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The Glacier Canyon

Estimated reading time — < 1 minute

If you travel to the furthest glaciers in the south, it is said you can walk into the canyons of ice there. If you find the junction of two canyons that form a perfect square, you can lie down in the middle there and feel no cold. If you listen, the ice will speak and what it says will make poor men rich, and sane men mad.

CREDIT: Anonymous

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73 thoughts on “The Glacier Canyon”

  1. You would hear money? Money makes a poor man rich and money makes a sane man go insane! But wait… Ice doesn’t speak money…

  2. Acually, this story has some truth to it. You would be insane because you would be tr
    ying to find a sqaure indentation in a fuking glacier and rich because you would be filmed the entire way by dumbstruck people wondering how someone could make Jaden Smith look like a genious.

  3. I wouldn’t have thought of this myself. But seems risky. I’m poor and in need of money, but I’m also pretty sane so…. eh

  4. Tevye: If I were a rich man yidle deedle didle dum.

    Also i thought for some reason it said crayons…. I feel real stupid now

  5. This is like one of those meaningful old proverbs from wise old monks. Except not wise. And not meaningful. And shit.

    1. That overall judgement might be a bit harsh, but you’re right: This story is slightly reminiscent of the traditional tale of the ring that had the power to make the sad man happy and the happy man sad. The power of that ring came from the words that were inscribed on it: این نیز بگذرد‎ or גם זה יעבור, meaning “This too shall pass”.

  6. “If you find the junction of two canyons that form a perfect square, you can lie down in the middle there and feel no cold.”

    “the junction of two canyons that form a perfect square,”

    “two canyons that form a perfect square”


    1. THE JUNCTION IS THE SQUARE. Like, two canyons that intersect, and the place that they do cross is at a 90 degree angle, so that the space in between makes a square, like two roads at a four-way-intersection. Since they’re made of ice, it’s possible.

      1. I just can’t really picture anyone calling that a square. If you have two perfectly straight lines perpendicular to one another, then yes, you can draw artificial lines across all of the entrances to the intersection and form a square. Still, “this looks like a square” isn’t really the first thing that comes to my mind when I see that.

    1. You sell the story to Fox News. “Stupid man encounters talking ice” – that’s the stuff great television is made of.

  7. I actually quite liked this. Very half baked, though, so I can understand the low rating but the concept was kind of nice…i kind of want a rewrite. I appreciate the short subtlety but another, better written paragraph would serve well in elaboration and development.

  8. Unlike most of the older ritual pastas, this story *does* at least have a potential payoff (ie., cash, lots of cash). At the same time, unlike most of the older ritual pastas, this story has absolutely nothing genuinely creepy. It’s also exceptionally short.

  9. I have heard the ice speak; I know the truth. A group of us went, thought we could handle it. The three words it said made all the difference in the world…

    We each went in, one by one. As time went by, the others were getting more and more freaked out. Then it came to my turn.

    As I stepped inside, I felt a bolt of white hot pain across my forehead, as fast as a bullet and twice as painful. As I lay there, I heard nothing.

    “Huh,” I thought, “Just a prank.”

    And then I heard it, shrill and piercing, cry out to me, tearing strips from my very soul.

    It was quiet at first, almost like the wind, but grew quickly, surrounding me, trapping me in. It said three words, each filled with malice and hate, and told me it’s darkest secret…

    “I was phone.”

  10. Tested it with someone. They turned into a fire-breathing two-headed yak, which promptly tried to kill me. I had enjoyable sandwiches that week, incidently.

    1. Calcium-structural-reinforcement-of-soft-bits-came-out-of-hiding-somewhere

      And apparently, when you attend this monument to mentally monumental mentality munting… see what i did there 0.o

      As I was saying, if you were to go to this place, apparently you’ll also be able to say words proper good too!

  11. Lol, @5, and fixing OCD with talking ice…..*Grabs an icecube out of the fridge* It’s better than nothing.

  12. yeh, Kapangdazz, what if you are an insane wealthy man? or one or the other? seems it’d be best to go there insane and poor, though. also, what about borderline cases? middle class, or really heavily OCD or something?

  13. I could only guess what kind of horrific acts of sheer terror I could perform if I was a wealthy madman.

    I think I’d rather get rich the old fashioned way, get a doctoral degree in some scientific discipline, get a generally high-paying job at some research-and-development facility (government funded or otherwise), make a scientific discovery (important or otherwise), get a patent, sell the patent for billions of dollars to either the government or a cosmetics company, and live off the patent for the rest of my life.

    On the other hand, if I became a wealthy madman, I’d be both rich and morally inhibited. Virtually nothing could stop me, although I’d try to keep from being close-minded and cocky.

      1. Why the blood stained knife? I though you were making a Fiddler on the Roof reference for a moment…. xD

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