I don’t think there’s a college that doesn’t have its share of legends. Stories range from the ghost of the girl who was pregnant with the football coach’s child to the creature that roams a building at night. And everything is said to kill you in the most horrible fashion if you run into it, of course. My school, Miskatonic University, up in Maine, was no exception.
In addition to the obligatory ghost stories of the suicides and murder victims still haunting the grounds, there was a story of an evil creature that liked to torture its victims by scaring them for days on end before killing them. The thing is, you have to call this monster, invite it to hunt you. The monster is called Achildes and it feeds on the terror.
Yeah, that’s brilliant, call up an otherworldly horror to come and torture you.
But there were tons of people who did this and they didn’t die. It was some sort of rite of passage. Frats and Sororities had it as part of their initiation ritual. They would take the new kids out to the old run down building on campus. Despite its sorry state, it still was usable, there just weren’t any classes being held in it. That wasn’t common knowledge, though. The members would send the pledges in and have them call up Achildes. The pledges would do the ritual in the men’s bathroom and then someone in a mask would jump out and scare the bejesus out of them. Most of the time the kids would run screaming out of the building, sometimes they would go deeper into the building and get lost. Which meant that all the lights would have to be turned on and a search would go on until they were found.
What a great way to get people into your frat, give them heart attacks and/or mental issues.
Then my friend Tiffany told me and my girlfriend, Alexia, that she had found the actual ritual and where it was supposed to be done. I didn’t really want anything to do with it, and neither did Alexia. We told Tiff not to do it, that it’s not a good idea to mess with things that aren’t of this world. Of course, she didn’t listen. I remember when it happened, it was at the end of November…
It was a dark and stormy night…
I was lounging on the couch in the apartment that Alexia and I shared just off campus, playing Mass Effect for the twenty-eighth time. Alexia was sitting at her desk nearby, playing some Facebook games on her laptop.
“Remember that ritual Tiffany told us about?” Alexia asked me,
“Vaguely,” was my muttered reply.
“She has a status saying that her, Mark, Tonya, Steve, and Jeff are going to perform it tonight. That was about 3 hours ago.”
“What time is it now?”
“9:27”
“Wonder if they’re still alive.” I wasn’t taking it seriously.
“Probably not.” She said in a similar tone to mine.
A while later the phone rang. It was right next to me, but I was shooting people, so obviously I couldn’t answer it. I quickly checked the caller id. “It’s Tiff,” I said as I tossed it to Alexia and went back to shooting people, but with the volume down a bit more. I didn’t really pay any attention to the call, I was too busy trying to snipe some mercs, and Alexia had gone into another room. Not sure how long the call lasted but it was long enough for me to get out of that area in the game.
“Find a save point,” Alexia called out to me, “We’ve got to go get ’em.”
“Why?” I asked, saving and shutting down the system.
“They did the ritual and are scared out of their minds.” She replied as she put her coat on and grabbed her purse.
“Okay, so where are they?” I grabbed my coat and keys.
“The old mental hospital.”
“Why am I not surprised?” We went out to the car and started towards the old mental hospital that was just outside of the warehouse district of the city. Alexia reminded me what Tiffany had told us about the ritual.
The location for the ritual has to be a place where great fear has been felt – the mental hospital was perfect for that – and at night with no lights on. You have to have 27 black candles and, after arranging them in a specific pattern, light them. Then everyone who is participating in the ritual has to stand in the middle of the symbol that the candles form and start chanting a challenge to the demon. And you have to use its actual name, not Achildes, which is the bastardized version of it. It takes 27 times of saying the chant for it to work. If it works, then the candles are supposed to go out and then you have to run for your life because the creature/demon/entity/thing is now hunting everyone who took part in the ritual. Supposedly this thing feeds off of the fear that is generated by its hunt and it will try to terrorize you for days before finally killing and eating you, not necessarily in that order either.
From what Tiff told my girlfriend, it succeeded.
