Advertisement
Please wait...

The Closest Enemy



Estimated reading time — 6 minutes

Some murderers see their work as an art form. If their piece is a success, they will continue on with their life, outside of jail. However, with the limited capability of understanding humans possess, combined with their narrow mindedness, the true secret of a killer can go entirely missed.

The following is a video log of young man recording his last moments. It spends its time quietly residing in a dark, silent evidence room, calling out to whoever may hear its cry. Upon deaf ears will its shrill screams always fall.

The video starts off recording the youth adjusting his camera. His room is entirely dark, not a single spec of light to be found. The camera records in night vision as the man looks directly into the lens and begins speaking.

“Hello. My name is…” The voice pauses for a moment, deciding how he should start off. “Ugh. No, I’m not beginning it like this. It sounds too much like I’m recording my last words. That isn’t what I want this to be. Instead, I’ll just get straight to the explanation. I’ll describe to you the hell that has been nipping at me for god only knows how long now. It started the night of my 18th birthday. January’s cold held reign over our outside activities. It was just a small party, if you could even call it that. A few presents from my family, cake, the norm. All irrelevant. It was that night, as I was lying in bed, my lights out with my TV providing the only light for the room, that my story begins. My curtains and blinds were closed, which gave the room a nice ominous feel at the time. I liked that sorta thing back then.”

The man takes a slow breath, looking away from the camera for the first time. His focus returns after a brief moment and once more he begins reciting his story.

“Right. Back to what I was saying. My TV was in front of me, and the light it gave out cast a shadow on the wall beside me. I was a bit bored, so I decided to entertain myself by interacting with the two dimensional doppelganger of myself. My hand traced along the wall, as if I was playing a game of tag with my shadow’s hand, which seemed to be trying to flee from me, going out in front of me. That was the first sign, but I didn’t notice it. I should’ve been more aware.”

A brief pause accompanied by a stressed exhale and quick inhale. His expressions seemed to show that he was trying to think.

“After that, I’m sure there were more signs, I’m positive. They were probably just too subtle for me to notice. By the time I did notice something wrong, it might as well have been written in big bold letters in front of me. It was later on in the day, and I was in the kitchen of our house by myself. It was mildly lit. Just enough to see where you’re going with out needing the aid of a light. I got some snack out of a cabinet, but knocked over a box onto the ground in the process. No big deal. I bent over to pick it up, and noticed the presence of my shadow. It immediately struck me as awkward. There was no light in here to cast a shadow. I put the box and my snack on a nearby counter without letting my eyes leave my shadow. If they were deceiving me, I wanted to know right away. My interest in the paranormal may have made me a bit paranoid, but I knew that the tenseness I was feeling now wasn’t unwarranted. I took a step towards the room’s exit, and of course my shadow mimicked me. I raised my left arm, as if tempting him to continue mirroring what I was doing. He raised his left arm. Then he raised his right arm. Mine was still at my side. My skin crawled like a trillion tiny little bugs were trying to make their way out from under it. Then in one swift movement his hands wrapped around his neck, and I was the one who felt its effects. My throat was pained and my breathing stopped. I struggled frantically, but against what? My attacker was my own shadow. I don’t remember what happened after that. Only what I was told by my family when I woke up. My blood was on the corner of one of the cabinet doors I had left open. Apparently I knocked myself good and passed out on the floor. Back then, I was happy to believe that’s what really happened. After all, this kind of stuff only happens in stories.”

Advertisements

Once more he collects himself from the rough memories with a deep breath of air.

“After that, I was always suspicious of the me that didn’t talk, that didn’t have any facial expressions, that would never confess to what he did to me. But what I had thought happened had a perfectly logical explanation. I couldn’t doubt it. Instead, I carried on, always holding that distrust in the back of my mind. But he didn’t assault me again. Though several times I noticed things that just couldn’t have really happened. I’d brush my teeth with my right hand, he’d use his left. I’d scratch my back, he’d scratch his head. I’m sure he was just taunting me. Probably the same reason he let me live the first time he attacked me. For fun, no doubt.”

