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The Collector



Estimated reading time — 3 minutes

The screen flickered as a man typed his story into the computer.

His mind was racing, and so was his heart.

He wanted the world to know as soon as possible about what he had discovered.

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What lay ahead.

What nearly ended his life.

As he typed, he turned his head every now and then as though he was expecting something to attack him. His paranoid thoughts kept getting the best of him as he turned in a frantic movement, only to see the dark of his room.

The power was out, for some odd reason he didn’t know. This only added to the fear he had.

The shadows that came from the objects in his room made him feel crowded and small.

He felt scared.

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He felt weak.

He felt alone.

A loud bang came from the hallway of his house. The sound of metal pots clanging together filled his ears. He started to type faster and more frantically, so people could be aware of this thing. It was in vain. He had finished the first few paragraphs but his fear got to him and he could not continue. Instead, he hid in the darkest part of his room, covered. Hoping, praying that this thing didn’t find him. He saw what it had done to others. He knew what would happen to him. And he knew that his chances of living were small. As he hid, he heard the breathing from this thing get closer, and he could hear the footsteps reaching his room. The door creaked open, and a small light from the candles he had placed shown into the room. He heard the door slam behind it, and the footsteps walk towards the computer. Something smashed against the wall directly above him. The object fell on his head and made a loud cracking sound. Though he was in a concussion now, he realized, with anguish and shock, that it was his computer. He heard the footsteps walk closer toward him, the heavy dragging of it’s feet reaching closer and closer. His breathing grew more frantic and heavy as his head throbbed in pain. The footsteps stopped right in front of where he was hiding, and then he heard no more. Almost as though it had vanished. He slowly pushed away the objects that hid him and opened his eyes. At first, he saw nothing. He felt relieved and let out a sigh. He jumped in shock as he heard a small chuckle from behind him. As this man turned, he uttered out a scream, but never finished. He was completely silenced from then on. His throat was slashed to keep him from screaming. His stomach was torn open and his internal organs were pulled out. The thing that tore him open opened a pouch and added his organs to an already stuffed bag, filled with various body parts. Before the man passed out, the thing stomped on his head with its ugly foot. His skull was smashed into bits.

One of the quickest deaths it has done.

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The next morning, there was no trace of him. No blood, no body parts, not even the broken computer.

He had simply vanished. I witnessed this event from my house next door, and I know that soon, it will come for me.

It comes for anyone that knows of it. To the next person to read about him.

To the next person that read its story.

To the person that reads this.

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You.

Good luck, my friend.

For as I type this, my own time runs out.


Credit: Brandon4117

This story was submitted to Creepypasta.com by a fellow reader. To submit your own creepypasta tale for consideration and publication to this site, visit our submissions page today.

 

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30 thoughts on “The Collector”

  1. How could the narrator see from the house next door what happened into a dark room? Not to mention, how could he know what the other man was typing, what he was thinking and how he was feeling? How could he hear footsteps and breathing (or know that the other man was hearing them)?
    How does he know that the monster kills people who know about it? And why would he want other people to know about it then?
    Too many plot holes for this to make sense.

  2. i enjoyed it but as the others said its missing a few major details and the computer thing didnt make sense. if it were a typewriter i would understand. but overall, great story.

  3. Even tough it was a good idea and all, I didn’t really get scared that much. You should try a rewrite on this. And I don’t really get why this was called “The Collector”. You didn’t imply that this man had gotten a new item but it was really some possessed thing. But again, the basic plot idea was good, but do a bit of editing.

  4. Obvious plot hole is obvious – power cut computer thing was obnoxious and ruined it from the get-go.

    Also, would be creepier if you didn’t go into the minutia of “this creature kills whoever knows about it,” and just left it at “and there was no trace of this man left, save the giblets in the monster’s happy sack of fun.”

  5. The story kind of dragged on because I felt like an outsider looking in versus feeling like I was in the room with the monster as well. You can accomplish this by learning to show the feelings and let the reader decide what the character is feeling. When we’re told how the character feels we either have to try to place ourselves in the story or watch it march by like a bystander beside a parade. Showing the reader will make the reader an active participant. Show body language (his eyes circled the room, he frowned, his brow furrowed, he held his breath) show response (his heart began to pound, he licked his lips while contemplating whether to open his eyes now or wait another minute). Keep working on your writing. Google “Show vs Tell”

  6. “To the next person to read about him.
    To the next person that read its story.
    To the person that reads this.
    You.”

    I’m aware that you were using repetition as an enhancer here but, dear Lord, that reads horribly.

  7. I love it!
    One or two parts that didn’t make sense like the computer working when power was out and the guy not knowing why the power was out because normally you’d automatically think power cut.
    Not oh-no where did the power go?

    Anyway, the idea for a monster coming after me though tired and overused worked well for this story. I really liked how you can create your own monsters. Mines a cross between Slenderman and The Rake. XD

  8. I feel like I would have been much more creeped out if it had just ended with saying it comes after anyone who knows of it. If it ended like that, I’d be more inclined to question whether or not it would be coming after me, which I feel is much more of a hair raising idea than just being told it’s coming after me. I love how you left the description of the murderer pretty general, leaving me as the reader to create my own monster. Overall, I enjoyed it.

  9. Don the Bassman

    He’s using a computer when the power is out? Change it to a laptop and make a comment about the battery to plug that little hole.

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