I didn’t believe that some creature had been summoned from the ether to wreak terror on these dunderheaded college students; I figured that someone was playing a prank on them. I mean, they posted it on Facebook, for crying out loud!
It didn’t take long to get there, only about 15 minutes and that was due to hitting every – single – stoplight on the way. It was still raining hard when I parked in the old asylum’s lot. No lights were on in the parking lot and the big building was completely dark. The only sources of illumination were the street lights and the occasional flashes of lightning. We got out into the cold rain, using the small umbrellas we kept in the car as protection against the weather. I pulled our flashlights out of the back of the car. A 3 D Cell LED Mag-Lite for Alexia and a big 6 D Cell Mag-Lite (called Bessie) with the ultra-bright Xenon bulb for me. With our flashlights in hand we headed to the building.
The front entrance wasn’t locked so we stepped inside to the lobby. Alexia tried to call Tiffany but the reception was horrible. The only thing that she could make out was, “It’s coming for me.”
After hanging up, Alexia looked at me and asked, “Time to search, shall we split up?”
“Sure,” was my reply, “That way it can eat us easier.”
“Good,” She said. We both looked around, “I feel like I’m walking into a horror story. Shall we skip to the end and just go down to the basement and-”
A scream from upstairs cut her off. We both headed up the stairs that were in the main lobby of the asylum. There was another scream, one filled with even more terror than the first one. It sounded like it was on the third floor, so we ran that direction. It took a moment on the third floor landing for us to catch our breath. Neither one of us was in good enough shape to really run, much less run up 3 flights of stairs. As my girlfriend and I were wheezing on the landing, my light hit something big and odd looking, but it vanished just as quickly as I saw it.
Tiffany was on the floor against the wall right next to where I saw whatever it was. Alexia went over to her as quickly as she could. Tiff grabbed Alexia and sobbed against her. I continued looking around; keeping an eye out for whatever it was that had run off. Finally after a few moments, Tiffany regained some composure.
“What was that thing?” I asked,
“It was Arke…” Tiffany started to say but was cut off by Alexia.
“Don’t say its name!” She said to Tiff.
Tiffany nodded and continued, “It was the creature that’s summoned by the ritual.” She managed to finally stammer out. I looked at Alexia and she had a very concerned expression.
She looked up spoke in the tone that she uses that I knew better than to argue with, “We need to leave, now!”
“Got to find the others.” I stated. “No way we can leave ’em here.” We both helped Tiffany to her feet, “Alright, we stick together and search for the others.”
We began searching, Alexia staying right next to Tiff. The beast already knew we were there so there was no need to remain quiet. We moved through the halls of the 3rd Floor calling for our friends.
We heard the sound of someone running from down the hall; I shined my light and hit Steve right in the eyes with the bright beam. His face had no color and his shirt was covered in blood. I caught him as he reached us and practically collapsed.
“It got Mark,” He stammered out between breaths. “Ripped him in half.” Steve grabbed me and started screaming, “WE’VE GOT TO GET OUT OF HERE!”
“We’ve got to find Tonya and Jeff.” I told him, “Calm down, we’ll get them and then get out of here.” I tried speaking to him in a calming tone.
“They’re probably dead already!” Steve shouted, “Let’s just go!”
“We’ll be fine if we stick to-” Alexia started saying but was interrupted by a blood curling scream that came from below us. “That’s Tonya!”
I was already starting to run towards the stairs when Steve grabbed me, “NO, IT’LL KILL YOU!”
“We have to get Tonya!”
“SHE’S AS GOOD AS DEAD!” Steve shrieked in my face. Then we heard Tonya scream again. I grabbed Steve’s arm and started dragging him along with me as I began the decent down the stairs.