Advertisements

There is a creak off to the man’s left, which catches his attention. He stares at the origin of the sound intently for a moment before returning to his monologue.

“The next attack… I’m betting this one was planned to finish me off. Once again I was in the kitchen, home alone for the time. I had an apple on a plate, and I grabbed a steak knife from its group. Not entirely necessary for cutting an apple, but it was in easy reach. Only half way through grabbing the knife did I realize that when I had it, so did my shadow, my enemy. Stunned by my lack of thinking, I dropped the knife. As I feared, my shadow did not repeat this action. If he had a face, I’m sure it would have been filled by a crooked and malevolent smile. I whispered “No.” as best as I could. My voice was barely more than a whisper but I doubt it made any bit of a difference. My silhouette raised the knife, and then brought it down in one swift, uncaring motion. The result was a jet of blood from my arm and a surge of pain that reverberated several times through out my body. But on instinct I turned around and ran. I didn’t know where, and I didn’t know why. I couldn’t out run him. Another stab. This one brought me to my knees. The nearest room was the bathroom. I dragged myself across the carpet, slowly into the room, and shut the door behind me. There was no window to the outside, which made the room completely dark. I waited for him to return, I was expecting to be ended by something that was essentially me. Hours went by and nothing happened. That’s when I learned how to defeat him. He can’t exist in total darkness. He becomes nothing.”

The young man looked around his surroundings, devoid of any light, and then back to the camera.

“And that’s why I’m here now. I couldn’t do this at home. If I tried to explain, I would’ve been sent out to an asylum. I had to run away. I suppose he let me get this far as a sort of show sportsmanship. Twisted. Doesn’t matter, really. So long as I’m in this chamber of darkness, I’m safe. That’s all that matters for now. Although I can’t help but wonder how long I’ll be trapped in here. What do I do when I run out of food? What do I do-“

The sound of cars pulling up and parking outside stop the young man midsentence.

Advertisements

“Taylor? Taylor are you in there? Please, Taylor, say something!” A voice yelled just outside the door, and the young man’s previous moderately calm demeanor has changed to one of panic.

“Go away! Just go! I don’t want you here, go away damn it!” He screamed back. His voice was so angered that the woman on the other side was silent for a minute.

“Taylor, we’re coming in honey. It’s for your own good.”

There was a smash against the door. Then another, followed by a soft spoken “No…” from the young man. The third crash brought the door down with a tremendous thud. Light from outside flooded the room, and almost immediately the man was knocked to the ground by some invisible force. In the struggle, the camera is tipped backwards and only records the sounds of Taylor struggling for breath as his mother and the accompanying police officer try to help him in some manner, without avail.


Credited to Poizn.

Please wait...

Copyright Statement: Unless explicitly stated, all stories published on Creepypasta.com are the property of (and under copyright to) their respective authors, and may not be narrated or performed under any circumstance.

119 thoughts on “The Closest Enemy”

  1. “For god know how long” “Started on my 18th birthday”

    Other then that bit gnawing at me the whole time it was good.

  2. Anonymous:
    Agree with the posts saying his narration was a bit too sophisticated. It makes for good writing, but really, when you remember that the character is talking, alone in a dark room, running from his shadow, scared for his life, he probably is not going to sound like he is giving an oral report of his doctorate thesis.

    Yeah, I completely agree. That’s my only problem with the story though.

  3. Wow, great story, really well written.
    Usually a good creepy past just makes me avoid the dark for an hour. but this is the complete opposite XD

  4. be honest, how many of you spent some time playing with your shadow on the wall after reading this? i know i did.

  5. That’s a pretty awesome pasta
    This is the first pasta about a person’s shadow that I’ve read, I’m so glad this was my first shadow-related-pasta

  6. At first I thought this said “The Closet Enemy”, and I thought it’d be about some crazy, totally unkempt heterosexual who’s totally against the gay community.
    But then I reread it.

