that it is true just takes us out of the story more.

    Aside from that, the “now this will happen to you” stuff doesn’t make sense. How does the character know this? There is no mention of him reading a similar story or anything. What would make more sense would be advice that if you ever receive an unexpected flash drive to dispose of it immediately, since nothing bad seemed to happen until after it was played.

    Decent first effort.

  27. I’m glad you’re self-aware of the recycled cliches you used (videotape that kills you, creepy little girl, hooded figure, the whole “I’m about to die so listen to my story” format, et cetera) that are relatively loathed by creepypasta veterans.

    The story was however somewhat redeemable, had more detail been added to… well everything, it might’ve been slightly chilling. But reading the entire story it’s clear you were rushing to the juicy videotape, I mean the guy pretty much ignored his dead wife to watch it! Little set-up with little reward, such is regrettable but understandable to green writers such as yourself.

    In the future, be more original, add more detail, be more original, create more setup, don’t rely on the climax, be more original, be more original, be more original (yea yea you get it). Don’t rely on some “formula”, write something entirely of your own.

    By the way… a fuckin’ scary picture is always a good touch…

  28. Not bad at all really, a little rushed for my tastes but with the ‘last message’ paradigm it worked rather well.
    Bravo.

    1. Reply to Max: No shit it was fake.Pretty obvious.The writer just wanted advice and criticism so they could improve.

  29. It was fairly well done, but the whole thing seemed to fast for me to comprehend. “You” barely felt any emotion to your wifes death, and the fact that there was a man coming to kill you. Your pasta was filled with cliches, but it did give me some pretty disturbing imagery. So props writer. 6/10

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