“If we stick together we’ll be fine!” I told him. Steve tried to fight against me, but I’ve got quite a bit more muscle than he does, so I was able to drag him down the stairs. I let him go when Tonya came into my light. She was still screaming and was trying to get up from the floor, which was covered in blood, as was she. She managed to get to her feet when I saw her, but a leg came out of the darkness and slammed into her legs causing her to fall back to the floor. I noticed that the leg wasn’t attached to anything. I managed to run over to Tonya and shine my light down the hall where I saw it.
It stood over 7 feet tall and its skin was dark and shiny. The thing’s mouth was large and vile looking. Its eyes held a terrible presence, burning terror into my very being. In one of its grotesque hands was Mark’s body, what was left of it, and its other hand pulled the last limb, an arm, and threw it at us. I ducked under the arm and grabbed Tonya, hauling her to her feet.
“RUN!” I shouted at the top of my lungs, shoving Tonya toward the stairs. I heard the thing laugh as we ran down the stairs to the first floor. The exit, we just needed to get out of the building.
I was the last in line as we hit the first floor. Steve was first to the door and tried to open it, it wouldn’t move. Alexia shined her light on it revealing a glob of black goo stuck to the doors, preventing them from being opened.
We heard the laughter of the creature. It was on the stairs, coming for us. Steve took off down one of the hallways that went off of lobby and the rest of us followed. I looked back behind me and shined my light; the creature was following us, scuttling on the walls.
That was not what I wanted to see.
I turned back to make sure I didn’t get separated from everyone else, but I knew that this thing was going to catch us soon if we didn’t manage to get outside. Steve ducked down yet another hallway, continuing to run at a breakneck speed with Tiff, Tonya, and Alexia right behind him, and I was at an ever increasing distance behind them. I heard Steve hit something before I rounded the corner, a door leading outside!
“It’s locked!” Steve wailed, franticly trying to get the door open. “I can’t get it open!” The girls caught up to him and started trying to help get the thing open. The door had a window in it, one with the metal netting in it to keep people from breaking in, or out. Somehow we had made a few turns and I could see into the parking lot, our cars were just a little ways away. Salvation was just one door away.
I skidded to a halt as I reached them and looked back behind us; the monster was nowhere to be seen. “I don’t see the thing.” I called out.
“Maybe we lost it?” Tiff sounded hopeful, almost pleading.
“No, it knows where we are.” Alexia replied. I took up a position to be able to keep a look out as they worked on getting the door open.
The door was at the end of a short hallway, with rooms to both sides and the crossing hallway a little ways away, so I knew that it only had one way to come to get us. I stood, shaking with fear, watching for this thing to come for us.
Mark’s head rolled into the intersection and stopped, his lifeless eyes looking at me, his face frozen in an expression of sheer terror.
I screamed.
So did everyone else.
I heard Tonya and Tiff start sobbing, Alexia was whispering something, and Steve just started pounding on the door.
As I stared at Mark’s head the bulb on my flashlight popped, plunging the intersection into darkness. Looking back I saw that Tiff and Tonya had dropped to the floor and were holding each other, crying uncontrollably. Steve had stopped pounding on the door and also went to the ground, curling up in a ball. Alexia was staring at me with wide eyes, her flashlight still on.
“LOOK OUT!” she yelled.
My gaze returned to the intersection and no more than 8 feet away from me was the creature, illuminated by Alexia’s flashlight. It was unlike anything I had seen before. Seeing it from a distance had spared me the full view of this thing’s horrific features, but this time I saw the whole thing in detail. The creature’s shiny black skin was stretched taunt over its skull and its mouth was full of vicious looking teeth. I could smell its breath, the scent of death. Its arms were misshapen, unnaturally long, and too thin for its size, with large claws at their ends.
But its eyes were the worst, vile dark pools of malevolence. I stared at them and saw what this monster was going to do to us; I could see the horrors it was going to inflict dancing in them.
I screamed in terror and it screamed in joyous laughter. It stepped towards me, its tongue sliding over its thin lips, dripping sickly green bile. Fear shot through my entire body and my mind no longer worked. I was so filled with terror that I could no longer think and this creature knew it, its evil grin broadened.