  7. Guys, his shadow moves independantly. So just because he dies doesn’t mean it will

    Besides, maybe it was sick and tired of having to masturbate instead of getting to bang a nice shadow woman

  8. Night Vision camera works by emitting infrared light, that would give a shadow just like regular light – but one that wouldn’t be visible to him, just to the camera.

  9. I do not mind it when characters speak with sophistication. If the shadow dies when the protaginast does, then wouldn’t it make more sense for the shadow to be defending him? I like that concept more.

    Fear the Darkness

    -Nex

  10. Okay, the second act was designed to finish him, but the shadow cut his arm.

    What the fuck, the shadow is retarded, which means HE is retarded.

  11. It felt like a combination of “Fight Club” and “Peter Pan”, and it was an interesting idea that the narrator needed to be in darkness instead of the light.

    However, I must agree that most people tend to pause more and have less eloquent speech, so such calm and detailed imagery would be unlikely in a video report.

  12. It would’ve been better if it weren’t in “video log” format. I mean, who actually talks like that? And the description of the people breaking in ruined it even more for me.

  13. For being someone who could have died at any moment he seemed really calm on camera.

    A very nice, long read. Although it seemed a little bland you have a great base story. If there was just a little more development on Taylor, and when/how he ran away it would be better.

    Congrats on such a great pasta!

  14. This is the best pasta i’ve ever read BUT it really didn’t make me feel scared but it was just beautiful and the idea was great

  15. It was awesome.

    One thing though.

    The second attack. From what it sounds like, he ot some pretty bad wounds. Like, youlldieifyoudontgetabandagenowmotherfucker wounds.

    So how did he survive for hours inside a dark bathroom?

  16. i would be having some fun with a flash light on my shadow. You know, shine a light on it, it flinches, i giggle.
    lawl

  17. Wow.

    Super special awesome. :’D

    Really, but I agree with the people saying that some phrasings were rather awkward…

    Good otherwise.

    And I knew that bastard was out to get me. D:< ((I felt sorry for Taylor))

  18. His speech is completely unnatural, I don’t care how smart they are. I know many people that are highly intelligent that would never phrase things like this out loud. It’s a good story idea, but I suggest the author tries to get into character with a voice recorder and let the story come out naturally, then transcribe it.

  19. @Anon: Perhaps I should be ashamed of this, but the only story of Poe’s I’ve ever read is The Tell Tale Heart. And some of The Pit and the Pendulum. :C

  20. L.O.V.E. <3

    Shadows and mirrors: my two biggest enemies/fears. :D
    I’m always paranoid of them, so the creepiness level of this pasta to me was nice and high. n.n

    I repeat, L.O.V.E.

  21. The character was unbelievable. Nobody actually talks like that, especially not with the lucidity that he maintained while giving what he had to have known would be his last testament. There was also way too much detail at times for things to remain fluid, and it was too long. This was quite a mediocre pasta.

  22. The narration was fine, he’s been in that room for a while it seems; he’d have time to go over things in his mind, and he’d become more reclusive.

  23. I agree with creepypastry ((similar to Mirrors)) and a couple more commentors, that Taylor was articulating in a very sophisticated and detailed manner, using big words that normal people wouldn’t in daily speech.

    But he might not be a normal person, so that’s excused ;)

    Yummy!

  24. I read this whole thing without once thinking about how the narrator spoke.

    It wasn’t until I read some comments that it kinda’ hit me.

    Didn’t spoil it for me, though. I’d have to say that this is one of my more favorite pastas ever, in fact. “Good job” to Poizn and and nice pick, ‘Phone.

  25. It’s not bad. I liked it, especially the end. My one comlaint is that no one talks like that (or atleast no one I can think of would say, “Winter held reign”) but I can deal.

  26. “Agree with the posts saying his narration was a bit too sophisticated. It makes for good writing, but really, when you remember that the character is talking, alone in a dark room, running from his shadow, scared for his life, he probably is not going to sound like he is giving an oral report of his doctorate thesis.”

    Yes, but if the author of the story HADN’T used sophisticated language, people here would have fussed about that as well. That his way of speaking annoyed them.
    Just saying.
    It’s hard to fully please you people.