Then its head violently snapped back.
The creature brought its face back down level with mine and I could see that it was angry. I shrieked again as sheer horror filled me. This time the beast was struck down as my nonworking flashlight slammed into its forehead. It reeled backwards from the blow and came at me, trying to rake me with one of its large claws, and it fixed me with its terrifying gaze again. Terror flooded me again, causing my mind to step out of the way one more time and let my body take over. Ducking under the misshapen limb, I smashed its wrist with Bessie, and grabbed the creature with my free hand. Kicking thing’s leg out from underneath it, I took the monster to the ground.
That was when the terror turned into rage.
This time when its eyes met mine, I saw fear and confusion in them. I’m sure it saw the rage in mine. I brought Bessie down onto the beast’s shoulder and Alexia smashed the thing’s knee. Repeatedly, we pummeled the thing, using our flashlights as clubs, until I brought Bessie down onto its skull one final time, cracking it open like an egg.
I don’t know how long we stood there, but when I finally regained my senses the police were there. All of us were questioned and I know they didn’t believe our story. A group of Federal agents arrived and took over the investigation. They convinced the police that it was an emaciated gorilla that we had killed and I wasn’t going to argue. Heck, Steve, Tiffany, and Tonya actually believed the story after a bit. Only Alexia and I remembered what happened. They found Jeff; he had been strapped down in one of the electroshock therapy rooms. Guess the thing was going to save him as a snack for later.
Alexia and I were given the option of assisting this Federal agency. I can’t go into the details, but we said yes.
Credit To: Don McCullough
DERPNOTE: This pasta is a Crappypasta Success Story. That means that it received enough upvotes during its time on Crappypasta for it to be posted on the main archive. You can find its Crappypasta entry here. Thanks, everyone!
Copyright Statement: Unless explicitly stated, all stories published on Creepypasta.com are the property of (and under copyright to) their respective authors, and may not be narrated or performed under any circumstance.
I clicked the “Taste a random pasta button”, and i am glad that i did. Although, i would have liked it to be a bit more scary. This was indeed a great story, but can use some tweeks.
I really don’t like the way you kept saying how you could see the emotions in it’s eyes, even though you described them earlier as black holes of some kind. Despite that, the rest was pretty good. Could have been better if you didn’t hype it up so much, then show it can be defeated easily by college kids.
“I heard Tonya and Tiff start sobbing, Alexia was whispering something, and Steve just started pounding on the door.” I wonder what Alexia wispered about. :/
‘It was a dark and stormy night…’
No offense, the story was good but I think you could have done something a bit better than that…
I thought you said it only hunts down the people who did the ritual. Why did it hunt down the narrator and his girlfriend?
I really like this one actually! thanks!
They-FUCKED-THE-MONSTER’S-SHIT-FUCKING-BACKWARDS! Awesssommmmeeezzzz
Stopped at “it was a dark and stormy night”
Really?
A bit cliché
Not great. Decent idea bad execution. Not saying I could do better though. Everyone has the same description of the “monster” black or dark skin thin arms and claws for hands. And the cliche dark holes for eyes as the “scariest part”
Even though this story had a couple of plotholes and loose ends, I found that I really enjoyed it! True, the ending was a bit lame, but the part where the characters actually fought back instead of going down screaming, and bringing the monster down several pegs got my adrenaline going a bit. It’s really satisfying, if I have to say so myself. The part where they were asked to join this Federal Agency made me smile a little bit too.
the thing with creepy stories is that you absolutely CAN’T overpower the beast. The real fear lies to where you can’t possibly do anything,in a state that you are extremely afraid and even if you can overpower the beast nothing is over. The key to making a scary story, is to be afraid of things that aren’t there rather than being able to see the “thing” right before your eyes. OH and one more thing, come one!! when writing a story try not to be a super hero 7/10 enjoyed but was expecting something more creepy
ActionPasta?
also: “A while later the phone rang . It was right next to me , but I was
shooting people , so obviously I couldn ’ t answer it ”
you sir,
speak the troof
How did this wreck manage to crawl its way out of the crappypasta bin?
So, you just completely abandon Jeff and try to save your own asses? Seriously, it’s like Jeff is just invisible until he’s found strapped down by the Federal Agent Men People. Nobody ever thinks, “I wonder where Jeff is?” or “Maybe we should try to find Jeff, since he’s kind of our friend…”
What a bunch of shitty friends you are.
If he couldn’t run, then how could he drag a man down the stairs… plothole
Ever seen/heard of the film Boo? Uncannily similar, it was an ok pasta
I’m so glad to see this become a “crappypasta” success story because it really deserves it. I would happily read a series of short stories based around these characters, and applaud you for making a strong, brave female lead. The writing could use a slight bit of fine tuning, but you conveyed the story well enough to hold my interest and leave me wanting more.
Have you ever been so scared, you killed a demon that feeds on fear?
I loved it, i wish there was more to it. Make it longer add on to he story.
Personally, I thought this story started off quite well. It certainly gave the story a bit of a creepy vibe. A ritual in an abandoned mental house, while slightly cliched, is still a suitable enough environment to provide scares. I felt that the description was pretty good and allowed for a healthy visualisation of it but it struck me as being quite generic and in keeping with the standard image of a horror monster. It’s a slight quibble which I’ll no doubt be pulled up on but I think that adding a bit of uniqueness to your monster may add a bit more credibility to the horror. My biggest gripe is that the story inevitably became an action film where the protagonists became ass-kicking mercenaries. It seemed kind of anti-climactic. However I do appreciate your use of the language which, while simplistic is descriptive enough to keep the reader engaged. A few minor errors were apparent but not enough to ruin the readers enjoyment of the story.
I was going to give you a 6/10 for this but I felt it would have been slightly unfair after the work you put in on this. I’m gonna be a little generous and give you a 7/10.
Great story!!! I was hugging my friend arm as my other friend read this.
Quite good, but I found myself really bothered by the ritual itself: the entire *point* is to summon a creature that will kill you? I suppose I could buy that a group of teens would be dumb enough to try it (not that it makes me more sympathetic to their plight when they were – literally – asking for it). But why on earth would anyone design such a ritual? One might summon demons to try to control them, or gain secret knowledge, but this just seems like an incredibly round-about means of suicide.
I think the story would have been better if at the end, instead of the “demon” being beat to death, it finished what it started. But it would leave Alexis and the main character, for they didnt participate in the ritual. It would have been a much better ending, instead of the usual hollywood ending where almost everyone makes it out..
I was scared as
heck!!!
I was kind of freaked out laying on my bed with the lights turned off I got really freaked out when I was reading about in the middle
i can definately see how this started out as a crappypasta, but im also glad that it was up-voted. its a decent story throughout, though not ver creepy, its more of a modern-day horror film story, lots of gory mess, not much scary aspects
From what I can gather, since the narrator and his gf weren’t part of the ritual, they had some sort of inherent exception to the thing’s wrath. Also, since they were able to turn their fear into rage, the thing had no power over them. It seems legit as far as paranormal fiction goes, but I would have liked it more if there hadn’t been a secret agency.
While it was very enjoyable, it turned more of like an action-esque movie at the end. I was also sort of disappointed that only two people were able to take this thing down- with flashlights no less. Oh well, still enjoyable and a great read! Mmm, sure was a yummy pasta P:
I dunno. It wasn’t terrible at all. You might want to get a proof-reader though – there were a few grammar and spelling mistakes, nothing too awful, but still a few things that kind of made me space out a little.