  27. It should be noted that the main character here is actually based on a writer on the forums. TheCoffinDancer, the one who wrote Perfectown. I was well aware of the overly sophisticated speaking as I was writing this story. It’s something I’d expect to see from him.

    Some of you don’t seem to care to much, some of you sound like it killed the story for you. Everyone’s a critic, especially the people who don’t/can’t write. :3

  28. Not really scary. The way the guy talks kinda ruined it… otherwise, it’s okay, but not enough to creep me out.
    No brix shat, sorry XD;;

  29. I can’t stand the creepypastas that are structured like some sort of official report. The mind-numbingly officious and pretentious tone just pisses all over what little creepiness the actual story had.

    Shitty pasta, 3/10.

  30. “I’ll describe to you the hell that has been nipping at me for god only knows how long now. It started the night of my 18th birthday.”

    Did the shadow steal his calendar? Why didn’t he know how long it had been since his 18th birthday?

  31. I enjoyed the ending, it was easy to foreshadow but still so depressing to read heh.
    As for those who said that the sophisticated use of writing messed up the beginning of the kid’s video entry, he could’ve been a very intelligent boy, and started out speaking as he might have normally, in a eloquent tone and manner. Then as the story progressed and he got deeper into his own horror, his speech crumbled from his own fear.
    Just an idea to soothe those readers.

  32. Good story, but either you write a story or let your character tell it, not both. What I mean is the language seems a bit forced, nobody speaks like that, especially not in his situation, also, why would he tell that much? It’s unnatural.
    If it was a normal story, it would’ve been okay, but you messed up by letting the character take the word.

  33. I really like this one, especially because I too had some weird things happen with my shadow before. ><

    But on the note of his use of an overly verbose and sophisticated manner of speaking. It has been my experience that fear, desperation, and the calm of the excepting of ones fate can bring about the poet, for lack of a better term, in anyone.

  34. I stopped taking it seriously at “January’s cold held reign over our outside activities.” That line was so ridiculous. Fine if it was written, but some 18-year-old kid saying that? Not likely at all.

    The concept was good, but the writing sort of killed it for me.

  35. I agree with the others who mentioned it, the writing style was kinda off-putting. Stuff like “the cold held reign” and “the hell that has been nipping at me” just sounds kinda awkward and out of place.

    But it was a great idea and a creepy story. I haven’t seen a shadow pasta for a while, it’s usually phones and mirrors or a mysterious “them.”

    Also, if your shadow killed you, wouldn’t it be stuck following around your dead body since you can’t move anymore?

  36. Agree with the posts saying his narration was a bit too sophisticated. It makes for good writing, but really, when you remember that the character is talking, alone in a dark room, running from his shadow, scared for his life, he probably is not going to sound like he is giving an oral report of his doctorate thesis.

  37. “I’d brush my teeth with my right hand, he’d use his left.”

    Um… assuing the shadow is looking at you, isn’t that what one would expect from it?

    Asides… damned shadows. Those bastards are only waiting to take over the world… well, bastards, what will you do if I BLOCK THE ENTIRE SUN FOREVER, huh? Muahhahahahahah!

    (What do you mean if I took my pills today? @[email protected])

  38. the Person Formerly known as 'Noneya'

    Its true, sometimes Taylor sounds like he’s over thinking his surroundings’s(?) detail.

    Pretty damn good pasta though.

      1. Are you really that stupid? He meant that the mother killed him by opening the door. The blame, however, can also be placed on the police officer, whoever opened the door.

  39. But who was dumbass family?
    Nah, I’m kidding; But I thought there was a bit too much detail in some spots for a creepypasta. Other than that, wonderful. 3 thumbs up.

  40. Loved it. Makes me even more terrified of my shadow!

    The only thing I didn’t like was the over-use of imagery in the main character’s speech. Seems too sophisticated for someone that has his own shadow trying to kill him.

Leave a Comment

Your email address will not be published.

Scroll to Top