It was a good plot too, but I think you might want to go into more detail, and make the ending a little ambiguous. I mean, come on, how were you able to beat the big bad evil demon creature with a flashlight? At least some explanation is needed there, or scrap that part entirely and change it to something a little more creepy/mysterious. Not that I want everyone to die or anything… I don’t mind happy endings.
And on that note – still a better ending than Mass Effect 3.
So they kill a demon and then get to work for the SCP foundation? Not too bad i guess
Amber: Glad you liked it, and you got the main reason why the main character was able to beat it, instincts kicked in and the fight mode took over in his fight or flight mechanism.
THIS CRAP IS BEAST, LIKE ME…………
well I liked it, because the main characters win, despite the creepy-as-H311 monster….
The main character relied on instincts instead of becoming petrified… kind of how gamers would survive a zombie apocalypse, because their brains are already used to doing what needs to be done. If you imagine something over and over again, eventually it won’t faze you to do it in real life.
Also, if it feeds off fear, then courage weakens it. Fear is what makes tiny spiders send grown men running right?
Did you know this was originally a crappypasta? It got upvoted enough to become a creepypasta!
Hey Bel, you’re right, my bad. Don’t know why I said Massachusetts.
Guys,if your gonna comment saying "OMFG WTF HOW DID THE DUDE AND HIS GF KILL THE DEMON THINGEY?!"remember,it killed the people that took part in the actual ritual, thats why the main protagonist killed it.
I thought Miskatonic was in Massachusetts. O.o
wow…just said interesting and kept me interested in the same sentence..,just ignore that lol
Interesting and kept me interested (mostly). Just a few complaints…
“It was a dark and stormy night…” really? ಠ_ಠ
“A 3 D Cell LED Mag-Lite for Alexia and a big 6 D Cell Mag-Lite (called Bessie) with the ultra-bright Xenon bulb for me.” woah there. No need to be that specific.
So, I’m reading this alone in my apartment and I start flinching everytime I hear a noise lol. This was pretty scary.
Wow, I personally like this one… and the integration of Facebook and mass effect was a bit of surprise.. Thanks for this pasta…
10/10. Creepy, descriptive, happy ending, and MASS EFFECT. Also, did I catch a Firefly reference in there? “killing and eating you, not necessarily in that order.” Well played.
I think this would make an even greater story if it could be longer! I know the pasta is supposed to be short. So i feel like you had a lot more to say about it all and just couldnt fit it in. You should write books!
I enjoyed the set up, but once it became a description of a slasher movie, I lost all interest. Yeah, running away from a monster and screaming, woooo…. 2/10
Hahaha! You beat it with a torch, man you really wanted to finish the story! Well I think you should have made it haunt them for a couple of days and then defeat it, the story was moving just too fast for my taste. Goodjob though! 7/10 :3
MY name is Tiffany O___O …… creeeeeeppppyyyy!!! D:
Amberlin: Glad you enjoyed!
Anon- sept 18: Where’d ya get those peepers.
Rook: Oh yes, there are many worse things lurking at old Miskatonic, just ask old Howard Phillips.
Dirjel: I meant for it to be a bit disjointed. The idea was that the main character was no longer in control of his own body and it was reacting on instinct. The main character’s fight or flight reflex is broken, it’s set on fight or fight. And for the narrator/main character, I tried to keep a conversational style to it and I think that dunderhead is under used. Also, thanks for the encouragement, this is actually the start of a series for me and is going to be in the Tabletop RPG that I currently writing up but everything is slow going.
Michael: Normally, people don’t show up during the ritual/hunt.
Jaceevoke: You are right on the money with the first kill, it was to get things going. The creature instills fear into anyone and the main character was no exception, however, this is its first time running into someone who doesn’t react in the stereotypical fashion. There are hints that there is something special about the main character(fun trivia note: the main characters name is never mentioned) and Alexia, but that’s another story…
Thanks for all the feedback everyone, I look forward to tossing more things your way.
Oh yeah, Zack, its name is Arke…
@Michael, actually I think that is why they were able to kill it so easily. Essentially from what I got from it is that the moster tends to only hunt those that summon it, and it was never killed before because it only instills fear into the ones they hunt. Now of course they were afraid, however they were not going into a catatonic state like the others. So that might be the reason, also I think the thing killed the first guy because it would raise the fear in the other ones. But of course this is all my speculation and we won’t know until the author definitivly answers your question. Thank you for reading and have a nice day.
I enjoyed it but at first you stated that it killed everyone who took part in the ritual. If thats the case our protagonists shouldnt have been attacked in anyway
I was suprised it have such good rating
I find it poor on scary moments
While more like an alien action like story i works
But i would not consider this a scary creepypasta
This was a fun story. Not creepy in the slightest, and the climax felt a little disjointed (could have said “my arm lashed out and bludgeoned the thing” instead of “the flashlight started beating up the monster by itself”), but I really enjoyed the narrator’s voice.
Seriously, who says “dunderhead?”
8/10. -1 point for the wonkiness in the climax, -1 point for not scary. Would love to read more of your stuff, though.
Well it was suspenseful, but not scary. Sort of like an action movie.
Ah, the old Alma Mater! I’ve so many fond memories of it. A word of warning, there are worse things in Miskatonic University than that pitiful beast. Mind you, I am irritated by the fact that you killed my pet.
I’ll have you know, Rook, you begin to irk me. You may be one among the supernatural, but you need not be so smug.
‘Twould verily be a shame if I needed to get out the Box and seal you again, wouldn’t it?
Jeepers Creepers?
I enjoyed this more than the others I’ve read so far on this site. Great job :)
What was the things name
Hey Anon,
Yeah, for some reason I put taunt instead of taut and I missed that missing the. I’m pretty sure I did it again in a couple other spots, just can’t seem to find them.
About the consistency of the creature killing them immediately, only one person was killed and that was Mark. Jeff was still alive, just strapped down.
Thanks for the feedback!
It WAS good….was. it took all of the scare out of it when they beat it to death with a flashlight(?!?!). And then they become paranormal investigators. The thing was ripping the arms and legs off of a human body. Somehow I don’t see it getting taken down like that.
I think it was more that the creature just didn’t see it coming. It’s probably used to people being so terrified that they only run and never think to fight. Just because it has supernatural strength does not make it a fighter nor does it make it invincible. I personally enjoyed the whole fear turning into rage and the guy actually fighting back, even if he probably just got lucky by taking the monster off guard. Something about a terrifying legend being brought down by a flashlight is just wonderful to me. I didn’t care much for the Federal agency bit at the end though, that part just felt off to me. Overall, pretty enjoyable.
it gained strength from fear there was fear in them so it was weak as a human
To address the previous comment, it just goes [to] show that legends usually differ from reality in some important ways. Especially when they are passed orally through generations. Legends kind of taut us like that.
Well I guess it doesn’t really haunt them for days. It prefers to give the sudden painful death.
Skin is stretched taut, not taunt.
You also forgot a word at least once. “Kicking [the] thing’s leg out from underneath it…”
What bothered me the most was how you repeatedly SAID that the beast would torture them for days before killing them, yet you repeatedly SHOWED otherwise by having it kill them immediately. Be consistent.
while i totally agre with you on this,aside from these errors you have to admit it was a pretty good pasta. i would like to see someone come up with a picture and then post a link to it in comments. one more thing,if it was in fact a gorrila then WHO WAS DEATH lol
Kinda makes me want to start working a picture for it right now.
The characters were all to brave and casual. Besides Steve. Not a great pasta.
god damn it steve
Well done. Nice one mate
OMG GUISE IT’S THE MEN IN BLACK. I like this one, I personally can’t find a fault with it in any way. I’m glad to see that it was uploaded.
Has a lot of potential, but the story was heading downhill as I progressed, would’ve been better if the ending was creepier.